Count your blessings.

Nathan was informed today that he needs to begin dialysis to ensure his kidneys are able to keep up with his body and hopefully prolong functionality for many years to come. Doctors made suggestions for options to accommodate being at home, since he has two young children. We have lots of things to figure out over the next few days to couple of weeks. He is technically under the disability umbrella, but we’ve never received the rest of the details on what that means, so he likely has a whole bunch of paperwork before any treatment is carried out.

On one hand this is not the news we would have wanted. On the other hand, they are acting premptively to try and ensure he lives until his children are adults, and possibly even years beyond that. Something I rarely actually see in Western Medicine, most of the experiences that come across my awareness are about making money treating symptoms, not genuinely trying to help or correct problems. Though this is technically just treating a symptom, it’s still in the vein of preventitave measures, so at least that’s something.

I’m also very grateful that I work at a clinic with an acupuncturist. I’m hoping I can make arrangements for regular acupuncture to also help his organ function. We’ll see. I know Acupuncture can do amazing things, but I don’t know how much would be needed for this particular ‘impaired kidney function’ category.

I’m very appreciative he has never been a heavy drinker or drug addict. He has actually be kind to his body compared to many people.

He also expressed appreciation to me for having guided him towards trying to heal his body when heart disease struck. He admitted if it hadn’t been for all of my efforts from the beginning, that he would be worse off now. I expressed appreciation that he joined me in our mutual healing journey.

We have both worked very hard to improve our health over the years, and my only disappointment is that with everything we’ve done we’re still having this moment. I do acknowledge that if we hadn’t been so diligent, it likely would have come many years sooner.

Even though this stirs deep concern in me, there is a ray of hope still, and things could definitely be worse.

I am grateful I am gainfully employed.

I am grateful that he may qualify for care and coverage at low and possibly no cost to me/us.

I am grateful he might be able to receive these treatments at home.

I am grateful we have a safe home for our family regardless.

I am grateful we have made it through this crazy crappy year okay.

I am grateful that we have loving cuddly pets to help ease these moments of concern.

I am grateful we have plenty of healthy food and access to supplements and other tools that help boost general health.

I am grateful we both exercise regularly.

I am grateful we have put so much work into our selves. This is only validation that there is more work that can be done.

I am grateful that this is not a dire situation, in fact the doctor told him that it was caught early enough that there is plenty of time to try multiple treatment options if needed.

I am grateful that I do have some level of support network, it may not be vast nor as strong as I has hoped, but at least there are some people in my life that can help if absolutely needed.

I am grateful that I am capable enough to handle all of the challenges that we have faced as a family. This is just yet another, in a long string, stretching through the last 16 years. I survived all the others, and we will likely survive this one too.

I am grateful that disability did go through, even though it never cleared fully, it will still help navigate this hurdle.

It will be okay.

I am okay.

And moments that call for it can default to “Free and Easy Wanderer” or cannabis products, they will get me through anything that is too much for me in the moment. I am grateful that I have access to those tools to help with my own stability and health, when I fail to control it on my own.

Everything is and will be all right.

May you know that everything is going to be okay. May you know that some people do care and are doing their best to help. May you know that things could always be worse. May you find things to appreciate and find gratitude over. May you know you are okay and that you have all the tools you need. May you find comfort and solace, even if it requires herbal assistance. Above all may you know that God loves and supports you.

Om Shanti

Burried Hatchets

FYI, anyone that actually reads this- kudos to you!!!

About 2.5 months ago I was solicited to purchase my domain with the China extension. I refused because I have yet to make anything off of this blog, and have such low readership that what I already pay for domain and hosting is hardly worth it. I couldn’t justify the cost of adding another extension. Even though they tried to convince me, I still refused because even though I am an American, I’m far from rich. The cost benefit scale was rediculously out of balance for me as an individual.

Anyway, since then, even if you Google or otherwise search my name or the blog itself it now falls fairly low on search results. Under my name, it falls even lower than images from a flicker account that is older than our teenager. Not only have I lost many of my regular readers, but I’m not even getting the sparatic views from all over the world. My blog has literally gone silent as far as any stats are concerned, which means I’m not even clearing any algorithms. So of my posts, approximately the last 40 have been largely unread by anyone, that takes you back to the New Year.

I point this out because it feels vendictive to me. I already fell so low on algorithms that there would have been literally thousands, if not millions, of blogs with much higher value, and thus much more likely to buy additional extensions. I myself have read many blogs with 10 times my readership and followers. So it boggled my mind as to why anyone would bother with mine. I have done nothing to anyone, and do my best to hide names and personal information about anyone I write about. The only identities I even slightly compromise are my own family, and even when I’m frustrated or upset I do my best to vent from a ‘harm none’ standpoint. So, with the low value scale for someone fishing to make money, and my low readership, and my efforts to be authentic yet still protect others, I’m simply dumbfounded. Perhaps it is someone with nothing better to do in their lives except crazy making for random strangers, and some stupid keyword was how I became their target. I don’t know.

I’m not in IT, do not have the skills to fix it, and really don’t have the resources to pay someone else to do so. Nathan has said he is going to try, and I’m going to reach out to WordPress to see if they are able to fix it.

Until then I suspect I will continue to write to no-one. It’s okay, it’s like when my blog was brand new 6 years ago, I just keep reminding myself that this blog is for me to write about what I want or need to. It is my space to express myself as best as I can. It is my safe space, and if I have no readers, then it is even safer.

If you did somehow actually manage to come across this post and read my blog, it would be nice to know I’m still showing up somewhere. I don’t need the validation, but sometimes it does give a little feel good boost, and I’m appreciative of all feel good boosts- regardless of the source.


Anyway, I really wanted to share my birthday fun with Nathan. The super crappy weather of my birthday week had caused it to be rescheduled, so we ended up going this afternoon.

We went to a place called “Bury the Hatchet” in Overland Park, Kansas. It was good fun, throwing hatchets at giant wooden targets. After a bit of basic instructions, and some practice, we played a round of “Black Jack” (goal to make 21 points) and two rounds of what they called “Area 51” (goal to count backwards from 51 to zero). It was a relatively inexpensive but really fun date outing. I had a blast and Nathan did too.

We knew that using hatchets can be physically taxing from our days cutting wood for heating our home. Yet, even when throwing them for fun it was really quite a bit of a workout. A great new way to exercise. I told Nathan it kinda makes me want to build a target in our backyard- we already have one hatchet and plenty of scrap lumber, I’d only need to buy a second hatchet and they’re about $20. Sounds like a good time to me. We’d just have to make certain that kids couldn’t find or reach hatchets when not in use. Hmmm….. 🤪😆

Here’s the pictures:


May you bury the hatchet in all ways, especially forgiving others when they’ve hurt you or messed with your blog. May you find fun outings to distract you from frustrations and boost your spirits. May you enjoy physical activity of all kinds. May you have plenty of physical activity. May you find that you enjoy life mostly, even and especially when you are writing for yourself. May you have fun adventures with loved ones. And above all, may you know that God loves and supports you no matter what.

Om Shanti

Teaching Humanity to Fish

Give a man a fish
He eats for a day
Teach a man to fish
He eats for a lifetime

So the bible reads
Yet fishing is not difficult
It's metaphor for
Living life fully
Supporting oneself
Successfully

Why was he not fishing
To begin with?

Did he fall ill?
Was he somehow hurt?
Did his previous fishing
End in trauma?

Perhaps he was born
Without hands
Or lost a hand
In an accident

Perhaps his only skill
Was fishing
But life took him
Far from any water

Perhaps a mishap
Almost took his life
Left him feeling futility

Perhaps his
Skills or tools
Failed him
Perhaps he did his best
And still fell short

Perhaps he made mistakes
Big or small
Many or few
That caused him to
Loose everything
All his tools taken from him
Disheartened
Given in and given up

Maybe he has lost faith
In himself
In God's guidance
Or helpfulness
Maybe he sees no reason
To keep trying to fish
Never quite experiencing
The supposed benefits

It doesn't mean it's not
Still important
Maybe those are all
Just hurdles
He doesn't know
How to overcome

Perhaps teaching
The ability to fish
Is more complex
Than society acknowledges

Still a worthy goal
Still better than just
Giving the day's fish

Perhaps it's humanity's
Responsibility
To come together
To solve the complexity
Of teaching all men
Not just how to fish

To teach them how to
Overcome obstacles
Everything preventing
Their fishing success

Including finding
Faith
In oneself
Where once it was lost

Including finding
Reasons
To believe
To keep trying
To keep doing

Finding the knowing
Of his place
His role in
This vast eternal
Universe

Finding the knowing
God's guidance
Has been trying to
Get through to him
All along

Finding God
Loved him
All along
Even in the obstacles
And disheartened
Ignorance

We all fish
Some have more
Obstacles and challenges
Than others

Our responsibility to
Help another
Around obstacles
We learned to overcome

Community coming together
Joined forces
Helps everyone
Learn to fish
No matter the cause
Of the need to learn

~ Treasa Cailleach