Slowing down.

I fell again yesterday….. Again! …. Right?!

The chiropractor was kind enough to adjust me again today, and provided a reminder I need to slow down and be conscious of caring for myself. I replied “I know, I promised I would slow down, but it’s so hard when I’ve spent so many years trying to do everything.”

It is though, falls are always God’s attempt at slowing me down. Sadly, or is it thankfully, they always work. So tonight I’m nursing angry muscles, partly from the fall and partly from the corrective adjustment. As I lay with a tennis ball wedged against my left psoas muscle, I’m catching up on watching notification videos, and the following was a powerful one.

Watch “Jacob Lee – Oceans (Official Music Video)” on YouTube

I really feel that one. Sometimes I do feel exactly how the singer did, especially in these crazy times where fear over a singular disease has caused all of society to cease real living. But it seems I’m getting better and better at finding my source, my inner always present divine half. The half that never leaves me, but sometimes it’s awfully hard to see or feel.

I went nearly 2 decades fighting off suicidal depression, and in the last five years I’ve found alignment more than not. I still have boughts of severe depression, but they’re shorter and shorter now, knowing all of my triggers and how to fix being in the hole. That information is priceless and I still look forward to the day I find total healing and those days disappear altogether.

I know I’m on the right track, and right now I’m literally throwing every tool I know at finding healing. It’s part of the reason God wants me to slow down, I am doing so much I probably need to give myself a breather and let my system catch up.

It made me a little mad though because I’ve now missed two days of workouts, the fall happening 90 min before my projected workout, and the aftermath making exercise a physical impossibility.

At one time I hated exercise because it was so difficult for me, now I miss it. At one time I hated running because it was so hard, no I look forward to making friends with it knowing it’s starting to help. At one point I hated cilantro, now I love it for it’s detoxifying effects having started the healing in my brain. There are so many things that I have a much much greater appreciation for, all because they help me feel better and they are slowly healing my brain and my body.

I wish that for everyone.

Beyond my gratitude over those solutions, I have immense gratitude for all of the people, current and past, that have helped me find solutions or fix me when my efforts are not enough or applicable (especially the chiropractor today). Those people that rescued me when I needed it most. Many were one time helpers, few have helped me repeatedly, but all were pricelessly valuable.

May you all see your worth. May you love your gifts from God. May you understand your challenges and love the solutions. May you live life to the fullest, and know that food is a tiny fraction of what that means. May you give back to the divine by helping others find the solutions they need. May you show gratitude for the people in your life that help you implement those solutions. May you love exercise and all of the things that enable you to live a greater life. May your greater living not only be more enjoyable, but of greater assistance to the world. May we all work together to create a better world for us all.

Siva Hir Su శివ హిర్ సు

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