Category Archives: Me Myself and I

What peace looks like to me.

This is segment 4 of my inspired climb up the vibrational scale this weekend. I knew that to get good things, I must focus on good things, and I used pleasant memories to do that. I’ll go through some of them here. I apologise in advance, it’ll probably be a long one, this really makes me feel good.


Peace to me feels like the private clothing-optional spiritually-open camp that Nathan and I used to frequent (kids & then Covid rules deterred that for a long while). It was so safe, and so secure, and so accepting that even at nearly 300 pounds I could lay naked in the sun. Peace is that feeling of knowing that it’s truly okay and safe to just be me, absorbing beautiful suns’ rays, no matter what that looked like to others. Peace was knowing that there were others of every body type, every age, every gender identity, every sexual identity, and many religious preferences, all doing the same thing. We were all finding immense pleasure experiencing nature’s bounty in our god given skin, being 100% authentic. The overwhelming knowing that everyone is not only safe to be themselves, but accepted as themselves, was so very relieving.

The organization that created that environment went to great lengths to ensure that it was sacred safe ground. They cloaked the land in energy so strong that just stepping foot there soothes nerves. It is so laden with divine goodness that nearly anything goes. You can literally do anything you want as long as it doesn’t create a problem needing external support (police, fire, ambulance). Even drunken debauchery was well accepted, you could participate or not, whatever you want, and everyone knew that. We knew we didn’t have to tell others what not to do, if we didn’t think it was appropriate for ourselves we just didn’t participate. If you did participate in activities like that, even the after effects were lessened compared to external environments, i.e. hangovers were lowered in severity.

Many trips to that place brought many things to appreciate. There were woods and paths to hike, naked if you so choose. There was a big pond/small lake to swim in, canoes and row boats to float in. There was a giant 4 story stairmaster called the main stairs that went from the co-ed bathouse to the ridge where events happened. There was ample camping with options to choose from. They all bring moments of joy for me.

Everytime I would get to the stairs I would pause. People would always ask if I was okay, or offer that I could do it- I could make it up/down them. But my pause was never about the physical experience of climbing stairs, even at 300 pounds I knew I could, and fairly easily, only multiple trips got hard. No my pause was appreciation. The view from the top down, dozens of half naked or wholly naked people making the trek. Beautiful sun filtering through tree’s leaves, critters scurrying along side the same staircase not concerned about the people knowing they were equally safe to just be. It was absolutely beautiful and breathtaking. The view from the bottom equally beautiful, especially watching everyone’s butts twitch in unison as they climbed steps. There was always just something so amazing, exciting and peaceful all at the same time. Even writing this I feel my words are not quite good enough for the moment I always took to savor.

The lake, it was just plain safe fun. I remember the first time a fish nibbled my toes and sent me squealing out of the water. I remember swimming, knowing it was already safe, and hearing a man yell ‘freeze’ as a water moccasin made it’s way through the maze of swimmers. We did, we all just stopped splashing, and the snake didn’t even care we were there. It swam an arms length from me, unfazed that I was floating in it’s territory, that is safety. And the big snapping turtle, someone speculated was probably nearly 100 years old because of it’s size, it never did bother us. I always felt like it would swim just out of the humans area to see what we were up to. I think the turtle found us as entertaining as we did it. I can’t count the number of hours I spent swimming in that lake cooling down from my hours basking in the sun. Every trip to camp brought one singular sunburn, often that tanned before we even left camp, I always did come prepared for that. One summer was so hot the sunburn actually was significant and my aloe didn’t cut it. I went to the herbalist that hooked me up with very expensive miracle salve, handmade for healing, and it did- quickly. One jar was enough for several self-baking disasters, and that particular sunburn, though severe, healed in hours with just a few applications of the salve. My skin was grateful.

There was the garden where I would swing, watching bees and hummingbirds do their job. A wide array of flowers and sculptures to gaze upon. The butterflies would swarm in a beautiful cluster and land on your arms, hands, shoulders, and face if you held still enough to let them.

There was a hill by the lake, perfectly round with mulberry and willow trees around the edges, called Venus Mound. We all knew the rattlesnakes had their den under Venus Mound, but if you were quiet and peaceful they would share the hill during prime basking time. It was just a matter of acknowledgement of their presence and respect of their needs too. All who were respectful were safe, and often the snakes would move to accommodate you. That was always awe inspiring for me, though I never tested that very much myself (there is a scardy cat hiding deep inside me).

The most notable experience for me though, out of all of it, was when I learned decompression and re-entry the hard way. My first trip to camp I had never been such a place. It took me a solid day to decompress and begin to feel the relief and realize just how special camp was. You see in daily life we all play roles, and often those roles seem to pigeonhole us into being or acting a certain way. All of life seems to function that way. And I had been told that people whom frequent camp have jobs in every field: doctors, lawyers, police officers, EMTs, blue collar workers, everything; and it is their only safe place, that’s why pictures are not allowed unless direct permission is given. So part of me believed that I was safe, but I’d never really truly lived an experience like that and it just sank in really slowly. After we set-up camp I changed into shorts and a tank top but was otherwise dressed like someone at the store in the summer. Then I started wandering and meeting people. There were a few like me still in civilian clothes, mostly still setting up their campsite. Everyone already set-up seemed to be nearly naked and oh my was it a learning experience. The first woman I saw bigger than me, fully naked, was hugging a twig of a transgender person. I damn near cried and retreated into the woods to hide my blush and remove my bra. Then I met some of the camp elders, showing their age, but freely enjoying camp as much as someone a third their age. And on and on it went. By the end of the first day I managed to go topless with just a sarong on my bottom half. By day two I found the freedom of “naked as a jay bird” in the trees. It was exillirating and amazing. 4 days were spent like that before pack up and the trip home. I had to really convince myself that it was okay and worth while to go back to “normal”. Once home and back to work, it felt almost painful. It took 3 days to readjust to “normal”. My spirit definitely prefers camp, and hates the low vibration of rules and regulations and people telling each other what to do an how to be. I see that, in general, society still has enough really low vibrational people that screw things up for everyone else, that rules are somewhat vital and necessary. However, I definitely would prefer a life lived the way that camp functions. People responsible for themselves allowing others to do as they please as long as it causes no problems for the whole. People openly accepting everyone as who they are, in the entirety of that sense. I look forward to days where or collective vibration raises enough to enable that.

So yes, camp to me is a huge symbol of peace, tranquility, openness, acceptance, freedom, and being 100% truly authentic to your core being. That is what I want to see more of in this world.


I wanted to add a couple more common-place examples of peacefulness and acceptance which we all experience at some point in our lives. Something that we can all reach for the feeling place of. My words about camp may be inspiring, but if you’ve not had a similar experience you might have difficulty reaching for that feeling place.

Hugs, are one such feeling place that nearly everyone experiences at some point in their life. It might be a parent to child, co-workers over a successful work event, significant-others/spouses expressing love, friends in greeting or as support, or even that of hugging a pet. What all hugs have in common is the feeling of love. It is that warm sensation that spreads from your heart. It brings similes to lips and sometimes tears to eyes. It radiates in and all around, making you feel special, supported, and safe. It’s calming yet oddly invigorating. In the moment of any hug, if you close your eyes, it is like God is holding you as their baby. You know you are safe and that the person you are hugging does care in whatever way that moment is celebrating. Even better are the hugs of unconditional love: parents consoling children and lover’s embraces. Those moments carry a love so strong it obliterates everything outside of it. Time stands still and the moment is just the people present. Nothing outside of those arms’ embrace matters and your whole being is enveloped in love. You can almost hear angels sing and there’s a sense of fairies’ sprinkles of magic dust all around. You simply know all is well and it is safe to just be for a moment, however long of a moment you choose. That moment of unconditional-love hugs, is a very similar feeling place to many of my camp memories. It is the same feeling place that God resides, and that connection with the one whom you are hugging is allowing God force to flow in and all around both of you. It is healing and uplifting. It is life affirming. It is a moment of perfection that shifts everything in your experience to a more positive place. It is your freedom to be who you are. Savor every ounce of those moments, remember them frequently. Let them help you even when you can’t recreate that experience in the now. They are God’s gifts to our memory and our thoughts.

Finally, I see children playing happily as another of those moments. It doesn’t have to be your own children, any children you know will do (don’t be a playground creep). When you notice them playing happily, really notice them. Watch their faces, see the sparkle in their eyes. Listen to the giggles and squeals of delight. In those moments children are flowing God. If they sound too loud, it’s because you are too grumbly (I know this from my own experience). Take a moment to check yourself and relax. Really enjoy the fact that they are happy. Truly take a moment to savor their joy. See if you can figure out what is bringing that joy, see if you can feel the ripple of it. Feel for the uplifting sensations, the energetic playfulness that spills forth. If you can feel it and savor it, it will bring more and similar into your experience. If you don’t have access to watching children, then try to remember some moment like that from your own childhood. Those memories can get buried pretty deep under “have to’s” and “should do’s” but they are still in your memory banks somewhere. Reach and dig until you find one and focus so intently you relive the moment. Feel how happy you were, remember how much fun you were having. Those are our blessings just like hugs. Those moments allow God to flow through us and do wonderous things. They feel good and they bring good. We all have those moments somewhere if we allow ourselves to find them again.

The more we focus on these feelings, these moments of peace, of joy, of loving acceptance, the more our world will improve. Let’s all savor our blessings hidden in our memories.


May you have good thought journeys that end up in the highest vibrations possible. May you see and feel our expansion as a collective. May you simply know you are free to be yourself in any and every way possible. May you have safe, uplifting, life affirming environments to recharge in. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do and wants you to know true freedom and safety. May you have more and more good days and find the healing that God knows you deserve.

Om Shanti

The middle road.

This is inspired post number 3 of the clump I referenced previously. It sort of went with the one about the clinic helping people relax into the middle road of common ground.

I knew it needed it’s own post when I had the thought: that’s me, I’m a little of everything, I love happy-mediums and finding the things that work for most people. I love finding the most for the most, in whatever I’m doing, because it brings people together. When I’m not trying to do that for others, I like a little of everything for myself, that’s when I’m happiest.

There’s a poem or quote I remember, and would have to search to find it. It went something like: the middle path is the one not trodden, covered in overgrowth from disuse, but unlike the easy well-worn paths, the middle road has a sense of adventure and will teach you a plethora which the well worn paths would not. … Perhaps I’ll look for it and post at the end of this before publishing the post.

So, what is “A little bit of Everything”?

The good
The bad
The in-between
Art
Music
Playtime
And learning
Adventure
Unique
Unfolding
Excitement
Something new
Different
Magical and Enchanting

It’s a way to make your own way. Do what draws your attention and make the best of all of it.

So, in my focusing I went down memory lane of all of it and discovered that even the bad could be beautiful if you focus on lessons learned.

Moments of all:

*Sigh* (happy sigh)

The simplicity of sitting in a chair in the sun, watching the birds flutter and squirrels chase each other through grass and up trees. The peace radiates warmly, first on my skin from sun’s rays, but slowly it seeps deeper and deeper until all of me is relaxed and content. It’s even better with a cool glass of iced suntea to sip on, and beautiful flowers to gaze upon.

The excitement, fun, and relaxation of sitting on the grass, listening to a live concert in a safe community. Loud and delicious as it reverberates in my being. Good music will eventually make me want to move, my muscles respond to the vibration of the beat and simply want to join in the joyous sounds. Best enjoyed with friends and family, so I don’t feel like a complete idiot dancing while everyone sits like bumps on logs. When I really let myself feel the vibrations fully, they get my whole body excited. I make no pretence of being a good dancer, I’ve never learned real moves, but boy do I know how to follow rhythm. I may look like a flailing idiot, but every movement matches the music somehow, my body ensures that. Delicious, joyous music and dance.

The exciting hustle of bumping elbows with people at a bustling farmer’s market with all kinds of fresh healthy good vegetables and fruit, the best experience for obtaining nutrition for your self and your loved ones. Sights and sounds not experienced everyday. New tastes, sometimes smells (not always so good), people to meet, things to learn. An appreciation for how much effort went into growing produce that will soon become a tasty meal. A happiness for supporting local businesses. The joy of diversity of all kinds; people, plants and animals, a colorful array in an otherwise sterile inner city grey environment. People so close together, that disease could spread like wildfire, but rarely actually does. People so close together that fights could break out, but nearly never do. People coming together, en masse, to make lives better through good nutrition and good business. The togetherness is life affirming and healing.

Appointments with clients; neck & shoulders again huh? Oh wait, this time it’s your low back. The same faces, same problems, but each appointment a unique opportunity to help another human being feel better. My fingers so love the dance. The texture of skin, soft and silky definitely preferred, but even old and wrinkled tells a tale of life lived. My fingers so used to the process they immediately find the problem children (I mean knots). Like heat seeking missiles, they search and destroy all evidence of pain inducing tension. When someone or their knots are extra stubborn, it becomes an extra challenge. What trick will do it this time? The best is when all else fails and I relax into obliterating it with energy and love. There is simply no better sensation than lightly touching a hard muscle knot, impervious to previous pummeling, and feeling the energy move and the muscle begin to melt. Always, my intention is that clients leave feeling better than when they came in. And nearly always I accomplish my intention. The only drawback is my hands and arms do take the brunt of the work, many hours of self-care and receiving massage is necessary to keep them functional. Yet, even when I find myself in outright pain, I still feel my work is worth every moment. It enables me to do good, for my clients, for the clinic, for my community, for this world, and for the divine. How could it not be worth it?

Even the bad parts of life, the abuses suffered by others actions, the chronic depression and disease I’ve lived with, the hard journey to attempt to heal myself. Every bit, every ounce, has made me a better person. I see the ripple effect in nearly everything in my experience. I push myself constantly, doing my level best to leave the best ripple in this world that I possibly can. I strive to be better to others, than past others were to me. I’m not perfect, I’m human. I don’t always accomplish my goals, sometimes I outright fail horribly, I have hurt people and regretted it, I have disappointed people that I didn’t want to. But every moment of weakness, every outburst of temper, every hurtful word, has pushed me to do better and do my best to make amends. My goal is to be better than the examples I lived through. My hope is to give God something special to appreciate. My desire to make the world a better place in as many ways as possible, would not have been possible if it hadn’t been for the hurts I lived through and watched others lives through. Pain is never futile if it becomes fuel to light fires to find solutions. I honor and accept my journey as being helpful to this world, possibly in ways I may never know while alive. I may not dance the ‘happy dance’ over them, but I do see their benefit, both in my life, and for life in general. The magic lies in finding and seeing the good buried under the crust of darkness. Every time I have that moment it feels so freeing to my soul.

May you find your middle road, the path least traveled but which brings you exciting adventures towards happiness. May you see the good in all things. May you know you are a better person for all that you have experienced. May you find your healing in your journey. May your journey be easy mostly, but challenging or interesting enough to stay an exciting adventure. May you generally have fun and find the good in life. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do, regardless of the path you take.

Om Shanti

The following is the poem I was remembering, but this is also a good one.

“The Road Not Taken” ~ Robert Frost
Courtesy of Wikipedia

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves, no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Bringing the light.

This is the second post of the cluster inspired by my focused climbing up for higher vibrational alignment.

I am very grateful that I work in a clinic that is able to soothe and help people find the middle road. We collectively helped to bring some light to extremes and get people to work together… mostly anyhow!

We were able to serve a wide array of people during 2020 Covid non-sense because we were able to soothe nerves from both extremes.

We shed light on people’s fears through conversations, and helped them to see some things were being inflated and were sounding worse than that of reality. Nervous people would leave not only having had their aches and pains and headaches solved, but they would also gain relief from the scare tactics of news media. Well informed practitioners brought calm and clarity, over and over again, over the past 10 months.

We provided services that helped beyond words. When you are hurting, fears can seem bigger than they are. Once the body pain subsided, often the sense of fear and impending doom would as well. I can’t count the number of times someone would enter worked up about Covid and fall asleep on my table (some exceptions of course). Numerous people left saying that their treatment (Chiro/Acupuncture) or massage was exactly what they needed and was life changing relief on multiple levels.

Beyond that, I know that I, and at least a couple of others in the office, went out of our way to help the facility feel safe. I know I have regularly done Reiki on the building itself to clear out the energetic clutter. I have cleared when those most concerned, left behind a wake of energetics threatening to affect others. I have put massive amounts of intent and energy work into helping the space feel relaxing, feel safe, and feel secure and peaceful. I know it has helped to some degree, and my biggest wish is that I could maintain it more consistently (my own battles and schedule being the biggest hurdles for that).

For instance, one client initially wanted to refuse to wear a mask at all. He fought it, but gave in and kept returning, because he knew we were helping him. We were his trusted source for physical relief. We were not the people portrayed in the propaganda’s warnings about forcing masks. We were able to convey to him that we just had people’s safety in mind and we were doing our best to meet everyone’s needs. He begrudgingly wore a mask which he wrote TRUMP on in sharpie marker, but conceded we had no malice in making him wear one while in the building. He found understanding for our version of the middle path.

Another client, I’ll reference as Anxiety lady. She simply couldn’t hear me at first, but kept coming to the clinic. She refused to see me for services, but continued utilizing other practitioner’s services. Eventually, she did catch it and realized it really wasn’t that bad. She’s realized we weren’t just trying to be “on the other side” and we were genuinely trying to inform her. Even though she has yet to schedule with me, I’m confident she will eventually. I might look like the propaganda, sometimes looking a bit hippie-ish, but I was well informed and I did speak truth. The propaganda’s messages never account for that. She has to see that, and now that she’s also survived the Vid, she’ll eventually get over whatever prejudices she’s held onto this far. Plus, she does see the clinic as helping her, and the clinic wouldn’t keep someone around if they weren’t helping. Again clarity eventually comes, even when fear does it’s best to drown it out. But ultimately it is more a result of the clinic as a whole being able to maintain a clear picture of the middle path, of doing our best for as many people as possible. That is the biggest influence of all.

I really do appreciate working in an environment where we work together to meet as many needs as possible. I also really enjoy working somewhere where people do acknowledge the imperfections of western medicine, and do their best to provide the tools and resources they know to help compensate. We’re saying “we’re in this mess with you, let’s keep woes to the best minimum possible, and work together to reach for feeling better. Let’s all reach for better alignment together.”

That message is vital to feeling supported and included, during a time when media would love to see us tear each other apart.

I love that the clinic isn’t hung up on vaccines being a savior, because we all acknowledge their imperfections as well. I love that we regularly speak truths of health, guiding people to many options that can help them maintain better overall health. I love that all the practitioners are well informed on nutrition, exercise, stretching, supplies and supplements that can help with improving health.

I love that I work with a staff of people all doing their best to not only maintain or improve their own health, but that willingly work towards that goal with their clients as well. I love that I work in an environment that is focused on living the best life you can, it’s a massive improvement over helping people ease out of life gently.

May you enjoy where you work. May you see all the positives of your work and appreciate those around you, both co-workers and clients. May you know that life will continue to give you what you focus on, so focusing on the best is really the only way to go. May you find your middle road towards common ground. May you know we’re all just trying to find our best path through life. May you have all the tools and resources you need to find your own health and even help others do the same. Above all, may you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti