Yummy; icky.

Warning: story contains icky moment, still helpful.

Last night I made my favorite dish. Saag paneer.

We had a large amount of fresh greens from our garden and a pack of frozen spinach supplied enough extra to make a large family sized pot of Saag.

I substitute Cilantro/corriander and Sumac for the peppers since I can’t eat them. I have no measurements for all the seasonings, I just kinda know, pinches, dashes, big dashes, scoops. Then I adjust by taste testing, the list includes: garlic, onion, ginger, black and white peppercorns, salt, turmeric, cardamom, fennel, and Garam masala.

I also use Pumpfu instead of traditional Paneer. The Pumpfu is amazing because it has the same texture as paneer or tofu, but it is made from pumpkin seeds. Thus you skip the dairy of paneer and you skip the extra Estrogen and allergic reaction of soy based tofu. It’s great.

Anyway, we still serve my adjusted Saag with white rice, and I just try not to go too crazy with my rice levels. Did I mention it is my favorite dish? Healthy and tasty all in one!

Because of that I ate more than I normally do for dinner. I had two liberal servings, with my supplements and some green tea.

After dinner the dog wanted out of his kennel to join me for relaxation, and I went downstairs to release him. On the way back up the stairs I had an “oh shit” moment and had trouble breathing followed by an extreme desire to puke. I ran to the bathroom and did just that. Saag is only tasty one direction BTW.

Afterwards I had spasms across my abdomen and back and realized that my diaphragm and upper abdominals had seized up. After Nathan rubbed on them for a few minutes they calmed down.

I hit the realization that my over-eating combined with climbing the stairs had triggered the vomiting. It seems that my stomach has officially shrunk. I’m not used to being able to eat large quantities anymore.

I’m not certain whether to be thrilled over the accomplishment, or disappointed over the ramifications in regards to my favorite foods.

See I have spent years eating lots of food, and only the last 7 have I made concerted efforts to rein in my eating habits. So, to now acknowledge that my stomach is physically incapable of eating a large amount of even healthy food, is quite the feat. I skipped needing gastric bypass surgery all together. Yea!

So now that I have an awareness of my accomplishment I now need my tongue and brain to get on board and accept that fact. It doesn’t matter what I put in, as much as the quantity of it. I am now a nibbler.

To make up for last night I took a much smaller portion of the leftovers with me to work for my lunchtime snack. It was still quite tasty.

May you have good easy realizations of your progress. May your tummy cooperate with you, and may your tongue and brain always know when to stop. May you enjoy the things you love and be able to keep them down. May your progress always be worth it. May you enjoy life mostly, even and especially when certain elements manifest changes like this. May you see that you are doing the things that you desired. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti.

About Treasa Cailleach

I'm a massage therapist working with chiropractic and the elderly; musician, artist, pagan, mom, B of LGBTQ, & polyamorous professional.

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