Letting it be.

As “Let It Be” by the Beatles followed a couple of Crystal Method tracks on my shuffle list, I couldn’t help but acknowledge I needed to let it be and stop second guessing myself.

I may have gotten the wrong person, or maybe not. That I still don’t know. However, I have picked yesterday afternoon apart from the Law of Attraction and emotional response standpoint.

Feeling like an idiot, feeling like I said the wrong thing, feeling like I had everything wrong… those all carry negative emotions. Negative emotions are indicative of incorrect thoughts, thoughts misaligning with the vibrational truth, God’s truth.

So my feelings of myself yesterday afternoon were telling me that what I got was somehow accurate. Perhaps I put them to the wrong person, or my timing was off, but what I felt was very much accurate. When I acknowledge that, I feel much better.

So what did I feel then?

At the moment it hit, I was sitting at the front desk giving the concierge a break. I had just been socializing with a resident about the chief’s game moments earlier and thus had sent texts to a friend about the game. They had lost and though I’m no sports fan, I thought it appropriate to offer up an ‘I noticed’ sentiment to the friend that is into sports.

The wave that hit was as follows:

  • Root chakra flare up like arousal.
  • Slight apprehension or fear, some kind of resistant hesitation.
  • My 3rd eye and whole forehead lit up, which for me always feels like an intense tingly heat sensation that starts between my eyes and spreads.
  • I flushed/blushed all the way out to my ears and down to my chest.
  • My right shoulder felt pressure in the front and the vibration I used to associate with my Indian person.
  • I felt a slight heaviness on top of my shoulders… somewhat like when you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.
  • My right upper abdomen felt tingly like a gentle touch just below my breast.
  • There was excitement like getting good news.
  • Then I felt more apprehension, this time stronger.

At that point, being where I was and doing what I was, I literally began repeatedly saying ‘what the fuck’ mentally as an reaction to not knowing what to do with this wave hitting me.

That was when I started seeing the one person’s face mentally and thinking it must be about them I texted asking.

As they asked me what I was taking about, and I began to explain, I got a very similar second wave.

The second wave did not include the arousal, but had way more of the anxious/fear/aprehension sensations. The second wave was so intense, I literally muttered “what the fuck” a couple of times under my breath.

Despite these things being part of who I am, and fairly regular occurrences, when they are really intense and hit at inopportune moments, I simply get overwhelmed with how to handle it. It’s not like I can go hug a tree or pick up a rock to help ground it out, and the phisoloigical effects do cause embarrassment when I’m in a very obvious position like manning a front desk.

The what the fuck moment is usually because I’d like to be hiding, but I’m anything but that.

So then pile on top of that, the denial, and my resulting self-doubt and self-berating and you get a fairly crappy emotional spiral.

It has literally taken all night and all morning to pull up. Dozens of prayers to help disconnect from whatever those waves were, and literally having to pick it apart from the Abraham Hicks view-point.

At this point I’m certain that what I got and my feeling description is accurate. I’m not sure if the who was accurate, and at the very least my biggest faux pax was probably in timing. As in: if the who is accurate, then saying something about it right then was bad timing and freaked them out because they weren’t ready to hear it. As shitty as the result was, coming to this conclusion has helped me reconcile things.

However, it also reinforces that I’m going to reserve such information for myself only, that is unless I get intensely nagged by the other side. I really don’t need unnecessary rejections, and already know that most people can’t handle the full truth of me. No need to make that worse.

May you know your truth and find the deeper meaning behind emotional knee jerk reactions. May others accept you fully, and may you appreciate yourself. May your intuitive information pan out to always be helpful.

Siva Hir Su

When gifts are hard to handle.

I’m listening to “Wave Wet Sand” by Ace of Base… really it’s the first track I played to start their “Bridge” album… it’s somehow fitting for the afternoon I’ve had.

I feel like God’s love is sometimes the elusive thing that song is about.

I had an empathic moment that I was fairly certain I understood, but upon asking the person I thought it connected to, I was told I was wrong. I felt horrible afterwards, especially like I was an idiot to say anything. I thought they would understand, but I ended up feeling like a freak of nature. I’m still not sure if I was right and they were freaked out by my bringing it up, or if I was wrong in my interpretation to begin with.

Empathic energy is not an exact science at the best of times, but I get things right enough of the time that it bodes very well in my massage work. I just usually don’t tell people. All they know is they leave the massage feeling tons better than they went in. The woman I referenced a couple posts ago is a rare exception.

After several apologies for screwing up, I told the person it’s why I don’t have any great friends and few mediocre ones. They said yeah, it seems like it would be a blessing and a curse.

It really is.

When I’m right and in a position to help, I’m able to use Reiki and massage to release all kinds of things and help people feel so much better.

Other times, like with the Indian person, I feel such a intense things, and in that instance they ran. I still don’t know if it caused fear, or if they thought I was crazy, or if it was just simply too much for them to handle. Regardless, I gave my heart to them and had it tossed away like garbage. That hurts.

I want to believe I had things right and the love was real, but because of how that journey ended I simply don’t know. Furthermore, I’m now gun-shy. This afternoon felt too much like a repeat. I can’t fight another battle like that again. I won’t fight for anything at this point and I’m likely to just keep everything to myself from now on.

I told Nathan, on the way home from work, thank you for being able to handle me and not being afraid of me. I told him how much I appreciate that he understands all of me and is able to help me so often.

I will do my best to keep doing God’s work, but from here on out I’ll do it quietly unless they really, really nag me otherwise. I may be strong in a lot of ways, but there’s no need to carry the extra burden of rejection unnecessarily.

May you understand your gifts from God fully. May you feel accepted and understood. May you know you’re doing good and feel loved. May your gifts from God be easy to carry and easy to fulfill.

Siva Hir Su

Reaching for God’s View of Me

Theme song for this post 😆: https://youtu.be/x-EVWQAsZNA

That’s me at a Crows coffee, and that’s my post-work decalf almond milk mocha. I took a sip before realizing the barista had made a heart in the foam, and then wanted to capture it despite the deformity… first world problems right.

A new friend told me I needed to work on myself without being too hard on myself. I asked him to define that, and he fed me some of my own past advice: meditate and do things I enjoy. That was inspiration for the coloring and whatnot this week. It was very needed and I’m very appreciative of the reminder.

It stirred in me today many thoughts. I have to say after a segue into fantasy world which I got an interesting energetic kick back, I realized I needed a moment of how do others see me. Nay, I needed a moment of how does God see me. (By the way “your own personal Jesus” just started playing on the loud speakers at Crows. Te he ☺️.)

To that end; a long time ago I read a post from another blogger that was a mirror writing exercise. I thought I had already done such an exercise, but can’t find my old post to link to, so I’m going to start over with the selfie above as my mirror.

________________________________________

This woman in front of me, young, but with slight sprinkling of white hair implies having really lived in few years. It also denotes an acceptance of her own tawny hair, which the sun seems to bring out slight rosy highlights within the strands. I see vibrant soft skin with round plump rosy cheeks, a warmth that comes from within. Rich earthy eyes glazed with a slight moisture is creating an appearance of fatigue being held at bay by that inner fire. I see the determination to keep going. The gentle smile on her lips seems to give off gentle happiness or perhaps some reserved emotions mixed with joy. Head held high, carrying an air of confidence. Though no makeup covers any portion of this face sprinkled with slight blemishes, there is still beauty, and despite being late in the day her appearance is still tidy. This is natural raw beauty, unadulterated, just as God created. Additionally, she wears colorful beads and a Halloween scrub top. Seemingly contrasting, yet fun and whimsical. I know they are outward expressions of elements of her personality. The willingness to show her rawest self, with care, is a quality of strength. Strength of independence, strength of acceptance of her own very unique self. That kind of strength comes from a sense of self, an inner knowing, likely from facing demons many times over.

It takes guts to be completely yourself in a society bent on conformity and homogenized blandness. A society aimed at convincing the masses that a very small fragment of slim, large breasted, tanned, makeup covered, body-hairless women are beautiful. This woman is anything but that, yet still secure and confident in what she really is.

…. [I ask God to help me word non-physical views of me]….

This womans’ strength and confidence have grown so much that she now carries an air of compassion for others still fighting their more plentiful demons. Everyday she fights battles to help people to relax back into their own God given bodies.

She has a kind and gentle heart and she does her best to share it with those that will let her, even often sharing it with those that refuse her. Despite many hurts over her lifetime, she continues to fight her demons to push anger, fear, and hatred as far out of her being as possible. Her fight is to reach the light of God, to feel God’s grace. Her goal to show others how possible it is. She wants to heal herself completely to be an example of how even the most difficult battles can be won.

Her body still shows the journey, as losing nearly 100 pounds doesn’t disappear instantly. Though fatigue sometimes rips at her convictions, she inherently knows she is proud of her saggy skin and stretch-marks, as they are proof of her victories. Besides, there is still more journey left to do, and surgery might make that shorter, but then the victor is somehow less noticeable from her perspective. The slower route leaves much more evidence of her “I did it my way” & “HA, I win”.

Her strong hands heal others daily, and despite wishing for all of those caresses to be on her own skin, she knows it’s her path.

She gives of herself constantly, striving to help God make this world better each day. Wanting to teach by example, that we can all change for the better. She gives time, she gives intellectually, she gives physically through labor, she gives emotionally and energetically, she gives monetarily when she can. Though she often feels like she has little to offer, she really offers far greater each and every day than anyone ever acknowledges, because no one person sees all of her gifts. She gives everything of herself, especially when she sees commitment in return. When those around her step up, she gives doubly, even at risk to her own well being. She hopes one day to experience some sort of validating ripple effect of her efforts, or even see the good results once across the rainbow bridge.

She remains committed to her husband and children, and wants nothing more than to have others join her family. She sacrifices in many ways great and small, just to keep her family well cared for.

She strives to be a great ally to anyone needing one, and does her level best to respect and honor those that helped her from the past.

All of this, and she still aims to care for herself. She still wants to have fun and play. She still enjoys letting her inner geek or musician or artist fly. She still dreams big and fends off becoming jaded. She still holds out hope for her home country and her world to reach for better, for equality and acceptance, and to protect people’s rights. She knows we can do it together if we just practice simple concepts and support each other.

________________________________________

This strong, loving, emotional, supportive, healer is very appreciative that you read my moment of reaching for a broader view of myself and my efforts.

I wish for you to have a similar moment. It helps to step back and reword things from the perspective of what God might tell someone about you. Even if we’re not entirely accurate or forget things, it still helps to take a break from being too overly critical of yourself.

May you see your beauty. May you see your strengths. May you see your effect on this world. May you appreciate yourself a little more. May you always understand and appreciate that God loves you just the way you are.

We are all accumulated experiences of a human body, powered by God force, and sustained by God’s grace. Know you are doing your best and that is good enough.

Siva Hir Su

Dome on the Range

Atira Home Dome

So this week has brought ups and downs. I had a lot of emotional roller coaster riding, which the acupuncturist was uncomfortably quick to point out the cause. (Am I really that transparent?) It was a combination of hormones from trying to sync up with the rest of the female staff, in addition to liver heat and congestion I stirred up from doing cupping on my arms. Yea… not. As TCM practitioners, they were very helpful with some herbs for the emotional side, and needles for the physicality, and I took extra walks for the anti-inflammatory benefits. I can say after several days I am doing better.

I did also get a fair amount of wonderful artwork in, both digitally and by hand.

I was able to complete the first shirt design I posted about previously, and with a minimum of edits. Mainly they had me change font once, take out a few of the contour lines in the figure, and adjust colors. In my book that’s an excellent start for only having done 5 commissions in the last 12 years. They then requested a second shirt and a business sign, which I have drafts pending for. I am super appreciative of not only being able to play with my design software, but for having gotten the commission work as well. It feels really good to be doing a variety of things that I am good at.

I told Nathan that I always was really good at giving people what they asked for. Mainly because I don’t like having to rebuild or make significant time consuming changes. I would much rather ask enough questions up front to get the idea, and hit the mark as close as possible on the first try. Fonts are almost always where the edits come in, as I have so many fonts that I tend to aim for more creative, and sometimes the plain fonts are more desired by the customer.  The customer is always right, and their font preferences will always win.

Regardless, within a day or two I will likely clear my 3rd design approval, and that is in addition to working full time as a massage therapist. That is happy dance worthy in my book.

Now pile on top of that having had enough time to do some coloring and I am feeling much more buoyant. I chose a mandala and colored in between clients. The day I started it, I was wearing the colors that I started the mandala with- blues and lavenders. The office manager thought that was amusing, and after she pointed it out, I did too. I kept coloring and began to realize I had been coloring in the chakra palette. Blues and violets being throat, third eye and crown. Pinks and greens being for heart chakra, and yellow for solar plexus. By that point, having accidentally accomplished that much, I decided to finish the mandala in appropriate progression.

Here are the results, which I’m super happy with:

20191009_1554192054716829049856828.jpg

I also accomplished some really amazing massage work this week helping a client with multiple-decades-old scar tissue and what she thought was an underdeveloped scapula. After some very intense myofascial release, I was able to show her that not only were her shoulder blades the same size, but that the damaged shoulder was capable of laying flat. I also helped not one, but two people, with major constriction in their hips. It was a very good massage week.

My final note of upswing is in the image I began with. It is the design for my dream dome home. I’m working on turning my sketches into drafted images. Obviously, I’ve barely gotten started as it was a low priority. I won’t be building it next week, and unless a miracle happens, probably not this year. So, it falls last on the list after all other computing and design work wraps up. Considering I’ve literally only devoted a few precious minutes to it, I think I have a great start. I am so looking forward to finishing it.

I leave you with the following blessings:

May you find joy in your work and time enough for other joys.

May you have days filled with beauty, and the emotional fortitude to breathe and see it.

May you have more than enough, and ample miracles in your life.

Finally, may you see your strengths and your own inner beauty and light.

Siva Hir Su

Addicted To Love

This evening with my children was good, great in fact. Once I figured out how to reel in my children’s scream reflex, it went much better.

I was able to sit with Ian and let him use the paint program on the computer. He did his auto-writing again, this time digitally. I understood that was happening, but not what the message was. I only noticed that I knew some of the characters that showed up in his scribbles. There was again hindi and telegu characters, and I am amazed that something I barely understand myself is showing up in his “writing”. Whomever he is connected to asked me very quietly, through his voice, what I was listening to. When I went to respond Ian came back fully and was very confused about what Kaleo was. I explained it was a band name and I didn’t name them, so I wasn’t sure why they were called that.

Later I put our Jason Mraz Pandora station on and danced with both Katherine and Ian. It was much needed connection time. I felt very blessed to be with my children, especially having figured out the magic mix of what they needed to ground and relax with mommy.

It has been a very feel-good mushy evening, and at this point both are working on bedtime rituals.

At one point I found myself thinking about my Indian person because an Ed Sheeran song played that I listened to when I was talking to them. I got an image of them being very angry, and directing it at me. I apologized profusely and started crying quietly. Yet, whomever I was connecting with said they really weren’t mad at me, they were mad at themselves for not being able to come forward and tell the truth. That made me even sadder. Nathan caught me with “the look” on my face, and buddy came running and gave me a head-butt. Nathan told me he always knew something was up when buddy did that, and asked me what was going on. I asked him why I love people so easily and why was he (Nathan) the only one willing to be as honest and affectionate as is humanly possible with me. Why was he the only one that could really show me the love I give so much.  I just don’t understand how 2 people so willing to build family and work toward common goals keep having train wrecks of one sided love. He replied with an I don’t know, but the story isn’t over and maybe they will at some point. He’s so damn optimistic, but sometimes at the least helpful times.

I had a moment where I thought about the divine and how the divine has saved my life with giving me the tools and information to fix my health on several occasions, especially in regards to my depression journey. I was expressing that sentiment to God, that I love God, as much as I love those people that don’t return the love to me. In reply I literally heard- Imagine that you are god and that response is nearly everyone on the planet. I love them all, but very few actually return that love to me.

That made me sad too.

It made me think. Perhaps we all have this love thing all effed up. Perhaps we’re all doing it wrong or have learned the wrong things as showing our love.

I know for me when I think about my love for the divine, I think about all those smaller moments that have accumulated in being able to say that god has saved my life. I think about how the divine literally moves through me when I am working on people in my office. I think about how I know that god force allowed into my body provides me very real healing moments. I think about all the warm fuzzy sensations in my body which I feel when the divine presence is in me. Simply thinking of these things makes me swell with gratitude and I literally feel more love. I naturally turn that love back to the source of it all, that divine presence. It is definitely a very addictive feeling place for me.

I openly admit that I occasionally get the divine flow confused with the mental connection I have with that person, because they both strengthened in my life during the same timeline, and at times can have a similar feeling. Because of that I do sometimes visualize the divine in the same way, to be able to provide a hug or kiss as a sign of my affection. Yet, I know that the feeling place is the most important aspect. That feeling place has no face, has no ability to truly hug or kiss.

It just is.

How does one show love to something that is all around you and within you?

How does one prove to God that your love is genuine?

For me, I tend to think of how I show my love to other people:

I try to notice things they have done. I try to show that I have noticed their effect on our shared environment or good interactions they have with others. I try to give love by giving gifts or giving of myself. I give affection, I support in any way I can. I try to notice the little things about them, their likes, their preferences, their interests. I do my best to be kind, supportive, loving, and forgiving.

What if that is really all God wants?

  • What if God just wants us to notice those people, places and things which the divine has influenced and/or created?
  • What if God wants us to think about the positive effects the divine has had on other people and things?
  • What if God just wants us to notice the positive interactions that people have with each other?
  • What if God wants us to give gifts to him by giving gifts to each other?
  • What if God wants us to give affection by giving affection to each other as often as possible?
  • What if God wants us to notice the little things that the divine accomplishes each and every day?
  • What if loving God really is as simple as being kind, supportive, loving, and forgiving as frequently as humanly possible, even when you are presented with ample excuses not to?

All of these things can be attempted continually, not just on Sundays or when begged by charitable organizations.

That makes me think of the client a week ago. She is one of the beautiful women I had noticed, and I happen to know we share an awful lot of the same challenges. I was simply thinking that she was such a beautiful person that I wished that she knew that, that she could see her beauty instead of all of the challenges. I know I wish that for myself quite frequently.

As I was thinking all of this, that voice I hear more and more often, quietly nagged me to be honest and tell her. I replied I can’t, I’m not supposed to. I was again told to say it, that she needed to hear it. So, I gave in, and in the gentlest way I said the following: “Please don’t take this the wrong way; I’m not sure if you’re having a tough spot, but I am being told you need to hear this. You are a beautiful woman and even though I know you share many challenges like I face, you are amazing and a wonderful person. You really are a beautiful person.” She had replied that she was having a rough spot and did really need to hear that. She thanked me and we both shed a couple of tears. After the massage she gave me a hug.

Something that technically inches toward encroaching on board ethics was exactly what the divine needed me to voice in that moment. I could have held to my excuse and avoided possible ramifications all-together. As it is, I took the gentlest route around it that I could, and she will never know that I briefly contemplated the physical attraction to her. I was able to look past the excuse in that moment and find the happy medium to help pass a message from the divine that she really needed to hear. Those are the moments that I cherish and look forward to. Those are the moments that I am extra grateful for, and honestly hope that God knows I am doing my best to oblige as frequently as possible.

I love knowing that I am helping God to heal and help people, I love feeling God’s presence, and I love being able to pass that feeling on to others. I love knowing that God loves me, even when I have had a life full of less than stellar moments. I am addicted to love, especially God’s love. One day perhaps that will manifest in the family I have so very much desired. Perhaps that one day will be after I die. Regardless, I will continue to do my best to give my love to the divine presence that saved my life and said I could call it Shiva.

Siva Hir Su

Chasing the rain away.

Watch “Devil’s Dance Floor” on YouTube

We’re on about a week of cloudy days here in KC, with several having been rainy as well. I appreciated the cooler temperatures, but would love to have the sun back, and thus I’m reaching for something enjoyable.

A conversation yesterday at work stirred my desire to listen to some Hypnogaja, but a few of their songs lean toward dark and depressing, so I followed up with some Flogging Molly. Their song Devil’s Dance Floor (above) is my all time favorite workout song because I really get moving when the song kicks into full swing, so that definitely helped today.

I’ve never seen many live shows, and thus can name all of them.

By the time I graduated college I had seen: Hypnogaja, Paul McCartney, James Galway, Wylde Nept, and a few non-descript small time groups.

As an adult I have seen: America, Kaleo, Kongos, Dropkick Murphy’s, Flannigan’s Right Hook, and Nothing But Thieves.

Needless to say I would not be offended by getting to see a few more live shows. For now, I continue to enjoy recorded music, as I have an ample supply of that, which regularly grows even larger.

My kids however have not developed an appreciation for a large array of music yet, so I have to be more careful of my choices when around them.

I’m not sure why I show that respect though, except that I love them….

Today I was greeted after work with a teething 1.5 year old and a just plain loud and complainy 5 year old. It was almost like they were competing to see who could be the most obnoxious.

Lunch had been made, but they hadn’t eaten for dad and older sister. It wasn’t until I sat to eat something that they both decided they wanted to eat…. or should I say be fed. I ended up with 2 children squaking at me like baby birds, competing for bites of my meal, which was leftovers of what they had already been offered.

So I literally got 1 in 3 bites, sharing the rest with each of them in turns. It was quite comical, and I commented to Nathan and a friend that I think I now understood why my mom always said “monkey see, monkey do” & “kids, cats & puppy dogs”. It’s definitely one of those afternoons.

As much as I had hoped this afternoon would go a bit differently, I’m still grateful for the time with my children. If only I can figure out how to turn their volume down a few decibels.

May you all have peaceful fun with kids, good music to listen to, and great times with friends and family.

Siva Hir Su

Creatively pesky-tarian?

That’s the best title I can come up with for the range of things I wanted to write about. I’ve had several things come together that seem drastically different.

The creative comes in with a continuation of playing with my new computer. Last night I sat down for just a few minutes to explore the paint program. I actually have 2 choices: Microsoft Paint 3D or Corel Painter Essentials. I chose to explore Essentials, and had so much fun. I didn’t do much of a picture, again just getting my feet wet. But it was enough to know the program’s potential.

The pesky-tarian comes in, because the results of several weeks of educated guessing boils down to becomming a pescatarian.

I’ve been struggling with high sugars since I was at the previous job, but had assumed it was because I was being exposed repeatedly to my known allergens. A simple cause and effect I already knew of. Yet, after changing positions and cleaning up my diet quite significantly, I was still having trouble. However, the trouble had dropped to just being my fasting numbers, my daytime reads were normal to occasionally low. So I knew it was something about my dinners.

After trial and error over several weeks: changing things, adjusting portions and times, making note of meal choices; I finally think I’ve solved my latest puzzle.

There was definitely a connection between portions and time, if I ate too much too late it would definitely cause higher numbers. I already knew that from pregnancy, but I was perplexed that it wasn’t a complete solution. I was missing something somewhere. I became meticulous about the what of my meal choices, and began to notice a pattern. Meat was causing higher numbers. Just when I ate chicken, turkey, or beef (a rare occurrence).

After consulting with the internet and one of the practitioners at the clinic, hypothesis is Lone Star Tick disease. She confirmed that she has a couple of clients with confirmed diagnosis of such concerns, so it’s within reason as a possibility. Especially since I spent 2 years surrounded by cattle and poultry, and having known I was bitten by a variety of ticks. I could pay for bloodwork to confirm diagnosis, or I could just eliminate the concern. Especially since I have documented cause and effect enough to know for certain I am having a typical-for-me reaction.

So, I begrugingly chose the latter. I’m now a pescatarian. Yet after a week off of meat, I’m feeling much better. I’m struggling with inflammation less, my numbers are consistently coming down, and even my exposure to gluten on Sunday was far less noticeable to my system: I still got my telltale sugar spike and red bumps on my face, but the bumps are clearing up twice as fast. That I am very appreciative of.

So, I take the trade off of only vegetable, fish, or egg protein, for much better overall health. I can live with that.

Finally, I wanted to note a realization from work. One of the things I love about being a massage therapist is being able to feel muscles and people relax. It’s why I work slow. I realized the other massage therapist works fast because he likes to see the muscles relax, he can watch range of motion improve with each stretch. I’m familiar with that concept, but I prefer the tactile aspect of holding a tight muscle and feeling it’s sigh of relief in relaxation. It’s more a note of self-awareness. It is just an aspect of me, perhaps because of my recognition of my hands doing God’s work. I like to feel things through my finger tips, I like creating things with my hands. Massage lets me do both: feeling the change in creating muscle relaxation. I also really enjoy feeling the energy flow of Reiki, that’s an extra level of wonderful sensitivity.

So, I leave you today with the following well wishes: May you have your moments of creative happiness. May you find solutions to all of your health concerns, and may you see the aspects of yourself that bring you joy.

Siva Hir Su

Happy Dance deux

Just a quick note of happiness. I finally got my design computer fully functional and fully updated with all the software installed.

I sat down after work for a couple of hours to do the preliminary design. I have no idea if they’ll approve it or request changes, but I really really enjoyed getting my feet wet with graphic design again. This was a good evening to an otherwise uneventful day.

Here’s my 1st draft.

Updating…waiting game.

I had really hoped to have even a mediocre shirt design started as a ‘violá look what I did’ photo.

Mais no.

Instead I spent my evening babysitting updates for the new computer in between playing with my kids.

The upside is being post payday, I got my pen-mouse/tablet, and the installation of that software was part of my updating babysitting. I’m super excited for this computer once it’s fully functional…. and fully paid for. Yes, it went on credit as an attempt to further dig out of our decade-long ill-health induced hole. I don’t suspect it will take me too long to pay off, but a process it is, nonetheless.

Anyway, I sit patiently waiting… at this point kids are tucked in, and it’s still processing. I’m likely going to crash myself before this process finishes.

May you all have patiently exiting moments and good things to look forward to. May you have an easy path to building/rebuilding credit, and may you have fun with your family. Lastly may you have all the rest you need.

Siva Hir Su

Happy (CPU) dance

So I’m almost there. Furniture was rearranged, and the computer setup started. The 2nd monitor needs a new cord that does HDMI to digital port, and I’m waiting on my pen-mouse/tablet. But it’s otherwise setup and software installed. Happy dance!

I sat down for a bit just to play with the latest version of Corel and all the shortcut keys came back to me instantly. Even after 12 years away, it was like I never left design to begin with. I just goofed around a little to see how much I could remember, and the only thing I got stuck on was the order of commands to put text along the curve of the circle. It took me a few tries but eventually I remembered the correct order. It felt very good to acknowledge how much my brain retains like a vice grip. Especially since I’ve already agreed to do a 2 color sports team shirt.

Now I just need to find and move all my fonts and vector clip-art to commence on the paid project. Yea!

After that feel good moment, we went and had a good lunch with a friend. That too was very nice, and I found myself wishing it were a bit longer. We had great conversation and the couple of hours of socializing with adult contemporaries was a very nice change of pace.

In the late afternoon the whole family went to the annual homeschool hayride social at Aldredge Orchards. It was very fun and beautiful. I especially loved the moments with Katherine and chickens. I sometimes forget that she didn’t get to know chickens the way Ian and Anya did. This evening she was able to hug 2 of them. It was quite wonderful. I’ll leave you with a gaggle (pun intended) of pictures from our evening of fun.

May you all have feel good moments that are both memorable and evidence of your skills and value. May you all enjoy beautiful fall weather, and may you enjoy quality social time with good friends.

Siva Hir Su