Tag Archives: accept yourself

Your best joyful.

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Today’s Sadhguru quote:

I was already thinking about my childhood when I saw the quote. Initially, contemplation was stirred by several people having asked me if I liked what I do.

I have answered honestly every time that question has ever been asked, and surprisingly my answer is not much different that the first time I was asked years ago.

In general I love what I do. I help people, I enable people to feel better and I often guide them towards finding healing (or with elderly- release, which is its own kind of healing). There have been points in my history where finances were very tight or other elements were stressful, but mostly my career is low stress and adequate financially. I will likely never become a millionaire on massage alone, but I have changed lives and helped others find less stress and more peace. I help people every day that I get up and go do what I do best.

And that is the key: WHAT I do BEST.

My best is not always hands rubbing and poking muscles. My best is not always words that come out of my mouth. My best changes from moment to moment. Sometimes it is energy work, sometimes it is the massage, sometimes it is saying just the right words at just the right moment, and sometimes it is what I do when I’m not earning my keep.

And I don’t always manage my best, but I always know why.

My mom was key in better understanding of the phrase “Always do your best”. She was the one that repeated it frequently, but she also had a deeper understanding of it.

She would tell us stories of how she was punished by teachers when she couldn’t read the blackboard after having had Scarlett fever, and finally one teacher figured out she simply couldn’t see. She would tell us stories of being moved around over and over again because she was a military kid, and all of the trouble it caused for her, but how she would get through. There were dozens of stories I heard as a kid where she was conveying that she was doing her best to survive and get through even when no one else noticed or cared, but eventually it mattered and got better.

She was key in my understanding that “Always do your best” only really matters to you. It only matters to the person doing their best. You are the only one that can determine if you are doing your best in any given moment or any given situation.

I then thought of when I was a kid participating in district solo and ensemble competitions. I was that kid that aimed for the 1’s not because I got ribbons and medals. No I aimed at the 1’s because I wanted to do my best regardless of anyone else. I would sit in a corner practicing quietly and let everyone ignore me, and later I would beat up on myself for mistakes because I knew I could do better. It wasn’t until years later that I understood I had already done my best because stage fright was real for me. Simply having managed receiving 1’s multiple times over, when battling stage fright intensely, was a feat in and of itself. Simply conquering my dyslexia on my own was a feat of my fortitude.

I was the kid that was bullied, molested, picked on or ignored mostly. But I still did my best getting good grades, setting curves, winning music and art competitions, and volunteering whenever I was able.

And to this day I am satisfied with my self-sufficient kick-ass way of always doing my best.

None of my accomplishments mean anything to the world, but they are no less amazing and spectacular. None of my accomplishments mean much to my birth family, but they are no less amazing and spectacular.

I am standing on my own and with great knowing that I can and will continue to do so, no matter what.

I am in a marriage that was completely unsupported by anyone. I have kids that were unaccepted because they are mixed race. I have largely done it all on my own and I still give my love to others daily.

I do not need anyone to support me or make things better, because I know that I always do my best, no matter what. I also know that those that shy away from me because of my baggage, are entirely missing the point.

I am a beautiful goddess and strong in my power. I am not perfect, I am a human goddess. I make mistakes, and I understand how to do better the next time. I constantly strive to do better because I know my best can keep improving. My best matters to me because it got me through when there was no one and no way to do it otherwise. My best is the result of all I’ve seen, done, and learned along the way.

And I forgive myself for the moments that weren’t my best. Humans make mistakes. It’s what you do with your mistakes that matters.

So yes, I love my career because it bring great satisfaction with minimal stress and it allows me to do my best every day I live.

To quote Abraham: “Money isn’t the root of all evil, but it isn’t the cause or solution of everything either”. For me I’d love to have more money, but I’m satisfied with the results of doing my best, even if more money never comes. My best is what has always mattered to me the most, and it’s not always measurable in dollars.

May you know that you do your best always. May you know what your best looks like and find forgiveness for the moments that aren’t. May you always understand why you didn’t accomplish your best and know how to improve next time. May you see the good in all parts of your life and have greater understanding for yourself and others. May you find that your best guides you to joyful work and a joyful life. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Mind Yourself

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I find that I am needing to take my own advice again.

“Mind yourself” came about because my son is a Leo and his firey personality is easily angered and frustrated by others actions and words, especially those of his siblings. He often feels the need to roar like a lion and make his feelings about them be known. So lately I’ve just been gently reminding him to mind himself and ignore everything else. It takes a concerted effort, but eventually he does mind himself and relax.

It seems I need to listen to my own advice because I keep taking the bait, and reacting to others about stuff that I have let go of repeatedly.

Yet again everyone is in fear and speculating about all the things.

Everyone has an opinion about everything. Myself included.

Yet I am painfully aware that my opinions rarely align with others because most everyone around me wants to pick an extreme, and it depends on the topic and the person, as to which extreme I am subjected to.

This afternoon I simply went to say goodbye to coworkers I care for, and walked in to a discussion stirred by an article about venom being tested as an Covid solution.

I fell for the bait- again.

I said I was not surprised, and pointed out it wouldn’t be the first time venom has been used as a treatment for something. I also said I wouldn’t try it right now, but if it cleared proper testing and I ended up in a situation needing it, it likely wouldn’t be any riskier than any other options. At least someone is even attempting to produce options and solutions for people. I’m willing to evaluate and weigh risks of anything, it really depends on whether the risk is worth the potential results, and I whether I can handle said risk(s).

I also pointed out that us stupid humans make all kinds of mistakes, there’s not a human on this planet that hasn’t made a whole laundry list of mistakes, and sometimes I simply trust God more than any human options. Clarifying with several examples where “good science” or “good medicine” told us one thing for years, even decades or centuries, to later confess they were wrong.

Eggs being good or bad, the food guide pyramid being changed to the plate formula used now, the model of an atom has change multiple times, even the concept of being able to travel faster than sound once was impossible and now is. There are literally thousands of examples where both science and medicine have changed their minds as more data and more evaluation was possible. Our knowledge is only as good as the tools and information we have at any given time.

My phraseology and statements didn’t sit well with them… Again. I said goodnight and left, wishing I had just left without discussion.

So now I sit minding myself.

I’ve spent two days listening to Green Day and I remember why I love their music. They make awesome music off of knocking sense into the masses. Their songs are laden with righting wrongs, dealing with inner turmoil, and making sense of the senseless. Every last song I’ve heard of theirs makes me feel okay because I simply know I am not actually crazy nor am I alone in this mess.

I know that I see a bigger picture. I know that I make decisions based on my inner knowing more often than not. I know that I know how to reach my inner connection to the divine and when I’m not falling for ‘argue-with-me bait’, I know I am centered in that inner knowledge. I do know that I trust my inner being more than anything else, because it has never led me astray, only falling for someone else’s opinions has ever led me astray.

I may or may not be Mensa smart, but I know I am more intelligent than the average person, every test I have ever taken has shown that, and others notice my intelligence enough to tell me on occasion.

I know I am stronger than the average person and others notice all the time. It has provided an unending income stream of word-of-mouth referrals.

I know I am more energetically aware and in tune than the average person and others are noticing and telling me more and more frequently. It seems each week I get new requests for energetic work in addition to my massages.

I am hardworking and kind most of the time. I appreciate those around me, even when we disagree.

I do my best to help everyone around me, and my biggest fault is that there is only one of me attempting to do the work of 3 or 4.

I am a good person and I simply strive for better in whatever that means in any given moment or on any given topic.

I know that my inner being intended for me to be a beautiful goddess and I work on myself everyday reaching for the ideal I was always intended to be. I’m gradually shedding all of the toxic, old, negative junk that I collected as I grew up, and one day I will see clearly myself in my wholeness.

I have supported myself wholly and completely. There simply wasn’t anyone else to rely on for much of my life, even as a child my family really wanted me to be self sufficient to eliminate any burden on them. It was sink or swim and even though I almost sank in middle school, the rest of my life has been swimming and swimming and swimming (with a little floating on occasion). I will keep swimming with an occasional float to rest. One day I will reach shore and lounge on the beach for a rest. Then I will get up and keep walking. That is the journey of life, and I am on my journey for better or for worse. I will keep moving until whatever day that my divine half decides is fit for transition. I’m okay with knowing that.

I am okay. We are all okay. No matter what. Life is a journey and death is just a transition. It all keeps this immense infinite universe of ours moving forward.

May you find ways to mind your self. May you find ways to avoid taking the bait. May you see your self in the best ways and know that you are enough and that you are worthy. May you know that your life journey is all what you make it. May you know that you are okay no matter what, and that the universe is safe. May you think bigger to get past the little crap that has you stuck and focused in unhelpful ways. May you always find your source and float mostly. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Seeing the path.

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I’m struggling right now, so is my family. But, that has all brought me amazing clarity on what I really want, and that is already in my vortex. Struggle can be easily replaced with improvement just by some focus. So I’m going to focus on the positives and do my best to make light and joy of it.

I used to be Jabba-buska the Hut:

No, not that hut. That hut is one I like.

This Jabba the Hut:

Courtesy: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Jabba_the_Hutt_in_Return_of_the_Jedi_(1983).png

But with a bit more babushka:

Now I’m a little more:

Image courtesy Nathan and social media. I honestly have no idea where he saw it, but I held onto it for just such a moment as this.

I’m kinda like that head witch in the middle- the one with black hair, large but definitely a woman… finally! It’s really nice to actually have a waist line for once, it’d be nice if it was a few inches lower, but I’ll take it! This artwork cracks me up by the way, this image would have been painted in a church, probably on the ceiling, but christians are generally speaking so afraid of nudity, I think all those naked church pictures traumatized everyone! The saw all the possibilities of the human body and behaviors and simply lost their minds it was too much to process and they just shut down. I wonder if the people most concerned about nudity refuse to go to the historic churches where pictures like this are found!

Anyway, tangent, I was on the subject of improvement.

I used to be scary-deamon mom who will slice and dice you if you step out of line:

Image: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kali

To, now, I can be this mostly:

And only occasionally, I turn just a bit, enough to scare the daylights out of children:

Control, when applicable, is totally a good thing. I can’t control a damn thing outside of myself, I can only control what’s inside myself. And my improvement is knowing that.

I have earned my miracles, every last one of them. And I’ll keep doing my best every day of my life, that’s a great belief.

I strive to do better so that humanity is able to improve as a result. I’m a willing participant in evolution for better. I’m deserving of my healing, but I’m also deserving of my children’s healing, my husband healing, our family showing it’s possible. That ripple will help enable everyone to know it’s possible and humanity needs that.

So I’m focusing on improvement in every aspect… To be continued … Just after I separate two children.

May your meditations and musings always be uninterrupted. May your children cooperate with you and sleep. May you find the light and know that humor sometimes helps get there by making things lighter. May you see your path to improvement and know that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti