It did.

My day did get better. I still strongly dislike taxes and government agencies, but I’m not sure anyone in this country loves them right now. That might be a clue/hint if politicians cared.

Anyway, since I did manage to pull up and refocus, I thought I’d list some things that I have gained clarity on.

I’ve realized that like the Elvis Quote about values, everything I do is affected, down to how I clean while thinking of family. I explained to Nathan that if I care about the people involved in the results of my actions, I always double, and frequently triple check my work. I do so because I want people to know I care about them. So if it’s my family bathroom, I literally try to step back and look around to see if there’s anything that another person might see as incomplete (like a teenager saying eeew gross that’s still dirty). Yet, the process carries into everything I do, down to all of the elements in my work day. I know I’m not perfect, but I do my best because I care about giving others my best. It is my way of expressing that I care for another person and how they perceive or feel about things.

With that being said, I often find myself being judgemental of others assuming they function the same way. I asked Nathan if I have too high of expectations of others. He replied sometimes. Ouch.

However, it also means that when I feel like it has been a one sided equation and that maybe I care more than the other, I quickly lose my desire to be quite so diligent.

That has created a conundrum of late at work. The residents see and acknowledge that I care, so I wish to keep up what I’ve done, to keep the honor pendulum swinging with them. The management however seems to only care in so much to offer platitudes to see how much they can continue to pile on. I pushed back a bit with insisting that I get half days on Saturdays, and suddenly it was back peddling to try and get me to keep doing what I’ve been doing. I didn’t fall for it, and asked Nathan what he thinks my response should be if they try and renig. Needless to say, to the conversation only gave me more confidence. If they cared beyond what losing me equated for them, then they wouldn’t be so quick to take back hours I’ve earned with all my off the clock working. Maybe they should consider what I’ve done for them as a whole and what true caring looks like. Ha, that’ll be the day.

Anyway, the shorter version is I enjoy knowing that others see my hard work as a manifestation of my level of caring. I enjoy even more when it is reciprocated. I would love to work less and show my caring more in other ways, but beyond financial avenues I’m not sure how that would manifest.

After a decade of hopeless dreaming of grandeur, and my mental tally chart of the results. I’ve switched to more realistic approximations of my ideal. I’ve been contemplating a small dome home on an urban city lot. Something I think is much more attainable and I could actually commence action steps towards getting that within the next year or two. Mortgage, lot purchase, monolithic planning, and final construction. I happen to know that there are domes that have been constructed for less than $10,000, but they are tiny homes. I’d willingly do a $50,000 mortgage to have a normal sized low cost home. The dome version of our rental for instance. That is pretty far from my dreams of Atira, but much more believable and easier to solve. Perhaps that is my personal path of least resistance.

….

I want to know that others care as much as I do.

I want to feel the love flow more consistently.

I enjoy seeing my strengths and knowing I’ve greatly improved my weaknesses.

I like warm weather.

I love sunshine.

I prefer eating healthy because I feel better when I do.

I prefer real workouts that have warm-ups and cool-downs and enough cardiovascular movement to burn fat and calories and produce the anti-inflammatory benefits. Those workouts are so much kinder on my body than 20 minutes of moving in a chair!

I enjoy knowing I’ve done something meaningful for another.

There’s so much more, but my brain is melty and I’m tired. Time for bed. Tomorrow is another day.

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