I never really wanted to start over. I just wanted to be accepted as I am.
I just wanted to feel loved by more than just my husband and mom. I wanted to be like others. I wanted to feel belonging and community. I wanted to feel supported and reciprocation.
I had big dreams that I had hoped others would share and help me with.
My dreams have fallen flat and responses were not as hoped. But I am intent on reaching for better. I acknowledge that I do have a miniature not-quite-right version of my big dreams, and look to refocus for my own sake.
My goals seem much smaller now, just working on refocusing onto better things.
I have spent time with my two small children and my loving husband. Yesterday we worked on hanging lights on our house. We got all but one string hung. It is pretty.
Our holiday tree is up and lights adorn our living and dining room. It is a much needed emotional lift since winter has begun and the virus is still creating fear and chaos. It feels good to have something pretty to focus on. It is very soothing and peaceful to listen to quiet holiday music and watch the twinkling lights and ornaments on the tree.
Our fireplace has also brought much reprieve. I have always loved sitting by the fire, and this fall and winter I have created that moment as often as I have been able.
May you have moments of peaceful improvement. May you know you are accepted as you are and receiving as much as you give. May you feel the loving support all around you. May you see the beauty in and all around you.