Struggling to stay buoyant

I’m supposed to be working right  now, but today I’m struggling.  I still haven’t gotten my Rx order because the online pharmacy had a backlog,  & when they finally got to my order they didn’t understand the nebulizer refills. I called & they didn’t  take my word for it,  so I had to call the doc & have them get the pharmacy straightened out.  4 days later I still don’t have my scripts. It’s been most of a week without desiccated  thyroid. My mood is  seriously suffering.  I’m having trouble caring, & feeling angry at “God”.

Why do I have to deal with this? Why is there so much pain & suffering in this world?  Why after 2000 years are people in the middle east still killing other people in the name of “God”?
If I were God & people were killing each other in my name- I’d have  ended it immediately or at least a thousand years ago.

& I can’t help wonder about this brand new virus in a land where two years ago certain governments & organizations were fighting against them  being able to host the Olympics.  Suddenly there’s a horrible new disease that affects unborn  babies the worst & they are scrambling to create a vaccine.  (Something that here in the US is supposed to take a decade.) And they’re saying the vaccine may be ready early next year – just after the Olympics. It seems a little too coincidental to me. But regardless,  where is “God” in all this?  Where are the miracles that good  Christian’s tout? It just makes me so mad,  because then  if someone does  get a miracle, they get judged as being more deserving than others,  & others get  judged as being sinners and less deserving. I’ve seen too many good people with hard lives to believe that.

So I sit here venting,  not working,  attempting to let some woes out of my mind,  to find enough peace to resume my work day.  I really hope my medicine gets here soon.
I’ll probably attempt a short meditation too. It doesn’t solve ANY problems, just enables me to find just enough relief to function a little longer. *sigh*

About Treasa Cailleach

I'm a massage therapist working with chiropractic and the elderly; musician, artist, pagan, mom, B of LGBTQ, & polyamorous professional.

2 thoughts on “Struggling to stay buoyant

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