C’est tout

This weekend brought a little more fall festivities and finishing some projects started way too long ago.

First for fun on Saturday after work, we went to Merriam Halloween Fest (very small and good for less crowds). It allowed us to debut our family costume including Zen turned Scooby. Then later in the evening, we explored Deanna Rose Children’s Farm “Night of the Living Dead-Farm”. It was super busy and though more Halloween themed than KC Fun Farm, it was essentially a smaller version of the same. The haunted hayride was kitchy and fun, though I couldn’t aim the camera well enough to catch all of us in one shot.

On Sunday, I repotted as much of the garden as I could bring in. The rest of the garden will get covered on cold nights to buy another week or two before harvesting. Afterwards my treat was a trip to IKEA with Nathan, our goal was to replace things Ian had destroyed as preparation for our family Yule celebration. We’ve warned him we will not be getting him presents, only a new dresser, but if he’s extra good for the rest of the year maybe Santa and the elves will swap his coal for a toy. We will play Santa, but he’s definitely been on the naughty list, so he has earned his consequences of much, much less fun stuff this year.

After the fun, I spent all of Monday making good on promises to finish Anya’s bedroom suite. I replaced her window from the 60’s glass slats to a modern casement window, bedroom compliant, though it’s definitely a tight squeeze with the smaller size (knock on wood: she never has to test that escape route). I added an 8″ windowsill so she can have a few small plants, and replaced the well cover with a clear one to allow as much light as possible to fill her room. Then I finished the latch and trim on her bedroom door and started the bathroom door trimming process. Finally the laundry room door had never been finished either so I added the door framing that holds the kick plate. I will have to finish trimming out doors another day, but her room is completely done now and all the doors close and latch. I feel accomplished…. *Almost two years after moving in!* **Geesh**

Now I’m taking a salt bath, and when Nathan returns we’ll have dinner and carve pumpkins. I’m very grateful this weekend went mostly smoothly. I’ll post pics I have so far, and add the pumpkin carving and whatever is missing from Nathan’s photos, as an update later.

2 short clips of Deanna Rose happenings

May you have good holiday fun any time of year. May you enjoy time with your family and still find ways to be productive in every way. May you have enough time to complete projects and even more time for fun and enjoyment. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Update with the rest of the pictures: window install, plants with grow lights, living room decorated, and pumpkin carving (Anya took a few others during pumpkin carving, which when I get them I might add as well.)

Fall fun.

I’m writing this as I wind down for bedtime. As you can see Zen thinks I should already be asleep and is snuggling hard.

Most of this happened before the crashes of the last few days. These are the fun moments we managed to catch on camera.

About a month ago, I was able to retrieve my piano from my one brother. He had taken care of it for about a decade because I was unable to move it during that time. I finally had a reliable vehicle that it would fit in, so I made a short visit to see mom and him and pick it up. I would have liked to stay longer with both of them, but with Nathan’s dialysis and related, I thought it best to make the trip as quick as possible. Once home I rearranged our living room to accommodate it. This was my children making friends with the new arrangements.

KC Renaissance Fastival, aka Ren Faire, was 3 weeks ago. We had fun but only a few pics were snapped. I do have to admit keeping track of children that like to run and touch things was quite a chore and took some of the fun out of Ren Faire for me, but they still really liked it, especially since they got to bring wooden swords and shields home. There were several shows to watch, poi (fire spinning) is my favorite, but there was raptor displays, juggling, magic tricks, sword fighting, and the traditional jousting. Nathan ran out of steam first and was our guide for when to leave. I of course went dressed in appropriate garb and enjoyed the change of pace. The feat of strength sledge game was also fun. On one of my strikes I almost hit the bell, missing by maybe 6 inches. Considering I picked the hardest one, I think I did awesome.

2 weeks ago we went to KC Fun Farm in Kearney. It has been a favorite of the family since we discovered it shortly after Ian was born. Every year they add more stuff for kids to do and it’s all good wholesome family fun. Think farm meets giant playground. My children made friends with the brand-new giant hill-sized slide. We buried each other in the silo sized corn pit they have every year. Kids rode the trike track, and petted and fed farm animals. We ate fairly healthy Choices with apples, cider, cinnamon glazed nuts and of course some honey sticks, all from the attached farm store. I didn’t use the pumpkin cannons this year, but have in past years, but we did do the hay ride and my kids did the barrel train.

Finally last weekend we went to Riverside where we used to live, and took the haunted path put on by the city employees. It was good fun scaring kids, I was surprised to see that staff were a bit more gentle on my super brave (his words) big boy. They definitely got him good without hitting trauma level (whew). While we were in line for the haunted path, we watched another poi display. This one was Day of the Dead themed, and the one spinner used a fire hoop on her nose. It was pretty awesome under a nearly full moon. The next day we rode the Belton Halloween Train wearing our Scooby-Doo themed costumes. It was good holiday fun that Nathan was able to handle.

Lastly I just wanted to share some of our Halloween decorations for you because I had fun putting them up, slightly last minute, and just before physiological crashes ensued.

May you have good family fun and moments to savor and cherish. May your health never interfere with family time. May you have plenty of good memories and enough stamina to make many more. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

As always, doing my best.

I don’t have anyone else to do it for me, so I do it myself.

I’m still fighting nausea, fatigue, tremors, chest sensations, and the whole list previously discussed. Last night my brain was so swollen I thought my head and shoulders would explode, so I took more Advil and slept a long time. Today I am doing my best and listening for my inner voice to help with ignoring the disease effects.

See Sadhguru’s quote today was: “Essentially every experience- pain and pleasure, joy and misery, agony and ecstasy- happens within us.”

It’s true, the emotions are experienced within our own individual awareness, and ultimately it is your choice which ones you focus on.

What then do you do, when a disease creates a chemical storm in your brain and in your body that triggers negative effects on organs and tissues, which in turn causes horrible sensations leading to negative emotions?

I already had that experience and battle from Epstein-Barr before I even knew it’s name, before I even had finished middle school, before I had a choice. I was 12 an innocent child and no one could diagnose it properly, let alone fix it. As an adult I found the diagnosis, but still no reachable permanent solution.

COVID has caused it to reflare and become worse, when I had worked so hard to fix damages already done. It has literally set me back to my worst crashes of my past. Again, as an adult I understand the mechanics and the how and why of it, but there is no reachable solution and Western medicine doesn’t care, too busy looking for money makers and enjoying the results of delaying care to utilize improper treatments, then earning them bigger dollars than would have been claimed with proper early treatments using real solutions.

Again, it is my sheer willpower to keep getting up and adjusting my choices and behaviors to attempt to find an internal solution. My body hurts, my brain hurts, there is chemistry out of my control, it all stirs negative emotions I am fighting tooth-and-nail to stop. All because of a virus I did nothing to create and caught simply by living life as I was taught to do, before anyone even wanted to admit it was here.

Yet, Epstein-Barr for me, was also a direct result of another family member somehow sharing saliva with non-family. The result was 4 family members living a life of ill effects, and the resulting cancers and diseases and failing organs. I had no say in any of it, and much of what I live as life, was beaten and scolded into me. I would argue the repetitive negative conditioning caused me, just like a dog, to live patterns beyond my control. How is that any kind of fair? I had no say in any of it, and I have done my level best to fix it in every way I can control. Yet I still experience the ill effects daily and have to do my best to live patterns of a life I am unable to escape.

Despite Jesus’ supposed saving of all of humanity, the sins of the father are still being perpetrated on the sons. This current disease is a result of generations of bad karma, all disease is the result of prior negative actions, deeds and thoughts. All disease stems from what was before, and often impacts those that had no say in what was before. And this, is a special beast created by humans in a lab, our own kind has ruined us on purpose, choosing to play god with diseases and letting it escape, but without a cure. Or at least any cure that will see the light of day for anyone except the 1%-ers.

All of those pieces make it damn hard to function, let alone find happiness.

And medicine is doing nothing to fix any of them, they like making money off of our misery when we’re walking up to deaths door, hoping to be able to knock and run.

I have an idea, injection A1 failed, injection A2 failed, injection A3 failed. So for plan B let’s mix them. Yeah, that will totally work. That’ll fix it. That’s a good plan B.


Mother-effers. Use your effing brains and even attempt to find another solution.

Can you tell I’m angry? I sure hope so, because that is how I am aiming for better when I would rather crawl back into bed and die. This isn’t my fault, but it is my life, so I still have to do my best to fix it. God could help, but doesn’t seem to want to. Maybe he’s seen the mistakes made in humans and has decided we’re better off dead. Maybe god wants a clean slate too.

May you never have this fight. May you never have to fight for yourself so hard because 4 others completely rely on you for everything. May you never know the agony of diseased brain and organs. May you never have psychic influences compound matters even worse. May you always find a way to reach for better even when you are at the bottom of the ravine of life. May you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do, and that peace can and will be found one way or another.

Om Shanti