Relaxing into clarity.

Yesterday I hit an exhausted wall again. Cancelled most, but not all, of my massage work today. That is an expensive habit I need to break, even if it has only been once a month.

You see as an employee I’m faced with the corporation’s rules:

  • Too many sick days and there’s penalty.
  • Overtime equals penalty.
  • Too many penalties and you get fired.

Yet the “reality” is I am working 7 days a week. 5 for them and 2 as myself. It also holds knowledge that I made $4 more last year in the job than in the self-employed work- way more hours for the same pay.

The reality is that their full-time 40-hour-a-week job has unrealistic expectations. There’s simply too much to be done to fit into 40 hours, but not enough to justify hiring an additional employee. So rules being what they are I’ve been electing to work off the clock averaging 2 to 5 hours a week of unpaid overtime, and that’s with efforts I’ve made to make certain duties more efficient.

I’d hate to see what the average Joe would need, and it has made even clearer why they keep going through activities directors like candy. Because like myself they’ve all probably hit the this-isn’t-worth-it-wall and quit caring which ultimately led to unfulfilled job duties and getting themselves canned. Unfortunately, even though I’m seeing the clarity, my work ethic demands I stick to what I’ve already done, until I find a better solution.

I’m literally putting in 70 hours a week between both sources of income, sometimes more.

So today I worked less to take care of myself. In fact I’m writing this from my post cupping, Epsom salt bath.

Thought you might prefer to not see all of me naked 🤣, but I’m loving that technology has allowed this moment.

Anyway, sunshine, cupping, massage, good healthy food, CBD oil, and a peppermint/eucalyptus Epsom bath- I’m starting to feel revived. I might actually be able to accomplish some tax prep before bed.

In the meantime, whilst I soak, I’m going to breakdown the opposites I’d prefer to experience.

  • Ballance between work life and home/social life.
  • Quality time with my children (wanting to play in the sandbox with Ian and go for walks outside again, now that the weather is improving).
  • I’d love to get paid above the real, current, highly inflated, cost-of-living for doing a 40 hour week. Less hours, more pay. I feel I’m worth it. I’m intelligent, hard working, detail oriented, and do go the extra mile when it’s called for (it shouldn’t be a daily expectation at low wages like it currently is).
  • Legally, I’m due to be paid for overtime when it’s necessary without penalty. Companies should acknowledge that if they are choosing to have fewer employees than workload dictates, they are to pay accordingly, or adjust the workload. In this particular case there are 3 people with time available to help. 2 of which are computer illiterate (as far as many of my duties are concerned) and the 3rd is one of “the mean girls” above me in rank. That is the additional clarity of why I just work off the clock, instead of attempting to shift workload elsewhere. They are simply either not able or willing to help in a genuine caring manner.
  • I wish to work with people willing to go the extra mile and be supportive of each other, but in an environment that tests it less frequently. Lower stress environment.
  • I prefer to work with people that are more open, accepting, and understanding. We all have oddities, quirks, and strange habits or mannerisms, just because someone else’s might bother you doesn’t make it right to mock them.
  • I enjoy being around friendly people.
  • I enjoy being appreciated.
  • I am grateful I leave lasting positive impacts on the people and places I’ve worked with.
  • I enjoy the feeling of belonging one gets in a tight knit community.
  • I enjoy being around people of all ages and all backgrounds. It is more interesting and brings more ideas to the table, the “compromise-challenge” is worth it.
  • I prefer to live the sentiment Summer Osborne addressed in her TED talk. (see here)
  • I would love to have genuinely good insurance that covered providers of my choice, even home birth, chiropractic, acupuncture, and massage. That is truly progressive and preventative medicine.
  • I would love to have my dome home and an electric vehicle.
  • I think I would really enjoy being on the providing side of these sentiments through owning my own community- my dream of Atira gets clearer with every day I’m alive.
  • I look forward to a day when I know my efforts help produce profits that go to good charitable causes instead of investors bank accounts.
  • I look forward to having a hand in those charities as well; a way to make a greater and even more positive and lasting impact.
  • I look forward to easier times ahead for me and my family.
  • I look forward to being able to take vacations occasionally with enough budget to do so easily and comfortably. Even once a year would be grand.
  • I look forward to experiencing the cafe and bistro I’ve dreamed of where I can walk in knowing there are multiple truly healthy and truly tasty options to choose from.
  • I look forward to being able to stay home on messy winter days and being able to take full advantage of those perfect sunny days, even if it’s just a walk in the park.
  • I look forward to being able to release my CDL comfortably knowing I no longer need to keep it as a backup plan, let alone my source of income. There are plenty of people that love driving more than I do.
  • I look forward to having a great playground in my close knit community…. And a dog park… And trails… Mmmm good.
  • I look forward to manifesting greater good in this world for God. I choose the archetypes Shiva (Zeus/Poseidon), Kali (Hera/Brighid), Ganesh (Hermes/Mercury), etc., because they resonate with me and I have such a layered understanding of God’s aspects. Regardless, we are here to further manifest on behalf of God. We are conduit for the Divine to produce more, and I acknowledge the weight of that willingly. I choose to do better, to strive for better, and to leave a positive mark on this world. Part of me wishes everyone had that same intense desire, and on some level we all do, but I acknowledge some are simply not able to accomplish what I am reaching for. I hope that I am able to accomplish what I am reaching for.

With that, my bath is cold and I am going to reach for tax progress with the remainder of my evening. Adeau and Happy St. Pat’s day if I don’t get a chance to write again before then. Blessings everyone.

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