To distract oneself.

Today, I’ve found myself frustrated that I am not able to make big decisions.

On one level I feel like we’re trying to pull a scenario like Bio-Dome on retirement communities. If it weren’t so rediculous from first hand experience, I could find it funny. Yet stupid things like residents wanting to sit outside and enjoy beautiful weather, except upper management deemed it too risky initially and stowed all the deck chairs. I know we have now discovered that UV light helps kill it and transfer risks are reduced outdoors, so I would have put the damn chairs out a week ago. Alas it is not my decision to make, so I do my best to soothe upset residents. They know I am not worried, never was, and my intelligent responses have started to soothe their fears, but it’s far from the ideal I desire.

Then there are things like the Feds telling states and hospitals to solve their own problems and then intercepting those supplies slowing the flow yet again. See Here and here. I just wish I could be on TV pointing out the idiocy of that move. It was either just plain dumb or an intentional move to try and make matters worse. Either way that shit needs to stop.

However, even with situations like those, I have my own health journey to focus on and my puzzle needs no added stress. So I’m doing my level best to stay either distracted or on happy topics.

So today I am filling all my extra time working on a bigger drawing project. It will end up 2 9×12 ink drawings based on the concept of Atira. I’m working on an ad like image for the temple and business park. Here’s a teaser:

Finally I wish to spend a few minutes in appreciation.

  • I appreciate that there are individuals in charge that do know the real risks and data and practical measures to solve the problem. I look forward to more of those people letting their voices be heard in a bigger way, and news outlets enabling it.
  • I appreciate that I am intelligent to know what is right and proper and not allow fears to dictate illogical decisions…. I didn’t have a mask on yesterday because of the hives on my face, someone wearing a mask apologized for getting too close to me. I simply explained it’s mask or 6 feet, you don’t need to worry about trying to do both, and that I’m not worried about either knowing I’m well beyond having been exposed several times after actually having been sick in February. They replied: I guess you’re right. …Why that information isn’t common knowledge is beyond me.
  • I am glad that I am healthy enough that a new virus bounced off of me no worse than the flu, and even my thyroid concerns feel like something I will be able to fully heal.
  • I am super happy that I made it through, what for Kansas City was an unnecessary extended lock down. I suspect that their projections are far off for Kansas City. Yes, there will be more people get sick, but I believe that it will be a fraction of projections based on the known-unknown viral-illnesses of January and February. We’ve simply already dealt with the worst of it before any shut downs even happened.
  • I am glad that my whole family is happy and healthy.
  • I am appreciative of the extra time I have had with my children.
  • I have enjoyed extra time with my husband as well.
  • I am grateful that I have been able to spend time in my gardens.
  • I am grateful that I have the necessary skills to do many things. I came across a graphic arts position I am well qualified for and could likely get, but would require relocation. I am satisfied in the knowing that I could apply for the position, but would rather stay where I am.
  • That caused an internal dialogue of all of the things in my current experience that I do know how to do. I could literally work all but 4 positions within the independent living retirement community without any training. I could work all of the non-medical positions in AL. Even a for a typical CNA, I have all the hands on knowledge, I’m merely lacking the official transcripts and test scores to prove it. Beyond that I have worked as a caregiver which duties for that overlap much of what CNA’s do in a less official way. I know how to transfer patients, I know proper lifting techniques, I know proper precautions in many situations, and even how to administer breathing treatments and insulin. I am very skilled and at this point I am able to choose what I do for income. That knowing causes a wonderful sense of accomplishment and healthy pride.
  • I respect my own skills and desires enough to step back and weigh all the data before making decisions.
  • I am appreciative of the knowing that I can literally do anything I want. I have even considered getting my masters degree, only needing a year of school to complete it, funding is literally the only barrier, and a hesitation of not really wanting to go back to school again.
  • I respect that I nearly always accomplish on my own levels of activity and work that others often would consider too much. My “I can do it on my own” mentality has protected my family time and time again.
  • I am intelligent, strong, have massive perseverance, and all things considered do my best to avoid being too complaint oriented.
  • I love myself and I’m getting better and better at showing it to myself.
  • I’m better at controlling my emotions and thoughts. That is allowing my life to gradually improve.
  • I am healing my brain and my body, based on good research and my intuitive knowing of what works for me.
  • My connection to the divine guides me as often as I take the time to listen. That is the best part of everything.

May you have minimal frustrations. May you have wonderful distractions and joyful desires. May you find your focus and the resulting improvement. May you have more good days than bad, and know our world is safe. May you appreciate the perfection of natural processes. May you have pleasant days and many good dreams. May your biggest desires be reachable. May you know you can do anything.

Siva Hir Su

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