I’m so very very tired.
I have hit my wall. I’m winding down for a very early bedtime.
I escaped having to cook anything serious for dinner by doing gluten free, dairy free quesadillas with Seite brand chips, carrots, and hummus & guacamole. It was adequate to fill bellies and make happy children. Nathan still doesn’t have much of an appetite so he ate part of his lunch leftovers (we stopped after I retrieved him from the hospital and before I had to be back at work).
Work was a little lighter than expected due to a cancellation, and I was so very grateful. My last client of the day had some very interesting conversation which was very helpful in finishing out my day, so I’m grateful for her too.
Last night when I had already started to hit my wall, I had emailed my 2nd job to turn in my resignation. I apologized profusely with full explanation and today the building manager sent well wishes and said she would be keeping us in her prayers. It is immensely appreciated and I don’t know how to effectively express my gratitude for her understanding. I really do like her and everyone I worked with there, it’s just too much for me right now. I’m grateful they understood.
Now that everyone has eaten dinner it seems my lack of sleep has finally fully caught up. It was more like a freight train speeding straight at me and I’m grateful that I managed to feed everyone before it hit.
Anya has conceded to putting littles to bed for us, and I’m grateful for that too.
Nathan was observed and poked and prodded for hours. The only difinitive possible cause to the seizure-like episode at 3 am was low blood pressure. None of their tests showed anything else. Yet they didn’t do anything for the low blood pressure, merely just let his previous dose of Amlodipine wear off. They didn’t even do a saline drip. I was baffled by the choice and progression. Later Nathan talked to his dialysis nurse and the dialysis doctor had him adjust slightly. We’ll see if it makes a difference. I begged him to avoid another 3am ER trip.
For now I need rest and recuperation. So does Nathan. I will work 2 more Saturdays and then I will have an extra half day each week. Hopefully we will experience a bit of long term relief.
May you avoid late night ER trips. May you have time off and rest when you need it. May you find you are able to handle everything as it comes. May you have gratitude for the support that flows your way when it is needed most. May life be okay for you. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.