Tag Archives: accomplishment

Acknowledging self

Even though I have my moments where I feel like I’m a hot mess, the last few days have helped me to see more of my value.

My down slump was caused from pre-cycle hormones bumping up against bitter cold weather and fighting off a head cold gleaned from a co-worker. Despite a nasty combination, I only went into hiding one day.

I blasted my immune system with my classic combo of Vitamin C, Colloidal Silver and Olive Leaf. In larger frequent doses it always works, and I don’t have to deal with the unpleasant taste of oregano. Today I only have remnants of sniffles.

All while this was going on I still managed to do my job. Still managed to go look at homes for sale, filed for mortgage approval, and found a possible home that we’re crossing fingers will go through and become ours soon. (Prayers welcome).

In the process I discovered that a government debt I paid in full in September, which had already been removed from my TransUnion records, was still showing in Equifax. I submitted a dispute which was returned as invalid because there was an unrelated debt agency saying I still owed it.

When did credit bureaus start favoring debt collectors? I’m sorry, but bureaus like TransUnion and Equifax were supposed to be unbiased agencies that made sure information was accurate.

If I tell Equifax a debt has already been paid and removed from my TransUnion report, and that was the basis of my dispute. Then why on Earth would they take a third party debt collection agency as correct. They should have verified with TransUnion, or the original debt which is a government agency. It boggles my mind that my written statement of it having been cleared including necessary pertinent information was completely disregarded.

So today, I fully intend to ream someone verbally to ensure that shit gets fixed. 2 months after the fact I should not be having to fight for Equifax to report correct information. At what point is our government going to hold Equifax truly accountable for all the damage they keep perpetrating on the American people. Data breaches, incorrect data processing, favoring 3rd party agencies, this shit has to stop. Equifax needs disassembled. Just sayin’.

Anyway, rant aside, I also had moments of self acknowledgment yesterday working on clients. Between discussions including my birthing stories, a client thanking me for the nudge to change her diet (which worked completely), and even moments where I spoke on random knowledge I have (home improvement and things like conductivity of certain metals). I was able to step back momentarily and really see my intelligence and how it helps others and even myself in a wide array of ways.

It’s not often I even see that part of myself being so self-critical, but yesterday not only did I recognize it, I even took a moment of self-appreciation. It felt good.

I also had a moment of great appreciation for my work environment right now.

I had just gotten a regular adjustment (Tuesday or Saturday- my days are blurring together again) because my neck and shoulders were tight. Tight almost always means an adjustment is called for, so that day the owner-chiropractor adjusted me. It was indeed needed and felt very relieving. I was appreciative.

But like all humans I occasionally do something stupid, and yesterday morning was as such. In my rush getting into the car to head to work, I clobbered my head on the doorframe of the car. I literally heard and felt the crunch in my neck, and thought ‘so much for that adjustment I had, I’m going to regret that later’. By the time I arrived at work I conceeded I did need another adjustment. I admitted my folly and asked if that would be possible and the other chiropractor said certainly. My schedule didn’t actually allow for time to accommodate it until the end of the day, but once accomplished I felt great again. It was very needed and I’m very grateful he was able to accommodate second adjustment in less than a week.

May you all have moments of self-awareness and self-appreciation. May you all have adjustments you need and good health. May the universe be kind to you when you have your human moments of folly. And may you have good credit and agencies that diligently report accurate information.

Siva Hir Su

Flogging Story So Far

Listen: https://youtu.be/BZGkxlLZZsM

I am thanking God I’m alive, yet acknowledging that Nathan and my couple of friends might be sick of my fitness puzzle updates, I thought I’d write it out. My story so far does make me who I am, and currently it’s kinda pissing me off.

Despite having birthed 2 children, losing weight during pregnancy, to reach 190 pounds twice; I’m shaking my head as to why the eff I’m hovering between 200-225 now.

At this point I can honestly acknowledge that I’m doing spectacular by all reasonable definitions. I already knew I was doing decent, but there were a few people that thought I wasn’t eating enough and thus causing my body to think it was starving. Because of their doubts I began to use my Samsung Health Tracker app to its fullest potential to find out for certain if my knowing was accurate or if their doubts were.

I have to say, except for the fact that it doesn’t track the calories I burn doing deep tissue massage, I’m really enjoying the accuracy and details it allows me to track. When I enter food I can pick brands, specify my particular serving, even down to individual ingredients for things like my breakfast shake, and it does all the math for me. I love it.

As you can see below, my worst day of food intake (when I’m at the old job) is the number of calories that many people consume as normal. Yet, for me that now only happens once or twice a month. Most days fall more in the range of what I took in on the 26th, which is more of the 850 to 1100 calories. Which, by the way, gives me plenty of energy. I actually struggle more on the high calorie days, because usually those involve succumbing to my food allergies.

That reminds me of a cartoon that Nathan found a few days ago…..(he’s been sharing memes on this topic with me because I’m ranty about it, he’s trying to help me find levity.)…

Anyway, I find it interesting that my nutrient balance score is low. I have been watching that score system and basically I get a better score when the protein to carb ratio is in a certain range. Unfortunately, I usually eat few carbs. My food intake still has carbs, but much lower ratio than most people. I also try to focus on healthy fats and I eat seafood or use pea protein powder for my proteins since I have had issues recently with red meat and never did do well with dairy or soy. I’m betting they factor that into their algorithm as well.

Moving on: in addition to these super healthy lower calorie days, I’m getting plenty of exercise. Beyond doing massages- which do burn calories, I’ve been doing more yoga and core exercises (leg lifts, variety of crunches, and planks) and walking a ton. Today I’ve done 30 min of yoga, about 40 min of core exercises, and then took an hour walk, keeping up pace with my Flogging Molly mix. My app only counted one of my jogging bits as running, but I picked up the place several times during my walk to keep up with the music. That’s despite the cold weather. *I really do love Flogging Molly for exercise.* My average steps per day is generally over that which the app recommends with few exceptions, and the one high-calorie day I hit 18,000 steps, nearly 8 miles of walking!

I’ve also been reeling in my blood sugars, finally getting my fasting numbers to begin to normalize. I have to say that the walking increase has helped with that, but making sure my dinners are on the light side also did. And blood pressure never was a concern, but I’m logging them anyway to make sure it stays that way.

My stress levels are even doing great and even when I push my speed with the walking/jogging I’m still keeping lower heart rates.

I swear that this meme is too true. Too close to home, but still funny.

Damn those genetics.

Anyway, I’m definitely feeling like all my work should amount to something visible. I have nothing to show for 4 months of dedicated exercise and food control. Except slightly better blood sugars. Oh well, I suppose I know, and regardless of people’s assumptions, I still know I can lift my husband (and most of the people I work on). I’m healthy despite having an obese body. Rawr.

I’ll leave you with 2 appropriate funny memes, and my usual blessing.

May you know your hard work matters. May your determination net visible results. May you see your improvement, and may you enjoy a healthful life.

Siva Hir Su

Dome on the Range

Atira Home Dome

So this week has brought ups and downs. I had a lot of emotional roller coaster riding, which the acupuncturist was uncomfortably quick to point out the cause. (Am I really that transparent?) It was a combination of hormones from trying to sync up with the rest of the female staff, in addition to liver heat and congestion I stirred up from doing cupping on my arms. Yea… not. As TCM practitioners, they were very helpful with some herbs for the emotional side, and needles for the physicality, and I took extra walks for the anti-inflammatory benefits. I can say after several days I am doing better.

I did also get a fair amount of wonderful artwork in, both digitally and by hand.

I was able to complete the first shirt design I posted about previously, and with a minimum of edits. Mainly they had me change font once, take out a few of the contour lines in the figure, and adjust colors. In my book that’s an excellent start for only having done 5 commissions in the last 12 years. They then requested a second shirt and a business sign, which I have drafts pending for. I am super appreciative of not only being able to play with my design software, but for having gotten the commission work as well. It feels really good to be doing a variety of things that I am good at.

I told Nathan that I always was really good at giving people what they asked for. Mainly because I don’t like having to rebuild or make significant time consuming changes. I would much rather ask enough questions up front to get the idea, and hit the mark as close as possible on the first try. Fonts are almost always where the edits come in, as I have so many fonts that I tend to aim for more creative, and sometimes the plain fonts are more desired by the customer.  The customer is always right, and their font preferences will always win.

Regardless, within a day or two I will likely clear my 3rd design approval, and that is in addition to working full time as a massage therapist. That is happy dance worthy in my book.

Now pile on top of that having had enough time to do some coloring and I am feeling much more buoyant. I chose a mandala and colored in between clients. The day I started it, I was wearing the colors that I started the mandala with- blues and lavenders. The office manager thought that was amusing, and after she pointed it out, I did too. I kept coloring and began to realize I had been coloring in the chakra palette. Blues and violets being throat, third eye and crown. Pinks and greens being for heart chakra, and yellow for solar plexus. By that point, having accidentally accomplished that much, I decided to finish the mandala in appropriate progression.

Here are the results, which I’m super happy with:

20191009_1554192054716829049856828.jpg

I also accomplished some really amazing massage work this week helping a client with multiple-decades-old scar tissue and what she thought was an underdeveloped scapula. After some very intense myofascial release, I was able to show her that not only were her shoulder blades the same size, but that the damaged shoulder was capable of laying flat. I also helped not one, but two people, with major constriction in their hips. It was a very good massage week.

My final note of upswing is in the image I began with. It is the design for my dream dome home. I’m working on turning my sketches into drafted images. Obviously, I’ve barely gotten started as it was a low priority. I won’t be building it next week, and unless a miracle happens, probably not this year. So, it falls last on the list after all other computing and design work wraps up. Considering I’ve literally only devoted a few precious minutes to it, I think I have a great start. I am so looking forward to finishing it.

I leave you with the following blessings:

May you find joy in your work and time enough for other joys.

May you have days filled with beauty, and the emotional fortitude to breathe and see it.

May you have more than enough, and ample miracles in your life.

Finally, may you see your strengths and your own inner beauty and light.

Siva Hir Su

Busy working or hardly working?

I’ve been so busy I haven’t been able to do that feel good update. I promised pictures of my veteran’s day service and craft projects I’ve done lately, but I’ve been busy decorating the building at work and so many other things that I never got to it. So, I guess I’ll just have a picture heavy post today.

Veterans day – I only received 2 from my coworker I can post. I’m not allowed to use any pictures where you can tell who the residents are. So these ones are okay, being you can’t see full resident faces. That’s me at the podium, and the gentleman in the blue shirt was my younger veteran volunteer handing out the certificates.

Crafts:

First decoupage platters made with paper napkins…

My first 2 (I’ve since done a third I don’t have a picture of yet):

Finished resident projects:

Sharpie art:

Mine:

I only had a couple of resident examples of the sharpie dye art, but it seems I must’ve used a different device to take those pictures, as I can’t find them now.

Finally, I finished most of the building decorations today, so here’s pictures of my handy work. Everyone loved my “flower” arrangements and holiday trees. I’m glad they liked my work.

It was very fun decorating such large trees. I had never decorated a tree even the size of the smaller one, and the larger one was 2 or 3 feet taller and much wider.

I even dressed up a couple of year round arrangements…

And made a cluster of mini-trees for our Angel Gift Tree. Next week they will be covered in Angel tags for residents donating gifts.

As for home, we are still getting settled, so decorations have not even been attempted, but our living room and bedrooms are to comfy stage, enough unpacked to feel like home.

May you all have a pretty, creative, comfy, and joyfully busy holiday this year.

Like an EnVogue song

“Free your mind and the rest will follow… Before you can read me you gotta learn how to see me.”

I am complex, I am strong, I am independent, I am intelligent, and yes a bit odd.

That last sentiment I saw staring me in the face headed from work yesterday, or was it the day before, my days are blurring together.

Anyway, SH7 UOD was the plate which my brain clearly and quickly deciphered to “shit you odd”. I nodded at whomever aligned that into my experience, with a mere ‘touche’ for my response.

I know I’m odd, but I also know: have a strong sense and feeling of connection to the Divine, an awful lot of my days. So I’m not so concerned about my oddness. I think some day it will be of great benefit to me, I’m just not there yet.

For now, the “normal” parts of me are of most benefit.

My immense work ethic and capabilities are not only handling a 40 hour work week with an employer, but maintaining my current massage load with a minimum of rescheduling or mistakes.

In addition, I have a whole slew of little wins I am happy I can mention.

I blew everyone away with my veterans day service. It was last Saturday, and I stressed immensely over it, especially when organizing it and decorating for it. When the service started I had the pianist play a short intro and launched into the speech. It was mostly borrowed verbage from my boss’ previous year’s speech, due to organizing time constraints, but I owned the presentation and delivered it with unwavering knowing. We sang; I and another volunteer delivered certificates of appreciation with a minor token of gratitude. I offered flags to all present, and everyone sang some more. I added a few words for wives of veterans and finally there were 3 vets present that shared thoughts of their time in service and cake was enjoyed at the end.

I had numerous thank you’s at the end for such a strong program. One of the toughest critics in the community even gave me a pat on the back with a “job well done”. Another tough critic said she could tell it was heartfelt.

Later I was asked about it, because at this point several people have noted me as being liberal and “one of those people”. I explained all of the veterans in my family and said at the end of the day I’m really just a humanitarian. That I believe regardless of the why, if a country sends people off to war, they better damn well take care of them when they come back, and if they don’t come back, take care of their family.

Since Saturday, both my bosses (all the way up chain of command) and I have been told, multiple times a day, how I did such a great job with the program. It still makes me blush. I’m grateful I had such an opportunity to honor those most deserving.

Additionally, I’ve had several moments this week of crafting lessons go quite well. Not only am I getting time to do things I enjoy and walking away with finished products at no cost to me, but residents are genuinely enjoying learning from me. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Finally, Tuesday I was thrown into training the new guy. I was literally introduced right as our boss found out that state had arrived in the building for yearly audit (11 months behind schedule). She looked at me, asked my opinion on what his training should cover and then said “You got this?”. I said ok and she left. She was busy the rest of Tuesday with State auditors and Wednesday with an in-service at an Omaha facility. By the time I connected with her this morning I filled her in on everything I’d already covered with him more as a recap to see what I’d forgotten. She had very few suggestions and left me to plan the next steps of training.

Nathan has already pointed out twice how much she’s trusting me and how much faith she has in me. It’s finally beginning to sink in for me after 3 full days of training him, essentially on my own. I asked Nathan: did they drop him in my lap as a test of my skills and abilities, and his reply was maybe. He said he thinks that they’re more confident of my ability to train him well, than I am, and it’s not really a test if they know I can handle it.

I conceded Nathan is probably right, because except for my manager and the building manager, I’m the only one in the building with all the knowledge to train him. So far, even with feeling like I’m inundating him with information, he’s handling it well and remembering a lot of it. Hopefully it’s a good sign.

Of course he’s an Iowegian too, which has already been topic of conversation with several residents also originally from Iowa. I’m beginning to think that there is something to be said for those raised in Iowa, or at least the Midwest. Our reputations do proceed us in a good way, and are often accurate. He’ll fit right in, as least as far as I’m concerned.

All in all it’s been a very busy month, with very little down time for me (none really- save for a few hours here or there), but I’m hanging in well. I’m feeling more confident and more appreciated than previous. I look forward to seeing how the next few weeks will continue to play out.

Be well and may you all feel appreciated even in your own oddness.

Hogwash & fiddlesticks, I want to feel good.

So my last post was pure livid anger, and for good reason. But as I’m learning, that Shit is how I spent 20+ years stuck in a depression loop. So damn it, I want to feel good.

That means I must look for what I like, for things I want, for improvement, for solutions, and for love.

It’s hard to do that when you’re so pissed off.

I’m discovering it’s even hard when you’re simply in constant motion. I’m essentially back to work 7 days a week, and when I get confirmation on hours from the building I do activities for, I’ll probably have a total of 3 days off in September. I make it work, and make the best of it, but transition has been difficult for my mental puzzle again. The result has been that I was gifted 2 illnesses (1 digestive, 1 head cold) from my family, since my vibration has been all over the place. I swear I’ve been sick more since thanksgiving than I had been the previous 5 years, and the only thing that’s changed is my intense desire and efforts to produce more income and higher vibration.

It leaves me acknowledging that my negative lapses are manifesting fairly immediately, and being that they’re small and manageable is a fairly good sign. It means that my positive efforts are building steam, which I already knew from the increase in hours and income, but I suppose validation from both sides of the equation is a good thing, a helpful measure so to speak.

So, my 2 ended train is finally moving in the direction I want, albeit slowly. But if I have learned well enough, it means I just need to keep at it to get some good momentum going.

More practice; practice makes perfect.

That’s a sentiment I’ve proven to myself many times over, especially with music and art.

So, since I’m already tired, super draggy, and stuffy headed, having trouble focusing, I thought I better write since it forces me to focus.

This week (or 2?) started with good validations. At one point I had an epiphany (very personal about my childhood “imaginary” friend) I simply asked mentally that if my thoughts were accurate to show me a green & purple dragon (thinking of the puff the magic dragon song). The next day at work there was a bouquet of green and purple flowers that were placed such as to remind me of a scaly dragon head. They were in a residents’ room and she was reading a “song of Solomon” about where someone’s love had gone. I knew it was my validation instantly and nearly cried telling her she was my message from god. Yet since that day I’ve seen nearly a dozen more green and purple dragons.

One of the last ones: I was drawn to stop at a favorite store of mine, but didn’t know why, seeing as I didn’t have any extra cash available for spending fun. While there I thanked the owner for support she gave years ago when Nathan was ill, she said she needed that, and I knew that was part of my visit, but something else was nagging me. I browsed a bit and ultimately discovered my message:

A Shiva statue priced with my birth year, and my dragon request on a singular box of incense. Next to 2 other incense boxes that were one of a kind. I know because it was such an intense set that I looked through the whole wall of incense to see if someone had just misplaced them. No, no matches were to be found, they were the last ones available.

I simply could not resist and bought the incense, knowing I’ll ultimately have to go back for the statue at some point soon. Resistance is futile. You don’t say no to the universe, but it’ll have to wait until payday.

The point of all of this is, I’m definitely getting messages, and they all feel really good. I like that. I love being validated and feeling supported. My only hiccup is in understanding. As in, I only asked for one dragon, and the first was good enough for me. So why then, give me a dozen more, one of which was the exact thought I had- a green & purple- puff the magic dragon?

Does the quantity and repetition equal someone screaming “yes!” from the other side? And if so, I’d think it would start manifesting, like now. I’m going to tell myself that’s the case and see how things unfold.

I have been feeling intense anticipation for some while now, but have difficulty maintaining focus on just that. It makes me all jittery, and ultimately I end up getting distracted by daily interactions. Yet, I suppose that’s the practice makes perfect element.

So, I think about what I want, and possible ways it could happen, and I do my best to make sense of other messages I see. Like I still want to end up in Colorado with a big dome full of people that love me enough to commit to being family. I know who I’d like that to include, but right now I still don’t have any idea how, and I’m doing my best to ignore roadblocks and deadlines in the way of that. I keep reminding myself that the divine can ultimately solve everything in proper timing, even if 60 days seems like a tight squeeze to me, and there’s probably a dozen options I can’t even fathom.

I think of all the other close calls I’ve had and how everything always worked out. God has my back and always keeps me safe. Usually I’m the one that gets in my own way of that, and this time I intend to be a cooperative element helping things flow smoothly.

To that end I even let myself go down a small ego-trip road with how lucky I am to have multiple people that care about me. People that care and help more than my own blood realitives (exception being my parents). It helps me see my good. I thought about my strengths and good qualities, and admitted that even my weaknesses could be worse. I appreciated myself a bit and acknowledged there’s a reason others care. I like knowing that, it helps me see how to love myself. I am a good person and I will get to do great things for this world yet. Of that I’m certain. I know that I must hang in and keep practicing this, and even if I have a few more muggle based action steps to enable myself to practice allowing, at some point soon I will get good at manifesting exactly what I want.

When I do- watch out, because I could end up being the next Oprah/Ellen. Not saying I want to be on TV, I really don’t, I just like how they inspire others and help so many people. Yeah, I want that part, and can totally skip the being on TV.

So this ended up being rambly and all over the place, probably due to that being sick difficulty focusing thing. I apologize for that, but I’m glad you hung in there with me. If I can climb out of decades of depression, and overcome livid anger in a few days, you can too. May we all make a better world by starting with ourselves. A single drop creates ripples in the whole lake.

Bhagavad Gita meets Abraham

So, if you’ve read my blog, you may be aware I’ve come in contact with many things that most Midwestern American young white women would have no clue of their existence.

Partly this was due to my own inner knowing early on, that my parents religious path left much to be desired for me personally. Also it was partly due to a very unique set of individuals I met growing up.

In middle school I had friends of several different Christian faiths that allowed me to visit their churches. What I discovered was that I didn’t really mesh with any of the churches completely.

By highschool, I had read books on Zen Buddhism, Taoism, other eastern paths, and had learned quite a bit about my ancient ancestors which were most likely druids.

I had one friend that moved into the same small school I did, within months of my moving in. That friend introduced me to Wicca and reading her books, I knew it was headed the right direction. Another friend lived there her whole life, but her parents’ home was the regional Buddhist temple and I was fortunate to meet the Lama on one of his visits to Iowa. It was a very special afternoon, one I still remember vividly because I felt very clearly when something said resonated and when it didn’t.

Then by sophomore year I’d read “Siddhartha” and “Iliad and Oddessy” as part of my academic endeavors. I&O for a lit class and Siddhartha for academic decathlon. Both instructors guiding the readings commented that I seemed to get much more out of either story than most ‘kids my age’. They were right, much of both stories resonated deeply, but there were still gaps in what I was searching for.

We lived near Maharishi University, and many people in the Iowa city area followed their teachings, so my next stop was to see what I might glean from their teachings. I discovered meditation and had learned basics of many Hindu concepts. That seemed to fill many of the gaps I felt. In an effort to know more, I read more. That was my first reading of the Bhagavad Gita.

I’ve begun rereading the BG because it didn’t stick as well back then. However, in reading it for a second time, I’m now almost tempted to reread the others (time being the only hindrance).

What I’m discovering is that language barriers in translations probably hindered my understanding somewhat in the first reading. This time I’m understanding much more of what is being said and I’m amazed at how much of it overlaps with Abraham Hicks teachings. It makes me wonder if the same thing happened with “Siddhartha” and “Iliad & Oddessy” in particular.

I know both books’ translations were well respected versions, and I remember clearly some scenes being so enthralling for me that it was as if my brain turned them into movies .

For instance in “Siddhartha” there is an excerpt where the main character meditates by a stream and sees all the faces of his life experience, in the stream. It led him to the understanding of how we are all part of one greater energy stream. When I read that part of the story, it was as if I was sitting by the stream having that experience. It was vivid and real, and I fully and completely understood exactly what was being conveyed.

I was roughly 14 when I read that.

I was only a year or so older the first time I picked up the Bhagavad Gita. So if my new reading is so eye opening, with this text, I can’t imagine the response I’d have with another pass on Siddhartha.

For instance:

In the BG’s 4th chapter/book titled “The Way of Renunciation of Action in Knowledge” the 18th verse/line reads: “He who sees inaction in action, and action in inaction is intelligent among men, he is a yogi and a doer of all action.”

To me I hear a direct echo of Abraham talking about how uninspired physical action is useless and unproductive, but if one meditates and finds inspiration in meditation, then any action based upon that inspiration is bound to be successful. Abraham has said it many ways, but regardless of the words the meaning is the same. Inactive meditation followed by inspired action is the best and most effective, wisest use of our lives.

Who knew that there was so much overlap?!

Abraham probably did!

Heck somewhere in my mind it had to have registered. Yet, another thing Abraham is right about. If you’re not ready to receive the information, then no amount of exposure will line you up with it.

Just because I read the text years ago didn’t mean it registered, that’s why I even acknowledged a reread couldn’t hurt. I knew I’d missed things, and it just didn’t stick over time.

Now that I’ve heard the information from a western perspective, and accepted it’s applications in my life, it’s starting to sink in. That has led to seeing the missed variations that I’d already read years before.

For me this is merely validation that I’m on the right track. I’d already read it years ago, but over time I’ve been exposed to variations from throughout history, and it’s finally making sense. I’m finally understanding and seeing it working, and rereading one of the early examples causing a ‘seeing it for what it is’ realization.

It’s like hiking a path to the top of a crest and looking down the crest one way, and looking back down the path and connecting just how far you’ve come.

It feels good.

I think I’ll finish the Bhagavad Gita just to solidify for myself that I’ve gotten what I can out of it.

May you all have your AhHa moments this week and have that sense of accomplishment. It is good to feel that sense of ‘coming so far’ to know where you’ve been.

Awe & wonder…

So I just thought that Ian was smart and doing super well. It seems baby Katherine is one step ahead. I am in such awe and wonder at how amazingly well she is doing. I couldn’t help but share.

Initially I was just going to throw up a short clip, but I confess I couldn’t pick just one, so I condensed nearly 15 min of walking into a not quite 5min home video.

I hope you enjoy and find it as amazing as I do. Enjoy your kids, they grow up too fast.

I’m in soooo much trouble…

My 2 month and 5 days old daughter is taking bonofied baby steps.

My day started slow & droopy, feeling like I wanted to cry for no apparent reason. I worked most of the day and was able to find some emotional stability along the way.

After work I returned home to have a nibble for dinner and spend time with family.

I was watching Grace & Frankie… (Pretty much the only show I get to see on occasion)… Nathan was giving Ian a bath. She got fussy on me, and knowing she’d already nursed and had a diaper change recently, I let her stand up, to have fussing immediately cease. She took a few steps & I had the idea to prop my phone to record her steps.

First clip she realized she could see herself. And we walked very wobbly, just about 5 feet, from the chair to the phone.

2nd clip was interrupted by discouraging info on puppy that will necessitate a trip to the vet tomorrow, but nothing that can’t get handled. In that clip we did a round trip of the same 5 foot stretch.

She got tired after all that walking & fell right asleep as soon as I cuddled her in her softy blanket.

I’m so amazingly in awe and grateful for my super healthy and super smart baby. I’m hoping all this get up and go will soon equate occupying her bother in endless chasing.

Ouch!

Watch “Abraham Hicks 💓 Let FUN guide you [NEW]” on YouTube

https://youtu.be/1sYIZMsL01M.

I’m so very guilty of this. Guess I understand at least part of why the last 3 years has gone the way it has. I really need figure out how to stay-permanently- on the positive vortex side.

It’s funny: scaring off people I really like on one hand; & introducing other friends to polyamory & law of attraction on the other hand (I’ve discovered different friends have gravitated to one or the other in the last couple of years, & I was the one that introduced the concepts). I literally told Nathan when he informed me of that: “Why the hell do I keep helping others find things I have yet to fully figure out for myself?!”

———

As for me:

I just keep getting better and better at solving a never ending slew of problems. Nursing is slowly resolving: they went ahead and clipped Katherine’s tongue-tie even though the front was mild, with a disclaimer that since it wasn’t bad it might not solve things, & the rear may be more significant, but also more costly to clip. It’s solved maybe 70% of the pain. The other 30% is very, very slowly backing off as my nipples heal. I really wish I could speed that process up more, but I’ve been told its going quickly compared to others with that much damage- probably because all the goop I’m using repeatedly. I’m also in the midst of figuring out adrenal & thyroid balance post birth to put an end to the emotional nose dives and roller coaster ride I’ve been on for the last 3 weeks. Nursing problems or not, I knew the extreme falls were needing an extra look, & my last 2 tweaks seem to have made significant headway.

Now I just need to get into the doc to renew my desicated thyroid prescription.

I do wish though that Dr. Illardi would revisit his Depression Cure book with postpartum needs and situations in mind, that puzzle could use his perspective. I’ve had a heck of a time trying to apply his findings to “eat when they eat, sleep when they sleep” new baby logic, while still attempting to retain the allergy needs dictated by 3rd trimester, trying to stimulate lactation, having difficulty with severe breast pain, and not being able to leave my room half as much as I’d prefer. It’s a puzzle that has already threatened to get the better of me, but as usual I’m fighting with all I’ve got.

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In other news:

The basement is also coming along well. Our “living room”/ multipurpose room is nearly complete, and we’re finally working on unpacking things beyond clothing.

The storage area behind the brown chair will eventually get covered with a curtain. That is once I’m certain the crack in the ceiling no longer leaks when it rains.

My child already made friends with the Lego’s in the new open floor space, but there is still room for 2 pieces of exercise equipment, a large dog kennel (blue sheeted cube) , & stacked tables for organizing short term storage & usables.

The other table currently a mess, is intended for being art space, and most (but not all) of what is on it is art supplies. To that end I fully intend to sort & organize to actually be able to use it for its intended purpose.

Nathan’s goal has been to tackle organizing our portion of kitchen stuff in the garage & to make the garage usable space again. He’s about three quarters of the way through that process, but it looks a ton better and you can actually walk around in the garage now (as opposed to squeezing through & still being afraid of tripping, like it was a couple of weeks ago).

It’s starting to feel like home, and to that end we’re getting closer to having everything moved. Nathan’s down to missed odds and ends, & the large outdoor items. Life is finally starting to seem normal again, and things are beginning to look pretty again. That I have to thank the gods for. I asked Kali almost 3 years ago to help me make things pretty again (when I hit the remodeling-brick-walls with the trailer), and it’s finally beginning to take shape, just not the way I thought it would. SO not the way I envisioned.

Anyway, Hannah is giving the home a glorious garden. She helped me rescue plants I’d started the previous 2 years. & those combined with her plants from before, her amazing touch, a bunch of seeds, and a few new plants, things are looking great.

The view of the Iris’ from our room is wonderful too.

Finally, I’ve made cards for a couple of people that were very generous with me this year, birthday & baby wise. I was going to make a 3rd, but that person is nearly blind, so I’m not sure yet how to honor her generosity. Beyond that, it’s taken me over a month, but I’m almost done with an adult coloring page I’m in love with- an elephant.

I can’t take full credit for the cards, the cats were inspired by a single kitty I saw somewhere, & the cover words were also found. I just put my personal touch on it, crafting it with watercolors on heavy art paper, feeling like that meant more than a store bought card. I hope they feel the same way when they get them.

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So up, and down, and all around.

My husband and Hannah both keep telling me that I’m amazing & should be congratulating myself. I still have difficulty seeing it, knowing the thousands of things I would still like to accomplish. I do have my moments where I’m like “Yeah I’m a bad-ass giving birth and all the challenges and I’m still trucking with a healthy beautiful baby to-boot”. I just wish I could figure out how to maintain those moments consistently without seeming like or sounding like a narcissistic bastard… Yes that is a fear of mine. Yet another challenge. …

My last request for the day: one less challenge to overcome, let something be easy for once. Let a something, for everyone, be easy for once.

*Siva Hir Su.*