Category Archives: reality check

“The Power of Paradigms” on YouTube

I wanted to share this video because it speaks to many of the elements I am working on and towards. She uses different verbage, but it overlaps with much of Abraham Hicks and other’s messages. Have an open mind and see/understand the broader meaning.

Like all of life’s journey, on many subjects my paradigm still needs much shifting for me to feel better and more in alignment with my higher vibrational self. Having my dad around has made that massively evident. However, this video helped me to see the moments and paradigms that I have made huge progress in. We are all layers upon layers. Honor your progress and acknowledge where you still need work to align with higher frequencies. We will all get there eventually, one way or another. One belief, one layer, one paradigm at a time, or death will take care of all of it all at once. I personally aim for the former, knowing the latter may come whether I want it or not.

May you see your pardigms for what they are. May you find neutrality as often as possible. May you gradually shift to higher frequencies and find joy in the process. May you feel your way to your own personal higher frequencies and thus feel really really good. May you know that God loves and supports you regardless.

Siva Hir Su

  • I get to choose.
  • I choose compassion, love and joy.
  • I choose to feel good.
  • I choose those things in alignment with my inner knowing.
  • I know good things are coming.
  • I know my vibration, my alignment, and thus my life are improving.
  • I look forward to seeing the results of my higher vibrational alignment and the healing process.
  • I wish that for everyone.

Siva Hir Su

I’m Free-er

Dad is gone. “Kicked him out” of my house and my body.

Not really: it was the most polite goodbye I could muster, but definitely down right cordial compared to many of his moments.

I did follow good-byes with lots of sage-smudging, a few mantras, a celebratory drink and treat.

My house now feels like my home again. Much more relaxing, much more peaceful and buoyant, save for two energy filled toddlers’ chaos.

And my body: Thank the Gods!

I now feel like me again. The heavy cloak of negativity has lifted. The quicksand of energetic muck has cleared. I no longer feel like I am struggling to overcome an army of demons. I killed the army of demons. I now know I can hold my own. I made it through the hardest part.

I am strong. I am capable. I am caring. I am kind. I am doing so much better, that I was able to survive a negative vortex and my positivity got even stronger.

I am beautiful. I am confident. I am intelligent. I do have valuable qualities. I have knowledge others could benefit from. I am doing it. I matter. My opinions matter. I am supportive. I am successful.

I am open and accepting of everything as helpful to our universe in some way. Sometimes it’s just a great example of what not to do, and an excellent comparison tool to see your own progress.

I have made something of myself and I am worthy of many great things. I have done it on my own, with God’s guardians watching out for me and guiding me.

I am caring for a family, housing them, providing transportation, working to provide all that, earning my way. Yet, on top of all that, I am taking care of myself and healing my body. I am healing! I have more and more proof every day and I’m starting to get excited!

My intense deep-dental-cleaning went well, no cavities despite ignoring dentists for 20 years. What I do works, and my teeth show it. All those cavity pocks when I was 15 have disappeared, my teeth have healed enough.

My thyroid no longer pokes my voicebox at all. I suspect another ultrasound would show the nodules as being gone.

My skin is indeed shrinking and people are starting to notice. I wish it was twice as fast, but at least I know it’s happening. That’s enough for now.

Acné is gone, even when I have a minor oopse. It took a painful weekend of dad’s doing, with 5 “bad” meals to get acne, and a week later it’s already mostly disappeared. My watch and necklaces have finally quit causing contact psoriasis, and a little scratch healed 3 times quicker than usual.

My body is literally healing. I withstood my own father and I’m healing. I’m doing so much better. This is relief, this is progress, this is forgiving myself, this is honoring myself.

Right now I am so grateful for my own progress, for my own acknowledgments of self. I’m satisfied over how far I’ve come, and looking forward to seeing the rest of my journey. I am feeling immense relief.

May you have good release moments. May you find not just forgiveness for yourself, but acknowledgement of how for you have grown. May you see and honor God’s guidance. May you know you are love and worthy of anything you desire. May you find ways to help others and make the world a better place. May you be understanding of the growth process and supportive of any steps that help our whole civilization to improve. One drop sends a ripple through an entire ocean. Be a drop of positive change.

Siva Hir Su

I feel icky.

Nathan and I joined my mom, my brother and his wife and spent the day packing up my father to move him to my sister’s in Arizona.

My parents divorced 7 years ago because my dad’s retirement was torture for my mom. She didn’t have to help, but was there for me. I am very appreciative.

Several hours later I feel icky in our ride back to Kansas City.

His trailer is full of mold. There were dozens of icky things, including canned goods so old they were bulging and leaking. Dirty dishes that has sat in the sink for the past month were rancid. Boiled eggs left in the fridge were so old they were growing mold, that puts them probably about 2 months old.

We pitched every food item because most were well past expiration dates, and even unopened items were not worth keeping. Everything had a thick layer of dusty grease making it feel icky to the touch.

My father didn’t just have duplicates of things, no most items came by the dozen. I thinned a lot of things, but everything else I just packed because my sister had said she didn’t want us to thin at all. She had no idea.

The icing on the cake was discovering dad’s girl clothes, at which point my mom confessed that he was a bit of a cross dresser. She explained the ladies panties were probably his and that he had a penchant for those and silk, especially stockings. He never wore exterior cloths intended for women. No just undies.

I was less shocked or grossed out, and more angry. Again because dad has spent my whole life picking at other people’s appearance and treating women like objects. I can’t count the millions of times he picked at men with long hair or butch women. To find out he didn’t stick to his own genders’ box, is insulating to everyone he ever gave grief over appearance and clothing choices, which includes us kids and my mom.

Nathan found his condoms, and fortunately his porn stash has either been destroyed or was buried too deep for us to get to it today. I was not upset over missing those boxes, knowing both I and my brother have handled them on previous moves.

Where I feel icky is not just because of the dirty objects we handled. No it was more because I was helping such a hateful, abusive hypocrite.

To my father’s friends he’s such a good ol’ boy. He goes to church and masquerades as a good Christian. They don’t know the addictions and porn and cross dressing. They don’t know about his extramarital affairs or the racism. I know these things and his hypocrisy, and yet I am still helping him.

All the decades of damage he did to everyone in our family with abusive behavior, and I’m helping him. I’d rather see him check out and learn the ultimate lesson.

I’m glad this was my last icky endeavor on his behalf. Another week and I will no longer be responsible for him.

I am not perfect. I have lived an open marriage. I have experienced more than a few taboo things and the world of porn. I have a wicked temper, and I’m not proud of moments where my temper won. I too struggle with addictions.

Where I am different from my father is that I aim for polyamory, a committed consentual plural marriage. I aim for conquering my addictions. I aim to tame my temper and I constantly strive to master my emotions and control my mental function. And I do my level best to always accept others on their journey, and refuse to join in mockery involving appearance. People deserve to be accepted regardless of gender identification, sexual preferences, or any other qualification. You will never hear me pass myself as better than anyone or more virtuous, in fact I gave myself a tattoo to remind me to try and do better. I only rant on others when they disrespect me or hurt in me some way, I respect myself enough to refuse to tolerate that. I strive to do better in whatever that means at the time. So no I’m not perfect, but I’m not my abusive hypocritical disgusting father either.

Perspective is helpful, but sometimes the journey there is just gross.

At this point we won’t get home until midnight or after, and despite really wanting a shower, I suspect I’ll fall over and have to wait until morning to feel clean again.

May you have good experiences with loving parents. May you understand difficult stations. May you have understanding and compassion even when someone hasn’t earned it. May you know eventually everything becomes clear. May you know why you experience the difficult things. May you see positive perspective in less icky ways. May you generally have clean experiences on multiple levels. May you enjoy life more than not. May you fully understand how everything provides clarity for your own life and your own progress.

Siva Hir Su