One of my residents is Mrs. Complaint. She finds a way to complain about literally every little thing. I’ve discovered that it’s because she used to be in charge of things and now has nothing to fill her time.
I told her today, “It’ll get there, just give it time.”, when she she was expressing frustration over her puzzle. I followed it up with “it will eventually become clear”.
It’s amazing to me the echo I hear sometimes. I’ve told myself those very same things.
Yet, when I tell myself I feel like I’m a liar, but when I tell others it’s in knowing the truth behind the words.
How is it I can know the truth for another but second guess myself and get stuck on my own thoughts? It happens so frequently sometimes that I wonder what time warp I am in.
Maybe I’m just being like Mrs. Complaint and really I just need to make up an excuse to think about other things for a bit. Or even just think about those things differently. Of course, I give that a try to just cycle back around to my worries, frets, and frustrations.
I know I’m doing much better, but I would so much like to fix my broken record player. Or even just have it get stuck on more constructive helpful thoughts.
Perhaps that’s just a little more practice away from happening.
For now, in this moment of recognition, I choose to give myself the love that I’ve given to those others holding pieces of my heart. I may not be able to completely reclaim those pieces, nor do I really want to, but I can chip away at healing by loving myself just the same.
May you find your broken record stuck on love of self. May you feel the knowing of time healing all wounds, and may you release the worries, frets, and frustrations, a little at a time, to find moments of peace.
Be well. Siva Hir Su.