“I’m not dead yet!”- Monty Python Holy Grail

It’s always been one of my favorite scenes, perhaps because of how ridiculously stubborn the knight was. Quite comical, I still laugh dozens of viewings later.

 I am that knight.

The last month brought ample challenges. There’s still at least a couple in the “known unknowns” list.

Some of it pissed me off royally. Some pushed every button imaginable. Some has caused great worry (mostly those known unknowns still lurking).

I still wish to deck at least a couple of people, but I’m a responsible adult that knows God will serve them their karma on a silver platter, and thus it’s not my responsibility.

Yet all this, and I’m still alive. Not only am I still alive, so is my family (for now :p ). I’ve made it through some pretty dark crap, because “The Depression Cure” works.

 Not only have I made it through, I’ve done one upped myself again.

I’m 9 weeks into pregnancy, and 20 pounds lighter because I healed my thyroid and I’m back on the pregnancy diet (remember it is just a slightly more extreme version of the depression diet). No more simple carbs for me, and this baby doesn’t like walnuts for whatever reason. Yet, the nausea is already backing off (a full 2 weeks ahead of expectations).

Despite being so early in the pregnancy and having lost weight, my belly is already talking on the unmistakable round shape that other moms recognize immediately. I confessed to one that asked me, that I wasn’t ready for it to show. She added that she thought I might have lost a little weight, but that my belly has definitely changed shape was how she could tell. Meh, it’s OK, I’ll catch up with me soon.

I didn’t kill any kids or their parents, and at this point I’ve stepped away. I care about me too much to stay in that mess.

My massage therapist noted this evening that I seemed more grounded. I confessed that I’m doing my best to go with the flow and having a new much clearer plan is helping a lot. I reiterated that we will definitely continue to trade, I benefit far too much not to.

The new job inches near. I’ve got my paperwork for it nearly done. They had a whole file worth, so I gladly split it up into chunks.

 I need to figure out when to fit in my DOT physical to reactivate my CDL, at this point it’s literally a matter of finding the time & a doctor that does them. The job will pay for the appointment.

And tomorrow is a shopping trip for new work friendly shoes. I have 1 pink pair at the moment that qualifies, and that needs remedied. Anya also commented that she needs new shoes, so I’ll cover her in the same trip.

Nathan’s all over looking for our new home, and I keep getting nudged to examine rent to own homes. Maybe our answer lies there.

At the same time I got a very clear message that this weekend, especially Saturday, might be very interesting. Bad and treacherous were words used in relation to this weekend. Another bumpy ride to hold on and breathe through. It’ll be over soon.

Meanwhile, I cling to gratitude over my amazing & free Bose Bluetooth speaker that we won from TrexMart, as well as gratitude over the new job falling into place so easily. 

It’s already become apparent that between Nathan and I, the benefits will be a must regardless of how much they cost. I may not end up with a whole lot of additional income by taking this job, but at least I know that regardless of whatever Nathan’s test results are, he’ll be taken care of. Plus, the insurance might cover part or all of my midwife. I won’t know that until I actually have the plan paperwork. I just know I’ve been told their insurance is great and worth every penny. That’s relief.

So, my focus now is more focus on those positive elements and acknowledgement that God has heard me and is gradually moving me to a better life. The divine knows the best path. I will do my best to honor that and keep up. Breathe and hold on for the ride. Whew! 

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