“What Would You Say”

What would you say came on when I had my mp3’s on shuffle. It made me think, what would I say? This is where I started, where I’m at:

Shit sucks sometimes. Sometimes things don’t go the way you think they should have. Sometimes things don’t pan out right. Sometimes you don’t get what you want.

BUT

If you focus on that side, it just creates an additional layer of misery on top of already not being the happy perfect ending you wanted.

There is no reason to torture yourself further. Look for the good and at least feel better.

Besides, even shit can have an upside. Literally, shit keeps the ecosystem functional. Animals eat poo, bugs eat poo, it fertilizes plants, there’s even been solid science where one person’s poo helps another heal- icky but true.

But seriously, even metaphorical shit can have a bonus. My shitty past has led me to try extra hard to be kind, loving, and supportive. I accept people where they are and do my level best to help without judgement. I’m still human and far from perfect, but I try that much harder because I was judged so heavily at times when I just needed caring support, and none was to be found (even/especially in childhood).

Everyone deserves someone to care and help in times that they need it most.

My father blames Nathan for everything, and others think I settled. But what they all miss is that I chose the person that could be real with me. The person that could be honest and fully accept me as I am. He leaves doors open for possibilities (polyamory, magic, faith), and unconditionally loves me even in my worst moments. He does his best to demonstrate, show and tell me of his love. Further than that I do feel his love and his importance in my life.

He gave me two beautiful children, which have been full of learning lessons. Health, food, fitness, time and stress management are all much more understood because of birthing children. I’m doing my best to be a good example and not force anything on any of my children. I’m doing my best to be kind, loving, and unconditionally accept them and show them by my choices how to help themselves. I care and want the best for them, but see and understand that they are perfectly capable creators already. I would rather show them how to create their own happiness, than tell them what that should look like, or force anything on them.

The shit sucked, massively at times, but I learned ways around just about everything. I sustained a business on nothing but a box of business cards, and started it when we were living on food stamps. Imagine what I could do with millions. I like that thought!

My point is, for most people it’s not worth giving up and throwing in the towel. Most people still have an opportunity to try again and reach for better, and that is the most important thing. Yet, when you’re in the shit storm it’s easy to loose sight of the silver lining. Just keep reminding yourself that there is a buried nugget of good somewhere and it’s worth digging for. Ickiness will eventually reward you somehow.

For now, my reaching for good is remembering good things with my chosen family, the few happy memories of childhood, snuggling pets, and walks in parks.

Today is the beginning of the full moon, and we’re hours from the start of all hallows eve followed by the day of the dead.

The veil is thin and tensions are high for most of America and the world. Even without watching any news for months (over a year probably) I am aware of every woe, every fear, everything the news is scaring people over. But I am very aware of the other side of the veil rooting for us to find that better place. 2020 is different, change has definitely sucked this year, but it is because we have bigger challenges than previous years, and it’s not just because of politics or disease.

I am aware of how many more people are finally admitting their sensitivity to the energetic and unseen world. It doesn’t mean older generations didn’t have that experience, it just means they didn’t talk about it if they did. It does make me wonder and I have difficulty understanding aspects from the ‘if you were sensitive to divine energy then how could you possibly believe_____’.

However, I’m just more concerned that there are so many like me, feeling things and sensing things, but not having a full vocabulary or tool-set to manage it. We are literally flying blind and learning as we go, and 2020 made that a massively huge undertaking.

Just know there will be an end in sight and when we clear that other side we will figure out where the nugget of gold was hiding. In the meantime, do your best to ground, center, clear the junk, and reach for better.

Use this Hallows Eve and Day of the Dead to reach for better and ask support of all our ancestors that know the tricks to manage our sensitivity. Take advantage of the thin veil to get extra support from the unseen. It’s been ages since October has seen 2 full moons, and even longer since a full moon on Halloween. It’s significant, and it may just be the boost we all need to clear the hurdle of 2020’s shit. Focus on good and focus on help from the spirit world, we all need it more than ever. Let yourself clear so your light can shine more brightly and help us all see our way through the shit storm.

Ren Po Shun, Om Shanti

Below pictures of adorable Katherine; Nathan working on my legs when dad’s energetic junk was piled on top of slight dehydration; and my walk just now through Minor Park (south Kansas City Missouri).

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