Tag Archives: accept yourself

Put up or shut up.

I still have energetic junk plaguing my family and my home in a quite cyclical fashion. I suspect I know which partie(s) are causing it, but I’m not 100% certain.

I have however, gotten really good at shutting it down and blocking it after the fact though. What I can’t seem to block, Nathan can and does repeatedly.

Yesterday I had scream fest over it, alone in the van, on the way to work. I was blasting the source with a message of “if you’re not going to help then leave me the eff alone, I’m already doing it on my own, and you’re just making it harder.”

On one hand, good for me, makes me even stronger every single time I win. On the other hand it’s keeping me from the easy route which at this point I have more than earned, a dozen times over.

It amazes me that a couple/few individuals so insecure in themselves, can be hung up on me, allowing jealousy or whatever-stupid-reason to be fodder for regular energetic fixation in the most negative of ways.

I am getting stronger. I am getting more confident. I am able to keep my vibration higher most of the time, and even these energetic attacks only distract me briefly at this point. I am healing and growing and learning.

She-Ra was excellent inspiration, and I’m glad I revisited the show of my youth. It has only helped me with the here and now. I can’t begin to explain the number of ways I have put that inspiration to good use, and I am energetically kicking ass these days. (Which in all honesty I wasn’t doing half bad before.)

Beyond that, I’m not really the vengeful sort, but I am very aware of all of the energetic ways to ensure this non-sense ends. If push comes to shove I will invoke any means necessary to end this stupid game of theirs. I know God would both understand, and accept my request for forgiveness, to ensure my family is safe and secure.

So let this be fair warning to them. If they continue to cause problems and distractions, they will be bound energetically. That would make their lives extra difficult and possibly even emotionally painful, and I would hate to see it come to that.

God supports me and knows that it is time for the negativity to end completely, by whatever means are necessary. I count myself blessed that I understand how to do that without ever laying a finger on anyone or anything, except maybe some clay and a candle.

Of course, there are easier ways. They couldĀ  simply tell the truth and come clean. Or… They could completely let go of me, whatever they think of me, what they think I should do or not, their desires centered around me, etc. It’s obvious that something about me is causing another person or people grief, anger, frustration, etc., and they are looping something fierce. They really should just address their brain needing to loop onto the topic of me. With the millions of things to think about, just let go of me.

Hell, my older brother used to turn water on to drip just to drive me nuts. I learned quick how to ignore it, but in this moment maybe dripping water could help them ignore me. Or clouds in the sky, or cars on the road, or music. There is literally an infinite array of options anyone can use to distract themselves. If all else fails, there’s even mantras you can say or think repeatedly. ‘Om Shanti’ means “All that is be peace” – use the sanskrit or English version, either one will get your brain off of me and onto peace.

Of course, I recommend everyone repeat that mantra as much as possible. Regardless of language used, it definitely does help bring world peace. The more people chanting with focused mental stillness, the higher our planetary vibration becomes and the better we all get to experience. I would love to see more of that.

Anyway, the source of the negativity either needs to make good in reality with full truth, honesty and disclosure, or leave me the eff alone and let me slowly chip at making my world better with one less obstacle. If neither of those happens willingly from their end, I will shut them up energetically. I sense a binding coming on.


May you be energetically sovereign and mostly dwell in high vibrations. May your days go smoothly and have a steady flow of positive interactions both physically and energetically. May you know God supports you in all that you do. May you know you are healing and getting stronger. May you know you are learning all that you need to know. May everything bring you a sense of divine timing and God force guiding you to all you desire. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Stream of consciousness- part 1

Last night I meditated to a 111hz YouTube video to calm and find answers. The combination of my herbs, the frequency, and the visual, led to my connection being amplified intensely. The following words are from that channeled experience, and I think they can apply to everyone. I will expound on the rest of my related thoughts in a separate post.


The matrix is being redesigned

What do you want it to look like

Are you someone who wants me to stay down with you
Or are you someone who wants to try and keep up with the changes like I do

I’m sorry if you want to stay down, I can’t stay with you
If you want to keep up, we’ll do better if we work with each other

I want to work together, show me how, tell me how

Improvement?

I was able to leave work a couple of hours early today. I knew I must take the opportunity to slide in an extra workout. I texted my husband and he decided to go with me.

I changed into my old workout outfit. It’s probably almost a decade old, and the shirt has had paint on it for longer than my 6 year old has been alive. The pants gained a bleached area after moving into our previous home about 2 years ago.

Nathan picked the treadmill, and I chose to do a combo of elliptical and rowing machine. We both did a full 45 min workout, and I did my best to maximize mine (HR, speed, resistance, etc.).

I started with the elliptical set on a big incline to maximize focus on quads and glutes. My quads have been weak and my glutes have been chronically tight; sometimes that’s a sign of weakness, but it’s also potentially just because of the nature of how I stand while working.

Either way, I wanted this workout to help in as many ways as possible. So, I picked my machines based on muscles I wanted to work, and the duration for helping my brain function.

10 min into the elliptical my clothes were bothersome. They are now so baggy that they catch on things. While still in motion I tied a knot in my shirt hem, and pulled my pants up higher and cinched in the drawstring more. I then had to pull my sleeves up as high as possible to get them to stay put.

When I got home I realized they were 18/20W or a 2XL. When I originally bought them I was not quite at my largest and they were comfortably loose. I do remember when I hit my largest they were no longer quite so comfortable and that was one of many signals to acknowledge I needed to fix things. That was over 7 years ago.

Now, I know I wore a fitted size Large scrub top last week that wasn’t quite so tight anymore. I wouldn’t call it spacious or comfy, but it’s not restrictive like it was when I bought it in the frame of mind of being hopeful.

So I’m down from an 18/20W plus size to a solid 14/16 regular, and still shrinking, not quite to a size 12 yet.

This is quite possibly the slowest process I’ve ever noticed, but it is progress. The bathroom scale is still useless registering 217-220 depending on the day, but I’m definitely slowly inching smaller.

I still get frustrated over my tummy because it shows bloating so readily, but I’m definitely smaller. When I stand with proper posture and I’m not bloated, my tummy is smaller than my breasts, the last times that happened was directly after giving birth to my children. It makes me feel good.

This all helps me feel better. The exercise itself, the results, being smaller, feeling better physically, it all helps my mood. This on top of all of my regimen is a big helper, but I’m still inching up.

It’s not taking me weeks or months anymore, but it’s still taking me multiple days to climb out of mental health pits. It is improvement, but I look forward to hours instead. Nay, I look forward to never falling to begin with.

I’m not sure I’m ready to contemplate what that puzzle looks like yet. I’ll get this one down better first.

Anyway, I wanted to share my efforts and the noticable measures of improvement. I will keep plugging away and eventually I will be back up again.

May you have moments of appreciation and validation of your efforts at improvement. May your brain always cooperate with you. May you have stable mental health and a healthy body inside and out. May you know you are doing better and find ways to love yourself for it. May you know you’re loved and supported.

Om Shanti