Avoidance, clarity, and reaching

Apologies on not having written for bit, exhaustion is catching up with me, 1 sick day since New Year’s doesn’t constitute enough time off for optimum functionality.

I’m avoiding my taxes and invoicing today because it would have eaten my few hours of down time. It just means I’ll cram then in elsewhere.

Also, avoiding making decisions on my next career/income move.

Clarity came on massage being much less stressful though.

I may have easily learned my “new” position and even made elements of it more efficient, but the stress is still ever present due to the nature of the cycle and management’s attitudes and demeanor. I could totally do without that undesirable corporate culture, and I have to acknowledge that my self-employed years had far less stress. Most of my stress in that environment was believing finances would always be plentiful.

Anyways, I prefer the less stress. Nathan pointed out not every corporation has such an ugly culture, but I’ve yet to experience that.

So in refocusing this afternoon I had a moment of inspiration. I wanted to paint a Ganesh and went to find something to do so. I found one of my store bought canvases, 2 bottles of cheap acrylic paint and a foam brush. Essentially the most elementary choices of my preferences. I shrugged and proceeded to spend about 45 minutes painting. It was more therapeutic than anything and the ‘finished’ image is far from my normal self-standards, but it gave me quick art relief.

So, now for thoughts from my moments at refocusing, in no particular order….

I’m appreciating that I’m smart enough to master and even improve a position I was untrained for.

I’m appreciating that I prefer moral standards to simply earning a paycheck, and that I will find a way to maintain my moral standards and still earn enough to support my family.

I’m appreciating that I caught the negative snowball before it got too big to handle. ( I resumed the expensive probiotics of 3rd trimester to counteract allergic reactions and it stopped the ball enough to do the mental work).

I’m appreciating that I see and understand my physical needs, and even if they are difficult to maintain, I care enough to do my best to give my body what it wants and needs.

I love my family and will work on finding a compromise where we can still make ends meet without exhausting myself.

Ideas have come and I look forward to testing them out. There may end up being much less work and much more income in my future, with some working smarter opportunities.

I love that my husband is supportive enough to help with a couple of the ideas while still doing everything he’s been doing for the last 5 years (kids, house, etc).

I know I can do anything and the Divine is guiding me through the process of expansion.

I enjoy seeing my manifestations, and though I prefer to see more good ones, they are all evidence that I’m beginning to figure things out.

I see how everything is a learning experience, often with layers like an onion. Even bad experiences teach me what not to do, but also that I need to focus better to attract more positive interactions.

I’m quite capable of maintaining a calendar and newsletter, signage, booking entertainment, maintaining a budget, and facilitating a wide variety of activities directly. So much so, that people 50 years my senior with far more life and work experience have regularly told me I’m talented and very intelligent. It feels really good to acknowledge that.

I enjoy being around open and accepting people.

I enjoy being be appreciated and loved.

I enjoy acknowledgement of my capabilities and being treated as a professional adult.

I prefer being able to dress how I like, knowing that anytime I’m working I dress professionally. I love knowing I’m able to dress creatively and uniquely me and still be professional.

I enjoy being able to listen to music while I work knowing it helps me to reduce my stress levels.

I love knowing I’m helping and uplifting others.

I love knowing that I’m frequently able to find a compromise to assist many others find enjoyment in their days.

I love knowing that residents enjoy my presence, and that massage clients also find great benefit/relief in my presence and work.

I love cuddling my little ones.

I love that I’ve been able to help my children start off with such optimal health and well being. Healthy as oxes.

I enjoy knowing that my kids are smart… Ian walked at 9 months and basic words were understandable by 11mo, at 4 years old he now knows his alphabet, numbers, and is working on reading. Katherine walked by 10 months, but her basic words are also already understandable (one of the residents caught her asking for her ba-ba (bottle)). I’m one proud mama.

I really enjoy feeling the flow and feeling better.

I really enjoy feeling rested.

I really enjoy knowing I am in control of my choices.

I really enjoy knowing that the universe supports me.

I look forward to finding a balance between working enough to appease my brain and being home with my children.

I really enjoy seeing my children learn new things (Katherine waited until evening to let me see her first steps, something I’m massively grateful for).

……

That’s not all, but Katherine and I are both getting droopy. The rest will wait for another time.

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