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Quick data

Markets are projected to fall another 30% below current levels which teter on a baseline set 40 years ago. If markets do take the projected fall, it will set the US and world markets back to levels not seen for 60+ years.

Shit happens when fear takes over.

Call for a sanity gathering.

I would love for everyone to take a chill pill, because the world as it is right now is so crazy it’s causing suffering for all, but as Nathan pointed out that is not my responsibility. I cannot change another’s choices or experience. I cannot expect people to rise above fear because there will always be those that choose to live in fear- and then die more quickly because of it.

So, I personally call for those sane people that wish to LIVE life fully to gather together and support each other. I know we’ll catch flack from the fear mongerers for doing so, but I believe it is worth the risk.

I simply can’t stand living in a world where people are so afraid of everything: their shadow, touching others, being too close to others, so afraid of a disease that they forget the millions they survived, that humanity has survived. They forget that every thing that is, can be, or has been touched has germs- remember salmonella salald. They forget that even things that you don’t touch can have germs- the last lysteria outbreak was because of a ventilation system on a building. You simply can not prevent disease, you can only control how you respond to it. Prep your body to kick ass.

“Death is the one game you can’t loose, everybody wins eventually.” ~ Sadhguru

If I want that particular win to be in the distant future, then I have to choose to win at life first.

Living life involves going, doing, touching, being in this world. Connecting with people means sharing, caring, kindness, expressions of all of that involve touch. That is a world that I feel loved and supported in, and I’m okay with the risks, I generally feel safe in that world.

The idea of being responsible for another’s illness is also quite ludicrous. The life cycle of a virus (really any disease) means that at some point we all have unknowingly spread a disease, it’s impossible not to, and many of us are carriers that never get sick, our immune system is too strong to even show symptoms. Yet, those that came in contact with a virus and do get sick have weaker immune systems. It is not my responsibility to fix your immune system, I’m busy being concerned about my own. Just as it is not my responsibility to stay home because you are afraid of getting sick. If you are afraid, you stay home.

We are all responsible for our own wellness, and regular good hygiene is a key factor in that, it doesn’t take a pandemic for me to practice good hygiene. Beyond good hygiene, there are many, many things that have been proven in repeated studies to help your immune system, which I am always happy to share my knowledge of, but it is still your responsibility to utilize that knowledge. Vitamin C (orange juice), Vitamin D, multivitamins/multiminerals, lavender, colloidal silver, grapefruit seed extract, olive leaf. There are many other things that are believed to help but have less evidence: homeopathic medicines, oregano, turkey tail/mushroom belnds, even vaccines.

Yes, vaccines have very little data individually to prove their efficacy. At this point vaccines are widely accepted enough that they follow a formula in creating them and don’t usually test much, especially if they are trying to rush a vaccine as they are with this covid19 virus. I would be surprised if they test the covid19 vaccine at all. In fact vaccines are the only medical procedure/drug that is exempt from thorough testing procedures.

And quarantines are not this stupidity we have going. My own mom was quarantined as a child for Scarlett Fever. A real quarantine is the infected individuals are sequestered and limited to necessary care by a strict few individuals that take proper extra precautions. The rest of society is allowed to function normally. My mom lived through Scarlett Fever, and worked as a licensed practical nurse for decades. This was her response on Facebook (Nathan took the screenshot for me, still not being on FB myself):

So take responsibility for yourself. Figure out how to help your body heal itself. Keep your fears to yourself and allow society to regain balance and functionality. I’m not speaking from overconfidence, I am speaking from rational reasonable knowledge and I am not alone. We did not do this for SARS with a 15% death rate, we did not do this for West Nile, or Zikka, or bird flu, or swine flu. Even Ebola, with  50% death rate, which turned the Congo into a giant concentration camp, is still present and infecting people. There is no evidence to support the necessity of this level of response for this disease. Be reasonable, be responsible for the elements that are yours and let go of what others are doing.

So I am going to continue living life. I am going to continue going, doing, touching, being in this world. I am going to keep connecting with people which means sharing, caring, and kindness. I’m going to continue to do my job as a licensed massage therapist, and being a caring, kind human, which all involve touching. I am going to keep living even with the risks, but that is life itself. Life is risky, but the benefit comes in taking risks. I will let others be alive and ultra safe in their electronic boxes full of fear. I am going to heal my body fully as God intended and I am going to enjoy my life as much as I can. My brain no longer gets to tell me otherwise, I will reach for joy even in the toughest times.

This week I worked some, said a prayer for one of my old ladies that died from a stroke on Monday, did a fair amount of art, hugged and kissed and cuddled with my husband, kids, and cats. I snapped at a few people over the crazy and got pissed off over taxes, but then I pulled up and assembled our trampoline for my kids to play on. I even played amateur plumber to my son’s cardboard antics with one of the toilets- lots of germs there. Did I get sick? NO! Because I know how to clean up after myself and practice good hygiene. You should too.

So, may you have good enough hygiene to really live life and know you are generally safe. May you know that no one wants to get sick, but it’s not the end of the world. Even if it’s your time to go, it just means transition to non-physical, the world and humanity will continue to exist. May you know that there are far worse things in reality than Covid19. May you know that regular life is worth living and worth the risk. May you overcome fears and enjoy your days here. May you be loved, supported and know you are blessed. May you feel the light of God and choose better, choose enjoyment and joy. May you help shed light on the darkness and help everyone know their safeness.

Siva Hir Su

More perspective.

Thank you Trump, thank you one percenters, thank you paid disinformants, thank you paid fear mongerers. You have provided me with a priceless perspective. Thank you God for all of their presence in my life.

You have provided me with the knowledge of how much healing I have accomplished. I may not have completely healed my brain, but it’s a hell of a lot closer than I thought.

I didn’t fall for the fear, because of my knowing of my divine protection built into my hyperactive immune system. I didn’t fall for the lies and outlandish claims because I am aware and intelligent enough that I remembered details of many other diseases and causes of death and I remembered my education on the life cycle of a virus. I was educated well enough to be able to research properly, and fill in gaps in my memory. I was educated well enough that I know proper sanitation and normal appropriate sustainable means of controlling disease, and can see where measures pushed beyond sustainability and increased more suffering than the disease itself. I know and understand: “First do no harm”- if the solution is worse than the disease then any person deserves full disclosure and consent.

I had enough perspective already, to know a lot about death and dieing, and I was spiritually aware enough to not be afraid of them. Because I KNOW God intimately I am not afraid of dieing, and I know it is not my time yet, even if I do sometimes wonder why it’s not, or seek that level of peace. Because I KNOW God, I also know that the divine protects us all as much as we allow, so even if my protection means going home out of this chaos, I also know God will look after my family as well. I have awaken enough to stand independent of the fear ridden masses and rise above the darkness known as IT.

I appreciate the perspective that anything can be done in excess and to harmful levels. Greed may help save money on the shallow end, but causes the powerful to crave money so intensely that they do things to harm society as a whole. They begin to care about money more than humanity, so much that the first available opportunity becomes a plot to help credit cards, creditors, vaccine producers, and big businesses at the expense of the American and even worldwide citizens. It gave me perspective so that I can focus on what degree I do anything, I only am willing to be selfish in so much as it is helpful, selfishness that causes harm to another is unacceptable me.

I am aware enough to understand my place in it all. The outer world is a manifestation of my inner world. Everyone is overreacting to something out of their control. My immune system is hyperactive which is the same thing, but mine is reacting to molecules triggered by exposure to toxic chemicals which were injected into my blood stream. My immune system was exposed so many times in decades past, to toxins in my bloodstream, that it wants to cling to that knowledge even though it means it is killing my own body. It is trying to protect me from poisoning by going after any molecules that remotely look the same. I now know I can fix this. I will tell my immune system to relax and go back to only fighting virus, bacteria or parasites. I will remind my liver to eliminate all the toxins. There are many ways to do both, an I have already eliminated as many sources of continued toxins as humanly possible. I will remind my body as repeatedly as necessary to let God in to provide divine healing.

Because of all of this I can and will heal.

I am more confident than ever in my abilities, knowledge, experience and divine connection. I am ever so appreciative that all have improved, but especially my divine connection. Thank you God for being with me through thick and thin, through bad times and good, through sickness and health. Thank you God for helping me with my biggest challenges and getting me the information the best way I can hear it. Thank you for flowing me all of the answers through helpful people, through AI notifications, through videos and conversations. Thank for for showing me all of this and helping me see that even the bad is valuable. Thank you divine for being in me and giving me these words to express thoughts that seem larger than the written word. Thank you even more for guiding my thoughts to these solutions and greater understanding.

May you all have solutions and greater understanding. May you see the value even in the negative. May you make peace with death and understand and know whether it’s your time or not. May you have the intelligence to know fact from fiction, to know how to research whatever you don’t understand or remember, and to rise above fear. May you be awaken to your divine connection and it’s blessings and guidance. May you know you are safe and have the ability to heal. May you rise above the darkness of IT to see God’s guiding light.

An it Harm None.

Siva Hir Su

A reminder of perspective.

So many people die from many bacterial and parasitic diseases we know exactly how to eliminate. This is fixable. Take your fear, learn how viruses function, and then channel any frustration into helping with an easy solution. Donate to Charity Water. I know that I’ll cut many things from my budget before I cut my monthly donation to Charity Water.

Today’s artwork.

Watercolor and drafting pen on watercolor paper.

I also finished coloring this one.

And then did this quick coloring page.

There was not much work to be had with our new 30 day quarantine. I’m so glad government agencies can make decisions like this for us- NOT! I’d rather have been sick for a week or two than out of work for 7 weeks. Such short sighted decisions make everyone suffer 10 times as much, simply for fear of the few that might die from this illness and will probably die from something anyway. Should we shut society down for two months every time they send people off to war that are likely to die for an arbitrary cause? Sounds like an equivalent solution to me. Yes I’m pissed off and right now enjoying the improvement that Abraham Hicks reminded me was okay with: “revenge always feels better than dispair.”

They still don’t have an adequate solution for their short sighted overreaction. Now all of those affected have 12 months worth of bills and 10 months of income. Their relief package is no where near making up for 2 months of expenses for even low income households. Psycho idiots trying to prevent something after the fact, when all viruses spread most readily before symptoms manifest.

But Visa and MasterCard are having stock spikes when every other business is crashing. This all comes magically right after they changed how credit is affected by card use. And my bank already sent me an offer for a small business loan to help compensate for the government’s decisions. Isn’t the government giving airplanes and several other major industries bailouts. So essentially it’s boiled down to our bought government is in favor of the corporate citizen, but not the actual tax paying citizens.

Rant over, again my words mean nothing to anyone, and don’t solve anything.

Julia Westin did a wonderful job compiling this music that fits well with everything. Give it a listen:

I’ll resume enjoyment with EDM music and kids dancing and playing drums.

May you have bigger steps up the emotional scale. May you see more positive progress with your government. May everyone be more practical, less short sighted, and focus on allowing existing means to do their job(s). May you have calming creativity. May you feel safe, secure and healthy. May you know it will all be alright.

Siva Hir Su

Alone in my Gardens

YouTube notified me of this song after I had spent all day digging in dirt alone:

It fit very well. And I did need that time. It was overcast and cool, but I really needed the nature and peacefulness. I know I’m an empath, and sometimes my junk is literally having collected everyone else’s stuff. Sometimes it’s my own. Sometimes it’s a blend of both. Regardless, digging in the dirt or being in nature is soothing to my soul, as much as art or music are.

So I spent literally all day doing Gardens. My body hurts as much as ever, but my mind is calmer. I sat to eat dinner having gotten all but a few seeds in the ground. The simple act of consuming a meal brought my motion to a halt. I no longer desired anything but sleep. Except that I recognized how sore I was and deemed a bath as necessary before sleep could be accomplished.

I dumped 4 pounds of Epsom salts into the tub and now I soak. 30 min, maybe a bit longer in as hot as I can tolerate. It will soothe my sore muscles enough to function this week.

It was worth it though. My gardens will be beautiful when they grow. I got 9,000 steps just moving back and forth through our yard. Hoisting bricks and cinder blocks. Moving sticks and rocks. Not to mention all the dirt that I carefully filled every bed and planter with. The seeds was the easy part at the end of the day.

I planted fern bulbs gifted to me by my retired massage therapist. They had sprouted quite a few runners, so I stretched them out to cover a long section along the back of our house. It’s off the side of the porch in a narrow trench of dirt between the sidewalk and the house. They’ll be perfect there.

On the other side of that same sidewalk I constructed my favorite-easy-cheap cinder-block planter. It’s the second time I’ve done this large scale, and both times I used found cinder blocks. The universe loves me, because not only were there enough cinder blocks to do that, but there were enough bricks to pave the dirt between the planters. No more muddy mess.

We also put lots of grass seed down to try and fix the rest of the muddy areas in the yard.

So far I have several different mystery flower bulbs left by the previous owner. I have Rose bushes planted by the previous owner. There is lots of the dark ivy ground cover (not English Ivy). There are a few shrubs I can’t identify yet, and some kind of perennial plant that is sprinkled about- I think some of them are volunteers, but I’m okay with that.

Then I’ve planted gladiolus bulbs, fresia bulbs, Iris bulbs, anemone bulbs, tigridia bulbs, renunculous bulbs, zennia seeds, bachelor button seeds, marigold seeds, Daisy seeds, cosmos seeds, lettuce seeds, spinach seeds, kale seeds, broccoli seeds, cauliflower seeds, cucumber seeds, chard seeds, okra seeds, several varieties of bean and pea seeds, chive seeds, white onion seeds, red onion starts, and cabbage starts.

I have one big circular planter left, which has some of those mystery plants in it, but around the mystery plants I’m going to put our zucchini and squash seeds. There’s also the oval planter which has volunteer violets in it right now, but will get herb seeds ASAP. We will have quite the gardens when they sprout and grow. I very much look forward to that.

With all of that I’ll leave you with pictures of my handy work. May you all have calming, grounding time to soothe your soul. May you have beautiful gardens or the ability to enjoy other’s gardens. May you feel safe and supported by the universe. May you stay healthy and have joyous days. May peace be with you.

Siva Hir Su

Hi God

I’m sorry, please forgive me. I have problems I haven’t been able to solve and they’re pinching you off from solving them for me.

My firey passion only seems to hurt those I care about, it doesn’t fix any of the things that bring it out of me in the first place. I haven’t created any good in this world, despite my best efforts. I made 2 babies, but upset them and hurt them even when I try not to, and they trample all over us emotionally, it hurts me. Yet, I have worked so hard to get them a home that I panic at the first sign of uncertainty.

I’m healthy, but not enough to be visible. I still have thyroid stuff and an immune system overreacting (allergies) and I’m fat and have skin stuff I haven’t been able to fix. I really liked how good I looked when Ian was born, but my brain melted down and I couldn’t keep it all together. I looked so healthy but my brain was the opposite. I want to look healthy and have happy brain.

And I work so much, too much. I don’t give myself enough time off because for so long I couldn’t or we wouldn’t have had a home or food. I prayed so many times, but things never got better, so I just worked and worked until they did. Now, even though I am really tired, I can’t stop without completely crashing and upsetting everyone around me.

I want happy mediums so much, but I can never find them. The rare occasion I do, I can’t seem to maintain them long enough to let you in for the healing I so desperately seek.

My shoulders hurt constantly anymore. Like there are knives stabbing me clear through. My pecs are tighter than many body builders but my boobs sag so much that you can’t tell. It makes my upper back ache from the tension pulling my rib cage forward. I can pick up a 230 pound person from a squat, and speed walk for hours, but can’t run more than 2 or 3 minutes at a time. My neck might as well be made of concrete for all I can get my muscles to relax. I haven’t bothered to check on proper curvature because I’m certain it’s less than it should be. The most comfortable position for me is with my head tipped all the way back looking at the ceiling. Despite crunches, squats, planks, and leg lifts my abdominals are still far weaker than I need them for proper posture, so I hurt more frequently than I admit to. Falling last week didn’t help, and I still have yet to figure out how that happened. The bits I remember don’t add up to a fall, it’s like I stepped into a vortex of cartoon laws of physics.

I want to trade every 3 weeks like I used to with Becky, but I can’t find anyone reliable and good like we were, let alone willing to trade. Let alone a 90min trade, enough to fix all my aches and pains.

Then all this is just my stuff. Just a little scared girl in a big woman’s body. And I’m surrounded by people that are in such similar straights they melt down over another disease and try to do the impossible, which makes every element of life even harder and more stressful. I feel so stupid asking God for help again, when the whole world needs it more than I do. But it scares me that I feel like I’m the most logical level headed person in Kansas City right now. If I’m the most logical person, then I feel like we’re really in trouble in a big way. Even people in charge are melting down. That’s really, really scary, way scarier than the stupid virus is.

Please, maybe there’s a way around all of it. I don’t want to live in this world if I am the most sane person in it, because I know I’m not that sane. It’d be one thing if I had healed my brain, but I haven’t yet. I don’t want to be in charge, but the people that are, are screwing up everything really fast. I don’t have any answers anymore, I’ve run out of my list of things to try. I want you to help the world, but if there’s any time left I could use some help too. Or maybe it’s just my time to go.

I don’t know, I don’t know anything anymore. I give up God. Please help us all. Please help humanity regain reason and calm. Please help me heal the parts I’ve been unable to. I’ve gotten so far, and now I’m stuck. I want my body to stop hurting. I want my brain to find balance. I want to be all the way healthy. But none of that means a lick of anything if society keeps being so rediculous crazy. There’s no reason to stay in a world that has lost every shred of practical awareness and concern for more than just living versus dieing. Dieing would literally be better than staying in this chaotic craziness. I give up. Please just help in any way you can God. Thank you and I love you.