“If you care as much about feeling good…

As you do about needing to pee, then everything will improve, it has to.”

– Abraham Hicks

That was from the last clip I was notified of via YouTube.

I’m having trouble maintaining that sentiment.

My world is full of stress right now. So much so, that I either try to feed myself awake at night after work, or go home to go straight to bed. Even when I’m in bed, I sleep in protective face down position and have dreams that swing from things I want to nightmares of my Nathan dieing, or of getting fired from the job. I’ve even had dreams where I got pregnant again (sentiment of owing God another child) and either having everything go exactly opposite what I want, or dieing in childbirth. There is nothing like having a joyful experience squashed even/especially in your dreams.

For me it’s a symptom of things going horribly awry in my waking days. I must make changes and get back on track, but I’m not sure where to start and what that fully means. I know my puzzle (sleep, exercise, meditation, diet, etc) is a major factor having gotten uncomfortably far off track with it. But that’s not the only thing and I’m not sure what else to do.

So for now, I think I’m going to switch to writing based solely on what I want. My future posts for the next indefinite while will be either positive statements about things I like/enjoy, or story format of how I’d like to experience things in Atira. I apologise for those that think this might be frufy, but it will help me to stay refocused and get the ball rolling forward positively again. Once I have a real time positive outcome to report I will update everyone on my physical “reality”.

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