Tag Archives: agree to disagree

ET is helping me water my seeds… part 1

Today I was thinking about how 2 years ago I watched ET with my residents and felt the person I was calling the boy. That started my sense of that spirit and referencing it as my ET, acknowledging that I was feeling that spirit even as a young child. Somehow I just know they are linked and I in my stupid human form just don’t fully understand.

To that end I thought maybe I could show the movie to Ian, that maybe it would help me bring some understanding to him and maybe additional clarity for myself.

In that thought I then remembered the scene where ET was sick from having eaten all the junk food that the boys had brought him, and knowing he needed to get home where he could heal. I’m torn because I feel like I’m so closely linked to my ET that I’m getting sick off of those things in my experience, but at the same time I feel like I have so many things to accomplish and do in this 3D Earth experience that I’m hardly ready to go home. So today, I’ve been calling my physical reaction ‘forced fasting’. I love to eat tasty foods, but my body is rejecting everything on this day. My liver is purging and every smell is far too intense. Things that normally cause me to say yum are making me wish to vomit.

I was in the midst of one such moment when one of the employees of the building decided she would pray for me. Her words were very Christian, but most definitely evoked my sense of that spirit I call my ET, that spirit that had told me I could call him Shiva, that was linked to the person I called the boy, my divine masculine.

I am beginning to understand how the archetypes overlap, and I’m really beginning to feel the knowledge I’ve held for years that we’re all one, and all religions are really different interpretations of the same thing.

That then made me think of the catholic last week that told me not to do Reiki because it went against her beliefs. I was a little slow on the uptake and thought later that I really wanted to ask her if she would have refused Jesus’ healing, because the formal structure of Catholicism didn’t exist for several hundred years after Jesus died.

A healer with God given abilities is still a healer with God given abilities- regardless of what culture they were raised and named in, regardless of what language they speak.

In my case my first experience of healing in this world, at birth, was by an OB with an Indian name and things of India have always and still do resonate. Yet when I went to my parent’s Christian churches as a child, I was tormented and traumatized. Is it any wonder that God tells me he’s Shiva?

Regardless, I’m grateful for that connection, I’m grateful for feeling the divine touch my body and my life. I’m grateful for the healing gifts I’ve been given; and as Shiva told me when I was working on the catholic: you can’t change who you are, you can be quiet about it or change the wording, but it’s still a part of you.

So then in explaining Reiki to a resident I told them it’s essentially prayers in a foreign language and my hands tell it where to go. I said Siva Hir Su is the one I use most, it was my gift, and translated into biblical terminology would most closely align with ‘the divine light of christ is here’. She was perfectly content to accept the healing and said it was so very helpful.

So my Shiva-Jesus blend is helping me get through my day and providing healing to myself and my clients and residents.

It’s also helping me see things in this world that are just like what I want for my Atira, so that will be part 2, maybe this evening or tomorrow.

May you all find your connection to God’s grace and understanding of its applications. May you feel the love and healing and find your own God given gifts. Most of all may you have understanding and compassion and acceptance when others wish to help you, regardless of what that looks or sounds like.

Blessings everyone.

Siva Hir Su

What’s in a Belief?

Google Surveys, giving me play store credits, has enabled me to build my already massive music library even bigger. Listening to new songs like Kaleo’s “Way Down We Go” and old favorites like Flogging Molly’s “Float”, I find myself contemplating beliefs and my life again. I suppose it’s better than ruminating on one topic.

According to Abraham Hicks: “A Belief is simply a thought that you keep thinking”. That was their explanation, but part of a larger discussion on essentially habitual thoughts.  By their definition many thoughts can fall under belief.

We often think of beliefs as being religious in nature, and true many of them are, but not all are according to that definition.

For instance, I consider myself Pagan, as that seems to be the closest label to put on my religious beliefs. Being raised in a split faith family, Mom being Catholic and Dad being Mormon, I saw at an early age that religion was merely someone’s definition of how to attempt to get closer to God. Catholics and Mormons have many similarities, though they can’t seem to see it or find that common ground in practical interactions. I noticed that they liked to argue over seemingly simple things like whether or not Coffee was an OK drink, but ultimately it was because someone somewhere had labeled it as not being good, and then a bunch of people agreed that drinking coffee would keep you from reaching God. When really maybe it does for some and not others. I always did wonder why they couldn’t agree to disagree on what works best for them in reaching God.

That was just in my family dynamics, not to mention how I later perceived the millennia long battle that still rages today in the middle east over essentially the same issue. It may be a little more complex than that, but ultimately it boils down to who was there first and who is “right”. It seems such a waste of human lives for thousands of years to keep arguing over such an insignificant issue. I mean really Judiasm, Christianity, and Islam share the same original teachings of the old testament, and their differences lie much later, so why fight war after war for centuries? Just to try and claim the title of “We’re right!”.

But that is a tangent, my beliefs are what started this blog post.

So, religiously I see the divine as a masculine feminine duality that manifests in a myriad of archetypal forms or labels. I’ve heard it compared to as a gem with facets, God being the gem, and the archetypal forms being the facets. I like that analogy. That’s why it un-phases me to switch between the old pantheons, I see the different deities in each pantheon as being ethnic labels of the same archetypes. Hence my previous post referencing Kali and Brighid as being two divine creatirces, because they are essentially the same archetype from 2 separate pantheons: Celtic and Hindu.  It’s the same reason I can listen to and sing Sanskrit mantras and turn around and reference something Bhuddha is credited for and turn around and speak of Bast or Bacchus.  They are all merely facets of the same God diamond or Goddess opal. So as far as faith goes I seem to have fairly flexible beliefs.

Not much good it’s done me. I see messages, I hear messages, but I rarely understand them, and they do little in the way of improving my life situation.  I do believe in psychic abilities, though mine seem to be spotty at best and completely unreliable at worst. At this point the trajectory my life has taken is so treacherous that I hardly think anyone would willingly choose it, yet I still have a belief that we- at least in part- choose aspects of our life journey before being born. I have yet to figure out why I have those 2 dissonant beliefs, especially since my journey seems to be so daunting that it literally scares people I care about away.

I have beliefs on money that I know are literally habitually ingrained from watching my parents as a small child. So much so, that I have yet to break them, and I fear that it is not only preventing my growth and financial abundance, but it is also self-perpetuating in being passed on to my children. Especially considering that Anya is about to be 12 and Ian is already almost to the magic age of 3 where most beliefs area already learned and being ingrained in our brains. I fear these beliefs have already done, and are likely to continue to do irreparable damage- but perhaps that is just another belief.

I have beliefs on social interactions, and government goings on, and aliens, and conspiracy theories, and vaccines, and things that are healthy or not. I have beliefs on education, and success, and whether or not my family listens to me, and so many more.

All of which I find myself constantly attempting to evaluate in real time and rephrase when possible. For instance I’ve noticed that I have almost a mantra of my husband and kids don’t listen to me, and I’ve been actively attempting to retrain my brain with “they listen, but like anyone can, they often forget or get distracted”. I don’t know that it is the end all, be all, fix for that particular belief, but it does feel better than “no one listens to me”. That is ultimately what we’re supposed to be reaching for right? Just a little better and a little better, until eventually you can see that there is improvement.

Then Louise Hay in her book “You Can Heal Your Life” explains that disease and discomfort are essentially outward manifestations of negative beliefs you carry about yourself and your life. Thus many of her solutions involve the mantra “I Love Mysef” or “The universe is safe and I am supported”.

I find that I have been working with those a lot this week and I am still and struggling with pain. My neck locked up two days ago, and my calves are on the verge of creating shin splints and plantar fasciatis because they have been in pain for nearly 2 weeks. Now granted I am working out 2 to 4 times a week, and that will contribute to leg pain of any kind, but I’ve also had a massage and a chiropractic adjustment in the last week. SO, Im left with the fact that this pain, that keeps migrating around my body, must be energetic.

Dear Louise says that pain is really guilt, and I have to say I can’t argue with that. I do feel guilt. Guilt that my family is suffering the financial strains that mine and Nathan’s journey has created. Guilt that I don’t have a great, wonderful, comfy, secure home with running water. Guilt that I don’t have enough cash flow to anticipate car repairs or other emergency situations. Guilt that I don’t have a decent vehicle. In fact, I would say that I feel utterly ashamed that I have tried so many different things, moved us so many times, changed jobs many times over as well, I have 2 different educations, and I still can’t provide for my small family what most Americans take for granted. It lends to beating myself up, but it also lends to being bitter over American Societies’ standards and  feeling furthermore a dunce for not being able to figure things out. I would say I’m definitely having trust issues with the Universe’s support, and any time there is shame it becomes a huge dark cloud over self-love.

It’s not that I can’t find good qualities in myself. There are many, as I started to outline in a previous post. I would say that generally speaking I do love myself, as I’ve managed to fight many battles in my life and I find myself sitting here in a very Monty Python kind of way screaming “Get Back Here! I Can Still Bite Your Knees Off!”. It’s just that my self-love has been overshadowed by the very real shame and guilt I feel, compounded by being in the environment I am most ashamed of.

I find myself wishing that the image, of when Shiva appeared to me while sitting on my front porch, was real. I was dealing with a somewhat scary spirit on the land, I could feel a very intense heavy oppressive sensation, when I called out to the divine for help. That moment a beautiful Shiva came and said it was ok, he’d help, and sure enough the image of Shiva literally consumed the dragon-like bear image I had of the oppressive spirit lingering outside. I felt calm and peace and that the other spirit had been run off, at least for the time being.

I do wish that would work with my life in general. I wish there was someone, anyone, that would look at my long list of woes, hold me and tell me that it was OK, because they were there to help. Yet, it’s not in the cards, at least for now. It might someday, maybe eventually, thus I leave the door open for possibilities, and hold out a little shred of hope. For now, I continue on my self-work. I will slowly work on my body and my mind, relaxing the muscles over and over again, telling myself that even though things have not gone as planned, the war isn’t over yet. That I still have many battles left in me, and there is no guilt or shame in that because I haven’t given up. That’s all I can do. I’m human, and all that is ever expected of any human is to just keep trying, just keep doing. I’ve learned a lot, and I will continue to learn each and every day of my life. Perhaps at some point those lessons will net substantial gains in my physical reality, but regardless I will do my best. For that I shall always love myself. No one else can dictate what my best is at any given moment, only I can define that, and I know I will always do my best. I will hold onto that in the knowing that the divine would expect no less and no more, and that the divine is supporting me in that journey. Self-work continues.


Image courtesy of:  http://www.gauravblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Lord-Shiva.jpg

Trust Issues

I have a good friend that is from a scientific background, and married to a scientist. Recently we had a long conversation centering around the vaccine debate, but ultimately discussing frustrations regarding science and the medical establishment and government and big business influences. I feel that the conversation was very helpful for our very differing opinions to find an outlet, so I wanted to share some of the concepts that we had discussed. I’m going to try and keep the concepts in a logical order, but apologize if I end up jumping around a bit

My friends biggest concern for the arguments of either side seemed to center around the general population using the term believe or belief in regards to scientific information. Her statement simply is that science is called science for a reason. There are very set regulations, processes, and huge amounts of red-tape involved in making a scientific statement such as: this pill solves X problem. Scientists have to follow rigorous testing, under very strict guidelines, over years, and the studies have to be repeatable to be considered good science. So in her mind, belief should never enter into the equation. Whatever is in question has passed all of the guidelines, standards and is repeatable so it is valid. Period.

I pointed out however, that science changes it mind quite regularly. Eggs were bad, then good, then bad again. Salt was bad, and now science says maybe not. The earth was flat and now it is round. Our solar system models went through several changes. Energy has had several  models. Even discussions on, and models of, the basic atom have undergone changes over time as our ability to discern things and our equipment have improved. So from a layperson’s perspective I can completely understand how someone would use the word belief. Really what the average Joe is saying is: Should I trust this information, if I go with this information, whose to say you won’t turn around in 5 or 10 years and tell me the opposite.” Really that is more a matter of trust than belief; but isn’t trust inherent in belief?

Now, granted, the processes have remained essentially the same. What has changed is our technology and equipment that we use for testing the myriad of things there are to test. As technology and equipment has improved, it is able to measure more accurately and we’ve been able to narrow results down further and sometimes more accurate results do mean that previous concepts need to be revised or adjusted. It just is, science is an evolving art of trying to put concrete data to the world around us.

So essentially the Average Joe has to trust that we have the best knowledge at this time using the current technology that we have to study with.

We also discussed how diet and nutrition are so complex that even when Science has done it’s level best to study the effects of one particular aspect of that, it is nearly impossible to account for every variable involved. Study participants can fudge their accounts of diet, often recording inaccurate quantities, calories, ingredients, and so on. Study participants can forget to mention that they are taking some supplement or over the counter medication, so then we have no idea the role that forgotten item played. So again we are relying on the best information that we have at that time. And again that can affect whether or not someone is willing to believe or trust that information.

I think really it boils down to semantics here. The scientist mind says data currently shows this so it’s as accurate as it gets,  no reason to believe otherwise.  The layperson mind says well they’ve changed their statements before, who says they won’t on this too. It’s really a matter of perspective.

The you add in government and big business and perspectives of the medical establishment.

Lets start with the latter. My friend pointed out that she does not consider doctors scientists. In her words they study enough science to know what they are doing, but by no means bother to study everything. She pointed out that a working doctor simply would not have time to read every bit of research, look at all the individual data, and make their own decisions. They don’t have the capacity so they have to rely on what scientific institutions tell them. Now with that being said, she agreed that that reasoning is precisely why individual patients have the right to choose  (it’s one of the few things we completely 100% agreed upon). If a doctor can’t possibly know all of the in’s and out’s, can’t foresee how your family and genetics might react to something, or a latent health problem that you don’t even know about yet, then you should have a choice. She continued that where California has,  and other states are trying to take away exemptions, it will ultimately fail. She believes that at some point, someone will have an injury and take the laws to court and it will be repealed by the time it hits supreme court. I personally hope her faith in the judicial system is correct.

I say this because we did discuss how there may be genetic components to reactions to drugs or vaccines. Yet we still do not have the tools to do a blood test and determine if this might be why some people are being damaged by vaccines or drugs. We discussed how unknown personal situations (for example someone not knowing that they have mild damage to their intestinal wall [leaky gut]) might lead to adverse reactions or vaccine/drug injuries. Yet we do not have a solid set of testing to run people through to determine if that might be a factor, or at least testing that would be covered for every person that requests it. We simply don’t have a way to determine if one individual sitting in a doctor’s office might react to a commonly accepted as good injection.

I pointed out further, that beyond that, doctor’s are not even given information on the toxicity of known ingredients in vaccines. For instance many vaccines contain aluminum. It it is a metal that is able to trigger immune response, so it is helpful for it to be in vaccines. However, if your body gets too much at once it can cause liver damage and even brain damage. Even prolonged low doses of aluminum have been shown to contribute to Alzheimer’s, which is why aluminum cookware and cans are required to be coated to avoid people from having brain damage from the repeated long term exposure. Yet doctors do not understand or have the knowledge of how to adjust dosages to avoid that. If an infant is due to receive a vaccine, they are given the same dose based on their age as any other child of that age. Yet aluminum toxicity is based upon blood volume which is directly in proportion to the infant’s weight. So your underweight preemie is given the same does as the well fed plump munchkin, and thus the underweight child is likely to suffer adverse effects.

So yet again there are factors at play that doctors are not able, or not willing to adjust for, yet doctors want to play God and demand that everyone get the same vaccines at the same dosage at the same time; and the state governments are bent on backing the doctors instead of their constituents.

Now why is that?

Science is convinced that vaccines are the sole responsibility for eliminating disease. My friend believes this wholeheartedly. She pointed out small pox and that  it’s been eradicated due to vaccines. I said that it may have been a major factor, but that I was not convinced. We as a greater society have come up with a myriad of ways to affect and kill disease. Running water, plumbing, sewage treatment (even as simple as outhouses- separating feces from our living spaces prevented much disease by itself), soaps, personal protection devices such as gloves and masks, chemicals that kill pests that carry the disease, chemicals that kill the disease itself (Malaria was greatly reduced with mosquito sprays and mosquito netting, and even today if someone becomes ill with Malaria they are no longer likely to die because of greater ability to treat the symptoms). These were all factors that helped prevent the spread of disease and kill disease where it stands.

Beyond that I’m not convinced that diseases that were “eradicated” actually were. I remember only about 5 years ago there was a disease in  California that was acting strangely like polio. Some people died. They managed to contain the disease and eventually there were no new reinfections. Yet they never admitted that it was polio because the actual virus didn’t look like polio. However, they never admitted it was a mutation either. That’s the problem with diseases. They are just like every other organism on the planet. They want to survive and will do whatever it takes to do so, especially including mutation. So that may have very well been a mutated polio virus. So where were your vaccines then. If the virus has mutated then the old vaccines are ineffective.

It is precisely why the flu vaccine is rarely effective, even though they push it year after year. There are now 4 types of Flu A, B, C, and in 2012 D was discovered. Just Type A has 198 strains based upon the proteins found on them. (CDC info- might be accurate).  Good luck finding numbers on Type B, but the CDC will tell you that they based Type B classification on lineages and strains. Type C fortunately is newer and only has one known strain. & Type D being brand new only has one known strain. …. Yet the vaccine only covers one version of Type A and one version of Type B. They literally guess the previous year as to which one they think will be most prevalent the following year. Now I am certain they have some kind of data to guide that guess, but it is still an educated guess. The claims are that regardless of which strains they use, you will still be covered and if you get sick it will be less severe.

I work in the medical environment and because I am a contractor I am exempt from getting the vaccine, and I take advantage of that and avoid it. I’ve been sick from flu like symptoms twice in the last 5 years, and both times CDIF was going around the nursing home. CDIF is not the flu but many of the symptoms are similar.  SO, I honestly couldn’t tell you if I had CDIF or Flu. I just stayed home for a week and was better. Yet, every year the nurses and aids and other staff are required to get the flu vaccine, and every year there are periods of mass sickness after the vaccine where the buildings are short staffed, or if staff is there it is obvious they are not well.  Is it coincidence? Maybe. I doubt it.

Now, another thing I brought up with my friend is that again, along the lines of ingredients, there are things in vaccines that in themselves may be triggering problems. Thiomersal is an ingredient that has been removed from most, but not all vaccines. It’s primary component is Mercury.  Toxic to humans. The argument was that because mercury was only one component of Thiomersal that it was not affecting humans or making anyone sick. Yet, they have removed it from all but 3 vaccines. Coincidence? Plus, have you ever known why the Mad Hatter was Mad? It was because hat making procedures once used mercury. The mercury literally drove hat makers mad. I am not a scientist, and I admitted that to my friend, but I have noticed that post Thiomersal use, there are astronomically high rates of depression, anxiety disorders, and we’re even seeing higher rates of schizophrenia. I would argue we’re all mad hatters.

Take that one step further. Peanut oil is being used in many vaccines and has been for about a decade. The last 5 years the rates of extreme Anaphylatic shock type peanut allergies has skyrocketed with 4,000 new diagnoses every year  (Click here) .  Again I see a correlation. We’ve know about peanut allergies since the 40’s, yet they are more common now than they have ever been, and I’m not the only one making the connection to vaccines  (and here) . There has also been the same correlation to use of egg byproducts and egg allergies, and cotton seed oil and cotton seed allergy, both of which ended after discontinued use the those ingredients in vaccines. Beyond that rates of other autoimmune diseases and disorders are rising just as rapidly- Rheumatoid Arthritis, Some forms of Diabetes/Pancreatitis, Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, PCOS, Asthma, IBS/IBD, Crohn’s, Lupus,  MS, Guillain-Barre syndrome, Psoriasis, Grave’s Thyroid disease, Myasthenia gravis, and Vasculitis– to name a few. All of them are more prominent than they were even 30 years ago.

By the way I have been diagnosed with: thyroid dysfunction, asthma, severe dietary allergies and seasonal allergies. Some of my allergies cause reactions just like R.A. though I’ve never had a doctor diagnose me because I don’t want the stupid meds when I can control the joint pain with diet. 

Now my friend disagrees with me on the allergy/auto-immune connection. She could not specifically state why that would be impossible, but did say that disease antigens and allergy antigens are different. She just didn’t think (believe) that one vaccine could trigger both. It’s only for the disease so that would be the only effect.  But of course she didn’t realize that there were still vaccines using Thiomersal either.

So then discussion turned toward business and government influence on the study of efficacy. She was the one that pointed out that much data never makes it to the table. She stated that if any data fails the rigorous standards then it is exempt from being released. If data is biased in any way it is with-held intentionally. If data can not be reproduced in a duplicate study it is with-held. If data is being sponsored by a business (pharma wants to know if their drug works) and no beneficial results are documented then data can, and often will be with-held.

She then pointed out that many studies are done as sidelines. Her example was that you are in charge of studying why the ocean is blue, you get grant money for that. Because you think it pertains to why the  ocean is blue you start study B as to why the sky is blue. You find the answers you want to the sky issue and help solve the ocean issue. However, if you find out the sky is really green and it completely challenges why you thought the ocean was blue, then do you really want to share that information. Especially if the sky being green makes the company/government-agency you work for look bad. If there’s a risk you might get fired or not be able to work anymore, there’s a good chance that you will pretend the study didn’t exist or at least find a way to not release the data. She then explained that there are many ways that would prevent data from being released. Subject/participant personal info could be compromised, inaccurate results, being unable to control external variables,  biased participants/scientists, or any slight variation from scientific standards could nullify data. So she was essentially admitting it’s not the data that is compromised, it is the business, politics, and governmental oversight that compromises accurate data from being released.

So essentially she is saying that we have the most accurate information possible with the tools and technology we have at this time, with an acknowledgement of the politics of the game. So again, I can totally see why the layperson might call that a belief.

She admits the downfalls to obtaining accurate data, but contends that what she has seen is the only accurate data available, when the reality of the last bit of conversation dictates that there might be accurate data that never saw the light of day.

Finally, I asked her if she was aware of the CDC whistle-blower Dr. William Thompson that is set to appear in front of Congress later this year, as well as a standing court case. That he is willing to testify that the CDC data was falsified and the CDC lied to the rest of our government, all of our medical professionals, and the general public about the percentage of vaccine injured individuals. She simply replied that she was unaware of that information and couldn’t comment on it. She then stated if that is really true then why didn’t Europe show the same data that he is willing to testify on. Stating that she believes Europe’s standards to be even more rigorous that the United States.

My only answer for that is if business and politics can affect the release of accurate data in a Democratic government, I see no reason why it can’t also affect the same process in a Socialized government. The only difference being that socialism does make a greater effort to keep it’s people healthy and cared for, and is slightly less concerned about big business making even bigger money. It doesn’t mean they are exempt from those influences, just that they make a surface attempt at balancing the scales.

So all in all we agreed to disagree on many things. The only thing that we both  unequivocally agreed upon was that the individual patient (or Parent in child situation) should have the right to choose in lieu of accurate testing measures to determine safety and efficacy on an individual basis.

And with that being said, since I already have so many auto-immune issues, I will continue to refuse vaccinations, for myself and my children. If my issues are even remotely related to vaccination, my children have my genetics and will be spared the risk. My husband can make up his own mind- though I believe him to agree with me.

#VaxxedTheMovie… the makers of the movie in the Q&A afterward recommended having a written statement that if vaccinations are give the medical establishment and administering medical professional(s) will be sued.  I consider this blog post and my restatement of that recommendation to be my current copy of that, as I can access this writing at any time as long as I have my phone. I will still seek a legal version, as a backup, but this will be my written refusal for easy access. Any further vaccinations for me (Treasa Cailleach) or my children (Anya or Ian)  will result in legal proceedings.

And final disclaimer, if you are a doctor reading this while any one of us is sitting in your office, make my day, the lawsuit would fix my financial woes really quick. Thank you for your cooperation!