Sleep

Since about 8:30 pm Saturday night I’ve slept more than I have been awake. In fact I’ve probably had 30 hours of sleep over the last 48.

When I did finally try to get moving, my body hurt everywhere. Hot spots I’ve been ignoring to stay functional, finally hit max density. I’m on my second Epsom salt bath now, having taken one yesterday to attempt to clear the energetic clutter for better rest.

There has been no hard labor this weekend and I’m extremely grateful I was given the day off from admin duty. I’m not sure I would have been functional if I’d have tried to do the work.

I found myself feeling very accomplished to have made two batches of CBD-hemp-bud brownies. We had not accomplished it prior and since we’ve run out of the gummies days ago, I knew it was time. (I’ll also need a paycheck before I can replenish any of that genre of supplies.) It seems like I ordered the hemp buds 3 months ago, I know it was before Nathan went in the hospital and that was April 23rd.

Anyway, they had been sitting in our medicine cabinet waiting to be used, and I needed them to be used properly because the 18 grams cost me a good chunk of change at about 250.00+. If you’re wondering, the science has gotten so good that strains are now being crossed to produce high dose CBD/CBG and negligeable THC, and to be sold here in the USA they have to pass lab testing, essentially proving they have less than .3% THC. So these buds are kosher and high quality at 20%+ CBD. I ordered them from Cheef Botanicals online, still can’t order good quality hemp products on Amazon BTW.

So, I looked up gluten free, dairy free, recipes and made one batch vegan for Nathan. Carob powder was substituted for chocolate since I’ve already overdone chocolate lately (thanks stress). The two batches came out spectacular and are being refrigerated while I soak in the tub.

They have already been cut in to approximately 1 inch squares, so each pan is approxumately 70 doses. Yea!

Anyway, when I get out of the tub Nathan has promised to do his level best to knock out my sore achy spots, so he’s working on prepping for that now. I’m likely going to need advil later, but hopefully it’ll make me functional for work this week.

With our new mess I’m having difficulty keeping my puzzle together and it has me a bit worried. Finances and lack of trade partners have prevented massages when I really needed them, and even timing isn’t working in my favor for working on myself. It is partly my fault because the gaps have been filled with artwork more, I needed art therapy too. And when I haven’t been doing art, I’ve been attempting to fit in exercise which helps my brain, but doesn’t help the body aches. Even with those attempts I’m still significantly behind in my exercise routine. It’s just a mess and one I’ve not managed to balance yet. That is the most probable cause for the last 2 days of my experience. The psychic junk is a result of fatigue letting it in, it’s hard to control my guard while exhausted. The fatigue is a combination of all of the elements of my life put together, including working on others in health trouble. Like I said it’s just a mess.

Time and patience with myself well help regain balance. Encouragement from others would help too, but I’m not holding my breath there.

May you have plenty of energy and rest when you need it. May you feel good mostly and feel better when you don’t. May you know your puzzle well enough to manage it even under the most trying of circumstances. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Power’s out

I hit exhaustion about 7:30 last night. I tried to fix it, and failed. At bedtime Nathan helped me out of the hammock and to bed. He took my blood pressure and it was 97/69. My chest was aching and I was congested. I drank water and crashed. I kept telling him I felt like I was dieing and then I would start crying and apologizing for everything.

I’m glad he charged my phone last night, because the power went out with this morning’s storm, and having it charged is enabling me to write this out.

I’m still exhausted even with a full night’s sleep and my thyroid meds. I’m working on more fluids to help blood pressure, and took an extra 30mg of my thyroid medicine to attempt to pull up.

My psychic antenna is in overdrive and I keep getting snippets of multiple conversations. I suspect I know who some of them are, but it’s super overwhelming and contributing to a sense of dieing. I sat in the hammock a bit ago and cried, asking no one in particular to make it stop.

My kids aren’t helping with their usual toddler volley of fighting and playing. They are just being kids but I need quiet, so I’m withdrawing to avoid yelling at them. The dog is happy to cuddle with me, and so is my buddy cat.

Everything is so off.

I hope I can figure out how to fix this and not actually die. For now I’m going to rest some more. My body needs love in a massive way and I’m not sure how to accomplish that on my own.

May you have adequate rest and answers when you need them. May you know and understand why you are feeling the way you do. May you always know what you need, your solutions. May you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Because

I love them because they have learned and grown. I love them because they have tried. I love them because they cared about me, they cared about what I had to bring to the table. They didn’t just want my skills, or my looks, or my strength, they wanted me- all of it, every ounce of it.

And I love them because they also helped me. They taught me things. I watched them and learned too. I know how to be more patient with patients whom I would rather not. I learned to be more gentle when someone might ask or behave otherwise. I learned to be kinder and more forgiving. I learned new skills and how to fine tune others. I learned what it was like to spend my days with family. I learned that sometimes I can ask for help when I need it and not worry so much that there might actually be someone that can help. I learned I am not alone. I learned how to be a better listener and give feedback that is needed over other commentary.

I learned to be better from them, and I could not have asked for more. I’m so very grateful. Thank you.

Om Shanti