I should be sleeping, but I’m writing when I really wanted to quit writing on here.
My last post was about the why of wanting to quit.
This post is because a bedtime Abraham meditation is stuck in my cogs at 2am.
There’s a line in the guided meditation that says essentially if you feel that another is attacking you, it is only because they are upset at themselves and you’re allowing your own disconnection.
But that isn’t explaining my current events, and I’d really like Abraham or someone to clarify.
I don’t remember how far back exactly. It seems about two months ago. There was a day from hell for me, but where a whole mess of posts about different people had been read. Because it was a day from hell I hadn’t done anything online until well after the dust settled, and at that point I wondered if the two had been connected.
My only way to tell was to try and watch.
So if I’d start my day and things were going smoothly I’d look, and invariably there’d be no views or just one or two to my main page, like someone finding me through wordpress reader.
However, if chaos hits it’s a whole different story, and with variations.
One type of wave looks like this:
Dog starts barking frantically. If he’s inside he tries to hug me or climb into my lap. Kids will simultaneously start running, often in circles, yelling. Often at each other, but sometimes it’s like they start chanting mommy/daddy. Sometimes Ian will say something strange like he’s channeled someone else. A few times Katie has done an odd action likewise (example: one time she pinched my nipples- not something I ever expect, especially from a two year old). Then Nathan, Anya and I will get exasperated with trying to function around it and full discord ensues with everyone yelling and/or arguing. Nathan and I are getting better at catching this wave more quickly and trying to solve it energetically. If we do catch it quickly sometimes we can curb the full discord portion. But everytime we’ve caught it and curbed it, there have been old posts read about my desires and dreams that had involved the duo.
The dad variation is very similar, but every bit of human interaction ends up being laced with intense negative arguing. The kids will be full out screaming at each other and fighting over things. Nathan and I will have communication failures. My end of the arguments will even start sounding like shit my father would have said. Nathan always catches that one, knowing it doesn’t even sound like me. When Nathan catches it, smudging begins to clear our home. Once normal returns I check and invariably old posts regarding him have been read.
I want to make very clear here. I have the face-to-face chaotic interactions, and afterwards I note the old posts being read.
It’s very intense and very hard to handle. Most often it’s negative, occasionally is purely just chaotic. We solve the experienced waves by doing energetic clearing of our home, often a combination of smudge sticks and Reiki, and it works every time we catch it.
The other current negatives usually just affect only me, and I end up fighting sour mood or body ailments, until I can ground in nature or do a salt bath. Those moments I feel like are the people I currently function with (the ones I mentioned hate each other), especially if my body holds specific spots associated with one of them, but sometimes I think it’s just a symptom of collecting some of everyone I come in contact with.
If I’m not being attacked energetically, then why does it affect my entire family including pets?
If it’s just my own vibration dipping too far, then why does everyone around me begin arguing?
If it’s just my vibrational alignment, then why does smudging work so well to clear our home and settle everything back down to normal?
Only when is just in my own body do I feel like it’s my own vibrational lapse letting others’ junk in.
The latter I own and I’m trying to find solutions to allow any further impact, beyond my current actions of grounding or bath.
The former situations, I just want to end and have no idea how to stop it.
I want peace to return. This started shortly after having moved my dad to my sister’s, so I only had a brief reprieve of normal life. This mess is on top of Covid nonsense, on top of people dieing and committing suicide, on top of presidential election antics (old-white-man tantrums), on top of clients losing jobs, on top of economic disaster, on top of my own health journey, on top of a full work load for me.
Enough is enough.
Now does anyone wonder why I keep thinking about the damn shotgun?
May you find the peace you seek. May you be your own energetically sovereign self. May your family be unaffected by anyone out to get you. May your home be your safe zone and impervious to any outside influences. May we all get through 2020 with some semblance of sanity left. May the old, outdated, and negative die.