Asking Forgiveness

I am truly sorry for any and all transgressions I have committed, knowingly and unknowingly. I never meant anyone harm.

The only harm that was ever intentional was that which was aimed at myself in my deepest despair. I have never meant to harm anyone else.

In fact most of those that I now fear hate me, were those that I really wanted to love me. Yet, even though those few have never talked to me in years since their absence, I still miss them.

The last few years I’ve had a connection to someone that I knew wasn’t completely truthful. I still don’t have the full story. Yet, I think I may have figured at least a portion of it out. (Probably as good as it gets with my limited technological skills.) For a long time I kept getting a message from the other side/divine, that our exchange started as revenge and they never expected to care about me. I simply couldn’t figure out who wanted revenge that badly, as I just wanted love, and never wanted to hurt anyone.

I think I now know, but it’s just educated guessing. It makes me sad because the people I believe to be involved, I held in very high regard. I cared for them and never wanted them to leave.

Even with my current educated guessing and the sadness it stirs. I still love them- both the person I connected with (that wasn’t supposed to care), and the likely originator. Gender doesn’t matter, time doesn’t matter, my heart still cares.

I wish I could undo my role of unknowing hurtfulness. I wish I could convince them that I do love them. That I still care and always did. But like many things of late, I am realizing I can’t fix it. I’m sorry to them and to God that I am in this difficult spot. May I be forgiven, and one-day perhaps they will see me as I intended.

May you know that you did your best. May you know that your caring was more important than your transgressions. May you know you are forgiven for your mistakes. May you understand and accept your inability to change others. May you love them even when it seems they want revenge, and possibly hate you. May you find unconditional love for others, but especially for yourself. May you know you are loved and that God cares for you.

Siva Hir Su

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