It happened again.

This time different resident and different message person.

………..,………

This resident asked me about the new medicine for cancer, the one that heals cancer. Even though she doesn’t have cancer, she has MS.

She said can you tell my kids about that. Where’s the form I fill out, how do I fill out the form. Can you tell them how to do that. I know I have an appointment but I can’t remember when or where it is. Can you tell your daughter to tell my kids I don’t remember my appointment.

Please don’t leave me in here, where do I go from here. Can I go with you?

I just want to go to sleep and not wake up, can you help me with that. Can you give me medicine so I go to sleep and don’t wake up.

……………,…………..

The resident had severe pain all down her left side, so intense she started crying. I was working with her right next to the nurses station, so the nurse worked on getting some morphine for her.

She continued talking…. I did my best to explain my work and what I’m able to do without saying too much in front of a nurse. I ended with: it’s up to you and God and I’m certain God would rather you not suffer. You just have to give yourself permission to do that.

…………………………………

If you read this it’s CarT treatment at KU Med, reserved for those that have had 2 other treatments fail or have run out of the ability to do more chemo/radiation. I’m pretty sure you qualify and the most difficult aspect is getting it approved for coverage.

….,…………………….

On another note, if we’re able to contact and tell your kids we will.

I was hurt and Nathan was hurt, but our hurts are nothing in comparison to your suffering. I can’t stand to see anyone suffer. I would love nothing more than for you to find healing on multiple levels. If you survive and wish to speak to me, I will listen and we can go from there. If you choose to exit, that’s your decision. Either way I wish for you to find less pain and some sort of healing/release. Be well, and you are loved.

The most important acknowledgement is that I/we wouldn’t have been hurt if I/we hadn’t loved you.

Rest for now.

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