Nathan told me I should rant on here instead of to him. He feels similarly.
This energy connection I have, does it really matter. Will it really ever mean anything in my daily life.
It’s similar to when I feel the Divine, my connection to God. Yet it’s different enough that I know it must belong to someone else.
At least when I feel God I know whatever I’m doing at that moment is valid and of highest good, even when it may seem otherwise on the surface.
But the connection I share with whomever this other being is, seems useless. It gets me passionate and loving and all fired up, to just fizzle in more of the same mundane BS I see every day.
Right now I’m torn. If this person ever did show up I’m stuck between one of two reactions.
Behind door number one: deep intense hugs and kisses and wanting to land on them, but maintaining enough restraint to make them work for it.
Behind door number two: a swift kick to the balls, and possibly some slapping of sense into them, for stringing me along for so damn long.
I want the first so very much, but with each passing instance of feeling them and getting nothing, I am very much inclined to do the later.
I really wish they were reading my words. Maybe it would get something through to him/them. Right now I want to scream use your effing words! Pick up the damn phone. I’m not hard to find if you really cared to know me for real.
As it is I spend this mother’s day only feeling their energy. It is what it is I suppose.
I spent 5 hours of my day working, almost done with that. Spent 3 hours with my kids, and enjoyed Ian resting on my lap, and snuggling with Katherine. I did henna on my left palm. Literally an “out of the blue” whim, something fun to do. All things considered, other than my frustration over the silent treatment, my mother’s day has gone ok.
May you all have wonderful mother’s days.I’ll leave you with a few pictures of my family and henna.