It’s funny. Society, our parents, our siblings, our friends, our bosses, our medical institutions; all pressure us into doing certain things or being certain ways.
Yet in the end no one really cares that we did.
For me, I simply had to go to college, it was supposed to grant me better wages and a better way of life. I simply had to get married and have kids, family is life after all. I had to get the house and the car(s) and the picket fence. I had to have a good stable job.
Yet no one really gave a shit when I hit every milestone. There were no big celebrations of my successes. There was no acknowledgement of multiple wins. There were no accolades for things learned or earned or mastered. There has been nothing except one ‘supposed to’ followed by another ‘have to’ for my entire life. I’m tied to my parents energetically in a way that has damaged my brain and body, and caused lifelong illness, and I can’t fix it. Bonus there was never any consent in those ties.
Now there’s not enough of me left to care about anything else. There isn’t anything left of me to even know what is me anymore. It’s all everyone else’s brainwashing, expectations, and energetic baggage.
I know how to solve it. There is one answer for all of it. There is one guarantee that I’d never have to be, do, or have anything that anyone else expects, I would be permanently untied to anything and untied from everyone.
See here’s the kicker, no one has ever wanted me to do it. The one thing that would guarantee I’d be just me again, and no one wants me to do it.
We all deserve to be ourselves again. I deserve to feel me again. I deserve to have rewards and relief, or at least a final release from all of it. I did EVERYTHING I was asked, supposed to do, suggested to do, encouraged to do. I met all the stupid life milestones and there is nothing left of me and nothing left for me.
May you feel like you matter to anyone beyond stuff and work. May you have enough left to feel yourself and know there is something, anything for you. May you feel your way to a solution.