All posts by Treasa Cailleach

About Treasa Cailleach

I'm a massage therapist working with chiropractic and the elderly; musician, artist, pagan, mom, B of LGBTQ, & polyamorous professional.

Sense-ative!

Today we took the kids back to Wonderscope. They really do enjoy going there, even masked.

We aimed to just let them play themselves out, and had no set time limit. It was very crowded compared to our initial visit. It seems even though Delta is spreading like wildfire regardless of vaccination or not, people are just over being cooped up. Life is beginning to look normal again, very slowly. Us risky humans, we can only take so much restriction and then all bets are off. It’s a good thing Covid wasn’t worse, because we definitely hit a limit where we’re either at least attempting to enjoy life or we might as well be dead, and once we finally know that we take our chances.

However for me, I’m not sure it’s a good thing. At least just yet.

At about 2 hours in, I began to feel off, and like I was fighting fatigue intensely. I couldn’t explain it because I’d fasted on Thursday all day, and felt pretty darn good before showing up. Plus, I hadn’t had anything that would set off an allergic reaction, as far as I was aware. I was simply perplexed as to why I was suddenly so tired. Yet, it was enough that after contemplation and acknowledging it might not be me, I popped an extra dose of thyroid meds, carefully poking it into my masked mouth.

About 20 minutes later I began feeling nauseous and my head began throbbing. Something definitely felt awry and I was wracking my brain as to what could have possibly triggered this moment. I let my husband know that I wasn’t feeling great, but couldn’t figure out why. He said he was also starting to get tired and we agreed to work on getting children to wrap up. Katherine was showing some intense fatigue as well.

Nathan went to convince her to stop playing and walked up to her right as she smacked another child. The fatigue had won and she let frustration get the best of her. As parents we immediately pulled her aside and scolded her for smacking the child. I knew though that it wasn’t just frustrated acting out. I could see the pattern I experienced starting to show on my family. We quickly gathered everyone and left for the day.

Nathan needed to stop at the hardware store next door before we went home, so the rest of us piled into the van and got settled for the ride home. I simply told Katherine to just be her and relax. I repeated “Just be Katherine, just be you.” a couple of times. Then I started repeating it for myself, “just be me”. I left one foot hanging out of the van to ground anything that wasn’t mine and even said silently to myself “eliminate anything that isn’t me, push everything else out”. I repated those phrases until Nathan came out of the hardware store.

By the time he was settled I was feeling much better. I told him the nausea had backed off to a slight heavy feeling in my abdomen, and the headache was barely noticable.

At that point I was understanding what was happening and explained to him.

I spend all week working one on one, occasionally standing in a group of 8 or less for conversation. The rare occasion I go to a store, it is usually not as busy as Wonderscope was, but even when it is I’m only in the store for a short time. This was the first time I was around that many people for that length of time. I also explained that kids are there having fun, but it is loud and boisterous. Plus, there were nearly as many parents as children, and human parents are usually the ones with the most energetic baggage- the parents are the ones constantly finding things to complain about. Kids are oblivious to a point, but eventually fatigue or energetic impact begins to wear them down too, and they will fall prey to the same patterns but in kids’ form.

I simply had not shielded well enough, and I was like those kids, where the energetic impact wore me down until my body began manifesting it’s pattern equivalent.

Fortunately, I have definitely gotten better at clearing it out, because 10 minutes outside and away from the crowds was all I needed. By the time we arrived back home I had almost completely cleared the energetic clutter of others.

I know as a kid I couldn’t stand to be in large crowds, the mall during Christmas season was most dreaded. It seems I’m almost caught up with young child me. Except now as an adult I understand better what is happening and how to manage the effects. Now if I can either catch it earlier/faster or somehow shield better to avoid it all together, that would be amazing.

Plus there’s: how I could teach this to my kids quicker? They don’t need 30 years of it before they master it on their own. If I can speed that up to 1 or 2 years, that would serve them immensely well and benefit them greatly.

We’ve watched She-Ra, part of Masters of the Universe, all of Troll Hunters, and 3Below. Those shows all explore the unseen world from different perspectives and vocabulary. They have all been helpful to me in fine tuning my tools and vocabulary for how I experience and interact with my world. I’m hoping I can convey to my kids what I see, feel, and understand, and how those things help.

For instance this week I played with visualizing myself differently. I pretended to be like Aaja from 3Below, I saw myself with an extra pair of arms and when I was doing muscle manipulations with my tangible hands, I was doing Reiki and energetic work with my non-tangible visualized hands. I felt like it helped my sessions get just a bit more efficient. For the first ever utilization of such an energetic tool, I felt it was definitely worth doing more of it.

But my 3 year old doesn’t know what all that means. She could benefit from the visualization too, but she needs a 3 year old understanding of it, how to use it and why it would help. I need to put it in play terms and give her ways she could use it interacting with family. If I can figure out how to get Katherine to understand, I know Ian will too, but potentially Ian might get it first. Either way, which ever one gets it first I know they will help the other learn it too.

There’s a dozen more moments like that from the shows that I am still exploring myself and have yet to attempt to help children do so.

These are definitely interesting times, and the shift is getting more and more noticeable for me. I’m beginning to see evidence of it everywhere.

My body is shrinking and healing and it gets stronger, cleaner, healthier and clearer every day. My third eye seems to be nearly fully woke, with fewer and fewer power downs- usually precipitated by general fatigue.

I am working on controlling the energy in useful and positive ways, aiming it at healing myself, followed by all those around me, my community, my country, and my world. I am doing my level best to really be a vortex of ‘Om Shanti’. Most days I am successful all day long, and begin to loose around 5 or 6 pm. I think dinner just doesn’t come fast enough to help counter the full days of work. Energy out must be balanced by energy in. I probably need to start consuming a buffer snack late in the afternoon, because my lunch veggie snack of months just doesn’t make it far enough now. That or more consistently actually take that second smaller dose of thyroid medicine. I need to look at the last round of labs they just drew before I decide that one, if it was still off a bit then that’s the solution for sure. Course it would be better if my thyroid finished healing and I didn’t need either dose anymore.

Balance and patience. In time all will be well.

For now, I’m grateful that I am feeling better and better. I’m grateful that I am healing and I am shrinking. I’m grateful that I have a beautiful family. I’m grateful that I am both intelligent and aware enough, to understand all of this and how to apply it to my life. I am grateful that I’m intelligent enough to hold what still can’t be fully documented by human tools, as worthy of exploration and understanding. I’m grateful that I’m aware of where science has begun to document some of the unseen world, and I look forward to more understanding being gleaned. I’m grateful that I am able to sense my divine half enough to know for certain that there is an unseen magical world. I look forward to being able to control my divine energy, as well as She-Ra was able, when she defeated The Horde. I love feeling good and knowing I’m more aware than ever. I love being able to focus my awareness. I love knowing that I’m healing myself in ways medicine has yet to even discuss because the topic is still considered to far-fetched. I love knowing my efforts are concerted enough to potentially rewrite my DNA, turning off junk DNA for accepting better options. I love the feeling of healing. I love the vibrance of the energy of healing. I love knowing that when what I feel spills forth, it helps everyone around me, and that because it’s like a cup overflowing, there’s only ever flow outward when my cup is full and the flow continues. I love having my cup continually full and still allowing the flow to continue, that is a true healer. The best feeling ever: my divine self- words give pale comparisons, knowing that alone is priceless and sacred.

May you know what you feel, and may it always be exactly as your inner being is. May you have all the tools you need to navigate this world. May you understand all of the ways to experience the world and all of the tools needed to explore it safely. May you know how to adjust and correct when others impact you. May you know exactly where you went wrong and how to fix everything. May you see your inner light burn brightly for all to see as long as you shall choose. May your heart be full of healing love always. Above all may you know the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

You get what you attract.

My husband’s focus on and help of BLM, has attracted himself racist doctors.

They displayed black-man-on-medicaid syndrome.

It doesn’t matter that society has poisoned the entire race for centuries in toxic attitudes, hate campaigns, and even poisoning their water and food supplies. No, all of that hate, only led to disease that has afflicted so many of them that they are now overwhelmed with a race of diseased people. They start turning blind eyes on the details and glazing over moments when those people are trying to tell them something is wrong or symptoms that would help.

It wasn’t until I showed up in scrubs and lost it on them using language they understood. It wasn’t until the educated white woman stood up for her spouse demanding answers and solutions, that they started listening and actually started to fix it. He went from 3 months of failing adequacy to passing it in one week.

That is wrong.

I am just realizing the intensity and weight of this situation.

My husband was being shuffled off as an ignorant black-man-on-medicaid and not worth their time and effort to manage properly.

My husband, my love, my college-educated smart, intelligent husband. My husband already knows what discrimination looks like, he has had that his whole life, and he’s spent decades fighting it and doing his best to prove them otherwise.

But when your life depends on someone else’s technology, medicine, and prescription, it is the last place for discrimination.

And sadly I know he is not alone. He is not the only one going to that clinic. He is not the only one being given that treatment.

It is wrong.

But if I fight this matter I worry that I will attract more of it, both literally and figuratively.

You simply get what you focus on. My husband’s only mistake was the focus given to fighting discrimination. His focus should have been on equal rights and equal treatment. His focus should have been on total equality, fair, equal, balanced, equality for all. They wrongs are done and past, and we all need equality in every aspect of out lives. But we’ll never get to the equality ground if we keep focusing so intently on what still happens too often.

Luckily, when I had my meltdown, it was with one person that had actually cared for a family member of hers, on dialysis. I realize now the turning moment was when, I was crying talking about having to call an ambulance while I took my kids to the neighbors, and followed in the next breath with if you kept waking up at 3am to your husband in trouble you’d take less than 3 weeks to fix it. I snapped her out of black-man-on-medicaid by tugging on her emotional connection to her family.

It is sad, but true.

I don’t want rath, I don’t need punishment, I just want the system to change and stop hurting someone I love.

Medicine has hurt me, my parents, my brother, and now my husband too. Enough is enough.

I want better. I deserve better. I deserve healing for everyone in my life. I deserve a medical system that actually cares about people. First do no harm was lost long before it ever actually mattered, and no one seems to care to get it back.

May you know how to attract better into your life. May you never see the touch of discrimination because we actually truly live equally. May you understand we are all in this together. May you understand we all deserve a choice, and we all deserve treatments that actually work. May you know that above all the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

*stock photo from Pexels library

Mind Yourself

I find that I am needing to take my own advice again.

“Mind yourself” came about because my son is a Leo and his firey personality is easily angered and frustrated by others actions and words, especially those of his siblings. He often feels the need to roar like a lion and make his feelings about them be known. So lately I’ve just been gently reminding him to mind himself and ignore everything else. It takes a concerted effort, but eventually he does mind himself and relax.

It seems I need to listen to my own advice because I keep taking the bait, and reacting to others about stuff that I have let go of repeatedly.

Yet again everyone is in fear and speculating about all the things.

Everyone has an opinion about everything. Myself included.

Yet I am painfully aware that my opinions rarely align with others because most everyone around me wants to pick an extreme, and it depends on the topic and the person, as to which extreme I am subjected to.

This afternoon I simply went to say goodbye to coworkers I care for, and walked in to a discussion stirred by an article about venom being tested as an Covid solution.

I fell for the bait- again.

I said I was not surprised, and pointed out it wouldn’t be the first time venom has been used as a treatment for something. I also said I wouldn’t try it right now, but if it cleared proper testing and I ended up in a situation needing it, it likely wouldn’t be any riskier than any other options. At least someone is even attempting to produce options and solutions for people. I’m willing to evaluate and weigh risks of anything, it really depends on whether the risk is worth the potential results, and I whether I can handle said risk(s).

I also pointed out that us stupid humans make all kinds of mistakes, there’s not a human on this planet that hasn’t made a whole laundry list of mistakes, and sometimes I simply trust God more than any human options. Clarifying with several examples where “good science” or “good medicine” told us one thing for years, even decades or centuries, to later confess they were wrong.

Eggs being good or bad, the food guide pyramid being changed to the plate formula used now, the model of an atom has change multiple times, even the concept of being able to travel faster than sound once was impossible and now is. There are literally thousands of examples where both science and medicine have changed their minds as more data and more evaluation was possible. Our knowledge is only as good as the tools and information we have at any given time.

My phraseology and statements didn’t sit well with them… Again. I said goodnight and left, wishing I had just left without discussion.

So now I sit minding myself.

I’ve spent two days listening to Green Day and I remember why I love their music. They make awesome music off of knocking sense into the masses. Their songs are laden with righting wrongs, dealing with inner turmoil, and making sense of the senseless. Every last song I’ve heard of theirs makes me feel okay because I simply know I am not actually crazy nor am I alone in this mess.

I know that I see a bigger picture. I know that I make decisions based on my inner knowing more often than not. I know that I know how to reach my inner connection to the divine and when I’m not falling for ‘argue-with-me bait’, I know I am centered in that inner knowledge. I do know that I trust my inner being more than anything else, because it has never led me astray, only falling for someone else’s opinions has ever led me astray.

I may or may not be Mensa smart, but I know I am more intelligent than the average person, every test I have ever taken has shown that, and others notice my intelligence enough to tell me on occasion.

I know I am stronger than the average person and others notice all the time. It has provided an unending income stream of word-of-mouth referrals.

I know I am more energetically aware and in tune than the average person and others are noticing and telling me more and more frequently. It seems each week I get new requests for energetic work in addition to my massages.

I am hardworking and kind most of the time. I appreciate those around me, even when we disagree.

I do my best to help everyone around me, and my biggest fault is that there is only one of me attempting to do the work of 3 or 4.

I am a good person and I simply strive for better in whatever that means in any given moment or on any given topic.

I know that my inner being intended for me to be a beautiful goddess and I work on myself everyday reaching for the ideal I was always intended to be. I’m gradually shedding all of the toxic, old, negative junk that I collected as I grew up, and one day I will see clearly myself in my wholeness.

I have supported myself wholly and completely. There simply wasn’t anyone else to rely on for much of my life, even as a child my family really wanted me to be self sufficient to eliminate any burden on them. It was sink or swim and even though I almost sank in middle school, the rest of my life has been swimming and swimming and swimming (with a little floating on occasion). I will keep swimming with an occasional float to rest. One day I will reach shore and lounge on the beach for a rest. Then I will get up and keep walking. That is the journey of life, and I am on my journey for better or for worse. I will keep moving until whatever day that my divine half decides is fit for transition. I’m okay with knowing that.

I am okay. We are all okay. No matter what. Life is a journey and death is just a transition. It all keeps this immense infinite universe of ours moving forward.

May you find ways to mind your self. May you find ways to avoid taking the bait. May you see your self in the best ways and know that you are enough and that you are worthy. May you know that your life journey is all what you make it. May you know that you are okay no matter what, and that the universe is safe. May you think bigger to get past the little crap that has you stuck and focused in unhelpful ways. May you always find your source and float mostly. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti