Need to shut off.

I know that I’m picking up on someone, and it’s making it hard for me.

There’s been a whole bunch of really old posts being read. I’m not certain if it’s my stalker father or one of a few other people, but whoever it is, I can feel their state of being. That gives me a knowing it is someone I once cared for intensely, probably during the time those posts were written.

If it’s Dad, he’s lost some of the chaos I usually feel from him. So that could mean some improvement for him, or really that it is just another person.

Regardless, my antenna is picking up on several things. A desire to run away. A desire to die, the sentiment “how do I just let go all the way and wake up on the other side”. A desire to sleep endlessly. A desire to give up and let go all together. Thoughts about: God is supposed to be able to heal anything, but we have to be able to let God in; and what if we’re all so broken that we can’t let God in. Maybe that’s why everyone is dieing, God needs to start over fresh with not so broken people.

This is piled on top of my own regular stress and physical experience. My body is in pain from the ribcage up, and that is after having had my massage on Friday.

From about T8 to the top of my head just about every trigger point is flared up. So, from the floating ribs down I’m mostly okay. The image below is a section of the Smolders trigger point chart, which hangs on the wall of my office. The X’s are the trigger points, and the swaths of colors show where you feel pain or other symptoms like tingling.

In my last quick post I mentioned my neck had locked up when I took some supplements to try and clear out food allergy reactions. Nathan worked on it, I worked on it and most of yesterday I thought it was solved.

When I got home last night I did my Epsom Salt bath and had Nathan try to get to the subscapularis trigger point figuring it was likely the root cause.

This morning I woke to being in an even worse state and having mild dizziness. I got to work, and while sanitizing the office I bent over and just about face planted on the floor. The dizziness flared in a big way. So I wrapped up sanitizing and asked for an adjustment. My neck was soooo tight.

So, I proceeded to spend every gap between clients using my TheraCane again. At which point I had visited every trigger point from ribcage up, both front and back. They are all angry.

At this point the dizziness has calmed and I have applied biofreeze to my neck to be functional. I’m still frustrated that I have done this much physical manipulation, been extra clean on diet, and I’m still in pain, stiff and functionally dizzy. I certainly don’t need anyone else’s crap on top of it, when they haven’t bothered to do anything good in my life for quite some time now.

The chiropractor asked me about the dizziness. I explained the common causes for me and that it isn’t really frequent, but often enough to be obnoxious and horribly inconvenient. He said to keep up on the self care and explore all the options.

I haven’t talked to anyone about the energetics of my world and their impact. It’s frequently too much for me to figure out and handle, so why bother overwhelming others. Yet it does leave me feeling lonely at times.

Plus, I’m not sure how much of my neck/shoulder stuff is the greater energetic ripple, as God has sent me over a dozen people in the past few workdays that all had the same region in a similar state of being. Perhaps it is just a cosmic ripple that me and all my clients have been affected by. Maybe none of us could have avoided it, who knows, oh yeah- God.

It doesn’t help that between it all, I’ve had thoughts of people whom I was certain were going to be significant in my world by now. They aren’t and I gave up a while ago, but I still care and wish I didn’t.

On one hand if I cycle back to those vivid psychic dreams of years ago, they still produce joy. On the other I feel like it’s a delusional fantasy and not really helpful.

The american man I care for doesn’t seem to truly give a rats ass about me, staying professional and detached, so when my signal got stuck on the other person’s desire to run away, I thought: “no really, that is a good idea, no one would really miss me for long” thinking of him in particular. I had similar moments with thoughts of the other two.

Anyways, it is all just too much today. I want to shut off for a while and ignore everyone for a long while. If I go home kids and pets and husband and housemate will want attention. If I go somewhere else, it’s still freaking cold outside, so I’d have to spend money on a latte for some quiet time. I don’t know.

Clarity is lacking and I am doing my best to stay up even with aches and other people’s energetic influences. These days it seems it takes everything I’ve got to stay afloat in a dark sea of societal stress, fear, and tension. I want to be the light and keep helping God, but it’s very difficult to maintain at the moment.

May you find ways to maintain your buoyancy. May you see good in your world. May you find peace and relaxation when you need it. May you be kind to yourself first and others you love a close second. May you find a way to disconnect from the things that cause your life to have more strife or difficulties. May you know that God loves and supports you.

Om Shanti

About Treasa Cailleach

I'm a massage therapist working with chiropractic and the elderly; musician, artist, pagan, mom, B of LGBTQ, & polyamorous professional.

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