Category Archives: release negatives

Rawr

After my last post I was feeling really good.

Two hours later I was feeling strange. Having odd moments I couldn’t explain, and Nathan and my kids were too. He texted me asking if I was okay, something he does frequently when he feels like something is up. I replied that I felt strange and like something was happening. He replied that it was affecting the whole family and caused him anxiety and Ian a bit of a freak-out melt-down. A sense of our environment having odd shifty sensations was the key overlapping experience, like you were looking at something and it moved for just a second.

It didn’t subside, and that night I texted other staff I was thinking about not working the next day because the weird stuff was taxing me energetically.

That evening I had an episode of full body tremors/shivers with mid-back pain. I only slightly felt cold and no temperature registered on my digital thermometer, with my highest reading being 97.8°. I immediately thought of when Nathan’s kidney stuff was at it’s worst and freaked out screaming at thin air. I was livid that I’ve been doing everything right, and in that moment felt like I was dieing. I screamed myself hoarse.

Multiple text conversations later, I did decide to not work, and they said Nathan and I should get acupuncture and chiropractic. The acupuncturist had had similar oddities that day, but her list was shorter. They did ask me to find a COVID test one way or another.

An hour an half of scouring the intent I claimed the last test at a CVS, 20 miles from home. It was an end of the day time slot on Friday, so clinic treatments happened first. Nathan ended up having low blood pressure drops and passed out 3 times. I still felt strange. The acupuncture helped a lot, and chiropractic helped me move better, solving the residual mid-back pain.

We went home to wait for my test, and I was literally on the fence about working today (Sat). I only had the odd moments and sore throat from screaming, and Saturdays are 3 hours and done. I said I’d work it, before leaving to complete the test.

The test was a rapid response nose swab. It came back an hour later as positive. I texted everyone results and assumed time off work. At that point even my throat and voice were feeling better. I was miffed, but honored testing to take time off.

Now it’s the end of Saturday. My throat actually came back with a vengeance about 11am, and I’ve spent most of the day without a voice. My body temperature has actually been running near hypothermia at 94.4-96.4°, so I took an extra dose of thyroid meds and told Nathan I need calories I can swallow. Otherwise I feel no worse than any other head cold I’ve ever had.

I’m still angry because I have been doing everything right, and I actually feel worse 24 hours post test than pre-test.

I also went through a moment of angry at the teen. She has no symptoms and wanted to hide. I was told that I made a mistake in assuming it was because she thought it would spare her. Yet, after I pointed out that she’d already been exposed for probably several days, she begrudgingly came out of hiding to help with her siblings. I pointed out that she might already be immune, which would confirm my prior sentiments that we’ve already had COVID before. Regardless, whether she eventually shows symptoms or not, she was not going to spare exposure by hiding now, it was already too late for that. That is how viral infections work, they spread before you even know you have it, and by the time the weird symptoms set in, it was in full swing and she was definitely exposed then. It’s one of the most annoying elements of the last two years, and why 4 of 5 of us were impacted at the exact same time.

What I can’t figure out is how the acupuncturist had weird things happen at the same time. My family has been nowhere as a whole family in ages, and definitely not in conjunction with the acupuncturist. So there should have been at least a little bit of staggering of arrival of symptoms, weird or otherwise. Yet we were all impacted around 11am to noon on Thursday. That is just odd.

Anyway, Nathan got tested through his dialysis clinic, but results for him will take 3 days. We are charged with searching for a test for the teen. She has been instructed not to work until she can produce a negative result test. It’s a tall order to even find a test right now, and if she’s asymptomatic carrier, then she might have to test several times over to be able to return to work.

I just think it’s all a bunch of hogwash when the system doesn’t care about long-term effects, long-term damages, the possibility of chronic infections, or the fact that their precious failed to do anything. After my positive, Nathan read a Facebook post from a friend, whom has been as fully vaccinated as is possible with her last booster being less than a month ago and she’s sick with COVID too.

I’ll reiterate. Put up or shut up.

If the system isn’t really going to produce anything to truly fix this, then stop making everyone jump through rediculous hoops over and over, again and again. Definitely stop scaring everyone constantly because that’s not helping matters at all.

We don’t do any of this for the flu or any one of a number of other diseases that medicine failed to permanently solve (several of which they don’t even educate their own staff properly on). So why this one?

I’m not stupid. I’m not going back to work until I am 100%. I don’t with anything I catch. But just like the flu, by the time I was certain it was illness, it was too late, I’d already exposed people, masked and all. I’m not dumb, a paper mask may help but does not eliminate risk of transmission. I likely exposed at least a dozen clients, the entire staff, and a few people in stores before I showed a single odd moment. It is what it is.

And the higher and deeper this piles, the more I simply know it’s going to take a long term toll. I do believe in the divine, and whether this was man-made or not, the divine sure as hell isn’t stopping it. So I have to believe it is serving a purpose that God supports.

May you know you are here for a reason. May you understand that some things are not solveable, and your role and responsibility is to do the best you are able with the hand you are dealt. May you find the discomfort of illness tolerable, and find your way to full recovery and restored balance. May you heal yourself and your world one step at a time. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

10 in 2 years

SARS-CoV-2 Variant Classifications and Definitions (COVID-19)

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/variants/variant-classifications.html#anchor_1632150752495

Wake up. NOTHING that has been done worked. Live or die, but I’m fucking over the stress and bullshit arguing, when no one has gotten it right. God could fucking fix this and isn’t, maybe he’s sick of our bullshit too. God supposedly could fix a lot of things and isn’t, he checked out ages ago. Get over it, all of it.

Of course if he was really that sick of us he find a way to smite everyone and just be done. Bible says he’s done it before, what’s s stopping him now.

An it harm none, do what ye will. God’s will be done. Finished. On Earth as it is in heaven.



Doctor Oz, before you get elected please run shows on how to educate our children for the safety of their own health. We should be teaching them better options than carried by their parents and generations past, and better options than the establishment is offering.

Oprah, open family yoga centers, where kids learn to do yoga as a kid should, but their parents get the same time for the same thing. Make it easy and fun for the whole family. Meditation too (maybe every yoga class does a meditation at the end). Make it like Wonderscope KC, but for yoga and truly healthy eating.

DIAL, Brookdale, or any other senior living facility. The boomers are the first to go, and our timeline has just sped up significantly. If you want to thrive you need to figure out how to take people of any age for care, but also preserve the health of your employees. If you don’t, it won’t be long until all your employees become residents.

If you came to this world for a reason and your intentions are good, then now is the time to put your foot down and act. Otherwise you’ll join the unaligned in bickering death.

Actions based in aligned intentions of the divine are life saving. Prayer, meditation, eating foods worthy of gods, drinking drinks worthy of gods, treating your body as the temple of god it was always intended to be, giving yourself the same praise you would God because you can and will be the channel of God to do great things in this world. Do it for you and because it is the hope for humanity.

May we all navigate the path with ease. May God’s will be complete and our hands, our bodies, our brains, our connection to the divine, be a daily reminder of such. May we all heal this world together. Above all may you know that you are loved and supported in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Liberating Clearing

I told a client of my current emotional processing of immensely intense stretches releasing deeply held traumas. I said: “It is not for the faint of heart, but that I felt like God was going to smite me if I didn’t do it to the fullest of my ability.”

Between pain, screams of anger at God, intensely deep stretches pushing my own limits, and resulting trauma release responses, especially crying, I feel like I’m making more progress.

My hips are a bit unstable at the moment, and tender doesn’t even begin to describe some of the remnants needing mended. Yet, when I am just sitting I feel more balanced and stable than a week ago.

The process has included many mental image moments that I simply have no idea their true accuracy. The mental images are the closest translation of what my body has been holding.

  • There was an image of a nurse holding me upside down by one ankle (postnatally).
  • There was an image of mom’s belly being so tight from overwork that I was compressed to her spine, in an inability to move fully and properly as a developing baby should.
  • There was a feeling of fear in the midst of a fight, that feeling stirred when an argument hits maximum and you’re afraid of what the other will do.
  • There was a ‘fallen and I can’t get up’ moment where legs felt like they were so tight I simply couldn’t get on my knees and get to standing. (It made me think mom had fallen, but I called her and she’s fine.)
  • There was what I can best call a rebirthing moment. In reality I was born C-section, but I had a fairly clear moment of what it might feel like to be born as my children were, right in the midst of transitioning between hip opening stretches.
  • The neck thing I carry in C1/C2 turned loose as I was working on a spot in my low back. As I was working on releasing the low back L5/SI area, it felt like whiplash had happened at some point. I was wracking my brain for any actual memory of such an event to my lower spine, and all of a sudden clunk in my neck. If the two are truly connected, then the only thing I can place it with is the time I fell on my head off of the end of a slide as a toddler. I’m hoping I released both ends well enough to keep it gone, but have enough experience to know that things are rarely once and done. May I know how to repeat well enough to accomplish full release in as few repeats as possible.
  • There are probably some other moments I’m forgetting, which is likely a good sign.

Anyway, after all of this and more I’m wrapping my brain around elements of pain retention. How our body traps it, not just for us, but for generations. I have been repeating “Heal me and my children as far back as necessary, down to DNA and mitochondria for here, now, through birth and to generations past.”

Then this morning, I was fortunate enough to get a moment of meditation in. I had a strong awareness that I am going to be able to walk away from something soon. In that way that once you really understand something it gets easy. I feel like I’m going to be faced with one of the common topics of my life, for about the last 5 years, and that I’m going to be able to say no easily. The same way that women that have truly worked through abuse can recognize it much faster and refuse it before anything comes of it. It only sort of confused me.

Abraham swears there are no tests and that God isn’t out to get us or punish us. Jesus was fond of similar sentiments.

Yet, there is that momentum thing, when something has been rolling a really long time it takes on a life of it’s own. Some event has to stop that momentum, and sometimes it is simply the measure of knowing ones’ own strength to stop it oneself. Being able to face it one last time and say “nope, not today”, but actually stopping it dead in it’s tracks, not just diverting it. Diversions only slow the momentum, it’ll just keep rolling and eventually cross your path again. No, one must be strong enough to fully and completely stop the ball or assume the impact.

My awareness this morning helps me know that I am strong enough to stop it myself and stay standing. I am not certain which topic it is in regards to, or the details, but I am much more confident in my capabilities to handle whatever it is, and take the higher ground.

May we all have life affirming moments and an awareness of our capabilities. May we all see ourselves as strong enough to stop something with momentum. May we know we are on the right track and heading in the right direction. May we understand our strengths and use those to lift our weaknesses up. May we all process traumas so that we can be more functional, healthy, and help our children heal to stop the parade of generational trauma. Above all, may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Seems like wobble.

Great mother is done
She's wobbling too much
Any more and she'll fall
Imbalance too great
Humans: the cause
Too many
Tugging in
All directions
No rest for
The weary

Every couple thousand years
Great messengers are sent
Time is granted
If too many fail
A great calamity
Wraps everything up quickly

I'm loosing
Despite
Best efforts
All things done
As correctly
As possible

My wobble
Our collective
Wobble
Too much stress
With Fun and
Peace
Deficiencies

Inability
To control
Uncontrollable
Some things
Never intended
To be controlled
In the first place

Instructions
Conditioning
Of responsibility
May have been
Inaccurate
Or misunderstood
Relearning
Too costly when
Time is against
My
Our
Side

My preference
To sit quietly
And wait
Feeling the ground

In winter
Everything
Seems dead
Seems barren
Seems bleak

Under the soil
Seeds sleep
Insects burrow
Rabbits tunnel
Bears hibernate
Even fungi
Thrive
All just
Go Deeper

All waiting for
The great thaw
The signal
It's okay
The time to
Reemerge
Anew

Our lives
If meant to be
Will be
If meant to diverge
Will

I simply must
Trust
And wait
Quietly
In stillness
In meditation
In prayer

My Prayer:
That
Thaw
Brings
A new me
A better me
A miracle me
Or simply
A divine me

My focus:
Those seeds
Dormant
Frozen
Yet somehow
Alive
What seeds
Have I planted?
Did I tend them
Well enough?
Did divine really
Fix my mistakes?
Did divine love
Spare my failures?

May the divine
Forgive all
Our lapses
And help us
Restore
Replenish
And renew
Failures in
Perception and
Responsibility
Misplaced

~ Treasa Cailleach

I have sincerely felt like I was dieing the last couple of weeks. I’m angry at God and saddened. If it is me, I’ve done everything I possibly could. If it is my wonderful mom, and I’m just feeling it, then I simply know we both deserve better and she deserves relief. When I’m not screaming at God in anger, I’m spending all of my moments stretching and aligning and breathing. Reaching for peace as much as possible.

May all of our prayers be heard and relief granted in whatever way restores balance to the Great Mother; the most relief for the most of all that is. May we see that all is not lost, and life lies in wait, hibernating for better. May we see how we have done our best, and how it might help restore balance. Above all may we know that we are loved and supported in all that we do.

Om Shanti

Letters.

This morning, as I was getting ready for work, I heard another message. “Write goodbye letters”.

I figured it was intended for those about to leave my world for the afterlife. So then my question was who’s the 3rd, it could be one of a couple people, and none of the options seem good to me. They aren’t people that have lived long happy lives and are ready to go, like my parents claim.

So then my mental response was “I guess I’ll just write to everyone, just in case”, and for anyone I’m fairly certain is staying in this world, I’ll just thank them for everything I can think of.

At this point in the day I’ve accomplished one and I’m about to sit down and work on the rest. I’m betting there will be tears shed.

Additionally, I just finished utilizing the broken furniture from my children’s destructive stress, to burn and release the old, to allow for new to come in. I symbolically added an object that has been on my alter since a little over a year ago, to symbolize a particular element needing let go of. I also added two statues that symbolize the same element in my life. After I finish my letters to family (et all), I’m going to make photocopies of them, to burn for myself in our fireplace. It will help release those elements as well.

It is perfectly fitting of a new moon on the new year. Release the old to be able to welcome the new, in the dark of momma Gaea’s withdrawn lunar phase. The nights of the lunar phase where momma hides the reflection of the masculine sun. There is nothing quite like the symbolism, the momentum, and energy of this moment. It is very soothing and very cleansing.

I look forward to finding out what my new year brings now that I am able to release so much.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. May peace be with us always. Om Shanti.

The fireplace burn goal is for sometime tonight or tomorrow, while we’re still in the new moon phase. The letters will be mailed to the intended recipient as soon as they are complete, so everyone will receive them within a few days.

My other message was too sit back, relax, and wait patiently. Time will tell what the messages and actions of this week meant for me and those I was told to write to: cards, emails, letters and all.

May you trust and know that everything is going to be okay. May you know that you are free to be yourself and all that means. May you know your messages are exactly what was needed and requested by your recipients. May you know every word can carry deeper meanings that you may never know the fullness of. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti