So the rest of the weekend was an up, down, & all around, kind of weekend. We got very little accomplished since we had to take turns sleeping & keeping track of Ian. He was his usual handful, but still cute.
Today I feel exhausted, but I’m still going, & very slowly finding buoyancy. I’m attempting to glean why it is that I can work through negative things in the public and work world, letting them either bounce off me or finding the silver lining. Yet, when it comes to home I struggle to do the same, & the handful of negatives attempts to consume my world. I don’t have an answer yet.
Today is Memorial Day, which most people have off, and I’m finding all my residents have their usual channels turned on, but there’s extensive coverage of the Arlington service. I found myself wanting to gag due to Trump & the propaganda that makes it’s way into the speeches. I find this year’s service to be a most distasteful way to honor the fallen.
Then I step back & voice my real thoughts with the tv on mute. Regardless of my views on the profitability and politics of the military machine, memorial day is about honoring those who died in service. Of those that died, many of them voluntarily chose to serve in good faith based on the knowledge and information they had. They felt it was their duty to help America in whatever battle they participated in, that their military service benefited the greater good. Those that may not have had such a choice (draft, family pressure, poverty) still accomplished their duties faithfully and put the greater “good” over their own personal safety. Each and every one of them should be honored for being able to do that. They are heroes not for the details of their demise, but for their desire and ability to put others and the greater society before their own wants, needs, and desires. They mastered, even if briefly, the ability to see themselves as merely a singly important piece of a larger interconnected puzzle and allowed themselves to do their duty to the best of their ability regardless of what the outcome might be.
I don’t know about you, but I have yet to figure that out for myself. I am ever concerned about how the next day, week, month, and year will play out; and though I don’t fear death itself, I do fear the “but’s” and “why’s”and “what if’s” I die before accomplishing my goals. I have yet to be able to consistently do my job solely for others’ sakes. So, I take a moment to give gratitude for their selflessness. I also take time to focus on peace so that those of service can make their work actions be of peace.
On the flip side home:
I have a beautiful loving husband, 2 children, & cuddly adorable cats, that I often see only as messy. Their mess turns into an affront against me, that they’re somehow doing it on purpose, just to get my goat. I have great difficulty seeing the positive side of why the mess happened in the first place. I have trouble seeing their efforts to clean up, & sometimes even the love they show me isn’t enough to override my hyper-sensitivity to my experience of the physicality of the mess. I just don’t get what screw is still loose in my brain to cause that. *sigh*
It’s on the list. I’ll fix it eventually. I will get there.
Back to the weekend. I burned my fingers grilling chicken.
Ian was fussy, tired, wouldn’t drink anything, would ask for 3 things before I could get the 1st accomplished. Changed his mind on food a hundred times, chased chickens, played in his sand box, played in puddles, asked me what I was doing a thousand times. Played “mirror mommy” telling me I wasn’t listening to him, telling me that I should not make him do certain things, swearing at me, and yelling back. Yet, he’d turn around and do something adorable like offer to help water plants, or feed the birds, & bringing me the bamboo stakes when we adjusted fencing. He’s 2, I suppose it’s all part of the package.
When one of the younger roosters decided he should attack Ian repeatedly, I quickly got Ian some arnica & an ice pack, and then chased said rooster around the yard with the BB gun. I fired a dozen rounds, only one of which seemed to graze his leg & cause a limp. I gave up when he fled down the road. I was hoping a coon would polish him off, but by dusk he was back. I’m still debating whether to butcher him or not. I suppose if he attacks Ian again it’ll have been decided for me. My son is definitely more important than an obnoxious rooster, especially when we have 3 others. This time I was close enough that Ian only suffered a few scratches & bruises, but I hate to think of what could have happened.
So then, the fencing happened because I spent all day chasing our hens and Jennifer’s goats out of my garden. I hope that my baby flower plants survive the chickens tramping them. The goats I managed to keep from doing any damage. Anyway, the tire planters now have the mesh fence around them, & the bigger stretch has metal chicken wire around it now.
That being said, the garden is doing great. I had so many radishes sprout that they were choking out the spinach & lettuces. I trimmed some, pulled some out, & tried to transfer a few to another planter. We’ll see if those ones survive. Everything else is doing great as well. If the weather keeps this up I’ll have bumper crops this year. That is happiness.
We only got 1/4 of the mowing done and none of the laundry- c’est la vie. Onward ho.
Everything else, bumper bean crop is the top tier (thanks to the cats eating the chipmunk).
Carrots & cilantro:
Spinach & lettuce:
Half of my bumper bean crop: