All the things.

This week I have done all the things to fix the depression I’ve been fighting.

  • I exercised as much as I could humanly fit in (4 times). It helped.
  • I meditated every day and focused on mantras while doing my sessions with clients. It helped.
  • I colored a picture between clients for decompression and a sigh of relief. I finally finished one I had started in June. It helped.
  • I watched all the P’s and Q’s of my dietary needs. It helped.
  • I finally got my sleep window back. The person that was staying with us left for a few days to try another possible solution for her. Her stuff and dog are still with us for the moment, but her sleep cycle was so off it had been affecting mine, and she was not able to correct that on her own. I hope her most recent choices are helping with that. I know having solid sleep again helped me a lot.
  • I did the infrared treatments with workouts. It helped.
  • I cuddled with kitties and played with my kids.
  • I took cannabis gummies CBD+THC as needed.
  • I took all my supplements and even resumed using progesterone cream. I started the cream back up after a bout of dizziness. After 2 adjustments, doc told me to do epley’s maneuver to try and fix it. After a few tries that solved much of the dizziness, but not all. So my next guess was low progesterone again. After a good heaping dose of cream the dizziness subsided. So now I’m doing my best to remember to use it every day again. I had to use it during pregnancy and between having my two children, but since Katherine was born I have not been good at using it consistently. Apparently I need to. It has helped.
  • I scheduled an appointment with a doc to get my thyroid meds renewed. I’ve been stretching doses and compensating with iodine and seaweed. It is not a perfect fix, so the script being renewed will help some. Even with the script my needs fluctuate. There is no perfect fix in western medicine, but the script does make it somewhat easier. It will help.
  • I will have some proper socializing this afternoon. The second instance in 9 months (outside of my mom’s visit and talking to my husband daily).
  • Finally, I righted my sunshine deprivation. I had gone too many days where all daylight hours were spent inside working. I sat with my eyes to the sun yesterday morning before my first client. It was about 40 min of glorious sunshine. It helped, but I took it a step further since we are in gloomy winter and sun is unreliable. So, after my workout last night, I made friends with a tanning bed for the first time in my life. My gym membership includes access to one, so I tried 5 min. I’m glad I started there as my sun starved skin turned a tinge pink. Between the two sources of light yesterday I do feel significantly better, and I told my husband it helped enough I will do it again.

With all 12 elements, I feel safely out of the hole, but there is still a lingering nagging blanket of negativity that I am aware of. The blanket is no longer threatening to silence me, but it hasn’t been destroyed. I still don’t know the source, only that it is taking literally every ounce of everything I’ve got to keep it at bay.

I now know for certain that I am capable of saving my own life, and I can and do frequently fight off depression on my own. This time I needed one person to take a relatively small action for me and it was a huge relief. I am glad that I reached out and asked for that help.

Most of the time I know that when depression wins, it’s because of a major failure on my part- usually with the diet exercise combo. This time I had had no such huge failures, even Thanksgiving was extremely close to my dietary needs. So, it still leaves me feeling like the negativity is external. Maybe it’s a sense of the collective still being in fear, maybe it’s a sense of those around me that are struggling, maybe it’s collecting too much from clients, and maybe it’s really some of all of it.

All I know is that I am having to do everything perfectly to even keep it at a safe distance.

Abraham tells us that with practice it’s supposed to get easier. For me it hasn’t. It’s easier for me to figure out how to fit everything in now, but the practice is as complex as ever, and having to be perfect is not evidence of becoming easier.

Where’s my ‘it gets easier’ Abraham?

Just curious.

Anyway, may you have easier, simpler puzzles to maintain your mental-health. May you have a generally easy go of life in general. May you be happy and healthy mostly. May you love and enjoy your life.

Om Shanti

About Treasa Cailleach

I'm a massage therapist working with chiropractic and the elderly; musician, artist, pagan, mom, B of LGBTQ, & polyamorous professional.

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