Sensitive with clouds

So, I may just be super sensitive.

One of my clients today (who is also sensitive to energies) noted feeling symptoms similar to mine. She had taken to not eating certain foods because they were affecting her more and causing the symptoms to flare.

I told her pretty much everything except raw veggies and salads were seeming to do that to me, and the result was that I had gone two days of not eating anything except a salad at dinner (and liquids/tea/water). But I’m feeling much better running empty, and my brain is functioning better. I’m also slowly getting stress under control running on empty. It makes no real logical sense based on accepted medical standards. (That’s why Nathan still wants me to see a doc and get checked out, I’m not convinced it’ll do any good.)

Today I had my single serving of raw veggies at about 4pm, and dinner after work was a small salad with shrimp and sauteed zucchini. (The greens were fresh from our garden and amazing.) Otherwise I didn’t eat. Yet, I’m totally fine, and much improved in my sense of well being compared to 3 days ago.

After dinner a Sadhguru video notification spoke of shutting the mind off, and he was comparing uncontrollable thoughts to diarrhea. I joked with Nathan that based on his comments I must be needing to not eat anything, because even healthy whole vegetables are causing that for me. (You’re welcome for the TMI.)

Anyway, joking and TMI aside, I’m glad I’m starting to feel a bit better. Stress sucks.

I also wanted to share a couple more things that have helped me.

One meditation that I used two mornings running seemed to help with bodily sensations. I’ll describe it here:

First acknowledge the divine feminine is mother earth. She is fueled by the great fire within. We see her represented by Pele of Hawaiian mythology, Brigit of Celtic, and Hestia/Vesta of Greek/Roman. The energy of molten lava being at her core enables a great warmth which can be both destructive and life giving.

Then acknowledge that the heavens above are God’s abode. God force draws energy from the sun and air. Christianity acknowledges this well with most any ritual they do, but it is most evident when they draw down the “Holy Spirit” for baptisms and other blessings.

The two elements of divine force meet on Earth’s surface and in all creatures. So, to focus on that for yourself, can enable great healing energy to flow throughout your body and clear lots of negativity and blockages.

Simply sit and place your feet solidly on the ground, and rest your hands on your lap palms up.

Imagine the lava warming the earth beneath your feet and consciously slowly draw that sensation up your legs to your belly.

Then imagine God’s rays shining down upon your head and warming the top of your scalp. Slowly and consciously draw that sensation down your body until it too makes it to your belly.

Once you have both sensations meeting in the belly, consciously allow them to mingle and meet all of your organs. For me, I choose to focus on the warmth while I list off all of the organs and elements of my body that need love and healing.

It takes me a bit, but always helps me feel better, so that is why I shared it here.

The other meditation that has helped a lot recently has been very simple yet very involved. Simply put, I shoot down every negative thought, one at a time. For each one, it is followed by acknowledgement that my inner self feels good and I reach for one feel good thought that opposes the negative. It’s like the “wrong buzzer” from a gameshow, with a pause and then a “what does my inner being really think” moment. You could literally do this for hours and all day, I have before. Lately though, I just do enough of it to calm myself back to even keel and proceed with tasks at hand.

Finally, I took another hour walk at the pond today over lunch (I ended up with well over 10,000 steps again today.) It was overcast and windy, but I still found plenty of beautiful things and got some much needed nature relief. There is a guy that brings his dog to play in the pond and creek pretty much every time I’m there. The dog has so much fun that I couldn’t help but sneak a couple of pictures of pooch happiness.

BTW, I picked up trash while on my walk. It drives me a little bonkers to see trash when there is a bin available just to avoid litter. Plus people are gross. One of the items I very carefully disposed of using an empty box was a used sanitary napkin. Who does that?!?! Of all the litter, that one was the most irritating.

Finally, on the way home this evening there were two bald eagles perched at the top of the tree across from my favorite park: Minor park. I had to stop and take pictures. I’ll take it as a good sign and a reminder to visit that park again soon.

I hope you enjoy my nature pictures.

May you have good Stress relief. May you find meditation very helpful. May you have soothing nature moments. May you understand what is causing you to feel certain ways, and what to do about it. May you feel good mostly and have all the healing you need. May you feel relief and generally better each day. Above all, may you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Shame

My body is struggling, my brain too. I have a certainty it’s stress induced, but here’s the funny thing. When stress begins to attack your body it just let’s disease take over. You are starving your insides of the vital energy and nutrition needed to fight off pathogens.

It is a part of the fight or flight mechanism. You need to fight or run, and either way your limbs need all the power, and now. So your stress hormones kick in to divert power. Just like Scotty in Star Trek: “Cap’n I need more power! Give us all you got!”

So your limbs can go hard, fast, and strong for hours, your brain can handle the “agility of it”, and your organs starve the whole damn time.

Most of America meets that paradigm form the arrangement of sitting at a desk staring at a computer screen for 8 hours a day. It means their limbs don’t use the enegy, and often it converts to fat or begins causing anxiety and other brain related issues. It can literally affect entire body chemistry, throwing the stress/relax chemistry off and causing a whole host of gender hormone issues. In turn it begins to cause chemical-trigger malfunctions throughout the entire body. It’s easy to find lots of data, just Google “stress + mood disorders” or “stress + health”. The top results after ads will give you gads of info, and often one or more of those results is from the national library of medicine.

I however, spend most of my days rubbing on people and running on an eliptical. When I’m not doing that, I have minimal computering, paperwork, and then family time in the evening. So I’m using the energy up adequately to keep my normal processes relatively on track and avoid any energy being re-converted to fat. But I’m not getting nearly enough rest.

My meditations have fallen short of the time needed to compensate for being in that fight state. My nightly rest hasn’t been so great. I feel like I’m dead to the world, but wake with the sense that I’m still tired. And my one day off has been consumed for all but one week of the last 2 months. I’m not giving myself enough time to heal in the at-rest calm-state.

Simply put, the number of hours my organs are starving is greater than the number of hours that my organs know the coast is clear and they can recuperate and consume nutirents. For healing my already-incurred-hurts and dis-ease damage, the opposite would need to be true. Yet I’m far from that, and while being a known carrier of at least one significant chronic virus (we still have no idea about covid). So, starving organs, with virus already in them, are doing their best to fight off the enemy. I’m literally causing my own body to struggle in bad ways.

I don’t want to, I’m not doing this by voluntary choice. It is a result of situations beyond my control. I’m experiencing the symptoms already, so it means I didn’t accomplish as much as I’d hoped when I was doing better and aiming for healing. I’m now faced with a moment that scares me, enough that I am doing my level best to navigate trying to ignore it and still reach for a solution. But I don’t know how.

I’m it. There is nothing else keeping us afloat. I don’t know how to work less and still make ends meet.

It causes me to feel great shame. I should have found a way around this. I should have tried harder or done more. I should have saved more money and invested more. I should have gotten the damned PhD. I should’ve gone into a field that payed more. Shame over should haves and could haves that seem like they would have solved the problem. Yet the shame is only contributing further.

The solutions would have only solved the dollars and hours/days of the week. They would not have solved the stress. All of those high dollar earners have very high stress careers. So even though they might be the cushy kind of salaried position, they are more significantly impacted by unmanaged stress itself.

So what is the solution? I don’t know. All I know is I have limited time to figure one out, and I’m not sure I am up to it. I already tried to fill Nathan in on my hurdles and it caused an argument. He doesn’t want me to die, and I don’t want to be in his shoes, so I must work quickly with time I already don’t have.

How does one work less, still make enough on one income, and convince their own body to spend much more time in healing mode? The latter I’m fairly confident I could solve, that is if the former was already solved.

I used to work less, but I had two less kids then. The kids caused the need for more. I never got a chance to save money.

And I know all the things that enable stress reduction. Most of them fall under the umbrella of things I need to know for my job. All of them I know how to accomplish. I am just running too short of time, and receiving massages has been costing me money for several months, so I’m already at my financial limit for that. I’m already doing everything I can.

So now what?

I’ll meditate as much as I can and hope an answer comes soon.

May you find ways to keep your relax time greater than your stress-fight time. May you have all the healing you seek. May you understand how you got where you are easily, so that you can aim for solutions more. May you manage all of it with time to spare.

Om Shanti

The Real

The real God
Loves everyone
Never needed me to
Obtain approval
For anything
Especially
Consent for marriage
He approves of
Everything bound by love

He already loved
Them
He already loved
Me
He saw the love we
Shared
And knew it would
Grow

The real God
Never needed to own
He owns everything
Never needed to control
He controls everything

We are children exploring
He's there if we fall
Willing to help us
Try again

The real God
Doesn't need compensation
No sale of a daughter or dowry
He already has everything
Daughters are daughters
Regardless of dollars
Any daughter
Seeking and finding
Love
Is accepted and respected
Their loving partner
Is a miracle to behold
A bond stronger than
Any other
He only wishes to
Be loved in return
And lovers entwined
Is the most beautiful
Expression of
Focused Love

The real God
Knows children
Will be born
Life will contine
Always
There is no
Requirement
Task needing fulfilled
The only must
Is knowing he's
Here
Now

The real Goddess
Gave birth to everything
She loves all
Always
She heals everything
Which is hers

If you fall
She'll console you
Just snuggle into
Warmth
Knowing her love
Heals everything
From broken hearts
To broken bones
Brains and
Dis-ease

Her love seeps
Deep
Into every cell
Every blood vessel
Every pore
Quiet stillness
Is all she needs
To do healing work
A warm
Vibration
The only sensation
Soothing to every
Sense
In every
Being

Jesus reminded the
World
All of human kind
We are all
Beautiful creatures
We are all
Equally amazing
Equally brilliant
Equally talented

Jesus knew there
Was only unity
Loving caring
Kindness
For All
He never disappeared
He spent years
Traveling the Earth
Teaching everyone
Under names they understood
Ra,Shiva, avalokitesvara, Quan Yin
Doing his best
To honor both and
Show everyone
How great it could
Be

Yet somehow we were
All too dsense to see
All his teachings
A world full of
Systems which never changed
Man intent on
Better than
Stronger than
Healthier than
More veral
More kids
More resources
More consumption
More destruction
More dis-ease
Discontent

I feel them
Humans attached to
Me
Vampires of lust
Vampires of control
Vampires of ownership
Vampires of greed

They were not here
When I needed
Shoulders to cry on
Hands to help
Children watched
Transportation to treatments
Treatments completed
Uplifting
Relieving
Healing

No they watched
And wallowed
From afar
Making already challenging
Days
Become burdens too
Heavy to carry
Draining
Essence
Cutting off
From the divine
I needed most

They simply don't
Get it
Love is real
Love can move mountains
Yet when life
Has been drained
Of all love
Nothing survives
Empty shells
Eventually crumble

God loves and supports
Goddess loves and heals
Neither can do their
Roles
If humanity
Starves them of
One golden nugget
Love

All they need
Is for us
To let go and
Love

Let go of
Rules
Let go of
Better than
Let go of
More than
Anyone
Or anything
Let go of
Competing
Or doing

Just find
Love

In quiet stillness

If everyone
Everywhere
Just let go
And let
Love
Flow

The real
God and
Goddess
Could come together
And heal
We could birth
A new world
Better
Healthier
And more
Loving

Let the
Real
Be
Here
Now

~ Treasa Cailleach

May you feel your connection to the divine. May you find a way to let love flow and the real God and Goddess be here now. May your love of the divine let this now experience change and grow in love. May you let go of everything and find peace and healing. May you know that all aspects of the divine, love and accept you as you are, you are whole and complete.

Seek and ye shall find. Matthew 7:7

Om Shanti