That moment when you realize that you’ve been thinking about everything from a very specific viewpoint (your own life/culture/biases). Then realizing “What if that viewpoint is all wrong at worst, and equally positive/negative as any or the other viewpoint? ”


I think my brain has exploded. 

No, not really.  I’d already come to a similar conclusion, that’s why I try to give Christians a pass on their over zealous natures at times. It’s not their fault I was traumatized by others claiming the same label.  That would be stereotyping. 

Besides a label never makes a person as a whole.  It’s the why, the behaviors the label supports, the elements of character defined by that label they choose, that counts. And, we all have numerous labels we choose in our lives. Some fit better than others depending on the moment,  the environment,  and our state of being in that moment. Labels are fluid, flexible, and inconstant, varying as needed. Though some labels may have  broader applications or last for longer periods, none last precisely as they are now for our entire lives.

So even the perpetrators of my traumas don’t exist now as they were when they caused said traumas. 

It’s allowed me to mostly forgive (still working on it in some ways),  to definitely learn from,  and use those things as catalyst for self-improvement (however slow). 

Yet,  I find myself redefining my work over and over again.  Every time I see my paradigm in new clarity,  new perspectives, I shift to a new paradigm and it results in new awareness. New righting to be done.

Today I realized that I was equating another system’s paradigm as problematic and hypothesizing how many traumatized people have come of it. When very clearly I remembered my own traumas. It seems my paradigm is no better,  and I’ve yet to completely break free from it.

I want to. I want to create better for my children,  for the rest of my life, my world.  If only I could see past the illusion in every moment. If only I could foresee the best possible outcome to enable better choices in each moment.

That sounds an awful lot like enlightenment and being of God. I think it’s what really all humans are  striving for at any given moment. So far though the only beings ever having been described as finding that ultimate state, left this earthly plane for good. Never to be seen or heard from again,  merely felt as energy: Buddha, Acchi, Osho, Jesus, and many other names.

Maybe I’m not quite ready to go to that level.  My kids would miss me. So I’ll settle for human imperfection for now: ask my loved ones for forgiveness,  and just simply do my best to see the illusion. Be loving (especially to myself), be kind,  and forgive those that hurt me in the past (because I did learn one way to not do something from them, so at least gratitude for the lesson). Now I must practice. 

Practice my own forgiveness, my own patience,  my own love,  my own kindness: for myself, for others,  and slowly shift my paradigm, to something better. 

Each shift a perceived improvement.  

Each shift an opportunity for forgiveness in many ways. 

Each shift another opportunity for learning  and growth.

New different paradigms to create and practice. 

Save the croaking for later…. way, way later.

For now yet another apology to deliver. 

About Treasa Cailleach

I'm a massage therapist working with chiropractic and the elderly; musician, artist, pagan, mom, B of LGBTQ, & polyamorous professional.

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