J. I love you.
From the bottom of my heart.
To the moon and back.
I have for months now and always will.
Have I bottled hopes and dreams up with that love, you bet.
It seems inevitable. Love stirs fires of passions within and fuels life force, wanting more. It’s always been that way, but add a dash of passion and watch out, the freight train a cometh.
Yet love is the vessel, the conduit, and sometimes you enjoy the cup more than the contents. Maybe those hopes and dreams will be the wonders I thought up, but maybe they’ll fall short. Either way, I still have the vessel, the love, to hold a whole new batch, a new mix to try.
That’s the beauty of love, it keeps going, keeps fueling more, even when you’ve tried what you thought was everything. It’s unconditional.
The only thing I don’t understand is how to convey all of this to you where you’ll hear it. I wish so much to gain your complete trust, for just a hint of reciprocation, so that I can enjoy you as you: more fully, more completely, more frequently.
My words are failing me now…. Attempting to find the positive words for the desires behind my fears, the unconditional. My fears are merely tools to help me redefine my desires more fully, yet I struggle to accomplish that, and focus too!
My love Nathan has assured me to just be patient. He thinks he understands. He supports me in everything, and does his best to help me find clarity. I’m utterly grateful. I know his love will carry me even into life beyond this planet. We mutually share that understanding of the unconditional nature of our love, and the permanence of it’s energy.
I wish for that shared understanding between us as well.
Really, I wish that for everyone. Our world survives because of love, it banishes all the unwanted parts of the illusion. We could all use more love.
For now, I’ll work on refocusing on the unconditional nature of my love to banish those fears attempting to rain on my illusion. I chose clear blue skies and joyful days of enjoyment, and clarity in my desires to accomplish that.
No matter what happens with you, I will do my best to hold you in that love and wish the best for you. It’s the only right thing to do. It’s the only way to remain unconditional. My fears will eventually work themselves out.
(To quote an old friend “If you confront your fears by playing the What-If game, then you’ve already seen the worst and it can only be better.” I choose the better.)