All posts by Treasa Cailleach

About Treasa Cailleach

I'm a massage therapist working with chiropractic and the elderly; musician, artist, pagan, mom, B of LGBTQ, & polyamorous professional.

“Let the walls crack, it let’s the light in” ~PINK

It’s real. The best reaction that western medicine has is a mask. Their precious vaccine has failed, and that is on top of the risks taken by those that took it. Too bad Europe was the only one with enough sense to discontinue use of them. See screen shots… Here in KC the two most populous counties have 90% and 93% vaccination rate, and we still are in the high transmission rate for the delta variant. And from my daily experience it is definitely passing rapidly, but many aren’t registering on testing.

I’m over wearing the mask because every response that medicine has had is just that- a response. By the time I was reading the news article notifying me the CDC had recommended going back to masking, I had likely already had the dammed Delta variant and here’s the kicker it didn’t show on Covid testing (for several clients too).

Two posts ago I had noted I wasn’t going to write on topics for fear of attracting worse, and here’s why.

I had caught a “sinus infection” from the one chiropractor. He had gotten tested for covid and it came back negative, his doc suggested it was a run of the mill sinus infection, especially since it was allergy season. I fared the same as him, except that where allergy-induced sinus-infections usually run less than a week for me, this one ran almost two. I wasn’t stupid and started masking immediately. Nathan was the only person to catch it from me and he ended up with Covid light, probably because he’s already in kidney failure, but it still didn’t show on Covid testing. He was tested on 2 of 3 ER trips and tested again in the Walgreens drive thru. None of them showed Covid. He had the high fever, the sinus infection, tightness in his chest, and occasional cough. It caused him to completely loose his appetite and he spent two solid weeks in bed sleeping every day away. I genuinely thought he was dieing on me. That combined with dialysis dropped his blood pressure out the bottom and he had seizures and panic attacks from low blood pressures and starvation. It was those episodes which led to 3 ER trips, one of which excised an abscess that resulted when the acupuncturist gave him herbs to kick the virus. The herb is Yin Chao and it literally pushes external influences out of the body, that pushing out process is what triggered the abscess.

It was 3 weeks of hell, which I handled amazingly well considering I was doing everything, while still doing my best to maintain my work schedule. Laundry, dishes, cleaning, caring for kids, making meals, and of course navigating the multiple trips to the ER as best as I was able.

Nathan is starting to pull back up because I kicked him in the ass verbally and made him reach for what he was doing before dialysis. I explained he was doing well enough that they almost didn’t catch the kidney failure. I told him he needed to connect with his inner self and reach for what his body needed and wanted and definitely get back to what he was doing before. I reinforced that most of his problems were acidity from starvation because he wasn’t eating. Then I kept shoving electrolyte laden waters and high quality vegan nutrition drinks at him. The combination helped him climb up and now he is trying to figure out stasis. He’s not clear yet, but much closer than any of the ER docs or dialysis docs were getting him to. If I had left it up to them he’d still be starving and just being monitored. They weren’t even very proactive on adjusting his dialysis treatments to keep his BP from dropping out the bottom. And that’s nothing to mention several stupid things we learned along the way, including the fact that the hospital was short small needles because they had all been sidlined for vaccines.

I’m over it. I did everything inside and outside the home this month, while watching my husband waste away, while doctors just watched. My kids all freaked, and both Ian and Anya asked me if Dad was dieing. I’m sure Katherine would have if she had had the vocabulary to do so.

Here’s the deal.

We all could die at any minuet. If it’s not Covid, it’s cancer, or car accident, or work accident, or any one of dozens of other viral or bacterial infections.

Yet we are alive and functional. We are all living life as best as we can, and nothing that has been done the last year and a half was a true solution. Nothing actually fixed Covid for real.

Viruses will mutate because they want to live too. If you introduce something that limits their chance of survival, they will mutate around it, every time.

If all that we as society can manage, is a response, then isn’t it high time our responses become treatments that help people kick and heal from viral infections?

That is the light through the crack in the wall.

Let go of the fear and live.

I will wear masks as needed, but I am over being afraid. I’m not afraid of this or any other disease anymore. I’m no longer afraid of Nathan dieing because I just spent a month living with a walking dead man and doing everything our household needed. I’m just not living in fear anymore.

On the same token, I deserve better than this shit. I am refusing to succumb to the fear and darkness because I deserve better. My life can only improve if I scream “F- You!” at fear and live in expectation of everything getting better.

So that is where I am aimed.

For now I’m needing to cook dinner and then get kids to bed.

May you find a way around fear. May you know you are a survivor and know how to hear your inner self to know exactly what you need. May we all see better days ahead. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Celebrate Successes

This afternoon after work the office manager invited people to celebrate her success of clearing radiation treatments.

It was a good poolside party to celebrate her win.

I was/am very happy for her. Her treatments are not complete in that she has oral chemo next, but she has definitely cleared the worst part of cancer treatment and we are all super happy for her. I am glad that she had such a wonderful group of people to support her.

I am honored to have been included in the group.

Sometimes I feel like I should do better, or I’m no-one special, or that I am the socially awkward person that no one really wants there. The sore thumb that stands out in a room. In those moments I segregated myself to not impose too much. I have this secret bashful side that sometimes hides cleverly behind my confident side.

There are moments where my opioniated self argues “I have nothing to worry about just be who I am, the world needs to be more accepting”, but the bashful side says “I’m just so different that I make others uncomfortable and that makes me uncomfortable”. I often feel like I can feel the energy of judgement even when people don’t say anything, and it definitely makes me uncomfortable, I will often migrate away from people only realizing later what happened.

Occasionally, I have an awareness that, even though I am comfortable with my self because of my major improvements, others live in a different paradigm and have no clue about my path and progress. Those people might say or do something embarrassing and cause a scene, and it is not my intent to cause any scene anywhere, so bashful wins again, and I fold myself up to be less obtrusive.

I caught myself doing that a few times during the gathering. Fortunately, the successful-celebrant’s sister, or my co-workers, seemed to notice and help draw me back out into participation. I appreciated that, and I’m so glad that my uniqueness was tolerated for such a wonderful celebration. It was a concern for me going into the celebration, but I had done my best to ignore my fear, and I’m glad I wasn’t the cause of any disturbances for her big win.

It was a quiet, pleasant, and mostly comfortable gathering to honor and respect a much deserving person. I enjoyed a bit of slightly cool pool, good food, and even a drink to celebrate with her. I’m glad I was there and I’m more glad she had a good afternoon, she deserves it.

It also helped me to see that I have the family I’ve dreamed of. They aren’t polyamorous partners of my ideal dream, but they are family just the same. I can share my fears, my hopes, my dreams, my desires and everything. They put up with my loudness at times and respect me completely. They have helped Nathan so much it makes me cry, and when I expressed major concerns over recent things, I felt like I was really heard and that they genuinely care. The hugs I have received from them are priceless and help more than I have words for. I really appreciate my work family.

I had some of that with the one person I worked with at the job I found myself having to step away from, but at the clinic I feel that way with everyone. They all care about me and I care about them. Genuinely and completely. I am so utterly grateful. It is a wonderful feeling to have people around me that truly care.

May you enjoy celebrations of succuss with everyone you love and care about. May you see your family around you, even if they are not biological or in a marriage-like commitment. May you know those you care about also care about you. May you enjoy life mostly and see your dreams begin to manifest. May you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti