My tiny art for today was a continuation of the thought about the finite nature of the infinite. So I drew a mini Mount Kailash at night, proported to be the home of Lord Shiva. I would still like to go there one day, even if the radiation is so strong that humans can’t proceed past a certain point. I find it rather fascinating.
That’s one of many descriptions, definitions if you will, of God. The weight of that statement carries with it the finite nature of the infinite creator. If God is all of that then he’s literally seen everything, experienced everything. He’s bored.
So today I wished I could change that for God. Today I wished I could do something so radically different it would surprise even the divine.
I did not want that just for me, but truly for God because I had a moment where everything was not just feeling the same, but that I felt any choice I made would bring more of the same in guise of something different. I realized that God is probably saying the same thing: I could do that, but it’ll just bring more ___.
One thing is for certain, if I die this year, it won’t be because of covid19. There are far larger fish to fry in my sea. No it’ll be because of a sense of completeness.
I thought about how many diseases God has experienced. I thought about humanity itself. There is a finite number, albeit extremely massive, of the ways genes can combine to create a body. That means that over millennia my body has existed probably several times over. Hell there’s probably been two or three of me that even had similar energetic junk to deal with. So God has literally seen it all. There are no more surprises. Thanks Battlestar Galactica for that bit of knowing.
I felt a sense of resignation with all of that. I don’t know what that’ll translate into. I have not experienced even an infintesimal fraction of what God has, but yet I am seeing how most any decision I make will bring more of the same in guise of different. There is no right answer.
All I do know is that I wish for more for God, for good for God, for something for God to look forward to. I don’t have an answer for myself, so I have no idea how to accomplish that, but it’s in my vortex now.
What I do know is I don’t like this world we’re in right now. My quality of life has plummeted, mostly from a sense that my profession though massively helpful in many ways is now seen as risky simply because I touch people. Even though massage has repeatedly been shown to lower stress levels and boost the immune system, I am seen as non-essential. The relaxation and stress reduction I provide is only acknowledged when people hit max density, instead of much sooner when it is best at preventing problems and illness. I could sanitize every surface every hour, even walls, and people would still avoid my service out of fear. The resulting ripple in my ability to support my family doesn’t help any.
I’ve heard of several people committing suicide this week and I’ve already been fighting off the desire myself. The solution has already begun to be far worse than the disease itself. What good is it to save lives from a virus to have them lost to suicide and crime resulting from the solution. I will do my best to stay buoyant and to keep reaching for better regardless, and will do my best to maintain the shreds of my quality of life through my art and music and meditations.
What I do know is I have hit my limits for wanting to solve anything myself. I have lost earthly desire. I do know that thanks to the chiropractor and kinesiology, I have a few things to eliminate from my diet (again). But God knew that would happen too.
I had a sense that God is sitting there listing off dismisally: ants go do ant things, birds do bird things,…,…, Humans go do human things….
It might catch him off guard if humans started acting like birds. Just sayin’.
What if we just started with “love thy neighbor” instead of stay 6 feet from anyone. How about instead of don’t touch, we demonstrated confident kindness and compassion. How about instead of taking for granted the portion of society that has the luxury to be able to work from home, we rallied for those that can’t. How about recognizing that everything in this world exists because it was essential to someone at some point- it wouldn’t have continued if it weren’t essential for many. How about instead of shunning others for everything perceived as negative we take a moment to reach for compassionate understanding of how they might have gotten there.
May we all love our fellow humans, may we act more like wildlife and go with the flow of life. May we all find brighter more loving linings. May we find a way to surprise and delight God. May we put God first in all of our decisions and stop trying to be God. May we all see the repetitions with fresh eyes and better perspective. May we all find better solutions.
Siva Hir Su
Today was all over the place. My meditation didn’t go so well because Katherine was the first to wake up today and noisy was quick to follow.
I worked in the garden and was able to get my squash and zucchini seeds planted. I did notice a few of my previous seeds are just barely beginning to show. Yea!
I unpacked another small box of trinkets and found 2 of my miniature drawings from a while ago:
At dinner Ian started arguing with his older sister again, and I chose to walk away instead of engage. I have been frustrated with him over destructive behaviors, so I decided I was going to channel my frustration into something helpful for him.
A while ago he had done a simple pencil line drawing on one of my canvasses. I decided to take that and finish it, but with an addition. I had included a visual reminder of the 3 basic rules that every thing he is scolded over link back to. My thought process was, maybe the attention span of a 5 year old really does forget quickly and a visual reminder would help. Putting it on an image that he started was my way of showing I do care and love him. I respected his pencil drawing and brought it to more vivid brightly colored life.
This was the end result:
This was me showing it to him after he cleaned up his room. (He enjoyed using the lighted magnifying glass.)
We talked about the 3 rules again. I made him verbalize them in his words before reminding him of the actual 3 rules.
1.(emoji busts) No severe upsets. Don’t do things that cause anger, frustration, sadness, crying, screaming, etc. In himself or anyone else- especially on purpose.
2. (broken dump truck) Don’t break things, his own toys or anyone else’s stuff. It leads to #1. Respect belongings, especially other people’s stuff.
3. (band-aid on knee with pain marks) Don’t cause hurts for himself or anyone else. That means think before doing and be careful when he does go do things. Again hurts lead back to #1.
He got the rules enough to repeat them a couple of times with lots of sighs. I reminded him that it may seem like a lot, but really everything he gets yelled at over links back to one of those 3. I also reminded him that when he remembers and follows those 3 rules, that the loves and smiles automatically happen. He always gets lots of loves when he has been good.
I know he appreciated it because he spent a long time (for him) looking at it. Then he wanted to take it with him to get ready for bed. I told him it could stay put for now and we would get it hung on his wall as soon as possible. I’m glad that he does appreciate it, now if I can just get the arguing to cease.
I’ll end with my blessing and cute kitties: Buddy and Missy were laying in a heart shape today, and I did my best to meet that vibration.
May you have positive outcomes even when having a challenging day. May you have wonderful creative collaborations. May you find ways to show your children you love and respect them. May you connect with your kids in meaningful ways. May your kids appreciate what you do for them. May you find a way through misbehavior. May you feel loved and supported. May you glimpse inspiration even through frustration. May calmer, brighter, vividly joyful days fill your life.
Siva Hir Su
Watch Diplo “Revolution”
Nursing homes prior to 3 weeks ago, sold rooms based on amenities that constituted quality of life. Let’s get back to quality of life over quantity of life.
I would love for everyone to take a chill pill, because the world as it is right now is so crazy it’s causing suffering for all, but as Nathan pointed out that is not my responsibility. I cannot change another’s choices or experience. I cannot expect people to rise above fear because there will always be those that choose to live in fear- and then die more quickly because of it.
So, I personally call for those sane people that wish to LIVE life fully to gather together and support each other. I know we’ll catch flack from the fear mongerers for doing so, but I believe it is worth the risk.
I simply can’t stand living in a world where people are so afraid of everything: their shadow, touching others, being too close to others, so afraid of a disease that they forget the millions they survived, that humanity has survived. They forget that every thing that is, can be, or has been touched has germs- remember salmonella salald. They forget that even things that you don’t touch can have germs- the last lysteria outbreak was because of a ventilation system on a building. You simply can not prevent disease, you can only control how you respond to it. Prep your body to kick ass.
“Death is the one game you can’t loose, everybody wins eventually.” ~ Sadhguru
If I want that particular win to be in the distant future, then I have to choose to win at life first.
Living life involves going, doing, touching, being in this world. Connecting with people means sharing, caring, kindness, expressions of all of that involve touch. That is a world that I feel loved and supported in, and I’m okay with the risks, I generally feel safe in that world.
The idea of being responsible for another’s illness is also quite ludicrous. The life cycle of a virus (really any disease) means that at some point we all have unknowingly spread a disease, it’s impossible not to, and many of us are carriers that never get sick, our immune system is too strong to even show symptoms. Yet, those that came in contact with a virus and do get sick have weaker immune systems. It is not my responsibility to fix your immune system, I’m busy being concerned about my own. Just as it is not my responsibility to stay home because you are afraid of getting sick. If you are afraid, you stay home.
We are all responsible for our own wellness, and regular good hygiene is a key factor in that, it doesn’t take a pandemic for me to practice good hygiene. Beyond good hygiene, there are many, many things that have been proven in repeated studies to help your immune system, which I am always happy to share my knowledge of, but it is still your responsibility to utilize that knowledge. Vitamin C (orange juice), Vitamin D, multivitamins/multiminerals, lavender, colloidal silver, grapefruit seed extract, olive leaf. There are many other things that are believed to help but have less evidence: homeopathic medicines, oregano, turkey tail/mushroom belnds, even vaccines.
Yes, vaccines have very little data individually to prove their efficacy. At this point vaccines are widely accepted enough that they follow a formula in creating them and don’t usually test much, especially if they are trying to rush a vaccine as they are with this covid19 virus. I would be surprised if they test the covid19 vaccine at all. In fact vaccines are the only medical procedure/drug that is exempt from thorough testing procedures.
And quarantines are not this stupidity we have going. My own mom was quarantined as a child for Scarlett Fever. A real quarantine is the infected individuals are sequestered and limited to necessary care by a strict few individuals that take proper extra precautions. The rest of society is allowed to function normally. My mom lived through Scarlett Fever, and worked as a licensed practical nurse for decades. This was her response on Facebook (Nathan took the screenshot for me, still not being on FB myself):
So take responsibility for yourself. Figure out how to help your body heal itself. Keep your fears to yourself and allow society to regain balance and functionality. I’m not speaking from overconfidence, I am speaking from rational reasonable knowledge and I am not alone. We did not do this for SARS with a 15% death rate, we did not do this for West Nile, or Zikka, or bird flu, or swine flu. Even Ebola, with 50% death rate, which turned the Congo into a giant concentration camp, is still present and infecting people. There is no evidence to support the necessity of this level of response for this disease. Be reasonable, be responsible for the elements that are yours and let go of what others are doing.
So I am going to continue living life. I am going to continue going, doing, touching, being in this world. I am going to keep connecting with people which means sharing, caring, and kindness. I’m going to continue to do my job as a licensed massage therapist, and being a caring, kind human, which all involve touching. I am going to keep living even with the risks, but that is life itself. Life is risky, but the benefit comes in taking risks. I will let others be alive and ultra safe in their electronic boxes full of fear. I am going to heal my body fully as God intended and I am going to enjoy my life as much as I can. My brain no longer gets to tell me otherwise, I will reach for joy even in the toughest times.
This week I worked some, said a prayer for one of my old ladies that died from a stroke on Monday, did a fair amount of art, hugged and kissed and cuddled with my husband, kids, and cats. I snapped at a few people over the crazy and got pissed off over taxes, but then I pulled up and assembled our trampoline for my kids to play on. I even played amateur plumber to my son’s cardboard antics with one of the toilets- lots of germs there. Did I get sick? NO! Because I know how to clean up after myself and practice good hygiene. You should too.
So, may you have good enough hygiene to really live life and know you are generally safe. May you know that no one wants to get sick, but it’s not the end of the world. Even if it’s your time to go, it just means transition to non-physical, the world and humanity will continue to exist. May you know that there are far worse things in reality than Covid19. May you know that regular life is worth living and worth the risk. May you overcome fears and enjoy your days here. May you be loved, supported and know you are blessed. May you feel the light of God and choose better, choose enjoyment and joy. May you help shed light on the darkness and help everyone know their safeness.
Siva Hir Su
I need more ideas for titles. When most of your blog is just writing about your world: your own experience, it sometimes seems to have very repetitive topics. Geesh.
Anyways, The Good:
First I did a lot of meditating, it was very helpful and put me in a really good mood. I felt my connection to the divine really strongly and knew everything was going better. Things were going to be okay. Then I worked on a new to me client.
Then, I did another small art piece today, again about 2″ x 3″, watercolor only this time:
Not so good:
After that, I went home and proceeded to get bogged down in taxes. The first draft of my return is not a return, it’s a really big bill, when already in a crap storm affecting my finances. Damn. Even if my accountant can adjust it a little, I’m still going to have a lot owed. That took all my good juju and threw it out the window. I know I connected with God earlier today, but that sucked ass so bad, that I’ve had a really tough evening. I keep trying to remind myself that it is going to be okay, but ultimately I had to distract myself quite a bit to find a moderate even keel. This too shall pass.
My distraction was updating both of my business websites, and my listing on the board website. I remembered one thing I forgot just now (Reiki info), so I’ll get that later, but you can see them here:
May you have mostly good days with creativity and a good connection to the divine. May you maintain your connection even in adversity. May your tax return be good and may you make it through this mess with stable finances. May you know everything will be okay.
Siva Hir Su
Thank you Trump, thank you one percenters, thank you paid disinformants, thank you paid fear mongerers. You have provided me with a priceless perspective. Thank you God for all of their presence in my life.
You have provided me with the knowledge of how much healing I have accomplished. I may not have completely healed my brain, but it’s a hell of a lot closer than I thought.
I didn’t fall for the fear, because of my knowing of my divine protection built into my hyperactive immune system. I didn’t fall for the lies and outlandish claims because I am aware and intelligent enough that I remembered details of many other diseases and causes of death and I remembered my education on the life cycle of a virus. I was educated well enough to be able to research properly, and fill in gaps in my memory. I was educated well enough that I know proper sanitation and normal appropriate sustainable means of controlling disease, and can see where measures pushed beyond sustainability and increased more suffering than the disease itself. I know and understand: “First do no harm”- if the solution is worse than the disease then any person deserves full disclosure and consent.
I had enough perspective already, to know a lot about death and dieing, and I was spiritually aware enough to not be afraid of them. Because I KNOW God intimately I am not afraid of dieing, and I know it is not my time yet, even if I do sometimes wonder why it’s not, or seek that level of peace. Because I KNOW God, I also know that the divine protects us all as much as we allow, so even if my protection means going home out of this chaos, I also know God will look after my family as well. I have awaken enough to stand independent of the fear ridden masses and rise above the darkness known as IT.
I appreciate the perspective that anything can be done in excess and to harmful levels. Greed may help save money on the shallow end, but causes the powerful to crave money so intensely that they do things to harm society as a whole. They begin to care about money more than humanity, so much that the first available opportunity becomes a plot to help credit cards, creditors, vaccine producers, and big businesses at the expense of the American and even worldwide citizens. It gave me perspective so that I can focus on what degree I do anything, I only am willing to be selfish in so much as it is helpful, selfishness that causes harm to another is unacceptable me.
I am aware enough to understand my place in it all. The outer world is a manifestation of my inner world. Everyone is overreacting to something out of their control. My immune system is hyperactive which is the same thing, but mine is reacting to molecules triggered by exposure to toxic chemicals which were injected into my blood stream. My immune system was exposed so many times in decades past, to toxins in my bloodstream, that it wants to cling to that knowledge even though it means it is killing my own body. It is trying to protect me from poisoning by going after any molecules that remotely look the same. I now know I can fix this. I will tell my immune system to relax and go back to only fighting virus, bacteria or parasites. I will remind my liver to eliminate all the toxins. There are many ways to do both, an I have already eliminated as many sources of continued toxins as humanly possible. I will remind my body as repeatedly as necessary to let God in to provide divine healing.
Because of all of this I can and will heal.
I am more confident than ever in my abilities, knowledge, experience and divine connection. I am ever so appreciative that all have improved, but especially my divine connection. Thank you God for being with me through thick and thin, through bad times and good, through sickness and health. Thank you God for helping me with my biggest challenges and getting me the information the best way I can hear it. Thank you for flowing me all of the answers through helpful people, through AI notifications, through videos and conversations. Thank for for showing me all of this and helping me see that even the bad is valuable. Thank you divine for being in me and giving me these words to express thoughts that seem larger than the written word. Thank you even more for guiding my thoughts to these solutions and greater understanding.
May you all have solutions and greater understanding. May you see the value even in the negative. May you make peace with death and understand and know whether it’s your time or not. May you have the intelligence to know fact from fiction, to know how to research whatever you don’t understand or remember, and to rise above fear. May you be awaken to your divine connection and it’s blessings and guidance. May you know you are safe and have the ability to heal. May you rise above the darkness of IT to see God’s guiding light.
An it Harm None.
Siva Hir Su
So many people die from many bacterial and parasitic diseases we know exactly how to eliminate. This is fixable. Take your fear, learn how viruses function, and then channel any frustration into helping with an easy solution. Donate to Charity Water. I know that I’ll cut many things from my budget before I cut my monthly donation to Charity Water.
Watercolor and drafting pen on watercolor paper.
I also finished coloring this one.
And then did this quick coloring page.
There was not much work to be had with our new 30 day quarantine. I’m so glad government agencies can make decisions like this for us- NOT! I’d rather have been sick for a week or two than out of work for 7 weeks. Such short sighted decisions make everyone suffer 10 times as much, simply for fear of the few that might die from this illness and will probably die from something anyway. Should we shut society down for two months every time they send people off to war that are likely to die for an arbitrary cause? Sounds like an equivalent solution to me. Yes I’m pissed off and right now enjoying the improvement that Abraham Hicks reminded me was okay with: “revenge always feels better than dispair.”
They still don’t have an adequate solution for their short sighted overreaction. Now all of those affected have 12 months worth of bills and 10 months of income. Their relief package is no where near making up for 2 months of expenses for even low income households. Psycho idiots trying to prevent something after the fact, when all viruses spread most readily before symptoms manifest.
But Visa and MasterCard are having stock spikes when every other business is crashing. This all comes magically right after they changed how credit is affected by card use. And my bank already sent me an offer for a small business loan to help compensate for the government’s decisions. Isn’t the government giving airplanes and several other major industries bailouts. So essentially it’s boiled down to our bought government is in favor of the corporate citizen, but not the actual tax paying citizens.
Rant over, again my words mean nothing to anyone, and don’t solve anything.
Julia Westin did a wonderful job compiling this music that fits well with everything. Give it a listen:
I’ll resume enjoyment with EDM music and kids dancing and playing drums.
May you have bigger steps up the emotional scale. May you see more positive progress with your government. May everyone be more practical, less short sighted, and focus on allowing existing means to do their job(s). May you have calming creativity. May you feel safe, secure and healthy. May you know it will all be alright.
Siva Hir Su
YouTube notified me of this song after I had spent all day digging in dirt alone:
It fit very well. And I did need that time. It was overcast and cool, but I really needed the nature and peacefulness. I know I’m an empath, and sometimes my junk is literally having collected everyone else’s stuff. Sometimes it’s my own. Sometimes it’s a blend of both. Regardless, digging in the dirt or being in nature is soothing to my soul, as much as art or music are.
So I spent literally all day doing Gardens. My body hurts as much as ever, but my mind is calmer. I sat to eat dinner having gotten all but a few seeds in the ground. The simple act of consuming a meal brought my motion to a halt. I no longer desired anything but sleep. Except that I recognized how sore I was and deemed a bath as necessary before sleep could be accomplished.
I dumped 4 pounds of Epsom salts into the tub and now I soak. 30 min, maybe a bit longer in as hot as I can tolerate. It will soothe my sore muscles enough to function this week.
It was worth it though. My gardens will be beautiful when they grow. I got 9,000 steps just moving back and forth through our yard. Hoisting bricks and cinder blocks. Moving sticks and rocks. Not to mention all the dirt that I carefully filled every bed and planter with. The seeds was the easy part at the end of the day.
I planted fern bulbs gifted to me by my retired massage therapist. They had sprouted quite a few runners, so I stretched them out to cover a long section along the back of our house. It’s off the side of the porch in a narrow trench of dirt between the sidewalk and the house. They’ll be perfect there.
On the other side of that same sidewalk I constructed my favorite-easy-cheap cinder-block planter. It’s the second time I’ve done this large scale, and both times I used found cinder blocks. The universe loves me, because not only were there enough cinder blocks to do that, but there were enough bricks to pave the dirt between the planters. No more muddy mess.
We also put lots of grass seed down to try and fix the rest of the muddy areas in the yard.
So far I have several different mystery flower bulbs left by the previous owner. I have Rose bushes planted by the previous owner. There is lots of the dark ivy ground cover (not English Ivy). There are a few shrubs I can’t identify yet, and some kind of perennial plant that is sprinkled about- I think some of them are volunteers, but I’m okay with that.
Then I’ve planted gladiolus bulbs, fresia bulbs, Iris bulbs, anemone bulbs, tigridia bulbs, renunculous bulbs, zennia seeds, bachelor button seeds, marigold seeds, Daisy seeds, cosmos seeds, lettuce seeds, spinach seeds, kale seeds, broccoli seeds, cauliflower seeds, cucumber seeds, chard seeds, okra seeds, several varieties of bean and pea seeds, chive seeds, white onion seeds, red onion starts, and cabbage starts.
I have one big circular planter left, which has some of those mystery plants in it, but around the mystery plants I’m going to put our zucchini and squash seeds. There’s also the oval planter which has volunteer violets in it right now, but will get herb seeds ASAP. We will have quite the gardens when they sprout and grow. I very much look forward to that.
With all of that I’ll leave you with pictures of my handy work. May you all have calming, grounding time to soothe your soul. May you have beautiful gardens or the ability to enjoy other’s gardens. May you feel safe and supported by the universe. May you stay healthy and have joyous days. May peace be with you.
Siva Hir Su