First Bulbs

Planted
Waiting
New hopes still dormant
Sun's rays warm
Water falls to nourish
Cold nights yet inhibit
Vulnerable aspirations
Anticipation of beauty
Expectations of growth
Excitement withheld
Too early to tell
Even small dreams can be destroyed
A countdown begun
Finite time
Easy to measure
Success or failure
Hope for the former
Mitigated by reality
Halfway is okay
Partial success still
Better Than
None at all
Cross fingers
Wait
Watch
Birds and squirrels
The only signs of life
Will the dirt become the beautiful garden
               -TC

Garden is started, but I’m short time and temper. I’m burnt around the edges and wishing I had a clone of myself. Or two or 3. I’ve added topsoil to the primary bed around our big tree in front and planted elephant ear bulbs and coleus bulbs around it. Smaller flower beds along our sidewalk have been started but not finished, gladiolus bulbs already in one side, but other bulbs have yet to be planted. I don’t have steam or time to finish this week, and hope my body will keep trucking. I must not be a good manager because every time I ask for things from Nathan I am disappointed by incomplete results and kids causing yet more trouble. There is only so much of me and because of Nathan’s health I’m trying to do my jobs, his responsibilities, and somehow fit self-care and self-gratification into it all to not hate the world.

May you all find that you are enough. May you have capable support. May your kids behave (or kids in your experience). May you have enough time for self-care and self-gratification. May you feel replenished occasionally enough to enjoy your life and your world. May you feel appreciated.

Siva Hir Su

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