All posts by tcailleach

About tcailleach

I'm a massage therapist working with the elderly; musician, artist, mom, LGBTQ, & polyamorous professional.

Overreacting is not solved by more overreacting.

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See previous posts, wrote 2 in the last week on this mess. Listen to this song too. BTW all red text in my posts is external links to related data.

Death is inevitable, you can not avoid it when it is your time to go. There are millions of causes of death, and even the flu supposedly kills 3% of those that catch it. Every so often, whether it be “survival of the fittest” or “God’s plan”, regardless of what you call it, something happens worldwide that kills many people. There have been natural disasters (earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, tsunamis, hurricanes, F5 tornadoes), planes flying into buildings, wars, The Holocaust, The Soviet Famine (Holocaust senior), bombs, car accidents, train accidents, and many many diseases. If it’s your time, it’s your time. If it’s not, then being sick for a week or two isn’t the end of the world.

And suffering is all self-contrived to begin with. I can’t count the number of old people I have worked with that hold on for no apparent reason even when their body has shut down and it hurts more to be alive than to let go. I always end up having “the conversation” where I essentially ask them why are they holding on. Regardless of their excuse, if they can even speak, inevitably that conversation seems to be the permission to let go and they always let go and let themselves exit the misery. It was their choice all along.

Additionally, what goes around comes around with suffering. I find it interesting that one of my 94 year olds told me over the phone: “They won’t let you come give me my massage, they won’t even let my kids in…. I worked on a kids polio unit all those many years ago. My unit was in the basement of the hospital in rural Iowa. Kids were dieing of polio and their parents had to stand outside of tiny basement windows to try and see their kids. The kids would cry for their parents. Now I know how they felt.” Polio killed many people, but not everyone. I have a dozen people that I know over the age of 80 that survived polio. Two lost use of their legs, others look fine but have residual leg problems, others had no lasting effects. All of them have lived generally good happy lives.

So far, numbers that I have seen and heard do not make this virus any worse than previous pandemics. Yet the world has gone insane.

Keeping people home and unemployed does not prevent the spread of the disease altogether, as should be obvious by now, yet somehow more and more government agencies seem to think it’s helping and are following suit. More of our society lives in whole families than live alone. So just because Bob couldn’t go to work and Bob’s kids had to stay home from school, doesn’t mean his wife got out of work, and many families live with extended relatives: aunt’s, uncles, grandparents, etc. So 80% of your family is sequestered but 20% comes into contact with the rest of society doing their job. They catch it and bring it home to the people that were forced to stay home, little good that sequestering process did. Someone proposed that we require staff to stay at their jobs. For how long, and where, would you make people sleep at their desks, and has anyone thought of the strain that would put on families and small children missing their parents?

This idea that we’ll just shut everything down to slow the spread is rediculous and unsustainable. It may be effective at slowing the disease, but it draws out suffering for everyone.

Everyone that loses income or employment, stuffers hardship attempting to pay bills. It puts our healthy children behind in their education and contributes to illiteracy. It’s puts mental strain on everyone because of cabin-fever and the loss of the benefits of proper socialization (which I learned is a major key element to fighting clinical depression). It will literally drive people crazy with anxiety, worry, and stress. That chemical storm in the human body will make everyone more susceptible to every disease, even ones their immune system has already fought off at some point. This is all already documented, well accepted, verifiable information.

It is unsustainable. We already have multiple diseases yearly. If everything shuts down every time a virus spreads, we’d be shut down more than functional. Last year alone I watched two stains of the flu, 1 stain of pneumonia, and CDIFF spread through my work environments, to be followed by this covid19. If we had shut down for all of them: banks would not get paid for mortgages and loans, businesses would close, homes would be lost, unemployment and homelessness would skyrocket. This is not a sustainable solution.

Just because there is more technology that enables more people to work from home, does not mean we can sustain society on that alone. Trash/recycling would still need collected and processed, grocery stores would still need to function, drug stores would still be vital, hospitals/nursing centers would still need to function, chiropractors/acupuncturists/massage therapists are as vital as ever as they help lower stress levels. I can think of dozens of things that computers simply cannot replace.

I know that everyone thinks that AI is the great saviour that will solve all of this. We can have robots make the products. Robots package the products. Robots deliver the products. Robots could even eventually replace trash trucks. But would you want to eat a meal cooked by robots? And, how much of society can be replaced by robots before you run out of work for qualified citizens? There’s only so many positions that can be employed from a home computer. We always have had a portion of society that was unskiled menial labor; even if one hypothesizes that we could eliminate the jobs with Robots, you can’t eliminate the portion of humans that filled those roles. There is no way to ensure all of humanity is educated enough to carry out highly skilled positions. Would you start assassinating healthy upstanding citizens merely because their job was replace by a robot and they were not skilled enough to work from a computer?

I for one have seen the movies like Gataca, AI, etc. They were bad ideas in the movies and I don’t want to live in that world. That is what is trying to happen here. I don’t want to live in a world like this.

I want to live in the world of sanity, where people value each other and understand illness as part of life. Where we love each other and care for each other even when a new disease is spreading. Where we work on ourselves to overcome fears, worries, and anxiety so that we can stay as healthy as our bodies and God intended. I want to live in the world that takes normal, sustainable measures to slow the spread of diseases. I want to live in a world where the divinity of our amazing immune system is honored. I want to live in a world where people in power have half a brain and can step back and say: “ok, this crossed the line, we need to pull back a bit.” Where those in control use logic and reason and make positive forward-moving decisions based in practical reality. I want to live in a world where media channels fall and the contrived Hysteria comes to an end. I want to live in a world that mitigates the news to truly necessary informational updates and returns to only being informed occasionally as scheduled, not 24/7. The inundation is what breeds Hysteria. I want to live in a world where entertainment tells the good story, tells the good what if, tells of good things to look forward to. I want to live in a world where superheroes are the politicians and law enforcement officers that bring calm, sane, reassurance. I want to live in a world where people focus on living a happy life knowing they could die anytime from anything. I want those things for myself mostly, but for everyone. I am being selfish in these thoughts, but in a way that includes humanity as a whole. I want everyone to do that. Being selfish does not have to equal harming others or bringing humanity down. We are all in this together, bring the love and the light and lift each other up. Supporting each other helps us all get through life better. Supporting each other helps your own life feel better.

Here’s a question, with all the shut downs, what’s happened to soup kitchens? What’s going on with homeless shelters? Churches have shut down, how are food banks functioning? In fear of “I might get sick” we’re hurting ourselves all over the place in literally thousands of other ways. How is that okay?

May we all come to our senses. May we all make peace with the possibility of death and the minimal suffering of a nasty cold. May we see that what doesn’t kill us really does make us stronger. May we all see our general health. May we know our immune systems are God given kick ass virus destroying superheroes. May we love ourselves and be selfishly helpful of society as a whole. May we all have joyous happy lives full of healthy days of positive socialization and friendships. May we all earn a living doing things we love regardless of their ability to work from home on a computer. May we all be able to exist freely and happily day to day for our entire lives.

Many blessings to everyone, you’ll make it through this one way or another. It’ll all be okay. It is okay. We can return to normal if everyone makes it known that is preferred.

World peace begins with inner peace. ~ Dalai Lama

Siva Hir Su

Calm. Float.

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Apropos; listen to “Float” by Flogging Molly :

https://youtu.be/JZKjxxciTVk  lyrics as follows:

Drank away the rest of the day
Wonder what my liver'd say
Drink, it's all you can

Blackened days with their bigger gales
Blow in your parlor to discuss the day
Listen, it's all you can

But don't, don't sink the boat
That you need, you build to keep afloat
No don't, don't sink the boat
That you built...

Sick and tired of what to say
No one listens anyway
Sing, it's all you can

Rambling years of lousy luck
You miss the smell of burning turf
Dream, it's all you can

But don't, don't sink the boat
That you need, you build to keep afloat
No don't, don't sink the boat
That you built...

Singled out for who you are
Takes all types to judge a man
Feel, that's all you can

Filthy suits with bigot ears
Hide behind their own worst fears
Live, it's all you can

It's all you can
It's all you can... Do

No matter where I put my head
I wake up feeling sound again
Breath, it's all you can

Tomorrow smells of less decay
The flowers keep this bloomin' fray
Be thankful, it's all you can

But don't, don't sink the boat
That you built, you built to keep alfoat
But don't, don't sink the boat
That you built, you built to keep afloat
But don't, don't sink the boat
That you built, you built to keep afloat
No don't, no don't sink the boat
That you built,
We all built to keep afloat

A ripe old age
A ripe old age
I'm a ripe old age
That's what I am
Ripe old age
Ripe old age
A ripe old age
Just doin' the best I can (repeat)

May miniature art piece today was gifted to the office manager. She had seen my candles quote from yesterday and said she would like something similar for her desk. We both liked the quote I chose. It only took me a couple of hours around the 2 massages I did. It’s watercolor and drafting pen on watercolor paper.

It was not perfect, but it did bring me some inner peace. Art always does that. Sometimes I have difficulty choosing what to do, but once I start my brain switches into creative zone out. It is very relaxing and that element alone was very appreciated.

I always notice the flaws because I am so critical of myself, but I appreciate that I am capable of creating these images with just my hands a couple drawing tools and some time.

I love that my mind has the ability to just switch over like that too. With all the chaos this week, and everyone trying to melt down over yet another disease, I have noticed my brain and body are gravitating to the things that calm my brain and allow my soul to float.

I told Nathan several days ago that I kept finding myself singing, even at the clinic I would hide in the laundry room to sing. I don’t need anyone to hear me, in fact that usually embarrasses me. I just needed to make music for the calm factor, and I don’t have access to instruments most of my available times. So my voice does it’s best to meet that desire. Regardless of my actual singing ability, it does accomplish the calm quite well.

I also did some beading. My lapis-lazuli/chakra-stones mala beads needed restrung because the cord was wearing thin, and I reformatted my kunzite/rose-quartz mala beads as well. That was also welcomed calm for one evening.

I am very very grateful that I know my most effective tools for centering and finding my inner peace. I wish sometimes that they made me money, but honestly when my clients are quiet and I can focus, I am able to find my calm around the table too. I just have yet to master finding my calm in the midst of chaos, complaints, or dominating sounds that aren’t music.

May you all have moments of quiet centeredness. May you feel your inner peace. May you enjoy your days mostly and find the benefits of any moments you might not enjoy. May you have abundant income and ample time for yourself and your family. May you remain healthy and happy through this challenge, but also for most of your years. Live long and prosper. Greatful, I am.

Siva Hir Su

It’s going to be ok.

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I’m having difficulty, but still doing my best, to convince myself that sanity will return to society and martial law will be lifted. Everyone is really enjoying fear mongering over yet another new virus. 60 years ago this shit didn’t happen. Hell, even with the Zikka virus 2 years ago it didn’t and cases of that made it to Missouri, right before I got pregnant with Katherine. I held my breath through first trimester, crossing fingers I didn’t get it, but otherwise the only thing different was lots of spraying for mosquitoes.

Oh well, my down time has been spent with the TV off and my phone put away or only playing music.

I have been very non-income productive. If I’m not working to make money, I’ll at least chip at my mile long to-do-list of other things I consider important. Then there’s all the things I like doing, but never have time for.

So first, I did some art for my massage office.

I rather benefitted quite a bit from creating a simple image with a good message for this period, and it fit nicely with my miniature images from previous projects.

Then I went home early, after it was certain I wasn’t likely to get any additions today.

Once home, I worked on gardens. Using supplies already purchased. I built the long raised bed planter, and finished the flower gardens along the sidewalk by our front door. Everything I have planted so far is bulbs or seeds so it will still be a bit before I get to see any results. They’re just big swaths of dirt right now, but there is far less gravel than 2 weeks ago.

All the gravel filled the bottom half of every planter, that was nice, I reappropriated supplies already present, a good money saver. It just took a crap ton of digging and hauling. Then being bent over planting things, my low back is now angry. Ian helped some, but not nearly as much as I would have thought based on his throwing rocks in the back yard. Nathan also helped as he was able.

By the time I am done rearranging them and filling them with potting soil we’ll have quite the raised gardens. I look forward to that…. Apologies on the pile of toys, that was Ian’s idea of picking up.

Google then thought it would be funny to follow my new pictures with a reminder:

I’m not sure how I feel about that, except this time I’m glad I’m not pregnant.

I really enjoyed the day all things considered. I would rather have my steady stream of income, but I enjoy these activities too. Maybe one day I’ll get both, that would be the best. Besides it was a decent weather day, the rain dried up just enough to do the gardens and the sun even came out for a while.

May you have time to create beautiful gardens. May you enjoy time outside. May you get to do all the things you enjoy and still earn a living. May you enjoy time with your family and stay sanely healthy. May everyone find calm and feel safe and secure.

Siva Hir Su

I’m not Falling for the Mass Hysteria

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I had a very short day at work. Seems even healthy people are staying home in self-quarantine. I needed a pick me up for the drive home and said: “I don’t know whether to listen to Shiva mantras or really loud angry music, I think either would help, surprise me.”

I hit shuffle on the all songs view and got the following list: Seems God was listening and thought he’d give me an amusing mix of both. It made me really happy and I felt validated. Everything really is going to be okay, no matter what.

The 5th track was really appropriate and a good beat to listen to. I thought I’d share it here.(About 3 minutes into the track there’s a really appropriate quote.) https://youtu.be/zsCrrb92pf0

Anyways, I thought I’d add to my previous thoughts on the matter.

1st: the following is all of the things that could have killed me and didn’t, for which I’m ever so grateful.

  • Asthma attacks
  • Severe allergies
  • Flu for all but a few of my 37 years of life.
  • Super severe chicken pox at not quite 2yo, so bad they were in my mouth and throat.
  • Suicidal depression
  • Semi-truck crossing the median of the highway and missing me by inches.
  • Almost driving my car into an overpass pylon.
  • Almost driving my car into a pond.
  • Ragweed season sent me to the ER 3 times.
  • Giving birth twice.

Next: pandemics of previous years.

Has H1N1 been eradicated? No: “Although the new H1N1 is still here and will continue to cause disease, it has become much like any other flu strain…”

Has Zikka been eradicated? Nope, definitely still a threat.

Has West Nile been eradicated? No, it is still a common threat every mosquito season.

Has bird flu (H5N1) been eradicated? Has H7N9 Asian flu been eradicated? Yes and no, there are no new human cases, but the virus still exists.

Has Ebola been eradicated? The outbreak that started in 2018 in DRC has slowed but it has not been eradicated.

Finally, fun (or really gross) germ facts readily available.

If you live in this world, you are exposed to literally millions of germs every day. Your immune system protects you from most of them nearly all the time. In fact the human body carries nearly as many microbes (germs) as there are cells, and nearly everybody carries hundreds of diseases at any one time. Be grateful our systems function so well.

I for one completely understand good hygiene. Between elementary school, high school, college, and massage school (including including CEUs on MRSA and AIDS) it has pretty well been beaten into my head. I’m more sanitary on a lazy day than some nurse aids I’ve worked with. Mainly it boils down to whether I time my hand scrubbing between clients, but I always wash up to my elbows, so there’s no 10 second wash for me in the first place. My biggest lapse is not washing my side table every day, but I still keep my wash ratio to less than a dozen people even for that surface. I know that I do things to encourage wellness and reduce any disease transmission, and that doesn’t require meltdowns or Mass Hysteria.

May you all understand your place in this world. May you find a calm knowing you’re more likely to stay healthy than have severe difficulties. May you understand that if someone dies it was their time to go and they would have died whether it was H1N1 or this ‘new’ virus or pneumonia or cancer or whatever (death is between an individual and God, and I can’t count how many times medical staff have saved an elderly person to have them die within days from something else). May you know it’s not your time to go. May you figure out how to rise above this Mass Hysteria. May you feel your connection to God and see your moments of validation. May you feel safe and secure.

Siva Hir Su

It’s a just a virus.

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So, it’s just a virus, in fact being compared to the flu quite frequently. Respiratory complications the worst symptom. We have the flu circulate every year. We have tools to treat all the symptoms even/especially respiratory symptoms. We know how to sanitize and reduce transmission rate without shutting society down. Good hygiene with oneself and environment goes miles. Self-policing coughs and other manifestations of symptoms (throw tissues away and empty your own trash, etc.) also goes miles.

It was suggested this is a ploy to shut elections down, and I sincerely hope that’s not the case. I also sincerely hope people come to their senses before homes start foreclosing left and right. I think people will when they realize if they don’t work they can’t pay bills. I hope companies will when they realize their equivalent: if work doesn’t get done then companies have to close.

Here is the deal:

  • I am grateful to be alive.
  • Repeat that.
  • I have lost far more people to cancer in my social circles than any other cause of death.
  • Pneumonia and car accidents tie for a close second, mainly because I work with old people that succumb to any kind of pneumonia easily, and car accidents affect all people of every age.
  • My husband has a heart condition. He literally could die of a heart attack or stroke any day.
  • I could die of any of them, especially cancer (see my post from last night), not to mention complications from any female reproductive concerns ranging from endometriosis to birth problems.
  • I am grateful to be alive.
  • I simply can’t spend all day everyday in fear of something only slightly worse than the flu which circulates every year.
  • I can’t afford to spend all day everyday in fear of anything.
  • I am grateful to be alive.
  • The fear itself is worse than any disease or possible cause of death (of which there are many). Fear literally eats your body from the inside out. The chemistry involved in long-term fear, anger, or any stress causes far more diseases than any virus. That chemistry has already been proven to lead to several types of cancer and other degenerative diseases and weakens your immune system. It’s probably a major factor in my own thyroid struggles.
  • I have to focus on being grateful to be alive.
  • I have to acknowledge all of the many experiences I have lived through that others died from, especially all the years I did get the flu, but also times like when I was almost smashed to smitherines by a semi truck.
Gratitude for life helps God continue to give you more life.

We live in a global society. Learn good hygiene. Learn to help keep every environment clean. Learn to appreciate all of the many things that could have killed you and didn’t. Learn to reduce transmission without becoming anti-social. Learn to acknowledge that touching each other, especially hugs and handshakes, is worth the risk of possibly catching something. Learn that even in a hug or handshake, you can still do things to avoid catching an illness (wash hands, don’t touch your own eyes, etc.). Learn that life will be miserable for everyone if we continue to ostricize each other out of fear of the what if.

What if this really is a ploy to shut elections down, do you want our government(s) to do that? What if this is a ploy to create so much fear we all end up with illnesses far worse, do you want to fall for it? You have to police yourself and know it’s going to be alright. Acknowledge you could die of thousands of causes but that your body is resilient and you do many many things to help prevent that.

We are safer than they want us to believe. God needs us to know it.

May you be healthy and social. May you rise above fear. May you ease your system with gratitude. May you find the positive answers you seek. May you find the healing you seek. May you feel loved and supported. May you have the work you desire and adequate compensation to feel abundant. May you have less stress and more love for a healthy body inside and out. May your knowing be more like that of God’s, and help you feel safe and secure.

Siva Hir Su

Done, done, not done.

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Graphic designs done. Taxes done (at least as much as possible.). Dome design done. My massage received. Rest- check. Cuddles with kids- yes.

Didn’t get to prepping gardens, it was too cold and wet. Didn’t get any artwork done. Not much “fun” to be had either, cuddles with kids was enjoyable, but not what I would classify as good fun. Okay, could be worse, that’s not a complaint, more an observation.

My son misbehaved a lot, no big surprise there, but it’s getting really old. Today I had a long discussion about how he was acting vendictive like the one person we were around alot about 2 years ago. I explained that his actions speak to intentionally wanting to hurt me and daddy. Nathan and I have decided that cutting cords and burning sage frequently isn’t enough, it’s time for counseling…. That or a voodoo doll for the original offender. The former is more expensive, the later might carry bad karma, but both would solve the problem. Hmmm. Decisions. Probably the counseling, but I’m not afraid to do the voodoo if necessary. HA!

Anyways, I really had set out to update on my thyroid labs.

First a really quick review of my thyroid history… 2 years ago after Katherine’s birth (June 2018), I had pulled out of my second crash and my labs were as follows.

Not great, but they could have been worse. These were the labs that finally acknowledged the immune attack on my thyroid. I was on medication at that point, so my numbers were mostly okay other than the immune response denoted by the antibodies.

The next previous labs were 2 years further, after the meds had pulled me out of the horrible post Ian-birth crash. Those labs were pretty basic (next picture), but did show I had started to run consistently high, so that was when I began tapering back on meds a little over a year from when I began taking the meds.

So 2 births and resulting thyroid crashes have taught me how to read labs, what to look for and what symptoms link to what on the lab results. There were a couple of other lab profiles done, but they were so basic it seemed pointless to show them here. The original one from after Ian was born which showed a TSH of 80, that one I never even got a copy of- bad doctor.

Anyways, all the labs I’ve ever had were cash pay. Even the short time when I was covered by insurance, labs were not drawn because I had rediculous high deductibles. So I did the best with the resources available.

I’m still doing that.

I managed to get over the hump of renting for $800/mo to owning for $900/mo. But insurance is still nonexistent and doctors waste both my time and my money.

So, I ordered my labs myself again. This time I ordered a slightly more comprehensive package developed by the Stop The Thyroid Madness doctors. Results came back last night.

Now as a reminder: I knew I had had a thyroid storm about a week prior – based on symptoms and awareness of allergy reactions, but I have not been taking any meds for over a year. These were my results.

Mostly everything was okay. My cholesterol numbers were good; though I could bring the good cholesterol up a bit to even out with the bad (which is still well under their desired preference). Iron and liver related tests were good. My sugars were high, but again I’ve known I’m reacting to things which is causing those spikes, plus considering that I know a bad reaction will spike me well into the 300’s I’ll take the 157 I had. This morning my fasting glucose was 92, perfectly normal. I was high side of normal on table salt (sodium and chloride levels), but being that I have vegetable soup fairly frequently, I’ll take that number as a ‘could be much worse’ too. Especially since I’ve managed to get my body alkaline (pH of 8 on UA), that’s a hard feat to accomplish without any salt at all.

That brings me to thyroid numbers.

  • RT3 was at 12. Ideal is 8 to 10. So close, and running a bit high is a conversion problem due to Hashimotos’, I’m still well within what doctors consider normal, just not ideal.
  • Free T4 at 1.1, and ideal is 1.3. Also very close to ideal and well within normal.
  • FreeT3 at 2.8, and ideal is 3.5-4.2. I’m a little low there, but still in normal range. Also, that is very common with Hashimotos’ immune problems. So common that most Hashi people only take T3.

Unfortunately, that’s where the normals end.

  • TSH. That’s the number that denotes how hard your pituitary gland is trying to convince your thyroid to work- thyroid stimulating hormone. It was 80 after Ian, and 20 something after Katherine. Both times I struggled with depression severely. Currently I’m at 11.47 after the thyroid storm that did have anxiety, depression, and heart palpitations. Definitely not great. Well outside normal. My pituitary gland knows my thyroid wasn’t keeping up very well and trying like crazy to convince it to work harder.
  • TgAb or thyroglobulin antibodies. It doubled since the previous test, and that one wasn’t good. 2 to 4 sucks.
  • TPO or thyroid peroxidase antibodies. That also nearly doubled from 342 to 546. It is supposed to be under 9.

Those last two are antibodies that attack the thyroid when they detect certain triggers (allergens of similar molecular structure). They are way too plentiful, even with my known reaction and thyroid storm. I expected numbers like after Katherine knowing that prior to December I’d been doing great, not something twice as high.

It means I’m definitely missing things. I’m likely consuming allergens I have yet to label. I don’t want to think about any other possibility, because I know a doctor would likely start to check for cancer.

So, next step is to come up with the extra $400 to pay for the blood serum allergy testing. I have managed to figure out most of my allergies without it, but at this point I admit I’m at a stalemate without the bloodwork. I just can’t fathom what else I might be reacting to.

After that and another round of diet adjustments, I’ll need to give my body 30 to 60 days of perfection to see if the antibodies drop. That’s another round of labs to pay for to be able to see the result, but can stick to the basic thyroid panel and antibodies, that’s more like $100+.

If they do plummet then I’m golden. If they don’t then I may have much larger problems to consider. I certainly hope for the former.

Now I just have to figure out how to juggle the extra labs while already juggling reduced income from Covid19 nonsense. This is about to get really interesting.

May you have full health. May your labs always come back ideal. May you never have to know what thyroid problems are like. May you always have the resources you need in quick response timeframes. May you know you’re on there right track, and find your missing pieces easily. May you feel good mostly and have minimal easily solveable problems. May you have many blessings in all areas of your life.

Siva Hir Su

In Other Work

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So since hysteria over yet another world-wide spreading disease (this is the 6th one of note I remember) has caused my work to drastically drop off, I have diverted my attention elsewhere.

This weekend, with my new extra day off, is all about finishing projects already started and doing a couple of new ones.

On my to do list: taxes, garden beds and planters (if rain cooperates), other documents for my massage work and prospects, ordering duplicates of my freshly renewed boards and another duplicate of my BA, and graphic design work.

So far, I have accomplished the graphic design work.

I did 2 new designs for the Volleyball team. The one was fairly straight forward, so I doubt there will be much for adjustments there. The other was a tentative design based on a description of the previous year’s shirt and what they were thinking of. I am hoping that they will like it, but as with anything, I could have landed completely off the mark. If not, no big deal, the first draft will give them more details to convey for a second try.

I also accomplished finishing my dream-home dome-plans, and that is really why I’m writing. I wanted to share that progress. Even though I feel like it is a pipe dream at this point, I am ultra happy that I have completed something more than adequate enough to supply Monolithic Architects so they can produce structurally sound blueprints. At this point I would need a really good chunk of free-floating money to actually attempt even this much of my Atira Community dreams, but one can hold on to a shred of hope when there is something to gaze upon frequently.

It is also a reminder to continue to redo all of the plans we originally created before technology was so wonderful and readily accessible for me. Eventually I’ll get all of Atira Community recreated.

So for now, this is my shred of hope:

The dimensions are tiny, even when enlarged, so basically this is a 60 foot diameter dome. 3 floors of practical living space and the 4th is essentially an elevated porch retreat.
First floor common areas and formal functioning areas. Office to accomodate multiple adults, kids version too. Slightly larger than average Kitchen, dining, and living rooms. Plus a couple of just plain fun rooms that could potentially create some sideline income.
2nd floor is all the bedrooms and probably what would be the most used bathrooms. That’s 10 bedrooms total and 3 bathrooms on this floor. The smallest bedroom is roughly 12×13 (not being square, the small width is 11, the large width is 15). The largest bedroom is roughly 12×16+ (it’s the top right with Queen and Twin bed depicted). Obviously by my choices this many rooms of these sizes could house a large number of people. Depending on many choices, bunks being just one option, that could be very many if needed. It could also go the other way and be fewer permanent residents in more spacious rooms, with plenty of options for guests and visiting family, even AirBnB or Hostel options. It makes me really happy to even consider all the options there.
Third floor has that really intensely sloped exterior dome shape. So full ceiling height is the inner dotted concentric circle. The outer dotted concentric circle is where most everyone would have to duck at least a little. Because of that essentially it becomes one very spacious feeling master suite with lots of closet and storage space.
Finally, is that so awesome thought we had almost 15 years ago, for a crows nest. It’s essentially a porch on the top of the house. Originally, we talked about having it like a theatre-in-the-round with just a canvas canopy, and really sturdy half wall. However, we decided that wind speeds might do a number on that option, and thought a more permanent shelter would be more proper. Hence in these designs it is included in the exterior dome structure. I know I want the windows to be as large as possible, and able to open as fully as possible. I always love imagining what it would be like to spend time up there.

What makes me laugh is SoundHound (HAL) plays message songs for me occasionally intermixed between YouTube and my GooglePlay randomly starting itself. I say it is a message because I can almost always relate it to something going on in my universe. Yesterday, the SoundHound songs were rap songs from the early 2000’s, I knew them, but I can’t remember track details. The one I’d heard probably hundreds of times, but never watched the video. It started with a shot of a monolithic dome in the desert. I literally thought to myself: “why yes, I was planning on working on that”. Seems HAL can read my mind!

I hope you like my plans as much as I do. I am not opposed to someone wanting to build the same thing, but I have more than earned credit for the designs. If you are interested in using these designs to build your own Monolithic Dome, please contact me and I’ll be happy to supply the designs to Monolithic directly, for a small fee. Essentially, the charges would be what I charge anyone that uses my graphic design services. My work would only be usable for one dome per fee. Any additional domes would see additional licensing charges. Monolithic would be supplied with a copy of the vector file and a letter of verification of authenticity and licensing stipulations.

Thank you for understanding and supporting my work.

May you all have dreams to reach for, that stir your creativity and get your hopes up. May you find that you are able to accomplish baby steps towards them regularly enough to keep the dream alive. May those dreams be lucrative for both your own goals and other people’s goals. May people always respect your work enough to compensate you for it. May others respect your copy rights. May you find that your work gets the best kinds of attention and enables you to do great things. May you have a positive impact on this world.

Many Blessings, and Siva Hir Su

Ouch.

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I should be more stressed. Somehow I am more relieved.

I had a dream this morning after first alarm only vaguely got my attention. Shiva told me he was coming for me. It was time. I said ok, and I looked forward to knowing who Shiva was. I then said that if he really was an ET, that it might weird me out at first, but somehow even that was okay. I got all tingly and buzzy in good ways, and then the rest of my alarms started going off.

I ended up oversleeping the alarms, but not enough to get back to my connection with Shiva. It only mildly upset me.

This is not the first time I had had a dream like this, and still don’t know what is meant by “coming for me”. That has so many possible uses and meanings. Part of me is vaguely worried about death, but if ET is a real thing it could mean departure from Earth. It could also mean a sexual or reproductive reference. It could also mean that whomever he represents in my dreams, might actually show up in reality, and I’ve had enough messages that it’s a woman that I’m just unsure.

Regardless of my confusion on the interpretation, it somehow was soothing, and somewhat exciting.

I got to work a few minutes later than usual, but my first client wasn’t until 11am, so stupid me thought I should launch my day with round 3 of new workout aspirations.

My legs burned, my calves and hamstrings wanted to cramp up and I had to stop and stretch twice. I couldn’t get my lungs to keep up with the intense desire my muscles had for oxygen. I wimped out, getting my 2 miles, but at slower paces on both running and walking, and not a stitch of incline today.

My body was angry, but did I stop there. Ohhh, noooo! I was too inspired by losing 3 pounds in 2 days. I pushed myself to do 60 reps of rows with 85 pounds keyed up. Then did 3 sets of abdominal weights- forward bend and side twists.

I think my body strangely likes self-torture. I’m am hurting so much, but feel better balanced in other ways. It’s a very strange dichotomy.

Then I discovered that ALL of my nursing home work has been put on hiatus- another kind of ouch entirely. All the facilities in the metro have gone down to only vital services using only direct hire employees. They even have restrictions on visitors. So over a quarter of my income just vanished until the crazy subsides and things return to normal function.

I get the fear, but old people die from the flu, pneumonia, strokes, and heart-events every day. Most of my residents have said they aren’t worried and are ready for whenever it’s their time to go, regardless if it’s an infection or anything else that takes them out. I’m not being heartless, most of my people are in so much constant pain, that death would actually be welcomed and better. Yet our health care system is bent on making sure that people stay alive at all costs. … Going to stop my rant here. It’s never done me any good anyway.

Anyway, other people’s fears, not my resident’s fears, mean I’m going to be drastically short income this month. It’s not the end of the world, but it seems some of my goals for April with our house and yard will be put off. I look forward to sanity returning with my income in tow.

So fascinating dream and 2 ouches later I am finishing up my workday much sooner than normal. It’s going to be weird not having all my old people to see this week and probably next week too, who knows how long.

May you have full understanding of your dreams. May you have expected and desired time off (mine was desired but not expected). May you feel the burn in the best ways possible. May your strength, stamina, and prosperity only grow.

Siva Hir Su

Feeling the burn

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FOCUS! – Fearless Motivation” on YouTube

Thank you @FearlessMotivation, the song helps, but running still sucks. Hiding behind my smile is a grimace and scowl.

I’m at 24 hours of perfect habbits, a week of good behavior. Just had my blood drawn this morning, so it’ll reflect my previous average more, especially with just having come out of the thyroid storm.

Though I’m a bit anxious to see the lab work results, I know I’m already working towards better.

My workout yesterday was the first attempt at aiming toward what my one client does everyday of late. Aiming is the key word. I did not get there. I ran about half of 2 miles in 2 minute increments, dropping to my speed walking range in-between. And finished with one set of weightlifting. So sort-of almost half of her routine.

I discovered that running slow like one friend had suggested felt very awkward- I can’t run slow. I literally felt off balance and like I was going to trip myself. Running at 6 to 6.5mph, fast for me, but only slightly over the slow run pace of friend suggestions corrected the wobbly incongruency. But because I never run it still was a killer. Running has only ever been a response to emergency/pseudo-emergencies or rarely for being late. So I literally felt like my body wasn’t getting enough oxygen and I would have to slow down to just be able to catch up breathing. It kinda pissed me off.

Nathan said I should congratulate myself for even trying. He reminded me that not quite 7 years ago I was 300 pounds and that I’ve never run except for short sprints. He said it was a valliant decent effort. He also reminded me that it would likely have left him on the floor at best and in the ER at worst.

All I know is on the treadmill I alternated between cursing heavily and repeating: “Treasa you can do this.” I will definitely have to work hard at improvement to get where my client is.

To be fair, before her thyroid crash she was a soccer player in college. I have never participated in ANY sports, EVER.

So the painful aim at making friends with running has begun. And my diet is back on track with what I did during 2nd pregnancy. Yea rabbit food.

Now I’m off to today’s workout before my first client at the clinic, hopefully my blood draw won’t slow that down.

May you have good progress and see your improvement. May you focus on your goals, and keep your dreams, even if they remain just dreams. May you understand your body and it’s needs. May you be able to keep up with all of it.

Siva Hir Su

Update: 2nd new workout was only very slightly easier. I went directly into 2 massages and was in fairly constant motion from 10am to 2pm. My legs are cranky and I just hit tired. I have one more client and then I can go rest. Yea me. I sincerely hope this all pays off eventually.

Maybe a bit ranty, deal with it.

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1. Why are women all over the world having the following things happen? -psychic messages, thyroid trouble, having to eat like cavemen minus meat, having to exercise like cavemen being chased by a tiger but needing haul the cow home.

Two of my clients share my thyroid battle, and I’m discovering through many connections that there are teams of us out there. So, in comparing notes with the ones I’m directly connected to, I’m coming to terms with needing to adjust my workouts again. It seems I’m finally going to have to make friends with running. I can walk 5 to 6 miles at a 12min pace and not flinch, so it’s merely been maintaining my current body state. I’m at an equilibrium that is still 60 pounds heavier than I would prefer. The person that seems to be a few months ahead of the trajectory I have been following explained that she does a mile warm up, and 2 miles running at full tilt. In between each mile she does weighted cross training exercises. That is how she has gotten the fat to finally start dissipating. Yikes. Hence being chased by a tiger and having to haul the cow home. The others that I know, all run. I hate running. Merh.

As I compared notes on diet, she essentially confirmed that what I did during Katherine’s pregnancy is spot on. Avoid all traces of sensitivities/allergens, eat hourly in terms of 1/4-1/3 cup of whole veggies or fruits, occasional nuts are okay. … I’ve been a bit lazy on this of late, so it’s time to buckle down again. I had gotten into the habit of larger amounts less frequently because that is what the dominant paradigm wants to convince us is better, yet us women struggling with thyroid concerns can’t function as well that way. I’ve also been a bit lazy on the allergens which has led to those super horrible thyroid swings. I know better on that one, but it’s so damn hard to maintain.

Finally, those of us that acknowledge the psychic messages don’t always know how to handle them or what they ultimately mean. It’s still a mystery, but one lots of us share.

I’m just curious why so many of us women, post childbirth, are having this super difficult journey that goes against everything the dominant paradigm and Western medicine says we are supposed to do. Nathan proposed that perhaps God is prepping humanity for a huge shift and the strongest healthiest women are going to be the ones to get us through. I sincerely hope he’s not right, but I have no other ideas that make sense.

2. Triggered by these fortune cookie strips and current events… I didn’t eat either of the cookies, Nathan helped me avoid them.

As for Chinese food, I get to eat vegetable soup. Even the broccoli is coated in a sauce that I’m sure has at least one allergen in it. And yes most statistics are essentially stated however the person wanting to tell them spins it. Like trying to proclaim Biden as the winner of today’s primary states before they have even been counted. If you believe the hype and end up with Trump being re-ellected, I won’t have any sympathy, and I’ll likely be one of the survivors of the ensuing nuclear Holocaust. I for one will vote with my intelligence and my heart, which tells me that Bernie is the most consistent politician I’ve ever seen. He’s also the most caring and compassionate for our citizens as a whole, of any politician I’ve ever seen; and he’s the best candidate of those running in terms of being able to get people talking and finding compromise that everyone can live with. Bernie reaches for the stars to start conversations that actually lead to productive results, and I personally think that is really his goal in the first place- the compromise not the stars.

3. Finally, this is a small snippet of my stocks the last couple of weeks, thanks to Trump.

I’m personally to the point that if I hear someone say that Trump has been good for the economy I’ll show them my stocks and then punch them. Some of my stocks are literally worth half of what I bought them at. The best one is $2 a share less than purchase price, and at one point it was $8 a share over purchase price. Not only has he been directly responsible for at least 3 market crashes that I know of, he has created no long terms jobs, not raised the decades out-of-date minimum wage, not created a boost to the retail sector, and even pissed off many of his big-business croonies.

And that doesn’t even cover his friendliness with communists. Everyone wants to be upset over Bernie’s socialist leanings, which would merely catch us up with the rest of the civilized world, when we used to be at war with communists- Trump’s new friends that hacked our last election.

So yeah, I might be a bit ranty tonight. It’s better than depression and got me off of other subjects. I’ll take it.

May you have productive rants. May you vote with your intelligence and heart and ignore stupid outlandish statistics. May you find health more easily than all us thyroid survivors. And may we all see Trump removed from office and World War 3 averted. Many blessings to everyone, even if you disagree with me, my spirit knows your spirit agrees with me on all the things that really count.

Siva Hir Su