My old friends: exhaustion, soreness, and sullen came to visit.
Exhaustion and soreness from a heavy work week, I think I did 18 hours of deep tissue and another 16 of lighter massage. Oooffff.
Sullen was the closest I could come up with that wasn’t quite deppresed. Having been on that journey I can tell I’m a step or 2 up from it.
With having had such a heavy week, I just don’t have the energy to fight my mental demons, and the grief I’ve been having over missing my ghoster (believing he’s gone for good), has pulled me down into tears- over and over again.
I’m doing my damndest to pull up on my own, but every step my feet get heavier. Food allergies only compounded matters.
So I’m soaking in my tiny tub with a whole bag of Epsom salts in the water.
The title line: coming fromSimon and Garfunkel’s “Sound of Silence” song, about meditation reminded me to give it a try. But that song is so damn accurate. I silence my stupid brain to have a whole host of helpful insiders chime in. I appreciate the help, but right now, in this moment, I kinda liked the idea of neutral- nothing, nada, zip, zilch, none, no-one, still, quiet, zoned out. *Sigh.*
So I gave up to write… now. Except I don’t have much to write about.
I was supposed to be watering my seeds of Atira, but instead I’m feeling rejected and heart broken and like no one really understands me. But I know I did it to myself. I let myself give love again. I let myself feel them. I let myself dream. I let myself get hurt.
Now I’m speechless… reaching for another solution.
Maybe you’ll have better luck finding quiet in your brain and solutions for your self-hurts.
I’m still arguing with Shiva mentally, so I don’t think invoking that aspect of God here would be of any help. Maybe I’ll make up and fix it later. & I also like the disturbed version of the song too. G’nite.