J

Okay, so first disclaimer. I took cannabis meds tonight to help my state of being. I may be struggling enough that I took a little more than usual, and thus I’m feeling it tonight. Not bad, actually quite good, I just felt I should note that I’m writing from a slightly-altered state of mind.

I had a thought
I'm not sure how it was brought
I wondered if she'd rather be called
J
I grew up with a brother that went by
JJ
He had a feminine side
Father tried to beat out of him
Dad given nickname
He came to hate
I wondered if that was why
He preferred
JJ
JJ is androgynous
It doesn't pick a side
It doesn't let you decide
So would be J
She grew up a girl
With behavior more befitting
A boy
I relate
Mud pies, skinned knees,
Playing war as long as
My brother didn't win too much
She had sisters and parents
Of similar age as mine
She was born a girl after all
Who would think different
I heard my father's words
Echo bitterly:
"If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck...."
Bullshit of generations past
Too weak to allow for more
Turning them to cowards of
Either/or
I want to allow more
I want to honor differences
I want to respect those that deserve
Respect
Just for being them
So I reach for
How
How do I ask
From genuine concern
And not sound like
An Ass
I'm not good at this
Because our generation was
Those that admitted
We were
Different
But labels
Weren't firm
Weren't decided and settled
There wasn't discussion or education
And didn't get used accurately
Often
Parents were oblivious
They thought they were
Doing great
But never noticed
The poor example set
For learning to
Respectfully acknowledge
Individual vessel
For a much greater self
So even this unique
SELF
Doesn't always know
How to be addressed
I've been called
T
And it's just fine
Ambiguous
Allows for
Flexibility
I still like
My feminine
Celtic Wise Woman
Name
Near my heart
For being
My choice
But I have
And always will
Keep up with
The boys
Whenever it matters
To ME
So Ambiguous
Sounds good to me
Because I can be
Girly girl
Manly Woman
One of the boys
Whatever
I need
In any moment
It allows for
More me
To just
BE
~ Treasa Cailleach

May you always know how to ask respectfully. May you see more possibilities for yourself and others. May you find a way to honor the whole of someone you care about. May you be patient with those that are doing their best to improve. May you be equally patient with yourself for aiming for those same and even more improvements. May you have love in your heart for every uniqueness. Above all, may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

About Treasa Cailleach

I'm a massage therapist working with chiropractic and the elderly; musician, artist, pagan, mom, B of LGBTQ, & polyamorous professional.

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