Tag Archives: allergic reaction

Under heavy artillery fire.

That song came on this afternoon after a fast helped me pull up some. It felt appropriate.

If others’ thoughts were weapons of mass destruction, I’m under direct attack of heavy artillery fire. Most don’t even know they’re doing it, so it’s not maliciously directed at me, but the damage is just the same.

My armor took a direct hit when I gave up (a few posts ago will clear that up) and made food choices that were far less than ideal. Because I haven’t overcome the paradigm of “____ foods are bad for me”, the giving up caused a system crash. For you see, a human brain is like the computer and the engine of a car put together, and poor food choices classically hamper its function for me. (Makes me want to write a tangent post.) Brain function was further impacted by a night of terrible sleep likely caused by my friend going through cancer treatment. I went to tell her of my poor sleep and she had nearly the exact same pattern. She didn’t cause it on purpose, and I didn’t pick up on her on purpose, my system was already compromised.

At that point all bets were off as to my survival, and the last two days have been sketchy at best. But today’s decision to do a true fast was apparently the appropriate action. My system had all day to process and clear while I worked. This evening I’m finally beginning to feel a little better, though still exhausted.

My brain has been so compromised by the allergic reaction and exhaustion that it was akin to a radio trying to play 6 stations at once, and only one of those was me.

There was the friend, whom is a good person, and would never intentionally cause me grief. However, with her treatment and diagnosis, I’m certain she herself is experiencing grief. She also really just wants to retire and no longer be responsible for others. She also really wishes she was recognized for her knowledge and abilities more. All of those sentiments were in my thoughts the last two days, and repeatedly.

Then there is Autumn, because I’m helping her and also because I had a long visit with her in the hospital, she broke through my damaged armor. All of the things that we have in common for mental battles had surfaced for me over the two days in question. I’ve also had a massively painful experience in my body, and the worst locations mirror locations she has had her surgeries on, or where the infection is still causing problems. I suspect it’s merely a combination of my allergic reaction and her woes being in my awareness.

The other biggie is my digital-stalker father from those few posts back. I jinxed myself by commenting that I must have gotten my point across because there hasn’t been any hits from him on here, or energetically. Then he visited again sometime after midnight last night. See he thinks he’s got software that shows him browsing from all over the world, except that I get one or two hits from China followed by the familiar 1-ton wave of negativity from childhood. His wave is so intense I can’t fight it, but I nearly always know it’s him fairly quickly. It comes with thoughts of wanting to die, but more of self-hatred. I know they are his logically, but my radio tuner turns them into sounding like they’re mine, the wording is always from the perspective of the self. When I was little I didn’t understand that, so I genuinely thought they were mine, right up until I moved away from home and it eased significantly. He’s right and taught me so well what to believe that I’m not sure I’ll ever completely eliminate the bad programming. I’ll never be good enough, I’m not strong enough, I’m not attractive enough. I can’t fix anything, and can’t do anything right. No one likes/loves me. I’m alone, I have no friends, I’m worthless. There is no reason for my existence, and for the life of me I don’t know why I’m here. Those all cycled through my thoughts heavily last night and today, before my system finally began to clear out.

If I could do one thing, it would be to create indestructible armor for my brain, against my father’s thoughts. At this point though I’m trying to just find my standard low grade intrusion level.

The other two stations that played were harder to figure out, probably because they were being drown out by the last 3.

One I think was the guy that I fancy, and for whatever stupid reason wish he would come around and tell me he cares. When I’m not inundated, that connection usually causes me to feel a mix of regret, apology, desire, and thoughts about needing to prove myself more. With all the rest going on the last two days, I only got the regret.

The last station in the mix was too garbled to really distinguish, but I suspect it could have been a client, or my far away lost love. It was just enough to make everything that much more confusing and difficult to process.

I know everyone saw my struggles and I know that at least a couple of my co-workers were really concerned. I wanted to reach out, but didn’t feel like anyone would fully understand, or really know how to help me. I just did my best to stay as clean as possible. Yesterday, the fatigue won and I ate crappy mass produced cookies. Today, I just kept coaxing myself, and save for some super clean vegan-allergy-free carob-chips early in the day, I didn’t eat anything at all. It’s now 6pm and my tummy only acknowledged a need to eat because I’m writing about not having done so.

I’m hoping that a clean dinner and some really good sleep will cure the rest of my ailments. However, the body aches are still pretty intense, so I may need to do some heavy mechanical work to regain full functionality.

I’m just glad that I managed to fast my way out of that mess.

May you have moments of clarity. May you find relief. May you understand the mechanics behind your current experience. May you see how to correct things efficiently. May you always have exactly what you need and be able to maintain high vibration/frequencies. May only Good thoughts fill your awareness. May you know how to purge any negativity in your experience and may you know how to shield yourself from repeat experiences. May you know that God really does love and support you.

Siva Hir Su

Attraction in action

So today, I realized I am so over the virus crap that my face rejected the N95 mask. I had been wearing the construction grade for about a week and a half now. Yesterday after spending all day wearing the mask, I went home to severely itchy eyes. Today after only about an hour in the mask the itchy eyes came back and spread. By lunchtime my face was covered in red itchy blotches that were bordering on burning.

My photography sucks because you can barely see the blotches, but you get the idea.

I decided to switch to the less viraly secure, but far less reaction inducing, reusable fabric mask to get through the remainder of the day. Being I’m not worried about catching something I’ve already had, the mask was more for others and rules than anything. I’m home now and have dosed myself with a 3rd allergy medicine and hydrocortisone cream to stop the itchy hives.

Otherwise, I did have two full days of work at the clinic which was a good manifestation.

Now I’m off to celebrate Katie’s birthday with allergen free goodies. That is a good evening to be had.

Finally, I’ll end with a dream quandary. Last night I had 2/3’s shot of whisky in a mixed drink. It was enough to screw with my dream world and led to some intensely dark creepy dreams. The one that stuck out was about a person I think is connected to my mystery SJ of 5 years. I’ll call this other person AJ (the J not actually being a common name, two totally different J names). In the dream I was being told that AJ had killed his wife and that’s why no one had heard from him. The person that knew about this had been sent to give me the message, because he was trying to get to me but didn’t know how or when. I was told it really was accidental, and he never meant for her to even get hurt, but because of the situation he was now in great danger himself. I was worried and wanted to know more, but the person telling me said that was all they knew. He said he wasn’t told everything to keep us both safe. That creeped me out and I woke up.

My other dreams were just as dark and creepy; one being a person that had been run over by a train and my mom finding them and telling me to call 911 as the person tried to say something to me/us.

My take away is that I am being drug into super-human clean eating and drinking. Nothing is worth those kinds of dreams invading my sleep. Otherwise, I’m grateful that they are not actually part of my reality and can be headed off at the pass.

May you have good work days, less allergies, and an easier signal to eat and drink cleanly. May your dreams always be pleasant and reachable.

Siva Hir Su

Done, done, not done.

Graphic designs done. Taxes done (at least as much as possible.). Dome design done. My massage received. Rest- check. Cuddles with kids- yes.

Didn’t get to prepping gardens, it was too cold and wet. Didn’t get any artwork done. Not much “fun” to be had either, cuddles with kids was enjoyable, but not what I would classify as good fun. Okay, could be worse, that’s not a complaint, more an observation.

My son misbehaved a lot, no big surprise there, but it’s getting really old. Today I had a long discussion about how he was acting vendictive like the one person we were around alot about 2 years ago. I explained that his actions speak to intentionally wanting to hurt me and daddy. Nathan and I have decided that cutting cords and burning sage frequently isn’t enough, it’s time for counseling…. That or a voodoo doll for the original offender. The former is more expensive, the later might carry bad karma, but both would solve the problem. Hmmm. Decisions. Probably the counseling, but I’m not afraid to do the voodoo if necessary. HA!

Anyways, I really had set out to update on my thyroid labs.

First a really quick review of my thyroid history… 2 years ago after Katherine’s birth (June 2018), I had pulled out of my second crash and my labs were as follows.

Not great, but they could have been worse. These were the labs that finally acknowledged the immune attack on my thyroid. I was on medication at that point, so my numbers were mostly okay other than the immune response denoted by the antibodies.

The next previous labs were 2 years further, after the meds had pulled me out of the horrible post Ian-birth crash. Those labs were pretty basic (next picture), but did show I had started to run consistently high, so that was when I began tapering back on meds a little over a year from when I began taking the meds.

So 2 births and resulting thyroid crashes have taught me how to read labs, what to look for and what symptoms link to what on the lab results. There were a couple of other lab profiles done, but they were so basic it seemed pointless to show them here. The original one from after Ian was born which showed a TSH of 80, that one I never even got a copy of- bad doctor.

Anyways, all the labs I’ve ever had were cash pay. Even the short time when I was covered by insurance, labs were not drawn because I had rediculous high deductibles. So I did the best with the resources available.

I’m still doing that.

I managed to get over the hump of renting for $800/mo to owning for $900/mo. But insurance is still nonexistent and doctors waste both my time and my money.

So, I ordered my labs myself again. This time I ordered a slightly more comprehensive package developed by the Stop The Thyroid Madness doctors. Results came back last night.

Now as a reminder: I knew I had had a thyroid storm about a week prior – based on symptoms and awareness of allergy reactions, but I have not been taking any meds for over a year. These were my results.

Mostly everything was okay. My cholesterol numbers were good; though I could bring the good cholesterol up a bit to even out with the bad (which is still well under their desired preference). Iron and liver related tests were good. My sugars were high, but again I’ve known I’m reacting to things which is causing those spikes, plus considering that I know a bad reaction will spike me well into the 300’s I’ll take the 157 I had. This morning my fasting glucose was 92, perfectly normal. I was high side of normal on table salt (sodium and chloride levels), but being that I have vegetable soup fairly frequently, I’ll take that number as a ‘could be much worse’ too. Especially since I’ve managed to get my body alkaline (pH of 8 on UA), that’s a hard feat to accomplish without any salt at all.

That brings me to thyroid numbers.

  • RT3 was at 12. Ideal is 8 to 10. So close, and running a bit high is a conversion problem due to Hashimotos’, I’m still well within what doctors consider normal, just not ideal.
  • Free T4 at 1.1, and ideal is 1.3. Also very close to ideal and well within normal.
  • FreeT3 at 2.8, and ideal is 3.5-4.2. I’m a little low there, but still in normal range. Also, that is very common with Hashimotos’ immune problems. So common that most Hashi people only take T3.

Unfortunately, that’s where the normals end.

  • TSH. That’s the number that denotes how hard your pituitary gland is trying to convince your thyroid to work- thyroid stimulating hormone. It was 80 after Ian, and 20 something after Katherine. Both times I struggled with depression severely. Currently I’m at 11.47 after the thyroid storm that did have anxiety, depression, and heart palpitations. Definitely not great. Well outside normal. My pituitary gland knows my thyroid wasn’t keeping up very well and trying like crazy to convince it to work harder.
  • TgAb or thyroglobulin antibodies. It doubled since the previous test, and that one wasn’t good. 2 to 4 sucks.
  • TPO or thyroid peroxidase antibodies. That also nearly doubled from 342 to 546. It is supposed to be under 9.

Those last two are antibodies that attack the thyroid when they detect certain triggers (allergens of similar molecular structure). They are way too plentiful, even with my known reaction and thyroid storm. I expected numbers like after Katherine knowing that prior to December I’d been doing great, not something twice as high.

It means I’m definitely missing things. I’m likely consuming allergens I have yet to label. I don’t want to think about any other possibility, because I know a doctor would likely start to check for cancer.

So, next step is to come up with the extra $400 to pay for the blood serum allergy testing. I have managed to figure out most of my allergies without it, but at this point I admit I’m at a stalemate without the bloodwork. I just can’t fathom what else I might be reacting to.

After that and another round of diet adjustments, I’ll need to give my body 30 to 60 days of perfection to see if the antibodies drop. That’s another round of labs to pay for to be able to see the result, but can stick to the basic thyroid panel and antibodies, that’s more like $100+.

If they do plummet then I’m golden. If they don’t then I may have much larger problems to consider. I certainly hope for the former.

Now I just have to figure out how to juggle the extra labs while already juggling reduced income from Covid19 nonsense. This is about to get really interesting.

May you have full health. May your labs always come back ideal. May you never have to know what thyroid problems are like. May you always have the resources you need in quick response timeframes. May you know you’re on there right track, and find your missing pieces easily. May you feel good mostly and have minimal easily solveable problems. May you have many blessings in all areas of your life.

Siva Hir Su