Results of giving up.

I ate all the things. Save for one bell pepper: my brain remembered they make me wheeze and I told it “I’m sorry, I really like you, but I would like to breathe for now.”

I enjoyed every bite of comfort.

I gorged until my belly was midly sore. I felt fat, but I already gave into that. I am, despite efforts for years to the contrary, I might as well enjoy it for the moment. I might change my mind later if God let’s me live longer, and that’s okay.

I hugged my husband tight, who knows how many more of those I’ll have with the deal I just made (see last post).

I won’t go to doctors again unless they drag me in an ambulance, and even then I doubt they’ll truly fix anything, just buy some time. That’s all Allopathic medicine ever does, even though they scare you into thinking otherwise.

I smelled the roses, they were from my last tiff with Nathan. It was induced by an allergic reaction to tasty food combined with a mental trigger ingrained by childhood experiences. Hopefully, it will be my last tiff with him, but hopefully there will be more flowers regardless.

I really looked for what I want right now.

I couldn’t find an answer beyond wanting comfort and high vibrational stuff, and thought that somehow those were not the same thing.

I sat in my car for my lunch break, planning to take my usual walk around the pond. I decided to play with my camera on my phone and got distracted with selective focus. Now I write this. There’s 30 min left, I’ll wrap up and get a short walk in.

May you just give up and enjoy what you have right now. May we all quit fighting and trying to be right or make others wrong. May we reach for living the best we can not knowing how long we have. May you appreciate all the things. May you understand all the things you aren’t supposed to do, eat, be, say; they’re all because someone else decided they were bad. Sometimes there isn’t a solution, and we all die eventually, was it worth it if you never enjoyed what you ate or did? What if you hurt others along the way, too many times to count? There is a happy medium you can reach for on pretty much any topic. Do what you want as long as it reaches for good and for better, and sometimes that is enjoying food, and sometimes that is reaching for a healthy alternative. May God help us live enjoyable lives even when we do something wrong, and may God help us right our wrongs. May you find peace and know you are loved and supported.

Om Shanti

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