Tag Archives: abundant flow

A channel?

So this week has been very interesting in many ways, and I’ve had new experiences that left me curious.

I know I’ve been feeling the man from my last 4 years, but I also had a dream that he was dieing, which is not the first time that’s happened. At one point, last September/October, I thought I was getting messages from god that he had committed suicide and it happened right after a very intense energetic experience of him. So I’ve literally been on the fence as to whether the lack of communication was because he was choosing not to, or because he was now deceased. I will never know if I never hear from him, especially since I knew he had been catfishing me and lieing to me. I have no evidence that the name I know him by is even his real name, and the details I know of him could apply to millions of people. Yet I do still feel him, so regardless if he is deceased, I’m certain he’s helping me somehow. He is a manifestation of my Divine Masculine, and if deceased there will eventually be a replacement that will manifest, and for now I continue in confused curiosity.

The confusion being because there was one evening this week where I heard someone tell him “you’ve got to tell her” and his response to them was an anxious “I know, but can’t, not yet”. That evening was filled with very intense mixed emotions like he was having a very involved conversation about me with another person. It was strange because I felt him as usual, but it was like I was feeling the others as well. That was new, and didn’t mesh with the possibility of him being deceased.

I’ve also had other experiences that the best decription I have is my Reiki energy centers turn on very strongly and it’s like a very loving person attempted to enter into my body. The first time was just my arms and feet. 2nd time was most of my arms and legs. And then this morning for a brief moment of my twilight waking, it was my entire body.

I was curious so I did a YouTube search to learn more. I only ended up watching 2 videos because they ended up answering all the questions I had at the moment.

The first was: https://youtu.be/PF_xgBSBdXA

The second was: https://youtu.be/DydmYKWVwXA

The first video made me realize that I have channeled in multiple ways and very different situations. I frequently find that his decriptions fit when I’m working doing massages and also often when I really get into my artwork or writing. However, I realized that occasionally I find moments like he described when I dance or play music, and definitely did when I gave the veterans day presentation last November. I was channeling without knowing what it was. *Hmmm.*

So then, I watched video number two and she focused on more of what I thought channeling was, which is just one type of channeling. Her descriptions seemed to fit what’s been happening this week more.

This has translated into a knowing that I am essentially expanding my gifts to a broader application. To what end I’m not sure. I have no idea what the end result will be of that Higher Divinity taking over my body, but so far I know I feel much better after each instance. It’s like it literally rejuvenates my body and that alone I know is providing me healing moments. I look forward to the improved health I’ll experience as these moments accumulate.

The other thing I am noticing from this, is a hugely increased energy for my daily activities, and the fall off the guy talked about does occur. Every time I quit moving I get cold and at the end-of-the-day drive-home I get super heavy and groggy. I have finally found a reason to have genuine gratitude over sharing a car. The built in chauffeur aspect has been very important this week.

I will continue to hold myself in open confused curiosity and wait for what my near future holds.

May you all have moments of curiosity with greater expansion and new skills and awareness.

As above, so below, so mote it be. Siva Hir Su.

It does feel like home.

It’s not my home, and at the moment I wouldn’t have a clue as to how to attempt to make it become so, but this place is so beautiful. It makes me know that my dream of Atira is possible, and though I am in mountains near the ocean, is not the same mountains I’ve seen in my dreams of Atira.

Our cabin is so far out and so far down in a valley that even the new cell tower a mountain over is not providing any more than spotty service. My phone will only do calls and texts without WiFi. The main Lodge does have WiFi available now which wasn’t available in previous years, but it’s unsecured and at certain times of the day everyone wants to partake in it.

I have not minded any of that inconvenience because it’s so beautiful here. It also helps that our “cabin” is as spacious as our actual home in KC, just formatted differently.

We went to Acadia NP on Tuesday and I hiked for hours stopping to let kids play on Sand Beach. I think we covered about 1.25 miles of coastline out and back, but there was abundant rock climbing to be had, so I’m sure my steps were more like 4 miles, maybe more. We made it to Thunder Hole from Sand Beach before my shoulder and back started screaming from having been wearing both Katherine and a backpack full of diapers and snacks. We decided to call it quits on walking/hiking but returned to our van and made several more stops for viewing pleasure. By the end of the day I’d gotten a significant sunburn that was mildly uncomfortable, so I spent that evening coating myself in lavender and aloe to heal it up.

The teens went with my brother and his wife on an epic 4 mountain hike, covering over 5 miles of trails and taking nearly 6 hours. Anya said she loved the views, but it was a bit much for her, and was nearly in tears asking if she could have just a little Beach time before we drove away. We took her to otter cove just as the tide was coming in and she was happy as clam.

I told her we’d head back at least once before our vacation was up and she was much relieved.

That is today. We’re due to pull out in an hour or 2 to go ride the Margaret Todd ship and explore Bar Harbor which apparently also has a beautiful sandy beach to walk on. My brother explained at low tide the beach connects to a small island with waking trails. I’m so looking forward to it.

My brother’s wife explained that you can’t see it all in one trip, they’ve been coming here for one week of every summer for 7 years and still haven’t done it all.

For now I’ll leave you with some pictures of Acadia and our cabin at the military campground in Great Pond. May you all have beautiful experiences that feel like home.

Cabin & surroundings:

Acadia:

Finally, after our busy couple of days, I enjoyed drinks and dinner with my family during a rain shower from the cabin screened in porch. I ate and drank too much that I shouldn’t have, so felt the aftermath this morning, but I thoroughly enjoyed myself last night. Sunburn and all. Happiness.

P.S. I’ve felt my connection very strongly over the last couple of days, and hoping it means something super wonderful. May you all feel your connections of clarity and bliss.

New day, new week.

“Everything’s gonna be all right.” -Bob Marley

Yesterday, I did some art, spent time with my family, and had a fairly relaxing good day, mostly at home. It was nice.

The art was nothing spectacular, just a little coloring to make friends with my new space. But I do have an idea for a charcoal drawing I may start working on.

The time with family was mostly ok to good, but Ian is still struggling with misbehaving. We discovered that he poked holes in the head of our djembe drum that Nathan was gifted over a decade ago. After ordering a new head and refreshing my memory of how to re-head the drum, I had a discussion with Ian.

He told me that a certain someone we used to live with was in his head telling him to keep causing trouble. I explained that that particular person was very manipulative and found satisfaction in causing chaos in other people’s lives, and that was why I chose to disconnect and move on from them. I told him he had to make that choice on his own, but that consequences would increase for him if he chose to keep listening to that person. I explained that just because he could hear them, didn’t mean he had to do anything that they said. That they choose to use their abilities for negative reasons, but that he could learn to use his for good. I also stressed that I would think he would choose to do the things that we request, especially since we genuinely love him and have his best interests at heart.

It was at that point that I understood why I kept being told that Archangel Michael was around me. I sent several prayers throughout all of yesterday requesting that the Angels protect all of us, and help my children remove energetic connections to those people. I also sent prayers that they help me forget that person and enable me to forgive the damage done so that my cords would permanently dissolve.

My decision on that person is: I don’t believe they have it in them to heal, I know they are so addicted to several things, including the drama of creating chaos, that they don’t even see their own patterns. We all have things like that, but this is just an extreme case. Regardless, even if they did try to change I don’t think it would stick and thus I don’t foresee ever being able to spend any significant time around them again. So, I do wish and pray for compete disconnection for myself and my family, I do want that to become a series of unfortunate events that I ultimately learn to forgive myself for enabling, and them for continuing to create.

Regardless, I went on to tell Ian that I love him, and that Nathan and I are doing our best to give him tools to control his thoughts and behaviors to improve things for himself. We want him to do well and he just needs to practice the things we’ve been teaching him. I compared it to his writing practice and explained the more he does the meditations and other tricks we’ve given him, the more they will work and things will get easier and easier for him. I gave him 2 days to work on resetting and focusing on practicing those tools. Essentially 2 days free pass, as long as Nathan and I see him putting effort into doing better. I pray that those 2 days, and the near future afterward, the Angels will protect him from intrusive thoughts and mirror anything like that back to the sender. My child needs that fresh start.

Nathan rounded out the day taking Ian to a huge new playground on my way to work. He had a blast discovering the new fun things to be had.

I give thanks that Archangel Michael is protecting me and my family and thanks that each new day brings greater clarity and resources to improve our lives.

May our improvements keep compounding for exponential growth.

Bonus our family vacation is approaching quickly. My mom has agreed to go with us, so there will be a slight detour to Iowa to pick her up and drop her off, but then we’ll have 7 solid days in Great Pond Maine and Acadia National Park the last part of July and first couple days of August. As the time draws nearer I’m finding myself increasingly more excited. I am so looking forward to the distance, fun, exploration, R&R, and possibilities of the trip. I give thanks for everything that has aligned to enable this experience, including house and pet sitters, and finances. Thank you God.

A+B=✓?

I know right. It makes no sense.

Neither did my logic today.

I wanted cute toes. Everyone around here has been getting summer pedicures. I thought “that would be nice”. Simple as that, I wanted cute toes like everyone else.

I never fall for what everyone else does. NEVER!

Yet this time I did and manifested myself a pedicure.

By manifested, I mean: I thought about getting one, told Nathan I’d thought about it. He said yes please, and after work we stopped at the nearest nail salon and I walked in. They said pick a color, I did, and then fumbled awkwardly through my half of getting a basic pedicure.

I knew I was out of place. I didn’t fit with everyone else there, it was obvious I had never done that before.

Sitting listening to conversations, all I found myself thinking is- wow people are so shallow. I didn’t like the smells and told myself not to even guess what all the ingredients in the half dozen liquids she used were. I had to distract myself and choose to do so by reading a blog with Andrew Carnegie quotes.

I apologized a dozen times to the tech for not knowing etiquette and proceedures, and left a huge tip for my silliness.

In the end this is what I received/learned:

I don’t mind having pretty toes, but I’m perfectly capable of accomplishing it on my own at home.

I definitely prefer not to use other human beings to accomplish such an insignificant task.

Whatever implied status comes with being financially stable enough to afford paid pedicures on a regular basis, in my opinion should come with enough sense not to. There are much higher uses of time, money, and manpower than making your toes pretty.

This was a logically illogical chain of events to solidify for myself my values and goals. I know that is not me, even if I can afford to do it occasionally. I’d much rather use my money for greater good and longer lasting effects.

I’m definitely not one to just do what others do, and my life has far greater meaning than displays of status.

I’m comfortable being me, hairy legs, no manicures, no pedicures, stocky, and strong. Knocking out tension for others, providing healing, supporting my family, and making this world a better place.

May you all have your moments of greater good clarity. Blessings to you and your loved ones.

Lookin’ Up

So the new year has brought challenges, all of which I’ve met so far.

I was hired full time as Activities Director. Yet to see a pay raise from it. Oh well, I’ve come to realize corperations rarely stay good on promises designed to get the good workers to do something. I fell hook, line and sinker for that stinker again.

Cleaned up mess number two from the oaf I filled in for. This time for good.

Lost power for 3 days due to Winter weather and stayed afloat with a minimum of lost wages, and only one night in a hotel.

The ball joint went out on our only vehicle, noticably making noise on a Saturday. We were gentle on the car to get through until the first available opportunity to see our mechanic (Tuesday), and $400 later we were rolling normally again.

Unburrying from oaf’s mess required extra work hours, some of which I voluntarily did off the clock to ensure meeting other needs during the week. Corporate neither knows nor cares, as they are against overtime at all costs, and all they care about is a warm body keeping things moving from resident/outsider perspective. So problem solved. The ones that care, most likely noticed, as I’ve had many compliments about how I’m such a hard worker this week.

The whole mess put together led to weak self-control with food, and reduced sleep, so I did loose my upbeat demeanor briefly on Friday. I apologized to those present and regained composure to complete my work week.

I will get back on my wagon- AGAIN!

I spent part of my week in training for software we currently use, though apparently not to its fullest potential. It left the trainer and I both with things to straighten out technologically. I also pointed out to my manager incongruent polar opposite sentiments between the training that day and the company Facebook posting policy, she essentially said “I know you should have said something to them”. So now I get to be the bearer of an uncomfortable email conversation in hindsight. Yea me. But hey, it might make two of our other processes easier and quicker- more efficient. That’s a good thing.

And I keep trucking.

I’m looking forward to extras I’ve put into the entertainment calendar for February, including a birthday party for myself. I figure since my birthday already falls on a Friday, which is the usual day for music and Happy hour, why not add a few extras to make it special for me. That includes inviting my family and what few friends I still have, to join us -on the house. I’m quite looking forward to it and hoping at least a couple of people can come down for a bit that afternoon. It would go miles to reducing my feeling of ostricized loneliness, something I know is completely an unintentional side effect of working so darned much.

It’ll be a moment of relief regardless of who shows up.

I’ve come to acknowledge that in a way the residents have become my friends and family to a large extent. They genuinely want to know me, how I’m doing, and especially all about my little ones. That means mountains to me. I hope that this arrangement continues to be full of warm fuzzy moments, and sets my steady course to another step better.

May you all clear this winter with warm fuzzy moments of improvement, feelings of belonging, and loving celebrations.

Feeling confident.

“The monsters in my head are scared of love”

– Diplo; ‘Revolution’

Today was a very interesting day full of twists and turns both in real time logistics and metaphorically speaking. My lunch being a quick haircut at the closest great Great Clips.

I went in already being in a really good mood from things at work yesterday. Essentially having a greater understanding of the respect I’ve earned at work, as well as intense gratitude for the progress I’ve made over the last few years in my personal life. I’d come to a realization that things I’d asked for help from Nathan and the Divine had come to pass solidly, and now it’s my job to uphold my end of the bargain. That was a real confidence booster.

I was slightly concerned that I might not have time to fit a haircut into my short gap, but was able to slide right in.

I sat down to discover that I had gotten the new girl and she kept saying are you sure you want to go that short. I had to explain several times over I was no stranger to short hair having clipped it for the same reason after Ian’s birth. I said a quick mental request that she find her alignment to give me a decent haircut to accomplish the goal of making my new growth less noticeable.

She buzzed and clipped and snipped and then had her superior check her work. When all was said and done I walked out with what I’d set out to get- a decent haircut to make new growth blend in better.

Returning to work I got lots of compliments right away.

More feeling good.

After showing Nathan, he agreed it looked great, but kept saying it’s so short. I reminded him of after Ian and went to pull up an old picture to compare and found myself having a moment.

2 months shy of 4 years later, having been to 2 different salons on opposite sides of the metro. I had a nearly identical haircut.

After Ian when my hair started to return. February 1st, 2015:

Today:

Cue twilight zone theme song.

I’m definitely feeling more confident, and very good about myself in general, but I’m also seeing that my higher self is pulling strings for me when I let it. For that I’m eternally grateful. I’m very aware of my connection these days, and loving every moment of it.

May you all find your feel good synchronicities that let you know the Divine is on your side.

Om namah Shivaya… Siva hir su.

Busy working or hardly working?

I’ve been so busy I haven’t been able to do that feel good update. I promised pictures of my veteran’s day service and craft projects I’ve done lately, but I’ve been busy decorating the building at work and so many other things that I never got to it. So, I guess I’ll just have a picture heavy post today.

Veterans day – I only received 2 from my coworker I can post. I’m not allowed to use any pictures where you can tell who the residents are. So these ones are okay, being you can’t see full resident faces. That’s me at the podium, and the gentleman in the blue shirt was my younger veteran volunteer handing out the certificates.

Crafts:

First decoupage platters made with paper napkins…

My first 2 (I’ve since done a third I don’t have a picture of yet):

Finished resident projects:

Sharpie art:

Mine:

I only had a couple of resident examples of the sharpie dye art, but it seems I must’ve used a different device to take those pictures, as I can’t find them now.

Finally, I finished most of the building decorations today, so here’s pictures of my handy work. Everyone loved my “flower” arrangements and holiday trees. I’m glad they liked my work.

It was very fun decorating such large trees. I had never decorated a tree even the size of the smaller one, and the larger one was 2 or 3 feet taller and much wider.

I even dressed up a couple of year round arrangements…

And made a cluster of mini-trees for our Angel Gift Tree. Next week they will be covered in Angel tags for residents donating gifts.

As for home, we are still getting settled, so decorations have not even been attempted, but our living room and bedrooms are to comfy stage, enough unpacked to feel like home.

May you all have a pretty, creative, comfy, and joyfully busy holiday this year.

New love grows, yet old love remains…

I’m not a poet, but sometimes standard prose doesn’t fit my feelings. This is one such occasion….

Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you,
That is how I know you, go on

-Celine Dion

Poseidon’s trident pierced my heart, and somehow I-

humanly, perfectly, imperfectly-

emerged as Aphrodite’s visage.

Life moves on, and new phases emerge.

I know not why,

not how,

only that it is as it should be,

everything will indeed be alright.

Family grows,

and new love flows,

Wonderful, radiant, feminine.

Time flies,

and I merely try

to simply keep up.

Not only for new love found,

but the new life growing within.

Family’s needs are great,

and I’m just one.

One to do my best,

Strive and persevere,

help and support,

with all my love,

For all of those that I love.

Even those

that this

time and space

hold out of reach.

Time moves on.

Memories, dreams,

hopes, goals, and desires,

never forgotten.

The brain remembers all-

Where matters

of heart

be concerned,

Fills time

where

life

breathes.

The inner fires

still burn bright

Even when daylight dwindles

And time escapes.

Solace found

In inner voice

In knowing

In that special connection.

If I never find solution

In this

Time and space

I will hold tight

My connection from afar.

I cherish it-

Special,

Unique,

Warm,

Invisible embrace.

I wish that for everyone.

I do feel,

Do see,

Every night,

Desires and longing

Mine and not mine.

And support them.

All is as it should be.

Answers will come.

If we allow.

Regardless, there is love,

Always love.

‘Tis human to err

And our humanity is our greatest asset

Love your flaws,

They are uniquely you.

I am learning

Slowly

Just that.

Even my faults

Make me who I am

Ultimately creating a better self.

So I love me,

and you,

and all of my family.

Chosen and given.

Even those who choose

Silence

Or difference

Or separation.

Love is the only thing I have to give.

And give I will.

As much as possible,

And every moment

that my brain remembers

That my brain fills.

All day,

Everyday,

Until death do I part.

Love with all my heart.

Almost there.

So I’m inching closer to baby being here, and doing my best to inch closer to being done with room construction.

Last Tuesday I spent all day long- 5:30 am to about 7:30 pm completing the majority of the electrical needs for the new rooms. Anger, worry, and frustration got me started so early, and pure determination kept me moving.

I ran a new line for the 5 sockets/recepticals on the new wall, and used an existing line to split off for 3 new light fixtures & 2 other recepticals. With all of our low amp gadgets and toys these days, I figured the 20amp lines would do OK with those additions, especially since the light fixtures now have LED bulbs. The new line still needs set into the breaker box, and the ceiling fan (1 of the 3 fixtures) needs mounted, but everything else is complete.

The next step was to start installing panelling. Nathan started that and Hannah did her best to help, but neither had done it before, so there were some cutting errors. So last night I did my best to solve the errors to avoid needing to replace panels, and after a brief melt-down, managed to do so. We then proceeded to finish panelling the wall & Hannah and Nathan placed 2 panels in the kids room. Things are moving along.

All that’s left to call our master bedroom (2nd master for the house now) complete is to hang 2 panels, install the ceiling fan, mount all the trim, & hang a door (or 2) in the wide doorway. Nathan & Hannah said they’d try to get trim down today, & since I work all day ( until about 7:30pm), that’s a good thing. Whatever they don’t get to, I will get another chance Monday evening.

I will again have all day Tuesday as well, so perhaps we’ll be able to finish everything for real this time. If not, we at least have enough that we can set-up for birth & baby.

I am sooo looking forward to normal and calm returning. I have found a new level of functional exhausted that I previously thought was impossible; having had periods of functional exhausted several times in my life I thought I’d already experienced my limits. Yet, this time I have a more finite time frame to exist in this manner, and knowing the end is near and time off will be available, I keep persisting. All will pay off soon.

And now for the pictures…

Last view I showed in my previous post:

Hannah assembling our new bed… Nathan helped but stopped to snap a pic.:

Panelling in progress, with electrical already in place (apparently no one snapped a picture of me doing the electrical, or the end result):

Pregnant Me hanging panels:

New wall panels completed (outside & inside):

The dusty dingy look is the sawdust on the panels & it’ll wash of easily. It looks great & will look perfect once trim is up over cracks & ceiling/floor borders.

I will have something pretty for the first time in 2 years and I’ll have running water again. I honestly owe it to my personal faith in god and working with the Shiva & KaliMa archetypes these last 2 years. I asked for help in making things pretty again and the divine is doing just that. I’m ever so grateful. Everything is going to be OK and life is improving. Thank you. Siva hir su.

Wishes and Dreams

Today the work theater presents “The Greatest Showman”. I’m only 15min into my resident-sitting-movie-gig, and it’s a reminder of the threads that have kept me going. My wishes and dreams.

It seems that my wishes and dreams may be working their way into reality. That reversie card I wrote about, may be finally at play.  It seems the messages from the divine (or simply the other side) are getting louder.

The last week brought messages from my friend’s late uncle about her grandfather’s ill health. He worked very hard to warn her using me as the middle woman. It took days to figure out because I knew they were messages, but it wasn’t until I started showing her pictures of the messages that she put the pieces together. She’d sent me a copy of a picture of the uncle to show me who was communicating, and later in the evening his picture (on my phone) opened itself right as she was being informed grandpa was being taken to the ER.  It was eerie, but fascinating validation. Luckily by morning she learned that grandpa had a very treatable temporary setback. He’d be okay.

That was in the midst of finishing my portion of my taxes to get them turned into my accountant. I really hope she’s able to work the same magic as years before, because between baby and moving we’ll really need a decent return.

Speaking of moving, that’s part of the reversie card. 

We never did find an adequate yet affordable home. However, my friend (Hannah) with the talkative deceased uncle, has offered their home, and to simply split the existing costs. 

We’ve been friends for several years, but lately we’ve discovered how intensely we share goals, hopes, dreams, skills, preferences, and even health challenges. We grok each other, an understanding on a deeper level. We’ve gotten very close, and I feel like she’s family in my heart. So, when they offered their home, and even to help make necessary adjustments to accommodate us, I couldn’t say no. I feel like it’s an honor to have her support and love. I can’t see the full puzzle being put together yet, but definitely feel like she’s a very important piece, and one I’m glad to call family. I definitely feel my heart blossoming and growing with more love for a greater family than I could have imagined. 

I’ve shared with her my thoughts on all my previous messages and including the picture with the elephant figurines and the happenings with the boy, and she is in agreement. She agrees that he’ll eventually return and I just need patience and to keep my hopes and dreams alive. 

What’s more is what she’s found in helping prep for our full move in. She’s found her bulbs of the ‘Lily of India’-5 of them, she’d already planned on planting them, but they’d already begun to sprout in the cellar storage. 

Then there was the elephants her grandmother played with as a child. She knew they existed, but as she was sorting belongings she found them, 5 to be exact.

It gives me goose bumps and spine shivers every time another sign like that shows itself. It’s validation that I’m not crazy and that at least some things I see are indeed messages. I look forward to seeing the full manifestation of all of these divine signposts. To that end I keep repeating “my miracle is on its way, just keep believing”.

It was one such moment that I realized the car in front of me had a plate that said “4SHIV”. I snapped a picture and sent it to Nathan and Hannah to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. (I’d put it here, but I don’t have their permission and the photo would give away their state which could jeopardize their personal information.) Regardless, both Nathan and Hannah validated it very much said what I thought, and we all had an OMG’s moment. I pointed out, there was enough characters for the A on the end of Shiva. I was left with a strong sense it had to be for me because the shortened version isn’t commonly used here.

 It was very much a perfect alignment of astronomical odds that I know was a message for me from the divine. For that I am forever grateful. It’s those seemingly small kernels that mean massive amounts to me and help me get through this chaotic time of 3rd trimester diet craziness, moving, working an insane amount, squeezing in taxes, and then doing my best to have at least a few minutes of quality time with my kids before falling over from fatigue each night. It will all be worth it when my growing family is using our miracle to build Atira.

I very much look forward to that. Those will be wonderful days.