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Just needed a small adjustment.

You may have noticed, with all the chaos in my experience, and the lesson from God on the correct usage of my given phrase Siva Hir Su, caused me to start using Om Shanti.

I knew it could help and had started using it frequently. It means “all that is, be peace”, or that’s my known meaning in my words. Om represents the entire known universe, down to the nano particles of an atom. Shanti is peace. Put them together and all that is becomes peace.

I’ve ‘known’ it for a long time, back to a book on buddhism I read in 7th grade. Much of the book was beyond my comprehension at that age, but that concept was one that stuck well.

It has been my go to mantra as long as I can remember having an awareness of them.

Tonight I decided to YouTube up a recording of it to help focus for my meditation. After like 5 tries, I found this one:

It was exactly what I needed.

It was the perfect spacing, tonality, and resonance for me. I was able to sing/tone along, and could feel the binaural cycle in the tones.

It was much like when I used to tune in band, you wait for the tones to get close enough that the harmonics create the binaural wave pattern, and then you fine tune until the wave pattern slows down. The slower it is, the closer you are to being in tune with each other. My ears hear the pattern, but because I primarily played flute I feel it in the upper palette of my mouth too. Singing duplicates that sensation.

So I toned along and got close enough that I could count 7 or less cycles in the second om of the videos’ pattern.

Once I was in that range it was like it resonated me right back to alignment. The slow binaural beat was able to travel through my whole body and it broke up tension and aches and relaxed me into soothing peacefulness. It even seems to have helped my biological processes because my body temperature is holding steady again, after having spent an hour shivering from fatigue.

It was my internal universe becoming peace.

I followed along to the entirety of the video and now my entire home is peaceful and quiet again.

My universe inside and out just gained a whole lotta peace. It is nice.

Please give it a try our world needs more peace. And if this particular video doesn’t resonate for you, there’s many you can try with the same mantra.

May your inner and outer world be peaceful. May you find your best fit for resonance. May you feel better and find a way to lift chaos in your experience. May you know that God loves and supports you.

Om Shanti


I should be sleeping, but I’m writing when I really wanted to quit writing on here.

My last post was about the why of wanting to quit.

This post is because a bedtime Abraham meditation is stuck in my cogs at 2am.

There’s a line in the guided meditation that says essentially if you feel that another is attacking you, it is only because they are upset at themselves and you’re allowing your own disconnection.

But that isn’t explaining my current events, and I’d really like Abraham or someone to clarify.

I don’t remember how far back exactly. It seems about two months ago. There was a day from hell for me, but where a whole mess of posts about different people had been read. Because it was a day from hell I hadn’t done anything online until well after the dust settled, and at that point I wondered if the two had been connected.

My only way to tell was to try and watch.

So if I’d start my day and things were going smoothly I’d look, and invariably there’d be no views or just one or two to my main page, like someone finding me through wordpress reader.

However, if chaos hits it’s a whole different story, and with variations.

One type of wave looks like this:

Dog starts barking frantically. If he’s inside he tries to hug me or climb into my lap. Kids will simultaneously start running, often in circles, yelling. Often at each other, but sometimes it’s like they start chanting mommy/daddy. Sometimes Ian will say something strange like he’s channeled someone else. A few times Katie has done an odd action likewise (example: one time she pinched my nipples- not something I ever expect, especially from a two year old). Then Nathan, Anya and I will get exasperated with trying to function around it and full discord ensues with everyone yelling and/or arguing. Nathan and I are getting better at catching this wave more quickly and trying to solve it energetically. If we do catch it quickly sometimes we can curb the full discord portion. But everytime we’ve caught it and curbed it, there have been old posts read about my desires and dreams that had involved the duo.

The dad variation is very similar, but every bit of human interaction ends up being laced with intense negative arguing. The kids will be full out screaming at each other and fighting over things. Nathan and I will have communication failures. My end of the arguments will even start sounding like shit my father would have said. Nathan always catches that one, knowing it doesn’t even sound like me. When Nathan catches it, smudging begins to clear our home. Once normal returns I check and invariably old posts regarding him have been read.

I want to make very clear here. I have the face-to-face chaotic interactions, and afterwards I note the old posts being read.

It’s very intense and very hard to handle. Most often it’s negative, occasionally is purely just chaotic. We solve the experienced waves by doing energetic clearing of our home, often a combination of smudge sticks and Reiki, and it works every time we catch it.

The other current negatives usually just affect only me, and I end up fighting sour mood or body ailments, until I can ground in nature or do a salt bath. Those moments I feel like are the people I currently function with (the ones I mentioned hate each other), especially if my body holds specific spots associated with one of them, but sometimes I think it’s just a symptom of collecting some of everyone I come in contact with.

If I’m not being attacked energetically, then why does it affect my entire family including pets?

If it’s just my own vibration dipping too far, then why does everyone around me begin arguing?

If it’s just my vibrational alignment, then why does smudging work so well to clear our home and settle everything back down to normal?

Only when is just in my own body do I feel like it’s my own vibrational lapse letting others’ junk in.

The latter I own and I’m trying to find solutions to allow any further impact, beyond my current actions of grounding or bath.

The former situations, I just want to end and have no idea how to stop it.

I want peace to return. This started shortly after having moved my dad to my sister’s, so I only had a brief reprieve of normal life. This mess is on top of Covid nonsense, on top of people dieing and committing suicide, on top of presidential election antics (old-white-man tantrums), on top of clients losing jobs, on top of economic disaster, on top of my own health journey, on top of a full work load for me.

Enough is enough.

Now does anyone wonder why I keep thinking about the damn shotgun?

May you find the peace you seek. May you be your own energetically sovereign self. May your family be unaffected by anyone out to get you. May your home be your safe zone and impervious to any outside influences. May we all get through 2020 with some semblance of sanity left. May the old, outdated, and negative die.

Om Shanti

Being haunted

It seems every time I pull up someone yanks me back down.

One, I truly loved, simply couldn’t tell the truth. Lied to me, ghosted me dozens of times. I finally cut them off with “tell the truth and be consistent, or leave me alone”. Yet their energy still plagues me, and my whole family, after old posts related to those hopes have been re-read.

Their partner in crime (I still have no idea if it was the sibling or spouse or a good friend), couldn’t tell me the truth either. Yet I still get their junk too. I fight it off regularly. They still claim a connection to my body that haunts me more than it ever helped.

My dad is the same. Couldn’t ever be kind and genuinely loving. Couldn’t ever say “I love you” without following it with a ‘BUT’ statement. Couldn’t ever help me in ways that I needed. Couldn’t ever accept me and my desires wholly. Still doesn’t. Only wanted to help the way he thought I needed it, and with the solutions he thought were best for me, based in his effed-up 1950’s old-white-man ideal of non-reality. Yet he still likes to stalk me digitally and send me on wild goose chases he could deal with himself. And of I don’t say something nice he cloaks my entire home in negative chaos for hours, until I can smudge it away.

There’s at least 3 others that I know do the same, if not more.

Two are currently in my life playing dumb. I know by their behaviors. On one hand I know they care because they are trying, they make efforts to change based on things I write about. On the other they drag me down energetically on a regular basis, live in the fear society pushes, and can’t even tell me the truth. I love them both, but they seem to hate each other. It leaves me wanting to run away. I refuse to cause a schism by picking a side, I would rather just walk away all together- loosing both, and I’m inching closer and closer to doing so. I desperately want them both to put aside their differences, acknowledge me and my desires, and just be honest. I feel like I deserve that.

At the end of all of it, I’m left with a simple quandary:

Why is it so damn hard for people to be truthful, honest, and genuine with me?

Why is it so damn hard for people to accept me and my wants, needs, and desires, enough to genuinely support me in being me?

It must be why I have no really good friends.

It’s also why the shotgun in the closet at work is so tempting. No one would have to stalk me, digitally or otherwise. No one would blanket me in negative chaos. No one would have to worry about dragging me down with their negativity. No one would have to keep lieing to me. No one would have to change anything about themselves. No one would have to get along for my sake. No one would have to admit they’ve been coveting my words and lieing to me about anything. I would just be gone, and if I was gone they’d get over me a hell of a lot faster.

I deserve better. I am at a loss of how to make the negativity disperse. For now I keep fighting for my own life, but it’s getting awefully expensive with everything I have to take to keep ahead of it.

I deserve honesty and truth and love and acceptance. I deserve people to reciprocate my devoted actions. I deserve better.

May you find that you are supported by honest helpful people committed to being in your life. May you have a chaos free, peaceful home and existence.

Om Shanti