Celebrate Successes

Me Myself and I, Menu, , , , ,

This afternoon after work the office manager invited people to celebrate her success of clearing radiation treatments.

It was a good poolside party to celebrate her win.

I was/am very happy for her. Her treatments are not complete in that she has oral chemo next, but she has definitely cleared the worst part of cancer treatment and we are all super happy for her. I am glad that she had such a wonderful group of people to support her.

I am honored to have been included in the group.

Sometimes I feel like I should do better, or I’m no-one special, or that I am the socially awkward person that no one really wants there. The sore thumb that stands out in a room. In those moments I segregated myself to not impose too much. I have this secret bashful side that sometimes hides cleverly behind my confident side.

There are moments where my opioniated self argues “I have nothing to worry about just be who I am, the world needs to be more accepting”, but the bashful side says “I’m just so different that I make others uncomfortable and that makes me uncomfortable”. I often feel like I can feel the energy of judgement even when people don’t say anything, and it definitely makes me uncomfortable, I will often migrate away from people only realizing later what happened.

Occasionally, I have an awareness that, even though I am comfortable with my self because of my major improvements, others live in a different paradigm and have no clue about my path and progress. Those people might say or do something embarrassing and cause a scene, and it is not my intent to cause any scene anywhere, so bashful wins again, and I fold myself up to be less obtrusive.

I caught myself doing that a few times during the gathering. Fortunately, the successful-celebrant’s sister, or my co-workers, seemed to notice and help draw me back out into participation. I appreciated that, and I’m so glad that my uniqueness was tolerated for such a wonderful celebration. It was a concern for me going into the celebration, but I had done my best to ignore my fear, and I’m glad I wasn’t the cause of any disturbances for her big win.

It was a quiet, pleasant, and mostly comfortable gathering to honor and respect a much deserving person. I enjoyed a bit of slightly cool pool, good food, and even a drink to celebrate with her. I’m glad I was there and I’m more glad she had a good afternoon, she deserves it.

It also helped me to see that I have the family I’ve dreamed of. They aren’t polyamorous partners of my ideal dream, but they are family just the same. I can share my fears, my hopes, my dreams, my desires and everything. They put up with my loudness at times and respect me completely. They have helped Nathan so much it makes me cry, and when I expressed major concerns over recent things, I felt like I was really heard and that they genuinely care. The hugs I have received from them are priceless and help more than I have words for. I really appreciate my work family.

I had some of that with the one person I worked with at the job I found myself having to step away from, but at the clinic I feel that way with everyone. They all care about me and I care about them. Genuinely and completely. I am so utterly grateful. It is a wonderful feeling to have people around me that truly care.

May you enjoy celebrations of succuss with everyone you love and care about. May you see your family around you, even if they are not biological or in a marriage-like commitment. May you know those you care about also care about you. May you enjoy life mostly and see your dreams begin to manifest. May you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Seeing the path.

Crazy in Action, Me Myself and I, Menu, My creations, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I’m struggling right now, so is my family. But, that has all brought me amazing clarity on what I really want, and that is already in my vortex. Struggle can be easily replaced with improvement just by some focus. So I’m going to focus on the positives and do my best to make light and joy of it.

I used to be Jabba-buska the Hut:

No, not that hut. That hut is one I like.

This Jabba the Hut:

Courtesy: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Jabba_the_Hutt_in_Return_of_the_Jedi_(1983).png

But with a bit more babushka:

Now I’m a little more:

Image courtesy Nathan and social media. I honestly have no idea where he saw it, but I held onto it for just such a moment as this.

I’m kinda like that head witch in the middle- the one with black hair, large but definitely a woman… finally! It’s really nice to actually have a waist line for once, it’d be nice if it was a few inches lower, but I’ll take it! This artwork cracks me up by the way, this image would have been painted in a church, probably on the ceiling, but christians are generally speaking so afraid of nudity, I think all those naked church pictures traumatized everyone! The saw all the possibilities of the human body and behaviors and simply lost their minds it was too much to process and they just shut down. I wonder if the people most concerned about nudity refuse to go to the historic churches where pictures like this are found!

Anyway, tangent, I was on the subject of improvement.

I used to be scary-deamon mom who will slice and dice you if you step out of line:

Image: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kali

To, now, I can be this mostly:

And only occasionally, I turn just a bit, enough to scare the daylights out of children:

Control, when applicable, is totally a good thing. I can’t control a damn thing outside of myself, I can only control what’s inside myself. And my improvement is knowing that.

I have earned my miracles, every last one of them. And I’ll keep doing my best every day of my life, that’s a great belief.

I strive to do better so that humanity is able to improve as a result. I’m a willing participant in evolution for better. I’m deserving of my healing, but I’m also deserving of my children’s healing, my husband healing, our family showing it’s possible. That ripple will help enable everyone to know it’s possible and humanity needs that.

So I’m focusing on improvement in every aspect… To be continued … Just after I separate two children.

May your meditations and musings always be uninterrupted. May your children cooperate with you and sleep. May you find the light and know that humor sometimes helps get there by making things lighter. May you see your path to improvement and know that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Honor, respect, love

Me Myself and I, My creations, , , , , , , , , ,

This is to follow up with the poem. I feel like I’m downloading a message.

Honor :

  • For strength, to get through and create better.
  • For intelligence, so that I have been able to do anything I’ve set my mind to.
  • For endurance and perseverance, being able to see things through too the end.
  • For strong logic enabling solutions to even the most complex problems, to eventually be found.

Respect:

  • For being able to feel and know the deeper truth.
  • For understand when others didn’t.
  • For showing me how to be kinder and gentler.
  • For helping me have a voice, teaching me young that someone would always listen no matter what.

Love:

  • I am a beautiful creator.
  • I am perfect just as I am.
  • I’m everything I was supposed to be.
  • I’m doing everything in my power to leave this world a better place.

May we all see the blessings in our lives. May we all love ourselves in the best and highest good. May we all navigate life fully and joyfully. May our days become brighter and brighter. May we all have hope for our futures. May you know above all God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti