After my last post I was feeling really good.
Two hours later I was feeling strange. Having odd moments I couldn’t explain, and Nathan and my kids were too. He texted me asking if I was okay, something he does frequently when he feels like something is up. I replied that I felt strange and like something was happening. He replied that it was affecting the whole family and caused him anxiety and Ian a bit of a freak-out melt-down. A sense of our environment having odd shifty sensations was the key overlapping experience, like you were looking at something and it moved for just a second.
It didn’t subside, and that night I texted other staff I was thinking about not working the next day because the weird stuff was taxing me energetically.
That evening I had an episode of full body tremors/shivers with mid-back pain. I only slightly felt cold and no temperature registered on my digital thermometer, with my highest reading being 97.8°. I immediately thought of when Nathan’s kidney stuff was at it’s worst and freaked out screaming at thin air. I was livid that I’ve been doing everything right, and in that moment felt like I was dieing. I screamed myself hoarse.
Multiple text conversations later, I did decide to not work, and they said Nathan and I should get acupuncture and chiropractic. The acupuncturist had had similar oddities that day, but her list was shorter. They did ask me to find a COVID test one way or another.
An hour an half of scouring the intent I claimed the last test at a CVS, 20 miles from home. It was an end of the day time slot on Friday, so clinic treatments happened first. Nathan ended up having low blood pressure drops and passed out 3 times. I still felt strange. The acupuncture helped a lot, and chiropractic helped me move better, solving the residual mid-back pain.
We went home to wait for my test, and I was literally on the fence about working today (Sat). I only had the odd moments and sore throat from screaming, and Saturdays are 3 hours and done. I said I’d work it, before leaving to complete the test.
The test was a rapid response nose swab. It came back an hour later as positive. I texted everyone results and assumed time off work. At that point even my throat and voice were feeling better. I was miffed, but honored testing to take time off.
Now it’s the end of Saturday. My throat actually came back with a vengeance about 11am, and I’ve spent most of the day without a voice. My body temperature has actually been running near hypothermia at 94.4-96.4°, so I took an extra dose of thyroid meds and told Nathan I need calories I can swallow. Otherwise I feel no worse than any other head cold I’ve ever had.
I’m still angry because I have been doing everything right, and I actually feel worse 24 hours post test than pre-test.
I also went through a moment of angry at the teen. She has no symptoms and wanted to hide. I was told that I made a mistake in assuming it was because she thought it would spare her. Yet, after I pointed out that she’d already been exposed for probably several days, she begrudgingly came out of hiding to help with her siblings. I pointed out that she might already be immune, which would confirm my prior sentiments that we’ve already had COVID before. Regardless, whether she eventually shows symptoms or not, she was not going to spare exposure by hiding now, it was already too late for that. That is how viral infections work, they spread before you even know you have it, and by the time the weird symptoms set in, it was in full swing and she was definitely exposed then. It’s one of the most annoying elements of the last two years, and why 4 of 5 of us were impacted at the exact same time.
What I can’t figure out is how the acupuncturist had weird things happen at the same time. My family has been nowhere as a whole family in ages, and definitely not in conjunction with the acupuncturist. So there should have been at least a little bit of staggering of arrival of symptoms, weird or otherwise. Yet we were all impacted around 11am to noon on Thursday. That is just odd.
Anyway, Nathan got tested through his dialysis clinic, but results for him will take 3 days. We are charged with searching for a test for the teen. She has been instructed not to work until she can produce a negative result test. It’s a tall order to even find a test right now, and if she’s asymptomatic carrier, then she might have to test several times over to be able to return to work.
I just think it’s all a bunch of hogwash when the system doesn’t care about long-term effects, long-term damages, the possibility of chronic infections, or the fact that their precious failed to do anything. After my positive, Nathan read a Facebook post from a friend, whom has been as fully vaccinated as is possible with her last booster being less than a month ago and she’s sick with COVID too.
I’ll reiterate. Put up or shut up.
If the system isn’t really going to produce anything to truly fix this, then stop making everyone jump through rediculous hoops over and over, again and again. Definitely stop scaring everyone constantly because that’s not helping matters at all.
We don’t do any of this for the flu or any one of a number of other diseases that medicine failed to permanently solve (several of which they don’t even educate their own staff properly on). So why this one?
I’m not stupid. I’m not going back to work until I am 100%. I don’t with anything I catch. But just like the flu, by the time I was certain it was illness, it was too late, I’d already exposed people, masked and all. I’m not dumb, a paper mask may help but does not eliminate risk of transmission. I likely exposed at least a dozen clients, the entire staff, and a few people in stores before I showed a single odd moment. It is what it is.
And the higher and deeper this piles, the more I simply know it’s going to take a long term toll. I do believe in the divine, and whether this was man-made or not, the divine sure as hell isn’t stopping it. So I have to believe it is serving a purpose that God supports.
May you know you are here for a reason. May you understand that some things are not solveable, and your role and responsibility is to do the best you are able with the hand you are dealt. May you find the discomfort of illness tolerable, and find your way to full recovery and restored balance. May you heal yourself and your world one step at a time. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.