As “Let It Be” by the Beatles followed a couple of Crystal Method tracks on my shuffle list, I couldn’t help but acknowledge I needed to let it be and stop second guessing myself.
I may have gotten the wrong person, or maybe not. That I still don’t know. However, I have picked yesterday afternoon apart from the Law of Attraction and emotional response standpoint.
Feeling like an idiot, feeling like I said the wrong thing, feeling like I had everything wrong… those all carry negative emotions. Negative emotions are indicative of incorrect thoughts, thoughts misaligning with the vibrational truth, God’s truth.
So my feelings of myself yesterday afternoon were telling me that what I got was somehow accurate. Perhaps I put them to the wrong person, or my timing was off, but what I felt was very much accurate. When I acknowledge that, I feel much better.
So what did I feel then?
At the moment it hit, I was sitting at the front desk giving the concierge a break. I had just been socializing with a resident about the chief’s game moments earlier and thus had sent texts to a friend about the game. They had lost and though I’m no sports fan, I thought it appropriate to offer up an ‘I noticed’ sentiment to the friend that is into sports.
The wave that hit was as follows:
- Root chakra flare up like arousal.
- Slight apprehension or fear, some kind of resistant hesitation.
- My 3rd eye and whole forehead lit up, which for me always feels like an intense tingly heat sensation that starts between my eyes and spreads.
- I flushed/blushed all the way out to my ears and down to my chest.
- My right shoulder felt pressure in the front and the vibration I used to associate with my Indian person.
- I felt a slight heaviness on top of my shoulders… somewhat like when you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.
- My right upper abdomen felt tingly like a gentle touch just below my breast.
- There was excitement like getting good news.
- Then I felt more apprehension, this time stronger.
At that point, being where I was and doing what I was, I literally began repeatedly saying ‘what the fuck’ mentally as an reaction to not knowing what to do with this wave hitting me.
That was when I started seeing the one person’s face mentally and thinking it must be about them I texted asking.
As they asked me what I was taking about, and I began to explain, I got a very similar second wave.
The second wave did not include the arousal, but had way more of the anxious/fear/aprehension sensations. The second wave was so intense, I literally muttered “what the fuck” a couple of times under my breath.
Despite these things being part of who I am, and fairly regular occurrences, when they are really intense and hit at inopportune moments, I simply get overwhelmed with how to handle it. It’s not like I can go hug a tree or pick up a rock to help ground it out, and the phisoloigical effects do cause embarrassment when I’m in a very obvious position like manning a front desk.
The what the fuck moment is usually because I’d like to be hiding, but I’m anything but that.
So then pile on top of that, the denial, and my resulting self-doubt and self-berating and you get a fairly crappy emotional spiral.
It has literally taken all night and all morning to pull up. Dozens of prayers to help disconnect from whatever those waves were, and literally having to pick it apart from the Abraham Hicks view-point.
At this point I’m certain that what I got and my feeling description is accurate. I’m not sure if the who was accurate, and at the very least my biggest faux pax was probably in timing. As in: if the who is accurate, then saying something about it right then was bad timing and freaked them out because they weren’t ready to hear it. As shitty as the result was, coming to this conclusion has helped me reconcile things.
However, it also reinforces that I’m going to reserve such information for myself only, that is unless I get intensely nagged by the other side. I really don’t need unnecessary rejections, and already know that most people can’t handle the full truth of me. No need to make that worse.
May you know your truth and find the deeper meaning behind emotional knee jerk reactions. May others accept you fully, and may you appreciate yourself. May your intuitive information pan out to always be helpful.
Siva Hir Su