I was working on finding my joy, my connection to God. Intrusive thoughts were hampering that, and I got stuck on one.
But because I was headed towards better, I saw them in a whole different light. I thought, if people love their guns so much, why don’t they want to experience them fully?
If you really loved guns, you would want to hold them, caress them, fondle them, kiss them. And if you were really, really in love with guns you would want to experience them as fully as you could. So while you were kissing it, you’d just pull the trigger and it would take you to God instantly. That is the truest fullest expression of experience of the thing called a gun. That would be the ultimate experience of that creation.
Yet, people that swear they love guns can never bring themselves to fully experience it.
You know what I love?
I love art and music and cuddling kitties and seeing my kids smile. I love relaxing in sunshine and playing with my children. I love seeing my husband smile and relax. I love love. I love companionship. I love yoga, comfortable exercise, and being healthy. I love helping others heal and relax and feel better.
Did you know that all of my things take me to God too?
I let myself do them as much as I can, and I experience them in as many ways as possible, and as often as possible. Yet, I’m not sure that any single one of my loves could take me to God as fully as the gun. I’m not sure I could ever find so much joy and pleasure in any one of my desires that I would get to release to God immediately.
Oh, I’ve tried.
I have immersed myself in art so much that a whole day disappears, and I never ate or drank or even needed to go to the bathroom. My mind only registered art.
I have immersed myself in music enough to loose a few hours at a time.
I immersed myself in birthing two children. With my son I barely noticed 12.5 hours had passed. With my daughter I barely noticed 24 hours passed.
I have immersed myself in work at several points in my adult life and looked back to a whole year having passed and saying “where did the time go?”.
But never has one of my loves taken me all the way to God, wholly and completely.
The gun, it’s unique. If you are willing to experience it as fully as it was intended, it’ll take you straight to God.
Maybe we should all make love to the gun.
Or maybe that’s why we’re so damn afraid of it.
We’re afraid of what God would say if we experienced it fully and completely. If that’s the case, why do you love them?
Things that seem questionable to me are not things that I find love and joy in. I have tried things as an adult I knew immediately felt wrong. I have avoided things that didn’t even need tested or tried to feel wrong. My body tells me things it doesn’t love and I walk away from them as best as I’m able, even when it’s inconvenient.
If it feels good and feels better that is what we are supposed to reach for, to the fullest of our ability. No matter what that is. No matter if it is daunting, challenging, inconvenient, or expensive. If it brings joy, go there, fully and completely and it will connect you with God to the fullest of it’s ability. All of this world is creation, and all of it has a place for some reason, experience it as fully as you are able.
Food for thought.
May you know what you truly love, and be able to experience it fully. May your loves take you as close as possible to God. May you know God loves you, and supports everything that you really love.
Siva Hir Su