Category Archives: Menu

Calm. Float.

Apropos; listen to “Float” by Flogging Molly :

https://youtu.be/JZKjxxciTVk  lyrics as follows:

Drank away the rest of the day
Wonder what my liver'd say
Drink, it's all you can

Blackened days with their bigger gales
Blow in your parlor to discuss the day
Listen, it's all you can

But don't, don't sink the boat
That you need, you build to keep afloat
No don't, don't sink the boat
That you built...

Sick and tired of what to say
No one listens anyway
Sing, it's all you can

Rambling years of lousy luck
You miss the smell of burning turf
Dream, it's all you can

But don't, don't sink the boat
That you need, you build to keep afloat
No don't, don't sink the boat
That you built...

Singled out for who you are
Takes all types to judge a man
Feel, that's all you can

Filthy suits with bigot ears
Hide behind their own worst fears
Live, it's all you can

It's all you can
It's all you can... Do

No matter where I put my head
I wake up feeling sound again
Breath, it's all you can

Tomorrow smells of less decay
The flowers keep this bloomin' fray
Be thankful, it's all you can

But don't, don't sink the boat
That you built, you built to keep alfoat
But don't, don't sink the boat
That you built, you built to keep afloat
But don't, don't sink the boat
That you built, you built to keep afloat
No don't, no don't sink the boat
That you built,
We all built to keep afloat

A ripe old age
A ripe old age
I'm a ripe old age
That's what I am
Ripe old age
Ripe old age
A ripe old age
Just doin' the best I can (repeat)

May miniature art piece today was gifted to the office manager. She had seen my candles quote from yesterday and said she would like something similar for her desk. We both liked the quote I chose. It only took me a couple of hours around the 2 massages I did. It’s watercolor and drafting pen on watercolor paper.

It was not perfect, but it did bring me some inner peace. Art always does that. Sometimes I have difficulty choosing what to do, but once I start my brain switches into creative zone out. It is very relaxing and that element alone was very appreciated.

I always notice the flaws because I am so critical of myself, but I appreciate that I am capable of creating these images with just my hands a couple drawing tools and some time.

I love that my mind has the ability to just switch over like that too. With all the chaos this week, and everyone trying to melt down over yet another disease, I have noticed my brain and body are gravitating to the things that calm my brain and allow my soul to float.

I told Nathan several days ago that I kept finding myself singing, even at the clinic I would hide in the laundry room to sing. I don’t need anyone to hear me, in fact that usually embarrasses me. I just needed to make music for the calm factor, and I don’t have access to instruments most of my available times. So my voice does it’s best to meet that desire. Regardless of my actual singing ability, it does accomplish the calm quite well.

I also did some beading. My lapis-lazuli/chakra-stones mala beads needed restrung because the cord was wearing thin, and I reformatted my kunzite/rose-quartz mala beads as well. That was also welcomed calm for one evening.

I am very very grateful that I know my most effective tools for centering and finding my inner peace. I wish sometimes that they made me money, but honestly when my clients are quiet and I can focus, I am able to find my calm around the table too. I just have yet to master finding my calm in the midst of chaos, complaints, or dominating sounds that aren’t music.

May you all have moments of quiet centeredness. May you feel your inner peace. May you enjoy your days mostly and find the benefits of any moments you might not enjoy. May you have abundant income and ample time for yourself and your family. May you remain healthy and happy through this challenge, but also for most of your years. Live long and prosper. Greatful, I am.

Siva Hir Su

It’s going to be ok.

I’m having difficulty, but still doing my best, to convince myself that sanity will return to society and martial law will be lifted. Everyone is really enjoying fear mongering over yet another new virus. 60 years ago this shit didn’t happen. Hell, even with the Zikka virus 2 years ago it didn’t and cases of that made it to Missouri, right before I got pregnant with Katherine. I held my breath through first trimester, crossing fingers I didn’t get it, but otherwise the only thing different was lots of spraying for mosquitoes.

Oh well, my down time has been spent with the TV off and my phone put away or only playing music.

I have been very non-income productive. If I’m not working to make money, I’ll at least chip at my mile long to-do-list of other things I consider important. Then there’s all the things I like doing, but never have time for.

So first, I did some art for my massage office.

Then I went home early, after it was certain I wasn’t likely to get any additions today.

Once home, I worked on gardens. Using supplies already purchased. I built the long raised bed planter, and finished the flower gardens along the sidewalk by our front door. Everything I have planted so far is bulbs or seeds so it will still be a bit before I get to see any results. They’re just big swaths of dirt right now, but there is far less gravel than 2 weeks ago.

All the gravel filled the bottom half of every planter, that was nice, I reappropriated supplies already present, a good money saver. It just took a crap ton of digging and hauling. Then being bent over planting things, my low back is now angry. Ian helped some, but not nearly as much as I would have thought based on his throwing rocks in the back yard. Nathan also helped as he was able.

Google then thought it would be funny to follow my new pictures with a reminder:

I really enjoyed the day all things considered. I would rather have my steady stream of income, but I enjoy these activities too. Maybe one day I’ll get both, that would be the best. Besides it was a decent weather day, the rain dried up just enough to do the gardens and the sun even came out for a while.

May you have time to create beautiful gardens. May you enjoy time outside. May you get to do all the things you enjoy and still earn a living. May you enjoy time with your family and stay sanely healthy. May everyone find calm and feel safe and secure.

Siva Hir Su

I’m not Falling for the Mass Hysteria

I had a very short day at work. Seems even healthy people are staying home in self-quarantine. I needed a pick me up for the drive home and said: “I don’t know whether to listen to Shiva mantras or really loud angry music, I think either would help, surprise me.”

I hit shuffle on the all songs view and got the following list: Seems God was listening and thought he’d give me an amusing mix of both. It made me really happy and I felt validated. Everything really is going to be okay, no matter what.

The 5th track was really appropriate and a good beat to listen to. I thought I’d share it here.(About 3 minutes into the track there’s a really appropriate quote.) https://youtu.be/zsCrrb92pf0

Anyways, I thought I’d add to my previous thoughts on the matter.

1st: the following is all of the things that could have killed me and didn’t, for which I’m ever so grateful.

  • Asthma attacks
  • Severe allergies
  • Flu for all but a few of my 37 years of life.
  • Super severe chicken pox at not quite 2yo, so bad they were in my mouth and throat.
  • Suicidal depression
  • Semi-truck crossing the median of the highway and missing me by inches.
  • Almost driving my car into an overpass pylon.
  • Almost driving my car into a pond.
  • Ragweed season sent me to the ER 3 times.
  • Giving birth twice.

Next: pandemics of previous years.

Has H1N1 been eradicated? No: “Although the new H1N1 is still here and will continue to cause disease, it has become much like any other flu strain…”

Has Zikka been eradicated? Nope, definitely still a threat.

Has West Nile been eradicated? No, it is still a common threat every mosquito season.

Has bird flu (H5N1) been eradicated? Has H7N9 Asian flu been eradicated? Yes and no, there are no new human cases, but the virus still exists.

Has Ebola been eradicated? The outbreak that started in 2018 in DRC has slowed but it has not been eradicated.

Finally, fun (or really gross) germ facts readily available.

If you live in this world, you are exposed to literally millions of germs every day. Your immune system protects you from most of them nearly all the time. In fact the human body carries nearly as many microbes (germs) as there are cells, and nearly everybody carries hundreds of diseases at any one time. Be grateful our systems function so well.

I for one completely understand good hygiene. Between elementary school, high school, college, and massage school (including including CEUs on MRSA and AIDS) it has pretty well been beaten into my head. I’m more sanitary on a lazy day than some nurse aids I’ve worked with. Mainly it boils down to whether I time my hand scrubbing between clients, but I always wash up to my elbows, so there’s no 10 second wash for me in the first place. My biggest lapse is not washing my side table every day, but I still keep my wash ratio to less than a dozen people even for that surface. I know that I do things to encourage wellness and reduce any disease transmission, and that doesn’t require meltdowns or Mass Hysteria.

May you all understand your place in this world. May you find a calm knowing you’re more likely to stay healthy than have severe difficulties. May you understand that if someone dies it was their time to go and they would have died whether it was H1N1 or this ‘new’ virus or pneumonia or cancer or whatever (death is between an individual and God, and I can’t count how many times medical staff have saved an elderly person to have them die within days from something else). May you know it’s not your time to go. May you figure out how to rise above this Mass Hysteria. May you feel your connection to God and see your moments of validation. May you feel safe and secure.

Siva Hir Su

It’s a just a virus.

So, it’s just a virus, in fact being compared to the flu quite frequently. Respiratory complications the worst symptom. We have the flu circulate every year. We have tools to treat all the symptoms even/especially respiratory symptoms. We know how to sanitize and reduce transmission rate without shutting society down. Good hygiene with oneself and environment goes miles. Self-policing coughs and other manifestations of symptoms (throw tissues away and empty your own trash, etc.) also goes miles.

It was suggested this is a ploy to shut elections down, and I sincerely hope that’s not the case. I also sincerely hope people come to their senses before homes start foreclosing left and right. I think people will when they realize if they don’t work they can’t pay bills. I hope companies will when they realize their equivalent: if work doesn’t get done then companies have to close.

Here is the deal:

  • I am grateful to be alive.
  • Repeat that.
  • I have lost far more people to cancer in my social circles than any other cause of death.
  • Pneumonia and car accidents tie for a close second, mainly because I work with old people that succumb to any kind of pneumonia easily, and car accidents affect all people of every age.
  • My husband has a heart condition. He literally could die of a heart attack or stroke any day.
  • I could die of any of them, especially cancer (see my post from last night), not to mention complications from any female reproductive concerns ranging from endometriosis to birth problems.
  • I am grateful to be alive.
  • I simply can’t spend all day everyday in fear of something only slightly worse than the flu which circulates every year.
  • I can’t afford to spend all day everyday in fear of anything.
  • I am grateful to be alive.
  • The fear itself is worse than any disease or possible cause of death (of which there are many). Fear literally eats your body from the inside out. The chemistry involved in long-term fear, anger, or any stress causes far more diseases than any virus. That chemistry has already been proven to lead to several types of cancer and other degenerative diseases and weakens your immune system. It’s probably a major factor in my own thyroid struggles.
  • I have to focus on being grateful to be alive.
  • I have to acknowledge all of the many experiences I have lived through that others died from, especially all the years I did get the flu, but also times like when I was almost smashed to smitherines by a semi truck.

We live in a global society. Learn good hygiene. Learn to help keep every environment clean. Learn to appreciate all of the many things that could have killed you and didn’t. Learn to reduce transmission without becoming anti-social. Learn to acknowledge that touching each other, especially hugs and handshakes, is worth the risk of possibly catching something. Learn that even in a hug or handshake, you can still do things to avoid catching an illness (wash hands, don’t touch your own eyes, etc.). Learn that life will be miserable for everyone if we continue to ostricize each other out of fear of the what if.

What if this really is a ploy to shut elections down, do you want our government(s) to do that? What if this is a ploy to create so much fear we all end up with illnesses far worse, do you want to fall for it? You have to police yourself and know it’s going to be alright. Acknowledge you could die of thousands of causes but that your body is resilient and you do many many things to help prevent that.

We are safer than they want us to believe. God needs us to know it.

May you be healthy and social. May you rise above fear. May you ease your system with gratitude. May you find the positive answers you seek. May you find the healing you seek. May you feel loved and supported. May you have the work you desire and adequate compensation to feel abundant. May you have less stress and more love for a healthy body inside and out. May your knowing be more like that of God’s, and help you feel safe and secure.

Siva Hir Su

Ouch.

I should be more stressed. Somehow I am more relieved.

I had a dream this morning after first alarm only vaguely got my attention. Shiva told me he was coming for me. It was time. I said ok, and I looked forward to knowing who Shiva was. I then said that if he really was an ET, that it might weird me out at first, but somehow even that was okay. I got all tingly and buzzy in good ways, and then the rest of my alarms started going off.

I ended up oversleeping the alarms, but not enough to get back to my connection with Shiva. It only mildly upset me.

This is not the first time I had had a dream like this, and still don’t know what is meant by “coming for me”. That has so many possible uses and meanings. Part of me is vaguely worried about death, but if ET is a real thing it could mean departure from Earth. It could also mean a sexual or reproductive reference. It could also mean that whomever he represents in my dreams, might actually show up in reality, and I’ve had enough messages that it’s a woman that I’m just unsure.

Regardless of my confusion on the interpretation, it somehow was soothing, and somewhat exciting.

I got to work a few minutes later than usual, but my first client wasn’t until 11am, so stupid me thought I should launch my day with round 3 of new workout aspirations.

My legs burned, my calves and hamstrings wanted to cramp up and I had to stop and stretch twice. I couldn’t get my lungs to keep up with the intense desire my muscles had for oxygen. I wimped out, getting my 2 miles, but at slower paces on both running and walking, and not a stitch of incline today.

My body was angry, but did I stop there. Ohhh, noooo! I was too inspired by losing 3 pounds in 2 days. I pushed myself to do 60 reps of rows with 85 pounds keyed up. Then did 3 sets of abdominal weights- forward bend and side twists.

I think my body strangely likes self-torture. I’m am hurting so much, but feel better balanced in other ways. It’s a very strange dichotomy.

Then I discovered that ALL of my nursing home work has been put on hiatus- another kind of ouch entirely. All the facilities in the metro have gone down to only vital services using only direct hire employees. They even have restrictions on visitors. So over a quarter of my income just vanished until the crazy subsides and things return to normal function.

I get the fear, but old people die from the flu, pneumonia, strokes, and heart-events every day. Most of my residents have said they aren’t worried and are ready for whenever it’s their time to go, regardless if it’s an infection or anything else that takes them out. I’m not being heartless, most of my people are in so much constant pain, that death would actually be welcomed and better. Yet our health care system is bent on making sure that people stay alive at all costs. … Going to stop my rant here. It’s never done me any good anyway.

Anyway, other people’s fears, not my resident’s fears, mean I’m going to be drastically short income this month. It’s not the end of the world, but it seems some of my goals for April with our house and yard will be put off. I look forward to sanity returning with my income in tow.

So fascinating dream and 2 ouches later I am finishing up my workday much sooner than normal. It’s going to be weird not having all my old people to see this week and probably next week too, who knows how long.

May you have full understanding of your dreams. May you have expected and desired time off (mine was desired but not expected). May you feel the burn in the best ways possible. May your strength, stamina, and prosperity only grow.

Siva Hir Su

Feeling the burn

FOCUS! – Fearless Motivation” on YouTube

Thank you @FearlessMotivation, the song helps, but running still sucks. Hiding behind my smile is a grimace and scowl.

I’m at 24 hours of perfect habbits, a week of good behavior. Just had my blood drawn this morning, so it’ll reflect my previous average more, especially with just having come out of the thyroid storm.

Though I’m a bit anxious to see the lab work results, I know I’m already working towards better.

My workout yesterday was the first attempt at aiming toward what my one client does everyday of late. Aiming is the key word. I did not get there. I ran about half of 2 miles in 2 minute increments, dropping to my speed walking range in-between. And finished with one set of weightlifting. So sort-of almost half of her routine.

I discovered that running slow like one friend had suggested felt very awkward- I can’t run slow. I literally felt off balance and like I was going to trip myself. Running at 6 to 6.5mph, fast for me, but only slightly over the slow run pace of friend suggestions corrected the wobbly incongruency. But because I never run it still was a killer. Running has only ever been a response to emergency/pseudo-emergencies or rarely for being late. So I literally felt like my body wasn’t getting enough oxygen and I would have to slow down to just be able to catch up breathing. It kinda pissed me off.

Nathan said I should congratulate myself for even trying. He reminded me that not quite 7 years ago I was 300 pounds and that I’ve never run except for short sprints. He said it was a valliant decent effort. He also reminded me that it would likely have left him on the floor at best and in the ER at worst.

All I know is on the treadmill I alternated between cursing heavily and repeating: “Treasa you can do this.” I will definitely have to work hard at improvement to get where my client is.

To be fair, before her thyroid crash she was a soccer player in college. I have never participated in ANY sports, EVER.

So the painful aim at making friends with running has begun. And my diet is back on track with what I did during 2nd pregnancy. Yea rabbit food.

Now I’m off to today’s workout before my first client at the clinic, hopefully my blood draw won’t slow that down.

May you have good progress and see your improvement. May you focus on your goals, and keep your dreams, even if they remain just dreams. May you understand your body and it’s needs. May you be able to keep up with all of it.

Siva Hir Su

Update: 2nd new workout was only very slightly easier. I went directly into 2 massages and was in fairly constant motion from 10am to 2pm. My legs are cranky and I just hit tired. I have one more client and then I can go rest. Yea me. I sincerely hope this all pays off eventually.

Maybe a bit ranty, deal with it.

1. Why are women all over the world having the following things happen? -psychic messages, thyroid trouble, having to eat like cavemen minus meat, having to exercise like cavemen being chased by a tiger but needing haul the cow home.

Two of my clients share my thyroid battle, and I’m discovering through many connections that there are teams of us out there. So, in comparing notes with the ones I’m directly connected to, I’m coming to terms with needing to adjust my workouts again. It seems I’m finally going to have to make friends with running. I can walk 5 to 6 miles at a 12min pace and not flinch, so it’s merely been maintaining my current body state. I’m at an equilibrium that is still 60 pounds heavier than I would prefer. The person that seems to be a few months ahead of the trajectory I have been following explained that she does a mile warm up, and 2 miles running at full tilt. In between each mile she does weighted cross training exercises. That is how she has gotten the fat to finally start dissipating. Yikes. Hence being chased by a tiger and having to haul the cow home. The others that I know, all run. I hate running. Merh.

As I compared notes on diet, she essentially confirmed that what I did during Katherine’s pregnancy is spot on. Avoid all traces of sensitivities/allergens, eat hourly in terms of 1/4-1/3 cup of whole veggies or fruits, occasional nuts are okay. … I’ve been a bit lazy on this of late, so it’s time to buckle down again. I had gotten into the habit of larger amounts less frequently because that is what the dominant paradigm wants to convince us is better, yet us women struggling with thyroid concerns can’t function as well that way. I’ve also been a bit lazy on the allergens which has led to those super horrible thyroid swings. I know better on that one, but it’s so damn hard to maintain.

Finally, those of us that acknowledge the psychic messages don’t always know how to handle them or what they ultimately mean. It’s still a mystery, but one lots of us share.

I’m just curious why so many of us women, post childbirth, are having this super difficult journey that goes against everything the dominant paradigm and Western medicine says we are supposed to do. Nathan proposed that perhaps God is prepping humanity for a huge shift and the strongest healthiest women are going to be the ones to get us through. I sincerely hope he’s not right, but I have no other ideas that make sense.

2. Triggered by these fortune cookie strips and current events… I didn’t eat either of the cookies, Nathan helped me avoid them.

As for Chinese food, I get to eat vegetable soup. Even the broccoli is coated in a sauce that I’m sure has at least one allergen in it. And yes most statistics are essentially stated however the person wanting to tell them spins it. Like trying to proclaim Biden as the winner of today’s primary states before they have even been counted. If you believe the hype and end up with Trump being re-ellected, I won’t have any sympathy, and I’ll likely be one of the survivors of the ensuing nuclear Holocaust. I for one will vote with my intelligence and my heart, which tells me that Bernie is the most consistent politician I’ve ever seen. He’s also the most caring and compassionate for our citizens as a whole, of any politician I’ve ever seen; and he’s the best candidate of those running in terms of being able to get people talking and finding compromise that everyone can live with. Bernie reaches for the stars to start conversations that actually lead to productive results, and I personally think that is really his goal in the first place- the compromise not the stars.

3. Finally, this is a small snippet of my stocks the last couple of weeks, thanks to Trump.

I’m personally to the point that if I hear someone say that Trump has been good for the economy I’ll show them my stocks and then punch them. Some of my stocks are literally worth half of what I bought them at. The best one is $2 a share less than purchase price, and at one point it was $8 a share over purchase price. Not only has he been directly responsible for at least 3 market crashes that I know of, he has created no long terms jobs, not raised the decades out-of-date minimum wage, not created a boost to the retail sector, and even pissed off many of his big-business croonies.

And that doesn’t even cover his friendliness with communists. Everyone wants to be upset over Bernie’s socialist leanings, which would merely catch us up with the rest of the civilized world, when we used to be at war with communists- Trump’s new friends that hacked our last election.

So yeah, I might be a bit ranty tonight. It’s better than depression and got me off of other subjects. I’ll take it.

May you have productive rants. May you vote with your intelligence and heart and ignore stupid outlandish statistics. May you find health more easily than all us thyroid survivors. And may we all see Trump removed from office and World War 3 averted. Many blessings to everyone, even if you disagree with me, my spirit knows your spirit agrees with me on all the things that really count.

Siva Hir Su

Moments

Flowers Nathan got me when I was having an especially bad day last week… In the midst of thyroid storm and heartache.
My Buddy cat rolling around cute. Right before knocking the flower vase over. I couldn’t be too mad, but did fume a little while cleaning up the puddle.

They both have a positive and negative to the story. I do my best to focus on the positive, but I’m human with a brain and body that doesn’t always cooperate the way I want it to. I make the best of the challenge I was given. Some days are better than others. Until I figure out how to heal my brain, I’m likely to continue to flip flop like a trout on a boat deck. I wish there was a doctor that cared enough to help with that one, not just medicate with an educated guessing dart board, and I wish I had the resources to cover the costs of it all. Realistically, I have done a damn good job chipping at a very difficult puzzle all on my own with very limited resources. Too bad there’s not an award for “your broke-ass almost won”- I’d have dozens of those.

May you all have an easy time focusing positive. May your brain and body always work the way you want it. May your puzzle be easier. May you feel successful. May you find consistency in focusing positive. May you see improvement. May you win your biggest challenges.

Siva Hir Su

First Bulbs

Planted
Waiting
New hopes still dormant
Sun's rays warm
Water falls to nourish
Cold nights yet inhibit
Vulnerable aspirations
Anticipation of beauty
Expectations of growth
Excitement withheld
Too early to tell
Even small dreams can be destroyed
A countdown begun
Finite time
Easy to measure
Success or failure
Hope for the former
Mitigated by reality
Halfway is okay
Partial success still
Better Than
None at all
Cross fingers
Wait
Watch
Birds and squirrels
The only signs of life
Will the dirt become the beautiful garden
               -TC

Garden is started, but I’m short time and temper. I’m burnt around the edges and wishing I had a clone of myself. Or two or 3. I’ve added topsoil to the primary bed around our big tree in front and planted elephant ear bulbs and coleus bulbs around it. Smaller flower beds along our sidewalk have been started but not finished, gladiolus bulbs already in one side, but other bulbs have yet to be planted. I don’t have steam or time to finish this week, and hope my body will keep trucking. I must not be a good manager because every time I ask for things from Nathan I am disappointed by incomplete results and kids causing yet more trouble. There is only so much of me and because of Nathan’s health I’m trying to do my jobs, his responsibilities, and somehow fit self-care and self-gratification into it all to not hate the world.

May you all find that you are enough. May you have capable support. May your kids behave (or kids in your experience). May you have enough time for self-care and self-gratification. May you feel replenished occasionally enough to enjoy your life and your world. May you feel appreciated.

Siva Hir Su

Mercy

The words to the song were drown out by the thoughts in between ringing ears.

Eyes saw only red. Sunlight streaming through the bottle that once held nourishment.

Having drank the nutritious beverage, only drops remained in a small puddle at the bottom. The puddle a tiny reminder of the vastness of an ocean.

The fuzzy silhouette of fingers, an implied grasp, echoing ones inability to hold the vastness of something so deep as an ocean.

Perception is everything.

The three divets at the bottom, merely mechanical devices of the vessel’s construction, yet another reminder. Pointing like arrows at the vastness of the puddle-ocean’s horizon. Concentric rings giving yet another perception of depth that isn’t really there.

Desires keep us reaching for improvement, keep us moving forward, because without forward motion the universe would cease. Yet individually our perceived horizon may not be what we perceive. There is no destination, there is no right or wrong answer. There is no true solution, there is no pearly-gated Paradise at the end of your road. The solution is more forward motion, right or wrong, good or bad, merely a continuation.

It’s that or all of creation ceases.

On one hand, that takes pressure off.

On the other it gives an air of ultimate futility.

One would want all of creation to continue, right?

Yet one might also like for everything to just stop.

To desire builds a great Vortex of creation, which one can only ever experience bits and pieces at any one moment. A never ending stream of one element followed by another. Yet the ultimate desire is that Vortex, all of desires’ results together.

An oxymoron, an impossibility, ripe for complete destruction of it all.

Perhaps if one could just cease for a moment, the relief would make it all okay. No thoughts, no desires, no actions, no sensations. Meditation is the key, it quiets all for a bit. Sometimes the thoughts and desires cease. That moment is found easiest when actions cease. But those darn sensations, the sights, the sounds, the environment, it only mutes a bit. And one must still breathe.

Anything else brings death, only a singular death in a long chain of many. Is it really all that scary? Is it really all that disastrous? Is it really all that bad if you just live another life?

Maybe there is no right or wrong in that either.

For now, sunlight through a red bottle is mercy on my soul allowing a moment of inspiration.

May you find your pause, may you find your mercy. May you feel inspired and a desire to continue on your infinite road trip of forward motion. May you feel God and accept your role in continuation of creation.

Siva Hir Su