Today we took the kids back to Wonderscope. They really do enjoy going there, even masked.
We aimed to just let them play themselves out, and had no set time limit. It was very crowded compared to our initial visit. It seems even though Delta is spreading like wildfire regardless of vaccination or not, people are just over being cooped up. Life is beginning to look normal again, very slowly. Us risky humans, we can only take so much restriction and then all bets are off. It’s a good thing Covid wasn’t worse, because we definitely hit a limit where we’re either at least attempting to enjoy life or we might as well be dead, and once we finally know that we take our chances.
However for me, I’m not sure it’s a good thing. At least just yet.
At about 2 hours in, I began to feel off, and like I was fighting fatigue intensely. I couldn’t explain it because I’d fasted on Thursday all day, and felt pretty darn good before showing up. Plus, I hadn’t had anything that would set off an allergic reaction, as far as I was aware. I was simply perplexed as to why I was suddenly so tired. Yet, it was enough that after contemplation and acknowledging it might not be me, I popped an extra dose of thyroid meds, carefully poking it into my masked mouth.
About 20 minutes later I began feeling nauseous and my head began throbbing. Something definitely felt awry and I was wracking my brain as to what could have possibly triggered this moment. I let my husband know that I wasn’t feeling great, but couldn’t figure out why. He said he was also starting to get tired and we agreed to work on getting children to wrap up. Katherine was showing some intense fatigue as well.
Nathan went to convince her to stop playing and walked up to her right as she smacked another child. The fatigue had won and she let frustration get the best of her. As parents we immediately pulled her aside and scolded her for smacking the child. I knew though that it wasn’t just frustrated acting out. I could see the pattern I experienced starting to show on my family. We quickly gathered everyone and left for the day.
Nathan needed to stop at the hardware store next door before we went home, so the rest of us piled into the van and got settled for the ride home. I simply told Katherine to just be her and relax. I repeated “Just be Katherine, just be you.” a couple of times. Then I started repeating it for myself, “just be me”. I left one foot hanging out of the van to ground anything that wasn’t mine and even said silently to myself “eliminate anything that isn’t me, push everything else out”. I repated those phrases until Nathan came out of the hardware store.
By the time he was settled I was feeling much better. I told him the nausea had backed off to a slight heavy feeling in my abdomen, and the headache was barely noticable.
At that point I was understanding what was happening and explained to him.
I spend all week working one on one, occasionally standing in a group of 8 or less for conversation. The rare occasion I go to a store, it is usually not as busy as Wonderscope was, but even when it is I’m only in the store for a short time. This was the first time I was around that many people for that length of time. I also explained that kids are there having fun, but it is loud and boisterous. Plus, there were nearly as many parents as children, and human parents are usually the ones with the most energetic baggage- the parents are the ones constantly finding things to complain about. Kids are oblivious to a point, but eventually fatigue or energetic impact begins to wear them down too, and they will fall prey to the same patterns but in kids’ form.
I simply had not shielded well enough, and I was like those kids, where the energetic impact wore me down until my body began manifesting it’s pattern equivalent.
Fortunately, I have definitely gotten better at clearing it out, because 10 minutes outside and away from the crowds was all I needed. By the time we arrived back home I had almost completely cleared the energetic clutter of others.
I know as a kid I couldn’t stand to be in large crowds, the mall during Christmas season was most dreaded. It seems I’m almost caught up with young child me. Except now as an adult I understand better what is happening and how to manage the effects. Now if I can either catch it earlier/faster or somehow shield better to avoid it all together, that would be amazing.
Plus there’s: how I could teach this to my kids quicker? They don’t need 30 years of it before they master it on their own. If I can speed that up to 1 or 2 years, that would serve them immensely well and benefit them greatly.
We’ve watched She-Ra, part of Masters of the Universe, all of Troll Hunters, and 3Below. Those shows all explore the unseen world from different perspectives and vocabulary. They have all been helpful to me in fine tuning my tools and vocabulary for how I experience and interact with my world. I’m hoping I can convey to my kids what I see, feel, and understand, and how those things help.
For instance this week I played with visualizing myself differently. I pretended to be like Aaja from 3Below, I saw myself with an extra pair of arms and when I was doing muscle manipulations with my tangible hands, I was doing Reiki and energetic work with my non-tangible visualized hands. I felt like it helped my sessions get just a bit more efficient. For the first ever utilization of such an energetic tool, I felt it was definitely worth doing more of it.
But my 3 year old doesn’t know what all that means. She could benefit from the visualization too, but she needs a 3 year old understanding of it, how to use it and why it would help. I need to put it in play terms and give her ways she could use it interacting with family. If I can figure out how to get Katherine to understand, I know Ian will too, but potentially Ian might get it first. Either way, which ever one gets it first I know they will help the other learn it too.
There’s a dozen more moments like that from the shows that I am still exploring myself and have yet to attempt to help children do so.
These are definitely interesting times, and the shift is getting more and more noticeable for me. I’m beginning to see evidence of it everywhere.
My body is shrinking and healing and it gets stronger, cleaner, healthier and clearer every day. My third eye seems to be nearly fully woke, with fewer and fewer power downs- usually precipitated by general fatigue.
I am working on controlling the energy in useful and positive ways, aiming it at healing myself, followed by all those around me, my community, my country, and my world. I am doing my level best to really be a vortex of ‘Om Shanti’. Most days I am successful all day long, and begin to loose around 5 or 6 pm. I think dinner just doesn’t come fast enough to help counter the full days of work. Energy out must be balanced by energy in. I probably need to start consuming a buffer snack late in the afternoon, because my lunch veggie snack of months just doesn’t make it far enough now. That or more consistently actually take that second smaller dose of thyroid medicine. I need to look at the last round of labs they just drew before I decide that one, if it was still off a bit then that’s the solution for sure. Course it would be better if my thyroid finished healing and I didn’t need either dose anymore.
Balance and patience. In time all will be well.
For now, I’m grateful that I am feeling better and better. I’m grateful that I am healing and I am shrinking. I’m grateful that I have a beautiful family. I’m grateful that I am both intelligent and aware enough, to understand all of this and how to apply it to my life. I am grateful that I’m intelligent enough to hold what still can’t be fully documented by human tools, as worthy of exploration and understanding. I’m grateful that I’m aware of where science has begun to document some of the unseen world, and I look forward to more understanding being gleaned. I’m grateful that I am able to sense my divine half enough to know for certain that there is an unseen magical world. I look forward to being able to control my divine energy, as well as She-Ra was able, when she defeated The Horde. I love feeling good and knowing I’m more aware than ever. I love being able to focus my awareness. I love knowing that I’m healing myself in ways medicine has yet to even discuss because the topic is still considered to far-fetched. I love knowing my efforts are concerted enough to potentially rewrite my DNA, turning off junk DNA for accepting better options. I love the feeling of healing. I love the vibrance of the energy of healing. I love knowing that when what I feel spills forth, it helps everyone around me, and that because it’s like a cup overflowing, there’s only ever flow outward when my cup is full and the flow continues. I love having my cup continually full and still allowing the flow to continue, that is a true healer. The best feeling ever: my divine self- words give pale comparisons, knowing that alone is priceless and sacred.
May you know what you feel, and may it always be exactly as your inner being is. May you have all the tools you need to navigate this world. May you understand all of the ways to experience the world and all of the tools needed to explore it safely. May you know how to adjust and correct when others impact you. May you know exactly where you went wrong and how to fix everything. May you see your inner light burn brightly for all to see as long as you shall choose. May your heart be full of healing love always. Above all may you know the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.