All posts by tcailleach

About tcailleach

I'm a massage therapist working with the elderly; musician, artist, mom, LGBTQ, & polyamorous professional.

Sprouting.

2 nights ago we had a slight freeze. I had already started planting, so we covered all the gardens, even where they were mostly dirt. I didn’t want to take any chances. Luckily we were on top of that enough that only one plant was affected- 1 of 2 basil plants was frost bit enough it may not survive.

Otherwise everything survived and when we uncovered I was pleasantly surprised by more sprouts showing.

The pesky squirrels have eaten some of my bulbs, so I bought a just few more to start inside so I can fill in gaps as needed.

So far this is how things are coming along:

Existing plants coming back:


I’m so excited for all these beautiful plants I get to enjoy from previous owners and my therapist, but that’s not all!

The plants I started from seed and bulbs are sprouting! The darned squirrels got a few, but there’s still a lot coming up. Flowers and vegetables are all sprouting. I’m super excited. It may not look like much, just a lot of dirt, but if you look close you can see all the different sprouts. The baby plants, there’s lettuces, cabbage, onions, strawberry, and herbs (minus one frost-bit basil). I’m so excited to see things take off. I will have lots of pretty flowers and plants and almost as many edibles.

May you have exciting enjoyable sights. May your gardens and life sprout with all the good things. May beautiful things bless your experience. May you get to reap some benefits of those that came before you. May you have beautiful things that you didn’t have to work so hard for. May you get to enjoy nature and your life. May your days be blessed and fill of all kinds of beauty.

Siva Hir Su

Glimpses of step 5

Watch “How to Receive Benefit from Contrast with your Partner” on YouTube

I have found that I occasionally feel step 5, but still spend an awful lot of time in step 1 and 3. This video is specific to relationships, but I know the notification was Abraham attempting to soothe my stance on current events and resulting manifestations in my physical experience. Really everything is relationship based. Doing my best to reach for and stay in my Vortex of sanity and things making sense again.

May you find your path to step 5 mostly. May you find your Vortex more than finding yourself out of it. May you align with yourself and in doing so find alignment with those you love. May we all be more understanding and less resistant and defensive. May we all find ways to cooperate more and go with the flow of life more easily.

Siva Hir Su

Quick data

Markets are projected to fall another 30% below current levels which teter on a baseline set 40 years ago. If markets do take the projected fall, it will set the US and world markets back to levels not seen for 60+ years.

Shit happens when fear takes over.

Dream Déjà Vu

Watch “Anson Seabra – Can You Hear Me (Official Animated Video)” on YouTube:


I woke this morning from a really strange dream. I was back at the job I had just after college where I was an administrative assistant. It was a firm that was growing by bringing Indians with multiple degrees over to the US to fulfill high tech engineering and IT jobs. The owner was kinda shiesty, but he did help people get their green-cards for a sizeable fee. His company was worth 5 million when I worked for him and it was continuing to grow. Mostly because he took 40-60% of each salary that he placed someone in (I was responsible for prepping payroll). That was almost 15 years ago and to my knowledge they are still functioning and growing.

Anyway in the dream I found myself and Nathan sitting at a desk in their new bigger shiny office. The room I was in was just for the big heads. The owner’s and VP’s desk were in opposite corners and there was a conference table with 3 right-hand-man types at it. The big wall between the owner’s and VP’s desks had logos of all their prized contracts. The companies that they placed people with the most. I recognized the ones that I was familiar with from when I worked with them. What caught me off guard was the logo for my first actual credit card was on the wall.

In the dream I looked at Nathan and said “what the hell are we doing here”. He replied with “I’m not sure, I guess we’ll find out eventually.” I looked at the owner: Raj, and he looked just as I remembered, portly, balding, and stern. Then I looked at the VP: Praveen, his body looked the same, especially with his super shiny suit as usual, but he had this rediculous sandy-brown wig on that was covering most of his face. The conference table of the three guys was very similar to my memory, but they were different guys. When I worked for them it was Rajesh, Suraj, and the other guy went by Rocky.

At that point in the dream I was so perplexed I started flipping through stock listings. Nathan asked what I was doing. I replied “I have no idea what I’m supposed to do, so I might as well try to figure out what the best option is for purchasing stock to try and capitalize on this recession. You know buy something that when the economy bounces back they will really increase in value.” I went back to looking at stocks and reading about each company.

That was when Nathan woke me up because I had overslept my alarms again.

……

Praveen looking extra rediculous was probably my imagination having fun with his already rediculous nature, where he always seemed to try and outdo himself. Beyond that, my dream was likely something to do with my sentiment the other day about any decision I make would just be more of the same in guise of something different.

But it was so vivid I know it means something. Those dreams always do.

Upon waking, I had a knee jerk reaction about the credit card logo. I would not put it past one of those really smart people to be “helpful” in getting me on a path to better credit, to later call in the favor. That credit card was literally the first offer for a credit card that I had received. The interest rate sucked but I chalked it up to my poor credit and knew if I was careful it wouldn’t be an issue and eventually I could get them to lower it. I took the offer because I knew it would help rebuild. Then to see it in this dream, I now wonder if there was a helping IT hand in that process.

Unfortunately, the reason I quit working for that company was because my honesty scruples butted up against my intelligent knowing of how they were skirting rules and manipulating money to their benefit. There were many little things they did that we’re slap on the wrist offenses, but that netted them big benefits in untaxed dollars. I didn’t like their way of doing business, even if it did make them successful faster.

Beyond that, the people that I would suspect of helping me no longer work for that company, at least that I’m aware.

What confused me more was Nathan’s presence in the dream. He never worked for the company and at the time he was working for someone else, so he never even dropped in for lunch or any of the other things he does now. The only thing I can think of is Nathan made the dream have 7 people in it. When I worked for the company it was the 5 and me in the office every day- 6 total, but I’m now aware that 7 is significant for me because of my birth family.

So WTF, what does it mean? I have no real idea. If one of them did help me rebuild my credit then I am ever grateful, but have no idea how I could ever repay their kindness. I also thought about my mystery person and that it might be a message about them, it’s a stretch but plausible. I simply don’t know.

I often wish that divine messages were more easily understood before things happened. I find myself too frequently exclaiming, well after the fact: “Oh, that’s what that dream meant!”

Oh well, time will tell. I am grateful that I get these messages, even if I’m too dense to understand.

May you have good, vivid dreams. May you always understand the message the divine is trying to convey to you. May you know you are supported. May you feel your connection to God. May you know everything is going to be okay.

Siva Hir Su

Tiny Mt. Kailash

My tiny art for today was a continuation of the thought about the finite nature of the infinite. So I drew a mini Mount Kailash at night, proported to be the home of Lord Shiva. I would still like to go there one day, even if the radiation is so strong that humans can’t proceed past a certain point. I find it rather fascinating.

Graphite pencil on watercolor paper, approx. 2″ x 3″
Original I drew from.

All that is, ever has been, and ever will be.

That’s one of many descriptions, definitions if you will, of God. The weight of that statement carries with it the finite nature of the infinite creator. If God is all of that then he’s literally seen everything, experienced everything. He’s bored.

So today I wished I could change that for God. Today I wished I could do something so radically different it would surprise even the divine.

I did not want that just for me, but truly for God because I had a moment where everything was not just feeling the same, but that I felt any choice I made would bring more of the same in guise of something different. I realized that God is probably saying the same thing: I could do that, but it’ll just bring more ___.

One thing is for certain, if I die this year, it won’t be because of covid19. There are far larger fish to fry in my sea. No it’ll be because of a sense of completeness.

I thought about how many diseases God has experienced. I thought about humanity itself. There is a finite number, albeit extremely massive, of the ways genes can combine to create a body. That means that over millennia my body has existed probably several times over. Hell there’s probably been two or three of me that even had similar energetic junk to deal with. So God has literally seen it all. There are no more surprises. Thanks Battlestar Galactica for that bit of knowing.

I felt a sense of resignation with all of that. I don’t know what that’ll translate into. I have not experienced even an infintesimal fraction of what God has, but yet I am seeing how most any decision I make will bring more of the same in guise of different. There is no right answer.

All I do know is that I wish for more for God, for good for God, for something for God to look forward to. I don’t have an answer for myself, so I have no idea how to accomplish that, but it’s in my vortex now.

What I do know is I don’t like this world we’re in right now. My quality of life has plummeted, mostly from a sense that my profession though massively helpful in many ways is now seen as risky simply because I touch people. Even though massage has repeatedly been shown to lower stress levels and boost the immune system, I am seen as non-essential. The relaxation and stress reduction I provide is only acknowledged when people hit max density, instead of much sooner when it is best at preventing problems and illness. I could sanitize every surface every hour, even walls, and people would still avoid my service out of fear. The resulting ripple in my ability to support my family doesn’t help any.

I’ve heard of several people committing suicide this week and I’ve already been fighting off the desire myself. The solution has already begun to be far worse than the disease itself. What good is it to save lives from a virus to have them lost to suicide and crime resulting from the solution. I will do my best to stay buoyant and to keep reaching for better regardless, and will do my best to maintain the shreds of my quality of life through my art and music and meditations.

What I do know is I have hit my limits for wanting to solve anything myself. I have lost earthly desire. I do know that thanks to the chiropractor and kinesiology, I have a few things to eliminate from my diet (again). But God knew that would happen too.

I had a sense that God is sitting there listing off dismisally: ants go do ant things, birds do bird things,…,…, Humans go do human things….

It might catch him off guard if humans started acting like birds. Just sayin’.

What if we just started with “love thy neighbor” instead of stay 6 feet from anyone. How about instead of don’t touch, we demonstrated confident kindness and compassion. How about instead of taking for granted the portion of society that has the luxury to be able to work from home, we rallied for those that can’t. How about recognizing that everything in this world exists because it was essential to someone at some point- it wouldn’t have continued if it weren’t essential for many. How about instead of shunning others for everything perceived as negative we take a moment to reach for compassionate understanding of how they might have gotten there.

May we all love our fellow humans, may we act more like wildlife and go with the flow of life. May we all find brighter more loving linings. May we find a way to surprise and delight God. May we put God first in all of our decisions and stop trying to be God. May we all see the repetitions with fresh eyes and better perspective. May we all find better solutions.

Siva Hir Su

Collaboration

Today was all over the place. My meditation didn’t go so well because Katherine was the first to wake up today and noisy was quick to follow.

I worked in the garden and was able to get my squash and zucchini seeds planted. I did notice a few of my previous seeds are just barely beginning to show. Yea!

I unpacked another small box of trinkets and found 2 of my miniature drawings from a while ago:

This is a watercolor like the other little ones I’ve done recently. I was thinking of a circular garden gate with lightening bugs or some such thing. Approx 2″ x 3″
This was a fun garden drawing I had done. It’s gel pens on watercolor paper. Approximately 5″ x 7″

At dinner Ian started arguing with his older sister again, and I chose to walk away instead of engage. I have been frustrated with him over destructive behaviors, so I decided I was going to channel my frustration into something helpful for him.

A while ago he had done a simple pencil line drawing on one of my canvasses. I decided to take that and finish it, but with an addition. I had included a visual reminder of the 3 basic rules that every thing he is scolded over link back to. My thought process was, maybe the attention span of a 5 year old really does forget quickly and a visual reminder would help. Putting it on an image that he started was my way of showing I do care and love him. I respected his pencil drawing and brought it to more vivid brightly colored life.

This was the end result:

18″ x 24″ sharpie marker on canvas.

This was me showing it to him after he cleaned up his room. (He enjoyed using the lighted magnifying glass.)

We talked about the 3 rules again. I made him verbalize them in his words before reminding him of the actual 3 rules.

1.(emoji busts) No severe upsets. Don’t do things that cause anger, frustration, sadness, crying, screaming, etc. In himself or anyone else- especially on purpose.

2. (broken dump truck) Don’t break things, his own toys or anyone else’s stuff. It leads to #1. Respect belongings, especially other people’s stuff.

3. (band-aid on knee with pain marks) Don’t cause hurts for himself or anyone else. That means think before doing and be careful when he does go do things. Again hurts lead back to #1.

He got the rules enough to repeat them a couple of times with lots of sighs. I reminded him that it may seem like a lot, but really everything he gets yelled at over links back to one of those 3. I also reminded him that when he remembers and follows those 3 rules, that the loves and smiles automatically happen. He always gets lots of loves when he has been good.

I know he appreciated it because he spent a long time (for him) looking at it. Then he wanted to take it with him to get ready for bed. I told him it could stay put for now and we would get it hung on his wall as soon as possible. I’m glad that he does appreciate it, now if I can just get the arguing to cease.

I’ll end with my blessing and cute kitties: Buddy and Missy were laying in a heart shape today, and I did my best to meet that vibration.

May you have positive outcomes even when having a challenging day. May you have wonderful creative collaborations. May you find ways to show your children you love and respect them. May you connect with your kids in meaningful ways. May your kids appreciate what you do for them. May you find a way through misbehavior. May you feel loved and supported. May you glimpse inspiration even through frustration. May calmer, brighter, vividly joyful days fill your life.

Siva Hir Su