All posts by tcailleach

About tcailleach

I'm a massage therapist working with the elderly; musician, artist, mom, LGBTQ, & polyamorous professional.

Gifting thoughtfulness.

Gift giving came up as a topic of discussion at work the day before yesterday. Essentially, one person was asking another if they should be concerned about how a gift was received by 3rd party (not present). The question was centered around timing and the response to the gift as perceived by the gift giver. The gifter wanted to know if they should be offended.

This topic made me stop and think about one of my interactions recently.

I was always taught that gifting should be from the heart, and well thought and well executed regardless of the price tag. My mom taught me it was better to make something for someone than go buy something for them just because it would fill the gift void quickly. She always leaned towards baked goods or stitched items being those were her strong suits. I learned young my strength was drawing and I have always done art or handmade cards for my more special gifts.

So fast forward to this discussion and relating to a gift exchange between me and someone I have been attempt to reconnect with in a more casual way. I realized that my end of the gift exchange may have taken too long and that the other person might be wondering what is up with that.

The problem here is that if I’m prepping for a scheduled event (birthday, anniversary, holiday) I start my project far enough in advance to hopefully ensure it is delivered on time. But when my art is a response to a received gift, it takes longer than just running to the store or spending a few minutes online. It’s not an immediate turn around.

Additionally, I have trouble telling someone I am creating something for them because I have jobs and kids and a garden and pets. I want to complete the project, but the reality is that if I’m not getting paid or having to do something it falls to the bottom of my to-do list. It will get done, but it might take quite a while before I can fit in the necessary time to do it.

So then, I became very self conscious about not having returned the sentiment of thanks for the gift I had received. I spent about 30 minutes online browsing choices that I felt would be good picks. I put thought into quantity and descriptions of the items, especially considering known preferences my person has. I wanted to get something that would fill my time delay void, not break my bank, but show that I had tried to get something neat that I was hoping they didn’t already have. I placed my order, not expensive, but not cheap either. Then I proceeded to let my person know that my intended thank you gift was taking longer than expected but there was a substitute on it’s way.

After work I then proceeded to ensure I worked on the originally intended gift. It’s a two part project. Essentially two images, but done in electronic arts. They are Photoshop type images, but where I’m needing to do heavy retouching and assembly of multiple original sources.

The first idea was based off the “Magic the Gathering” cards I’ve had renewed interest in. I want to do an image that would look like the seraphim class in magic (angels). I’m going to put real images together to create a male angel warrior over a mountain landscape. I have most of my imagery pulled, but have yet to start peicing together the finished project.

The other project is similar, but is intended as a feel good reminder for them. I have finished it, and it’s somewhat amusing in the final image. I was aiming for giving them have something to look to for those tough days when you know you’re helping, but the evidence doesn’t really show it. We’ve all had those days and I know for sure this person has too, but they’re not one of those that says everything on their mind. So I thought if they had a quiet boost they could hide and pull out as needed it would be good.

Once I finished that part last night I sat back and said they are either going to think it’s awesome, or hilarious, or they’re going to hate it. I hope it’s one of the first two responses, and I’m sorry if they hate it. I had good intentions. I’d put it on here, but I used just their face in part of my kit-bashing, so I don’t know if they would be okay with that. Anyway, hopefully like my mom taught me, it’s the thought that counts.

Now I just have to make time to fit in the other half. It is a more complex image, so I suspect it’s going to take me about 6 hours, which means two or 3 attempts at sitting down to my design computer. I don’t know if I can pull that off this week, but I’m sure going to try.

What do you think about gift giving? Am I on the right track? Should I have told them I was working on something sooner? Or was my “fill the void” purchase what I should have done in the first place? Did I wait too long because I wanted to be casual and not seem needy? Am I overthinking this?

May you all have good gift giving experiences. May you know gifts received and gifts given, were all well thought. May you love all your gifts. May you see the kindness and forethought of any gift received. May you find yourself in gift exchanges more and more often. May you know kindness matters and that you are able to be kind enough as often as possible. May you know that all gifting is an expression of love and that some people really enjoy that particular experience. May you know how to act and when, to not seem too needy but still convey your caring. May you know you are loved and accepted just as you are.

Siva Hir Su

Wowsers.

Two humorous but kinda astonishing tidbits from the last 24 hours.

1) Yesterday after work Nathan and I went to the grocery store and ordered Chinese while there. I went to pick up the order and meet him at the car after we both checked out. On the way back to the car, carrying a very large bag of takeout and still wearing scrubs, I was hit on. A 30 something black man dressed like Tupac said “Hey there doctor lady, how you doin’?”. I replied “Doing ok, but I’m not a doctor.” He said “Where’s your wedding band?” I replied “My tattoo is my wedding ring.” He said “That’s respectable.” I kept walking, never having broken stride.

I later laughed with Nathan in the car. I was flabbergasted, and said “Did he really think that was going to work?!” Nathan reminded me of the many people that treat passes like a game of darts or the lottery- at some point one should surely stick. I was sad for the woman that would fall for his line. Despite having complete freedom to act on such an offer, I was so annoyed and appalled at his attempted pick-up lines that I couldn’t have even remotely wanted to. I reminded the universe that I have always wanted quality over quantity. He was most definitely not quality, I’m much happier with the black man I do have, and would rather like some quality partners like Nathan, especially at least one woman. Despite enjoying the moment of being hit on, it was of more value as an amusing clarifying experience.

2) Amazement! My little Katherine is a bonified cat girl.

Nathan tried to put her in the crib 3 times this evening. She wouldn’t go down without a fight.

The struggle started with holding his shirt and reaching a foot to the crib rail.

Finally her got her in and I went to hug him and Ian before bedtime rituals began. As we were in our group hug she climbed out and we turned around just in time to see her like this on the rails.

We put her back in the crib, got the camera cued up and waited. She wouldn’t do it again until we turned around. So she again was perched atop rails before I got pictures.

We reset, we wanted to catch her in the act. Again she wouldn’t do it for us. I stowed the phone but didn’t turn around. She finally started climbing. She was wedging her feet and calves between the verticle rails and inching up enough to get one foot up on the top of the rail. She was so fast I didn’t get a shot of that moment and ended up with a third round of her standing on the side of the crib!

Jimminey Freaking Christmas! What are we going to do with a cat baby that refuses to talk! There isn’t anything she can’t do physically now. I really would like for her to start talking.

May you have amusing moments of clarification. May you be happy for your children’s milestones, even when they scare the crap out of you. May you know how to handle your super smart, born tech ready, children. May you always have quality over quantity. May you enjoy and appreciate the qualities in you that lead to the myriad of moments like these two. May you know you are loved and supported. May you appreciate the good aspects of all moments.

Siva Hir Su

List of positive aspects.

Abraham has been reminding me to get off of those things that bother me and focus on what I do want and enjoy.

Yet it seems that I may have been reeled back in. When I was considering resignation I’d had a conversation with my manager about how the residents were dieing from inactivity and the virus didn’t matter. They were not being saved from anything, and I did not desire to participate in the fallacy anymore. After I submitted my resignation they countered with adjustments that the building was making to help avoid the decline and asked if I would stay. I countered again with a statement that I could not in good conscience keep reprimanding adults like clueless children, that they are able to make decisions regarding risk and I respect and honor that. We will see if they still want me knowing I will not separate residents that are not doing exactly as dictated by external rules.

For now I will focus on positive aspects of all the things I love and appreciate:

  • I enjoy helping a community that feels like extended family.
  • I am very appreciative that my opinions, observations, and ethics are respected and honored.
  • I enjoy seeing the residents happy and feeling good.
  • I enjoy knowing that the residents are generally enjoying life and their retirement.
  • I enjoy knowing that they are finally finding ways to allow others to be of assistance and allowing God to meet their needs.
  • I enjoy quality conversations with the residents, especially when there is genuine concern and/or connection.
  • I love knowing that the residents do still want to really LIVE and have and make choices. They want free will and a reason to keep co-creating.
  • I really appreciate that most of the residents want to stay healthy and they are beginning to understand that is more than just avoiding disease.
  • I understand that like me they sometimes have mixed desires that seem to cause conflict, but I know it is possible for us all to allow God to find the solution for our “both” moments.
  • I love seeing their smiles and really appreciate that they come out in larger numbers to see me when I’m there.
  • I love the residents and I am very glad that they love me too.
  • I know they want to find the balance where they still enjoy the end of their life with a better knowing they are safe. I know they would rather be joyful than afraid.
  • I know we all know how to reach for better and that they want to. They will find a way to soothe themselves and return to enjoying life. They will find their quality of life again.
  • I appreciate they are wanting to find a way back to joy and enjoyment.
    • “H” will bake for others again.
    • Happy hours will return soon.
    • Bingo and church will find a way to resume safely.
    • “P” will garden and kibitz like always.
    • “B” will stir discussions as usual.
    • “J” will lead Bible study and help everyone soothe their frayed nerves.
    • “M” will light up the lobby with her smiles and chat with everyone that is willing.
  • I love knowing I am wanted and respected.
  • New residents will finally be able to meet their neighbors and make friends.
  • I extremely appreciate that we all now have a new understanding and appreciation for the freedoms we had 3 months ago.
  • I love that people are coming together to protect our freedoms.
  • I love that there are many voices of reason that are finally being acknowledged.
  • I love that people are now grasping a better understanding of what really helps maintain health and knowing that we need reasons to live to stay healthy, virus or not.
  • I am grateful that even within my residents there were those that were not afraid and wanted to stay as active as possible.
    • “N” went for drives every day.
    • Some kept appointments even though it meant staying in their rooms otherwise.
    • “G” went for walks and drives depending on the day.
    • “S” went for runs, and an 86 year old running is to be congratulated every day!!!
    • Many enjoyed patio time, even when the building was instructed to remove patio furniture.
    • Several elected to stay with family during this time.
  • I am grateful that those with more overall health concerns had family or paid caregivers to look after them and help them maintain their buoyancy and keep them from declining too fast. There was someone for them that cared about their overall well being and made sure the whole picture was accounted for. I wished everyone had had that.
  • I am grateful that everyone was safe, staff did become extra cautious with sanitization efforts, and those that needed healthcare did have access to what was needed.
  • I am grateful that the only lives lost were those that were already headed to their final days.
  • I am grateful that there will be more efforts at reversing or slowing the decline of those that suffered from the inactivity.

Also, positive aspect of other points in my life:

  • I enjoy working with those focused on living and enjoying life.
  • I enjoy knowing that there are many people focused on true health and that my efforts are on the right track.
  • I like sharing information on things that promote genuine health.
  • I like finding common ground with those around me.
  • I am super appreciative that there are enough people focused on better that the world is beginning to turn around, especially enough that we may have avoided a collective co-creation of something worse.
  • I am grateful that acute traumas and diseases are treatable and that even when dis-ease causes a problem there are medical tools to help people regain health.
  • I look forward to a day when medicine finds better solutions for non-acute disease in the same way.
  • I am grateful that I made it through all of this mess with minimal inconveniences.
  • I realized today, after being reminded my contract check was available, that I have managed to find a stable vibration of feeling fairly financially secure. I’m no longer so worried about finances that I find myself impatient for payday. I look forward to even more financial improvement.
  • I’m grateful that this disease was not as bad as projected. It was a very powerful learning tool for the future. Perhaps we will learn how to sustainably control disease easier so that future new diseases are no more bothersome than our yearly flu season. I hope we also learn from this and figure out testing and preemeptive actions much more quickly, to act before half the population already had it and got well.
  • I enjoy taking about cool new things that are being discovered and developed, conversations about leading edge thought and adventures.
  • I enjoy seeing my kids having fun and smiling.
  • I love spending time loving on my family, even/especially my furry four legged ones.
  • I have greatly enjoyed working on my wiggly becoming beautiful garden.
  • I love sunshine and sunny weather.
  • I love feeling safe and secure.
  • I love feeling supported.
  • I love being appreciated.
  • I love me and acknowledge more and more often decisions are made because I love myself enough to honor myself and I deserve the easier less painful route.
  • I am grateful that I love myself enough to take care of myself and improve my body because I know it is God’s temple.
  • I love feeling better and better.
  • I love feeling ease and feeling healthy.
  • I am grateful I have the intelligence, strength, perseverance, and divine connection to inspired thought to fix my own health.
  • I love knowing that I have a unique perspective that is grounded. As one of my favorite residents put it: “you are a sensitive soul, but grounded enough to see how things fit, we’ll miss you if you leave”.
  • I love that I love, even when it didn’t work out the way I wanted.
  • I love music, singing, playing piano, even just listening to it.
  • I love art, it lets me easily create beauty to add to this wonderful world.
  • I love mother nature, without our planet we would all die. I enjoy camping and hiking, and just even sitting listening to birds chirp ans thé wind blow.
  • I love flowers and all the pretty things that this world produces. I look forward to my garden blooming and wish I had enough money and space for some of every flower. That would be so beautiful.
  • Even though the squirrels and rabbits keep eating my plants I still think they are cute and I’m glad they exist. I like watching them when they aren’t eating my garden.
  • I love sitting on my porch swing watching kids and birds and pets play and frolic in beautiful weather.
  • I love experiencing all the wonderful parts of our world and look forward to many more wonderful adventures in my life.
  • I love knowing I am having a positive impact on the world and that my thoughts, words and deeds have a ripple effect that helps people I don’t even know.
  • I appreciate that my human-ness is perfectly wonderful to God, flaws and all.
  • I am glad that my good moments now outweigh my past no so good moments.
  • I am grateful that I am able to honor myself more and more, that I see more strengths than weaknesses, that I am seeing improvement in many ways, that I am becoming a better person.

May you have rampages of appreciation. May you see your own value enough to honor yourself. May you find enjoyment in life, more often than not. May you love yourself and the universe. May you love mother nature and find ways to appreciate and support our connection with the Earth. May you find your moments of joy and your love of others. May you see all the positives and ignore all of the negatives. May you feel and foster your connection to the divine. “May the force be with you.”

Siva Hir Su

I’ll leave you with some pictures of my beautiful gardens and family.