Processing…

Like Windows 3.1

First, because I can:

MC Yogi’s “Be The Change” The song is available on most streaming services, and I bought it through GooglePlay Music for .99. I highly recommend it.

Secondly:

Mumford and Sons with Baaba Maal “There Will Be Time” and “Si Tu Veux”

These are also available through most streaming services especially for purchase via GooglePlay Music.

I start with these songs, because this week in particular they are resonating with me very, very strongly. They always have, as least as long as I have known of them, but it seems that it has intensified this week. As have many things.

Last week my attention was brought to a book I am familiar with from my childhood. “A Wrinkle in Time” by Madeleine L. Engle. First I heard discussion of it among others in talking about the movie being on Netflix. Then I had mentioned it to my teenager, as an if you haven’t already you should read it. Then one of my elderly clients was rambling and interjected it without any clarification. It stuck out as though it didn’t pertain to anything else she was saying. As soon as I acknowledged that it had to be a message, my husband texted that he had seen a flyer for a local theatre group doing it as a play.

My response: FINE! I’ll re-read the book.

I did, and it took me about 6 hours over 4 days.

I was assaulted over and over with how many things in my existence seem to be from that book. I am always searching for my “Happy Medium”. I feel like the main character Meg quite often. I have many moments in my life where strange things occur that I should be saying “that’s weird” but seem to feel like it’s normal for me. I often find myself wishing for someone or something like Meg’s mother stating “Just because we don’t understand it with our human minds doesn’t mean there isn’t an explanation.”

Even things like numbers that appeared in the book repeating in my daily life, and the one character speaking in other’s languages seems to have carried into my understanding of my languages.

Above and beyond it all, is my search, my quest to destroy IT.

IT has manifested as depression and anger/rage in my life. I know I need to kill IT with LOVE, but it seems like that is a far more repetitive process than the book implied. One that I find myself still questing after to this day, albeit less intensely than when that journey started.

I read the book when I was very young. Much younger than the audience it is intended for. I think I was about 8 or 9 when I read it, and it was one of many books, having also plowed through the entire CS Lewis “Lion, Witch, and Wardrobe” series. Yet this book seems to have stuck on a very deep level. It was so intense re-reading the book so many years later, that at several points I found myself stopping to wipe tears away.

There were a few moments while reading that I could literally hear someone commenting on what I was reading that it meant more for me than the words on the page. I literally heard that this was my key, that what I needed was in that book. That it meant mountains to me, and that I had very special gifts. There was a reason I am good at multiple things including math, science, and language and have an innate ability to provide healing to others. My unique set of talents were very important to the universe. I just need to figure out how.

The line I am still repeating to myself: “Everyone has talents, it is how you use them that matters.”

Now I am processing. And Processing. And Processing.

Very slowly.

Fortunately in a couple of days I’ll have plenty of time for processing.

So far at the moment, I feel the link between that and other positive triggers in my life such as “Stranger in a Strange Land” by Robert A. Heinlein and the afore mentioned CS Lewis series. Even somehow there is a link to my resonance with “Roll of Thunder Hear My Cry” and “Siddhartha”. I’m just having a devil of a time knowing what I am grasping at. Much like Meg when the sisters explained Tessering to her. I think I got it just for a moment, but not enough to explain it properly to another. Sadly after having re-read the book I think I understand the concept of Tessering better than what I am grasping at for myself.

So much so, that I began to wonder, is that a real possibility. I’ve had numerous conversations with people about how Heinlein was a genius that wrote of things that we are now working on making real. What if Ms. Engle had somehow tapped into a thought wave that was based in possibilities. She was writing a kids book, but now we are researching the real possibility of teleportation. What if Tesseract or Tessering is a real possibility that no one has put dollars into researching, and if so the ramifications of the book give a pretty clear warning of what could possibly go wrong in such experimentation. It also instills hope that once accomplished and perfected it would literally unleash a universe of possibilities. So, though scary, it brings hope in its wake.

It also makes me think of discussions I’ve had with people exploring the possibility of Quantum jumping. That by focused thought alone we could jump to an alternate timeline, and alternate reality of your own spirit. The theory leads to the possibility of leaps in improvement. I have often thought of those concepts as: it sounds too good to be true; but is it?

Are we limiting ourselves by disbelief because we simply don’t understand the how of its possibility. Can one find belief without understanding? That is a rhetorical question, mainly for myself. I struggle with faith when I allow myself to believe in the unknown. Often flip flopping like a fish on the deck of a boat, hoping to flop myself back into the comfort of the water of knowing.

What if it really is as simple as convincing yourself of your belief and then adding LOVE?

It seems too easy, but that as my wonderful husband pointed out, is because I have been well convinced by my parents and society that it has to be hard. I have been well trained that working hard is the best and only way, and boy have I mastered that one to get pittance of results in the means that were promised (finances, success, power).

Perhaps the thread I am working at pulling on means simply to let go and let things be simple. Let my beliefs build and give them faith and LOVE. Trust myself and the divine. Perhaps I will be the one to allow myself to Tesser, and when science comes and rescues my arse, I’ll have a lot of explaining to do!

Until that day, I’ll start with some more practical beliefs, and perhaps just allow that maybe, just maybe Tessering or Quantum Jumping is a real possibility that I may or may not figure out.

May you all find your moments of knowing regardless of understanding, find the path where your particular set of talents serve the divine in their highest good, and find the faith to trust the divine process. Above all, may you find your LOVE for yourself and everything else, including your beliefs.

As Above, So Below. So Mote it Be. Siva Hir Su.

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