Tag Archives: alcohol

Discernment

So yesterday was a very interesting day full of discernment.

I had several moments where residents passed on messages for me from afar/spirit. It was not quite as intense as the couple of times in recent history which I already wrote about, but intense none the less. I would share them here, but one of the phrases that I received from the second resident to do so, makes me think I should refrain from sharing yesterday’s experiences for now. She is a resident that is severely affected by something along the lines of Lewy-Body, and most of the time I can barely understand her. Yesterday however, the message was loud and clear and makes me cautiously, yet excitedly, anticipate my nearer future. It was unclear if what was being conveyed would be before, during, or after our family trip, but I interpreted it to be a good thing regardless.

On that note, I’m not a good liar, it’s one of many reasons why I prefer honesty. I find that in situations where I am not supposed to talk about something I  just avoid full discussion and become evasive, often redirecting or changing the topic all together. So, this is as much as you get until I get further notice from either the divine or the person it was regarding. All in all, other than wishing to disclose my reason for excitement, I am just happy to have had a good day.

I felt my connection all day yesterday, to varying degrees, and whether it is my mystery person of the last several years or a divine connection I’ve come to refer to as “my ET”: I’m still not sure. I’m not so sure it isn’t the same thing, perhaps “my ET” simply used HAL to be a mystery person in my experience. Who knows; I don’t.  One day, perhaps after I die it will become clear. However, for now, I relish the connection, and I am utterly grateful for it, even when I find myself saying “WTF- what is happening?!” It is strong and mostly feels good to great, and affects my body in a number of ways which I occasionally have trouble describing with the English language. Of course sometimes the sensations would make anyone blush, so I’d just rather keep those descriptions to myself. Mostly I find it pleasurable, but occasionally I get a pit in my stomach or feel very anxious from it. At those times I am still grateful to have the experience, but often wish that particular aspect would subside quickly.

Anyway, yesterday was mostly good, and felt great, but in the evening I thought that I would have a drink with dinner- partly to celebrate the good day, and partly to mellow out and relax. I had a singular hard cider with 5% alcohol. I was very quickly sloshed, even to the point of slurring words and silliness, and afterward the fall off was anything but mellowing. It was more like jumping off the cliff and I got very tired and quite cranky. I apologized to myself, my family, and especially to the connection. It was far more intense of a response than I had intended with my one normal drink.

Further discernment came late in the night after having slept for a few hours I woke with intense gastro-intestinal cramping and nausea. I took some homeopathic medicine we usually give to Katherine for her allergy induced colic, went to the bathroom, and then went back to sleep. I woke this morning mostly back to normal.

My discernment here is that I have cleaned my system up so much that even a little of some things is too much for me. My phrase this morning is that I no longer find my enjoyment in foods and drinks. I am definitely coming to terms with my body desiring to only have enough healthy foods for sustenance, and that I really don’t need anything else.

The up side is that I am dropping weight again, I’m down almost 15 pounds in a little over 2 weeks. That causes me to do a happy dance because it is in direct contrast to the 50 pounds I had gained working the activities job the prior 9 months, and being surrounded by all the things my body was attempting to say no to.

My calorie intake has dropped significantly, not intentionally. I am still eating frequently, in fact more frequently than before. However, I’m just sticking to that handful of healthy foods that my body is okay with. Some days I feel like I am a fish because I find myself consuming other fishes, shrimp, and lots of green leafy things. If it were not for my nut and chicken intake I wouldn’t have anything to argue otherwise.

My nut intake increased intuitively based on a memory of information I had learned on Brazil nuts. So I am literally eating all the nuts except Walnuts (I had reacted to them strongly while pregnant so I’m assuming they are still off limits), and very few peanuts (though I have never reacted to them, they tend to carry high levels of environmental toxins). At the same time, my chicken/poultry/protein-shake intake has decreased, again based on an intuitive flash that I might be consuming more protein than I need.

So my intuition said, more nuts (especially Brazil), less protein, cut the chocolate (addiction), and eat more frequently. Then voila, I am suddenly shedding weight again. I love it when I listen to those flashes, and follow through and it works! That is the best kind of discernment.

So this now tea totaler, wishes you good days filled with intuitively helpful discernment. I also wish for you to have all the messages from the divine that you need and the ability to be honest and open in your life. Be the Change and Be Your Unique Self.

So Mote It Be; Siva Hir Su

Morals or societal pressures?

Yesterday I pulled into a fueling station near the YMCA. My intent to merely get a snack so that I didn’t fall over from hunger during my workout. 

As I sat enjoying my salad I  noticed a man seemingly homeless take a seat on the ground.  I knew I didn’t have any cash,  and I realized he was watching me as much as I was him.

I walked over,  and had a short conversation. 

He admitted he’d just gotten out of the hospital,  and they’d given him a one way bus ticket so he could get anywhere in the city he wanted. He mentioned that he had been treated for alcohol abuse and dehydration, but said he also had cancer and only one kidney.  He was a veteran that had been discharged dishonorably, but didn’t elaborate as to why.

I told him I had no cash,  and not much for resources,  but I offered to get him something from inside so he would at least have a full belly. 

His request was 2 corndogs & a beer.  I said I’d do what I could. 

As I entered  the store,  my knee-jerk-reaction was skip the beer. I bought him the corndogs,  a bag of chips, a candy bar,  and a tea. 

I justified not getting the beer because he’d been in  the hospital because of alcohol; besides society insists that alcohol is the reason that homeless people are homeless (though I have more than a few doubts about the accuracy of that simply based on my own life experience).

As I took him the drink and bag of goodies,  I could see the disappointment over the beer.  As I stood there apologizing for my choice, 2 other people walked up and gave him change.  I was glad my action triggered generosity and said he probably now had enough to get his cold beer should one of the ones in the store meet his liking. I told him good luck and that I needed to be going. 

As I headed down to the Y, my decision over the beer haunted me. 

On one hand he’d been in the hospital,  the last thing he needed was something to trigger another trip there.  Or was it?

He said he had cancer and one kidney.  He confessed to not eating  much ever.  The hospital was probably the first real meal and shower he’d had in months, most likely the most fluids he’d imbibed in months as well. 

Beyond that,  I,  nor anyone there that day, was in a position to do him any lasting good.  He knew his fate was to return to his destitute wanderings, until one day he would just sit or lie down and never get up again.  There is no cancer treatment for the homeless, even when they’ve been diagnosed through an ER trip.

I had to stop and think.  If I’d been in his shoes,  I’d have probably really wanted a stiff drink myself, hell, I’d have wanted lots of stiff drinks.  Let’s face it, I’ve drank much more than one drink over much less in the hardships department. 

I simply can’t imagine knowing that I was going  to die alone destitute on the streets. It was heartbreaking for me. That is exactly the person I want to be able to create real change for. To at least give  them a fighting chance. 

I prayed to the divine.  I asked forgiveness for failing to meet his only request.  I begged that someone else would overcome societal pressures, the stigma of homeless and alcohol, so that he’d get his temporary reprieve. I then prayed that he might find more continuous relief,  or simply a peaceful quiet transition with minimal suffering. I prayed that our society let go of judgements, assumptions,  and stigmas surrounding the homeless.  I prayed that people open their minds and hearts to find lasting  solutions for people like him.

 I think if only I could build Atira and give him and many others a fighting chance, a reason to live,  I could make a huge impact on the world and our society. I prayed that God  might grant me the ability to do that, or at least someone soon. It doesn’t really have to be me, as long as someone starts putting our own citizens,  our own veterans, our own lost-&-forgotten, first. I prayed that a way be made, to accomplish that, and offered my hand in the process, in whatever way the divine sees fit.

My challenge to those reading this,  is evaluate: 

What assumptions have  you made?

What beliefs do you hold that may not be so accurate,  & where did you learn them? Can those beliefs be overwritten in your brain?  

What could you do differently in the future? 

None of us are super-human, but what else could you be doing to help, not only our society as a whole,  but individuals like that man?

Be the change you wish to see.
– Ghandi

 

Image from: 

http://totallyfreeinc.org/services/housing-for-the-homeless/