So, miscarriage was the least of my personal woes this week. Anya is struggling in a big way, and despite checking in regularly to see if we needed to seek professional help, I found out through another teen in the homeschool group.
It’s a big mess, but confirmed my suspicions based on her changes in demeanor, so we’re getting the paperwork started to have her see someone.
What that means for me is that despite really focusing on my diet, I’m still dancing around the depression hole myself.
Yet, Nathan and I have both seen the most beautiful and large and long shooting stars of our lives this week. I personally hold onto that as a sign that help really is on its way. Just a little more patience.
Between uncomfortable conversations with other parents about depression/suicide and options available ( including what’s working for me), I’ve been doing my best to silence my mind and just breathe.
The breathing is the easy part. Silencing my mind right now, not so much. I’ll get there I know I will. This has been a very, very challenging 3 weeks, and I’ve still yet to fall into and stay in the hole. I keep climbing back out, and even in short order.
It means I know I have improved and in a big way. Before, these intense of challenges would have left me crippled in depression for weeks. I know I’m getting better, because now I struggle a day or two at most, and then begin the climb out.
In the world of severe clinical suicidal depression, that’s huge. In roughly 6 months I’ve gone from nearly losing the battle to working myself out of dips in 12 to 48 hours, and even with very intense external factors at play. It’s huge. I can’t state how amazing that is, and I owe it to a good therapist and the book “The Depression Cure” by Dr. Illardi. I’m utterly grateful.
Now to just make it through. What’s that old saying? Oh yeah, “its always darkest before dawn”. These are dark times for sure. Just waiting for my dawn. Patience and breathe.