Tag Archives: affirmations

Relaxing into clarity.

Yesterday I hit an exhausted wall again. Cancelled most, but not all, of my massage work today. That is an expensive habit I need to break, even if it has only been once a month.

You see as an employee I’m faced with the corporation’s rules:

  • Too many sick days and there’s penalty.
  • Overtime equals penalty.
  • Too many penalties and you get fired.

Yet the “reality” is I am working 7 days a week. 5 for them and 2 as myself. It also holds knowledge that I made $4 more last year in the job than in the self-employed work- way more hours for the same pay.

The reality is that their full-time 40-hour-a-week job has unrealistic expectations. There’s simply too much to be done to fit into 40 hours, but not enough to justify hiring an additional employee. So rules being what they are I’ve been electing to work off the clock averaging 2 to 5 hours a week of unpaid overtime, and that’s with efforts I’ve made to make certain duties more efficient.

I’d hate to see what the average Joe would need, and it has made even clearer why they keep going through activities directors like candy. Because like myself they’ve all probably hit the this-isn’t-worth-it-wall and quit caring which ultimately led to unfulfilled job duties and getting themselves canned. Unfortunately, even though I’m seeing the clarity, my work ethic demands I stick to what I’ve already done, until I find a better solution.

I’m literally putting in 70 hours a week between both sources of income, sometimes more.

So today I worked less to take care of myself. In fact I’m writing this from my post cupping, Epsom salt bath.

Thought you might prefer to not see all of me naked 🤣, but I’m loving that technology has allowed this moment.

Anyway, sunshine, cupping, massage, good healthy food, CBD oil, and a peppermint/eucalyptus Epsom bath- I’m starting to feel revived. I might actually be able to accomplish some tax prep before bed.

In the meantime, whilst I soak, I’m going to breakdown the opposites I’d prefer to experience.

  • Ballance between work life and home/social life.
  • Quality time with my children (wanting to play in the sandbox with Ian and go for walks outside again, now that the weather is improving).
  • I’d love to get paid above the real, current, highly inflated, cost-of-living for doing a 40 hour week. Less hours, more pay. I feel I’m worth it. I’m intelligent, hard working, detail oriented, and do go the extra mile when it’s called for (it shouldn’t be a daily expectation at low wages like it currently is).
  • Legally, I’m due to be paid for overtime when it’s necessary without penalty. Companies should acknowledge that if they are choosing to have fewer employees than workload dictates, they are to pay accordingly, or adjust the workload. In this particular case there are 3 people with time available to help. 2 of which are computer illiterate (as far as many of my duties are concerned) and the 3rd is one of “the mean girls” above me in rank. That is the additional clarity of why I just work off the clock, instead of attempting to shift workload elsewhere. They are simply either not able or willing to help in a genuine caring manner.
  • I wish to work with people willing to go the extra mile and be supportive of each other, but in an environment that tests it less frequently. Lower stress environment.
  • I prefer to work with people that are more open, accepting, and understanding. We all have oddities, quirks, and strange habits or mannerisms, just because someone else’s might bother you doesn’t make it right to mock them.
  • I enjoy being around friendly people.
  • I enjoy being appreciated.
  • I am grateful I leave lasting positive impacts on the people and places I’ve worked with.
  • I enjoy the feeling of belonging one gets in a tight knit community.
  • I enjoy being around people of all ages and all backgrounds. It is more interesting and brings more ideas to the table, the “compromise-challenge” is worth it.
  • I prefer to live the sentiment Summer Osborne addressed in her TED talk. (see here)
  • I would love to have genuinely good insurance that covered providers of my choice, even home birth, chiropractic, acupuncture, and massage. That is truly progressive and preventative medicine.
  • I would love to have my dome home and an electric vehicle.
  • I think I would really enjoy being on the providing side of these sentiments through owning my own community- my dream of Atira gets clearer with every day I’m alive.
  • I look forward to a day when I know my efforts help produce profits that go to good charitable causes instead of investors bank accounts.
  • I look forward to having a hand in those charities as well; a way to make a greater and even more positive and lasting impact.
  • I look forward to easier times ahead for me and my family.
  • I look forward to being able to take vacations occasionally with enough budget to do so easily and comfortably. Even once a year would be grand.
  • I look forward to experiencing the cafe and bistro I’ve dreamed of where I can walk in knowing there are multiple truly healthy and truly tasty options to choose from.
  • I look forward to being able to stay home on messy winter days and being able to take full advantage of those perfect sunny days, even if it’s just a walk in the park.
  • I look forward to being able to release my CDL comfortably knowing I no longer need to keep it as a backup plan, let alone my source of income. There are plenty of people that love driving more than I do.
  • I look forward to having a great playground in my close knit community…. And a dog park… And trails… Mmmm good.
  • I look forward to manifesting greater good in this world for God. I choose the archetypes Shiva (Zeus/Poseidon), Kali (Hera/Brighid), Ganesh (Hermes/Mercury), etc., because they resonate with me and I have such a layered understanding of God’s aspects. Regardless, we are here to further manifest on behalf of God. We are conduit for the Divine to produce more, and I acknowledge the weight of that willingly. I choose to do better, to strive for better, and to leave a positive mark on this world. Part of me wishes everyone had that same intense desire, and on some level we all do, but I acknowledge some are simply not able to accomplish what I am reaching for. I hope that I am able to accomplish what I am reaching for.

With that, my bath is cold and I am going to reach for tax progress with the remainder of my evening. Adeau and Happy St. Pat’s day if I don’t get a chance to write again before then. Blessings everyone.

Beautiful things…

Like the song by Annie Lennox “A Thousand Beautiful Things”:

” Every day I write the list

Of reasons why I still believe they do exist

(A Thousand Beautiful Things)

And even though it’s hard to see

The glass is full and not half empty

(A Thousand Beautiful Things)

So light me up like the sun…”

I write my list today to remind myself of things I love. Things I miss when they’re gone. Things I want to see more of. Things I relish and enjoy every last bit of. Things that brighten my day and my life. AND I apologize to everyone for having gone negative for a while again. Suffice it to say no-one enjoys being negative and in the hole, and let my negative posts be validation of my efforts to heal myself, as when you’re down you always want to get up again. This is my effort to do so. This is my effort to start to turn things around regardless of my physical experience. I’m doing as Abraham says “Shift away from the what-is-ness and toward the what can be.” Shifting yet again and taking to heart “you’re always in the right place at the right time, but sometimes you’re looking at it in the wrong way”.

First on my list of loves is every single thing in that song.

Then:

I love hugs and cuddles from those I love, and giving them as well.

I love my children and my kitties, especially because they unconditionally love me.

I love playing with my kids.

I love art: drawing, coloring, painting, all kinds of making art, and most kinds for looking at.

I love music: listening or playing, and most genres, especially all 64GB I have.

I love massages, mostly receiving because it’s so darn helpful and feels good, but giving helps people so I like that too.

I love getting things that help me feel better: exercise, sun, healthy foods, sleep, and fun activities.

I love comfy quiet spaces.

I love starting my day with a hot shower, they are so refreshing and relaxing and help me start my day in the best frame of mind.

I love waking up refreshed and on time to start my day easily and smoothly.

I love things to do, being balanced with time to just be.

I like nice cars in tip top shape, well oiled machines so to speak, including good tires & brakes, and would love a new electric vehicle.

I love it when people communicate effectively, and when they talk to each other consistently.

I love when people talk to me about their interests and desires, and things they like and enjoy.

(conditional ones… oopsie)

I love feeling really supported and cared for. (that’s more unconditional, maybe Abraham can help me find some more words here…)

I love feeling love for others and receiving love.

I love feeling appreciated.

I love feeling happy and having fun.

I love feeling content.

I love feeling comfortable in my body (though it could be way more often).

I love peace and peacefulness.

I love being inspired and feeling accomplishment when my inspired actions pan out positively (I’d love to do that much more often also).

I love the feeling of wholeness and completeness.

I love feeling abundance and prosperity.

I love knowing that the universe supports me and is working on a solution to pay for all of my needs (including the birth costs).

I love knowing that the universe can flow money to me many, many more ways than I can even begin to think of, and love knowing all I need is alignment to allow it.

I love feeling relaxed and centered.

I love the feeling of balance in all respects.

I love the feeling of freedom.

I enjoy feeling welcomed.

I enjoy the feeling of belonging.

I love that my children are loving and doing their best to find their way in this world. I look forward to mastering my guidance system to show them how to do the same. Because I also know actions do teach better than words.

I love the feeling of friendship.

I love the feelings of having good conversations and really connecting with someone.

I love the feeling of stability and homecoming that a close knit family home brings.

I love feeling calm and centered and knowing that things are progressing smoothly and easily in perfect timing (that could totally happen a lot more).

I love knowing that others around me function well in chaos, because it makes up for what I’m unable to handle.

I love knowing that I can distract myself from that same chaos by retreating into my mind or simply watching funny videos, or even walk through it and recenter alone.

I love knowing that others around me are also doing their best. That they have the best intentions when they offer things to me or make suggestions, and that they really are doing their best to support me.

I love knowing that “IT” never gets done, so if someone promises me something and forgets or is unable to fulfill their promise, another way will show itself.

I love knowing that God ‘has my back’ and will make up for those dropped moments/promises. I just have to allow it.

I love the feeling of well-being, of naturalness and of normalcy. I love knowing that those feelings are a good symptoms of my body and brain functioning in tip top shape, perfect alignment. I look forward to feeling like that everyday.

I love feeling prepared for whatever is in progress.

I love being excited for good things coming.

I love being on time, even early, for everything, and I love the feeling of knowing I always have plenty of time (no rush).

I enjoy feeling that I’m in the right place at the right time.

I love feeling safe and knowing that my family is safe. I love knowing that my family strives to be in alignment so they can do lots of fun things safely.

I love being able to say yes, go for it, it’s OK.

I love feeling passion, and being passionate, about people, places, and activities.

I love knowing that I’m a vibrational being.

I love the feeling of alignment with that inner being.

I love knowing that my inner me/vibrational-being loves everything. (I’m always in the right place, but sometimes looking at it from the wrong physical viewpoint.)

I love knowing the universe will give me wonderful things when I find alignment with that inner me.

I especially love that I’m starting to get better at catching myself. I’m starting to recognize those misalignments faster and thus start correcting faster. I realize that I am still letting some of those moments snowball too much and build much negative momentum, but acknowledging that, every single time it happens, helps me inch towards catching it sooner with less momentum to correct for. I look forward to when I catch all of my negative misalignments in their infancy before they have any significant momentum at all. I love knowing I will eventually get there, and it just takes practice (maybe a lot, but that’s OK too).

And with that I leave you all with blessings of fast alignment recovery in any contrast situation.

Caring too much.

I’ve been running long & hard for weeks.

This week I struggle with caring too much on several topics.

There’s what used to be my favorite building, failing to pay me for months and months and when I finally was done asking nicely they literally looked for reasons to weasel out of payment. I had to involve corporate which not only ate hours of my sleep compiling everything from my side for the corporate office, but also irritated me and made me anxious. I hate having to get pushy and vocal with people, but I will when necessary. It emotionally sucked because this was a building that was my longest standing contract of nearly 5 years, having been my favorite for 3 of those. I even recommended the building to a client at another decent building, and kicked myself later when things changed for the worse. 

I felt my recommendation was based on genuine good standing interactions and after the family moved the person there, everything changed and was not what I told the family. I apologized profusely to that family, explaining that I didn’t know the changes were coming, but the damage was done. He was dieing and they felt they couldn’t risk moving him again. I felt the changes that caused misgivings reflected poorly on me because I gave the family my word that it was a good facility. I am now wary of recommending any facility for fear of that happening again. Yet I’m most angry that I was put in that position, and they still don’t want to pay me for work I already did. I fulfilled my obligations in full, on time, and with extras I didn’t charge for. I didn’t even charge them interest or late fees for nonpayment. I took one for the team and they can’t even pay basic compensation. It’s really gotten under my skin.

Another thing I’m working through is how to process insults from residents. The residents are protected legally and staff have very strict and rigid ways we are allowed to interact. I think on some level the residents know this because they seem to frequently get verbally abusive of me, and really anything or anyone they don’t like. I’m not used, to not being the favorite person, like when I’m doing massage. Yet we’re supposed to treat them as if we are visitors in their home, but there are no protections for our treatment short of a resident being physically abusive to employees. In two and a half months I’ve been sworn at numerous times, and one resident in particular seems bent on insulting me as many ways as she can think of. I’m just supposed to smile and keep moving. Everything gets blamed on dementia, but I suspect that the one woman knows very well she’s insulting me, as she has very mild symptoms of the disease otherwise. Because of that knowledge there have been several times I’ve hid to cry, and several evenings I’ve left work hating the world to spend the rest of my waking hours convincing myself it’s not that bad.

It still doesn’t help that I’m not getting enough sunlight, and still frequently missing my exercise and sleep (especially with the payment battle). All of this as the holiday season is getting into full swing and we’re still not moved.

I find I am fighting the urge to beat up on myself about all these, yet more perceived failures. Fighting depression with everything I’ve got. Losing frequently when no-one is looking.

Today I resorted to playing a Louise Hay video on YouTube for daily devotional, more for myself than them, but I have to say I hoped it sunk into the one lady’s head even just a little. If you’d like a little pick-up, watch it here. I know it was a good reminder for me and I’m going to refocus some of my mental energy on her suggestions. I was already familiar with them, but have lapsed on my practice for quite some time. It can’t hurt, yet another tool for finding some happy in what sometimes seems like a very dismal world.

May you all be buoyant and find your happy this holiday season.

 I will be working on my holiday, Yule, but will have my parent’s (and much of America’s) holiday, Christmas, off.  Hopefully we’ll be moved with enough time to actually get some decorations up before either holiday. Pretty things always help me perk up some. Getting moved and finding some level of “normal” would help too.

Just Be.

I am where I am, and it’s ok.

I am where I am and it’s alright,  it has to be because it’s all I’ve got. 

(- Abraham Hicks)

 Just breathe.

It’ll all be ok. 

Abraham says: go with the flow and it’ll be over soon.  That’s good. That’s relief. 

Sigh.

Quiet, still. Just be.

Be me. Be with source. 

Be calm.  Patience is easier when I’m just being with my inner me.

Just breathe. 

Feel the difference.  That’s what matters: the feeling in my body.

Relax.

I like relaxed. It feels good.  Warm, fuzzy, light,  airy. 

Soothing, yet strangely energizing. 

I don’t have to solve anything right now. There is plenty of time for that.  Besides, I couldn’t solve anything right now anyway.  This moment isn’t for that. This moment is for me.

This moment for me is about feeling better,  feeling good in fact.  I like that. So I Will… be, just be.

Get to the root…

So, this week I’ve been contemplating a lot. I’m missing my new friend, but also some of my old friends. I’m also still fixated on my desires a lot. I’m just attempting to glean some understanding without necessarily ruminating, so my brain has been jumping around a lot to avoid over thinking things and creating a negative loop. It’s amazing how strong my desire to make sense of things is.

To that end I find that I’ve been arguing with myself as to whether or not I’m making the divine messages up. Like: “Really, do you really think there is someone or something that is using license plates and bumper stickers to communicate!”; followed by: “but it’s just a little too coincidence”, and on and on.

Then as if they’re listening to my brain (because I’m not saying all of these things out loud), whomever is trying to communicate with me has taken to commandeering my email box. Things that I’ve subscribed to for years, and google has directed to my social folder for the entirety of that filing system, are now “randomly” showing up in my primary folder. This morning was emails on the topic of desire versus expectation. The subscriptions were: Abraham Hicks daily mail, Seeds 4 Life Blog, and Brittany Walkins an EFT weightloss guru. all 3 I’ve been long time subscribers to, and 90% of the time they end up in either my social or promotions folder. This morning all 3 were in my primary folder and all 3 were essentially saying the same thing. I’ll quote the Abraham and Seeds 4 Life ones here (Brittany’s was a v-log):

The Essence of My Every Desire Can Be Fulfilled… If your time-space reality has the wherewithal to inspire a desire within you, it is our absolute promise to you that your time-space reality has the ability to deliver, in full-manifested form, the reality of the desire it has inspired. Any and all desires can be fulfilled unless you are holding yourself out of alignment with your own desire. The feeling of competition or shortage, or limitation of resources, means you are out of alignment with your own desire.

Excerpted from the book, “The Vortex, Where the Law of Attraction Assembles All Cooperative Relationships”

Our Love,
Esther (and Abraham and Jerry)

Upcoming Abraham Workshops:

Boston, MA – May 6    Stamford, CT – May 13    Buffal, NY- May 27

Desire Connects You With the Thing Desired and Expectation Draws It Into Your Life – Bob Proctor

by Johanna Rosberg

Desire is an incredibly strong and useful feeling. Whenever you think about your desires, it starts a connection within the universe. It puts you and your thoughts on the same frequency as what it is you desire; it creates an invisible wire between your energy and your desire’s energy.

That desire, and the invisible connection, is the start to getting the things you want in life. The next step is to plainly expect your desires and wishes to come true. You don’t need to understand how or why or when that will happen, you just need to expect it to happen.

To expect things to come true is the very key to actually getting them. It’s that expectation – that joyous sensation it creates within you – that keeps you on theRead more of this post

 

Now these 3 subscriptions are not my only subscriptions, they are just the only ones that got moved from essentially bulk mail to primary mail today. It is also not the only time it has happened. This has happened with other combinations of email subscriptions 3 other times this week. I find it interesting that the universe is literally emailing me using other people’s words. Every time the message is an answer to a question I had the day before.

So now I know that I need to move from desire to expecatation. Yet, I’m not entirely certain I know how to accomplish that. I know that yesterday after asking the question that this morning’s emails answered, I spent the day listening to EDM music to lift my mood up. It has worked, and I continue with that theme today. I need the energy of the music, on top of the positive messages that EDM usually carries. The mantras I normally listen to are very positive and helpful, but calming, sometimes too soothing. EDM makes me want to move, dance, jump. Very helpful, but I’m not certain it will accomplish moving into expectation!

So then I think about what am I to be expecting. Simply put- a miracle. Yet, it is much more complex than that. I am expecting many things to fall into place in just the right way so as to completely change my world.

In evaluating that I start to realize things, have epiphanies so to speak.

One such epiphany has to do with diet and weight. I’ve been analyzing what my body seems to be wanting. Essentially my body wants lots of nutrition and little calories or carbohydrate intake. I’ve been craving green drinks, alkaline water, minerals, and broccoli, things like that. And every time I consume something higher in calories or carbohydrates, it leaves me feeling unsatisfied and searching for more. Then it occurs to me, my early childhood likely resembled my current eating habits. My mom did much the same as I’ve had to do with little Ian. She was unable to breastfeed after a couple of months, and also had to return to work not long after I was born. I was left in the care of my dad and older brothers with formula as the feeding solution. I’m sure that my dad was mostly attentive, but at the time he was working a job and taking evening classes for his  engineering degree. So, mom took care of me afternoon and early evening, and dad did late evening and night, with the boys taking care of me in the mornings. I suspect that my brothers were less than attentive, and dad probably covered the basics. So early in my life I was definitely consuming essentially protein and vitamin shakes (that’s really what baby formula is), and that was likely mostly happening during probably a 6 hour block later in the day. Now, if someone had explained to me decades ago that: the pattern set in the first 6 months of my life, combined with what we know of how we are nutritionally evolutionarily designed, essentially equaled green drinks, protein and minerals, with few calories consumed in the afternoon- that would have been problem solved before it even started. I’d already be in ideal physical condition. Now that I’m finally figuring this formula out completely, I have literally decades of conditioning (and weight) that I’m having to overwrite/loose, combined with what government agencies and food producers have convinced everyone is correct- which is pretty much the opposite. That analogy I’ve used before of an alcoholic having to live in the liquor store, now gets more complex because the alcoholic now has to fight his brain and every customer telling him that there’s nothing wrong with a drink at every meal, and standing there trying to tell well meaning people “no drink thanks”. So, now I’m faced with fully knowing the battle, but now the battle is even harder. Not impossible, just really difficult. Seeing the problem and the key to the solution is 2/3rd’s of fixing the situation. All that is missing is appropriate action now, and every day.

Another epiphany that I faced yesterday, through tears, has to do with the homeless man I wrote about last. I realized that the reason I am so passionate about helping the homeless and other portions of our population that have been brushed aside, is because I feel like that person. I feel like I’ve been brushed aside over and over, sometimes by our government, sometimes by family, sometimes by those I thought were friends. I feel like I have done my level best, and yet at every turn to have been stonewalled, misguided, and lied to. I did everything I was supposed to. I aced high-school, did all the extracurriculars, volunteered; I was 13th out of 77 graduating seniors, in a school where everyone excelled if they tried, because there was plenty of help and resources to be had. I went to college and proceeded to do the same thing graduating in 4 years with Honors from a Big 10 School, despite transferring colleges twice. I continued to volunteer, was part of student organizations, continued to perform, and at one point carried 21 credit hours while working full time (just to ensure being done in 4).  Yet once school was over all bets were off. That’s where the happy showering of graces stopped. I entered the work force at the height of the housing bubble bursting. People were losing jobs left and right and I was trying to find my dream carrier. It just did not compute. I still managed to survive on less than desirable jobs, I fell in love with Nathan and supported him and beautiful Anya through a very messy and painful divorce. And shit just got worse and worse instead of better. I love them both immensely, but sometimes I can’t shake the feeling that finding love screwed me over in other ways.  I definitely didn’t get my house, picket fence, 2.5 kids, nice car, and a dog. Now, feeling like the 2nd chance that I’ve yet to find for myself, is so vital for everyone, that I want to make it a possibility for as many people as I can. When I do finally figure out my 2nd chance I will make certain that I can do that for others, even if it ends up being one at a time. I think it is my purpose in life. I’ve always had a desired to help people, it’s why I went back to school for massage therapy, this epiphany only solidifies that and gives it a more specific and intense direction.

The final epiphany is a very personal one. Polyamory- why does my brain gravitate to that? Simply put it helps balance that equation of love. I spent so many years hiding from bullies, running from the memory of the attempted molestation, feeling like my parents and siblings were distant at best, but more likely disappointed in me, that I need to feel more love. I know logically that searching for love outside of myself is hazardous, but the love I give myself seems to be inadequately filling an ever hungry giant gaping void that is like the alien plant from “Little Shop of Horrors”. I honestly wonder if I sat giving myself love all day every day, if I would ever fill that void, and that’s with feeling a connection to the divine. That’s why every relationship I’ve had was in a goal to feel more love. As I wrote before, the one situation before Nathan was so that I would be able to tell mere physical interaction from a loving interaction. It did help me to feel the difference. Then the goal was to find another of those. Every person I’ve been with since falling in love with Nathan, was for looking to find that feeling of love. Some of them I did but to a lesser degree, some of them just weren’t to be at all. Now that I suspect I’ve found another like Nathan I find that I’m oscillating between ecstatic over the possibility of feeling that loving connection in person twice over, and fear of having that possibility taken from me. Having faced disappointment so many times, the last thing I want is more of that. However, I know I am strong. I know I will survive regardless. I’ve kept myself from suicide enough times and pulled myself out of depression enough times to know that I will survive. I half believe that I’m nearly immortal and will probably live well into my 90’s if not past 100. I will survive, and regardless of how, one day my emotional void and love equation will balance.

Yet all of these epiphanies bring me back to this morning’s email messages. How do I get from desire: a well thought out, detailed desire, consisting of decades of input; to Expectation?

ex·pec·ta·tion (via Google)
ˌekspekˈtāSH(ə)n/
noun
  1. a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.
    “reality had not lived up to expectations”

 

Belief huh… So today’s goal after Invoicing… find a belief place that these things will come to pass.

That:

I will get my second chance.

I will get to help others find their second chance.

I will have the willpower to stick to my new dietary knowledge and heal my body.

I will be able to build beautiful Atira.

I will be able to give my good friends jobs should they want them, and even homes too.

I will have a loving supportive successful poly-family.

I will have a beautiful comfortable Monolithic Dome home with modern amenities and with minimal impact to the environment.

I will be able to give back: to society, to the world, to people, to mother earth, to those that have stood by me over the years.

I will have LOVE in Abundance and Abundance in all things.

Those statements feel good. To find belief in them I think I’ll spend the afternoon visualizing all the details. Since Ms. Brittany was one of the emails I’ll do some EFT to help overcome some of my negative beliefs and expectations.

Goal: Positive Expectation. Wish me luck.

Image from Shutterstock.com

More mantras and such. 

So the last few days I continued with working on myself. According to Ms. Hay in “You Can Heal Your Life”: back pain is related to how you feel about life. In a web page that is more of a synopsis of information found in the book, she suggests the affirmation:I know that Life always supports me.  The book suggests simply: I am supported in life, or life supports me. The suggested emotions are that of guilt,  feeling lack financially,  or feeling stuck in the past- the latter 2 definitely ring a bell for me. So I’ve been working with that a lot.
I’ve adjusted my preferred mantras for listening/singing to help.  I’ve always felt the rendition of the Acchi Mantra by Lisa Theil feels like healing energy to me: LISTEN HERE. Years ago when I first found that mantra, it used to make me cry it felt so overwhelmingly good.  Now it still helps me feel better,  but the energy seems to more gentle on  me these days. Needless to say I’ve listened to it a lot the last few days. 

I also thought it smart to invoke that divine creative energy embodied by Brighid & Kali. As I  referenced previously, I’ve done the destructive,  and I very much want to resume creating beauty. What better way to do that than more mantras? 

I do like a Brigid piece: LISTEN HERE.

But I wanted to honor Kali’s energy as well,  2 influences are better than one,  especially when they share traits/qualities/goals. Anyway,  in the past I never found a Kali mantra that resonated. I found the old Brahman voices to be more harsh than mellow, & the traditional female singers sounded whiney to me. But I went searching again and found THIS. Most excellent,  totally resonated with me and my preferences,  and had a strong Kali mantra I already knew.  Great! I purchased the track through Amazon Music and added it to my playlist.  Mantra Happiness.

I now have a solid 90min of great mantras that help lift me up during my commute.  I still put  some of them on repeat as needed to really benefit from them. The new Kali one & the Acchi Mantra have both been on repeat this week. I’m  mostly feeling better. 

I’m sure that the mantras only helped the other measures I’ve taken this week to feel better, but it’s still worth it.  Besides honoring the divine is always beneficial, and I’ll never turn down a little help from the other side. 

By the way,  may back isn’t instantly fixed,  and I’ve really nailed Psoas Major & Minor with a massage ball in an effort to fix it, but it’s definitely on it’s way to being better. A little more trigger point work and some more mantras and I’ll “be right as rain”.