I’m drawn to write a little about polyamory again tonight. It’s not my first post on the subject, but it’s been a while.
I really was doing a little heartwarming fireside daydreaming, it’s what instigated this post.
If I have to choose, I choose my husband Nathan, hands down, every time. I KNOW that our love withstands the test of time because we have withstood every challenge that the universe has thrown at us. I’m merely waiting for the flip side of the coin and the rewards for our journey together.
He’s a beautiful person and kind soul, and wonderful father and husband. I couldn’t ask for a better person in my life. His addictions are minimal and well moderated, and he has a relatively even temper. He’s patient and understanding. He’s creative and interesting. A little scatter brained at times, and messier than my preferences, but there’s a ton of people that fit that part of the description. The only thing I would improve is his health.
But yes, being bisexual and Pagan, my paradigm wants to allow for so much more. I want to allow an equally strong relationship (or 2?/3?) with someone that’s different. No competition, just different.
I always default to food descriptions here because it’s what I know, it’s my addiction. That being said, I love food, all of it. Just because I want pizza for this dinner doesn’t mean I only want that ever, and couldn’t stick to it or I would suffer nutritionally. I love pizza and I also love lots of other foods, healthy, unhealthy, sweet, savory, crisp, crunchy, gooey, baked, raw. You name it, I probably like it. These days my biggest challenge is making some of my loved foods in the healthiest manner to give all of myself the best possible options. I am doing my best to honor my body and still enjoy tasty healthy foods occasionally.
And polyamory is the vehicle for reaching my goal of doing that with my heart and spirit. I want both. Abraham swears any desire is okay and you can’t take back true desires, you can’t just change your mind if your inner-being agrees.
I want the best, tastiest, healthiest, options to nourish myself with love and lift my spirit. I know it is possible, and it makes me feel good so I know my inner-being agrees.
I am reminding myself of poly families that worked. I’m reminding myself of the lady that I met with two husbands, a poly family of 20+ years. I know another triad of a man with a wife and significant other and they have something like 5 kids between the three of them. I’m reminding myself of others that I have met that withstood the tests of time.
I’m also reminded that several of those stories had bumpy starts. I’m hoping my bumpy start is just taking longer than expected.
For now I keep going over the many many details that Nathan and I have discussed over our years together. Our rules, our hopes and desires, our expectations on behavior and communication, our needs for community and parental duties. I’m focusing on which ones are must haves and which ones are flexible.
When I think of allowing another person to fill those roles it makes me very happy. I am doing my best to stay focused on the qualities I know make a person of good character. I’m doing my best to stay aligned with the person or people that would meet our desires in a highest-good way.
Different is good, variety is great, and there is a way to have both. Anything is possible. I intend to find/allow my both.
May you find all the love you desire. May your life be filled with loving supportive people. May you find a way to allow for your ideal family to manifest. May you be open and accepting of others. May your desires be met and may you know others accept you just as you are. Above all may you know that God loves and supports you.
My baby burned herself last night. She wanted my tea, but it had some caffeine. Even though it was minimal caffeine, I said no because it was just before her bedtime. She decided to go help herself to what her dad had set to steep for himself. I was 30 seconds too slow to realize she had sneaked away and it was too quiet. I called for her and immediately heard a scream. I lept up just as she came running back to me soaked in hot liquid. Her front was burned fairly badly, several blisters popped as I took the wet shirt off of her. I instantly went into first-aid mode, but doing my best to be loving momma at the same time. I coated her in a very thick layer of aloe and applied lavender soaked gauze pads.
This morning it was significantly better, but the worst areas were still blistered and dark. So before my short shift I reapplied another thick layer of aloe and lavender soaked gauze. She knew I was trying to fix it for her.
I know she will be okay and heal just fine. I also know she learned her lesson and will likely never do that again. I also know that she knows I love her, because not only did I try to protect her, I also helped when her choice hurt her badly.
For some reason it has made me think about this holiday season. I am determined to let love prevail and I am wishing that for everyone.
Right now we are in the midst of a collective situation that can be compared to the story of when baby Jesus’ life was threatened by troops searching for all the male babies to be killed. One person in power, afraid of his power being stripped, sent destruction out on everyone.
Powers that be desperately want us to stay afraid and sequestered. They want us to hide in our homes and loose ourselves. Sadly, part of this situation is fueled by a desire to make money off of our fears (pharma with vaccines). The other part is fueled by those already in a state of fear and compounded by fears of being sued, knowing that even if insurance is present, it often fails to do it’s job. If you follow the trails far enough, both could likely be traced back to a handful of 1%’ers, and would definitely encourage fears of conspiracy against the masses. One could definitely assume that THEY created the virus to get at us.
But one could also assume it was an opportunity of convenience. An unknown new thing which used properly scared the daylights out of everyone, and caused a chain reaction of organizations and entities afraid of litigation.
In order to break the cycle of fear, we must simply BE ourselves. And this holiday season let us be like Mary and Joseph in that story. Cling to that which you have, and that which you know and love, and ignore the fear of others. Listen to your inner being and follow God’s cues, and let love be your guiding light.
For me I am grateful I know how to BE myself.
I am grateful for my clients and their gifts and kindness.
I am grateful that I understand that this disease is statistically no worse than the flu and comparable in risk to vaccines themselves.
I am immensely grateful that I have access to (mostly), and knowledge of, many things that help get over viral infections and any resulting damage to my body. I’m eternally grateful that God fills in where my knowledge and tools fail, providing an infinite supply of healing energy.
I am grateful that instead of making money off of other’s fears, I am earning my way helping my clients find their way back to their inner being.
I am able to support my family because I help people relax back into their inner-selves and find healing space.
I am grateful that I can find my way back to my inner-being , even when the darkness threatens to drown me.
I am grateful that my inner being helps me do good work.
I am grateful that I have clients that are generally as kind and generous as I aim to be.
I am grateful that I have a safe home and a loving family.
I am honored to be able to help people find healing, whether it is my own child, or clients on my table.
I am appreciative that I understand I don’t have to live in fear just because others are doing their best to convince me to do so. I don’t have to live in fear just because others are.
I am very happy that I understand my inner being view is far more important than what anyone else is doing or thinking.
I am so appreciative that God loves me and that I love God back. So many people forget to give God love, and I am happy to do so. Every time my brain looses it’s way, I work hard to get back on track just so I can have my connection back and give God some love again.
I’m grateful that even though I won’t be visiting long distance family, I will still be able to spend my holidays with time off and have warm loving holiday celebrations with my family.
I’m grateful for the abundance that enabled gifts for my children and good healthy food on our table.
I grateful that I was able to extend offers for friends to join our holiday celebration. Whether or not they actually join us, I am appreciative that I am capable of having them visit with us.
I am reaching for many things this holiday. I’m teaching for: a loving home, a prosperous business, a healthy body, and living in a world where love triumphs over fears.
Join me in shifting our world perspective to brighter days. Join me in focusing on the positives and letting the love flow. Demolish the fears and darkness. Rebuild with the light of a loving God.
May we all find a way to kill darkness and give birth to a loving new world. May we all find peace and joy these holidays to begin a new year in a much better place. May we all find our inner-being and higher-self view of this day and every day moving forward. May you know that God loves you and just wants loved back. May you know that God can heal us all if we allow for it. May we all find brighter, better, more joyful, more prosperous, more healing days ahead of us.
Destroy the negatives- Siva Hir Su
Rebuild the world in love and light- Dai Ko Mio, Om Mani Padme Hum.
Last night I used mechanical means to help elevate my mood- mostly herbal/plant based. **(See Below)** Something my father would not have done, no he would have wallowed for days and slept it off not talking to anyone for ages- that or he would have started yelling/screaming over everything.
I am not my father, because I have chosen better. I chose to reach for better and do better no matter what. I choose to make better decisions no matter where I am at, what might have caused it, or why. So, I didn’t withdrawal or yell at anyone, I took my herbal aids and rejoined life.
So, I apologized to God for taking the easy route and used the elevation in mood to reach for the combination of solution for myself. I chose to ignore the cause behind it, because I was certain enough that I already knew the cause. Besides, just because you think you know the cause doesn’t mean you can’t still reach for solution. On the flip side, even if you have no clue what the cause is, you can still reach for the solution. I chose to reach for better, because I know that no matter what the topic is there is always a solution after the fact. It doesn’t matter if it’s disease of any kind, depression, or external stressers and world woes, EVERYTHING has a solution if we choose to reach for it.
So today, I salut the Sun from my office window while I wait for my first client to arrive, knowing that sunshine, a little art therapy, a supplement refill, and some much needed exercise will be large factors in my solution.
This is my new office, I’m still not quite used to it, but I’m getting there.
I have fully moved into it and rearranged a few things several times, including my artwork being reframed. I still stub toes on my rolling stool, and have to stop and think where I put things when I need them, but generally I am starting to settle in.
I do appreciate having more space and an actual desk. It’s already been helpful. I do appreciate having easy access to the ceiling-bar so I don’t hurt myself anymore. I do love the East facing window on sunny mornings. The few cons will dissipate over time, especially once I figure out solutions for them. First is, I really need to find some kind of no-slip stoppers for the table feet, it migrates across the room as I’m working on people. Mildly obnoxious, but relatively easy to fix.
I’m the meantime, I have spent the last 12 to 14 hours reaching for better. At this point my extra herbal boost has worn off, but I’m still reaching. I’m still aiming for good and improvement. I have thought about my beautiful children and my adorable pets. I have appreciated the home which I worked so hard to get.
I have appreciated myself, all the things that I have done and accomplished, despite my angry and bitter father trying to convince me not to. He may have been right about poverty plaguing me for years, but pretty much everything else he got wrong, and it makes me wonder if I gave him too much power on the poverty topic anyway. He was determined that the only way to get through life was follow status quo and do all the things you’re supposed to do. I realized that every single thing he told me not to do, are the things that actually help me feel better and enjoy life. And things he was adamant were ideal, are the things that bring me the most discomfort.
Working hard and having a job in the system are miserable. My art degree and doing artwork are uplifting. The idea of crunching numbers all the time as an engineer would, is horribly boring, mind numbing. Being able to help people every day is uplifting.
Doing the safe, tried and true that society deems as functional may keep you safe and relatively stable; but it’s exhilarating to acknowledge that I have supported an entire family, on my own, when it was risky, when I was supposed to just go get a job, when what I was doing could have failed miserably. I kept a family afloat when everyone around me wanted to convince me it was foolhardy and unsustainable.
I have worked as a massage therapist for 13 years, when my class was instructed the career-life of the average massage therapist is 5 years. I help people everyday with things when their doctor told them they’d just have to live with it. I help people even when they refuse to let go and make my work difficult for me.
Beyond that I help outside of massage. I’ve made and donated signs and artwork of a variety. I’ve supported food banks and homeless shelters. I’ve donated belongings to charitable organizations. I helped my father escape a hospital when he doesn’t want to be in the system anymore. I am currently helping Autumn regain her footing in life, including transportation, setting up appointments and doing my level best to help her with emotional support and pain management. And though my reader base is small, I know I’ve helped at least a few people know they aren’t alone and that anything can be fixed if you allow God to help you see the solutions. I know my words have helped being some understanding and some relief too this crazy world of ours. I know my words generally help people see how to reach for better and know they aren’t alone.
My failures and missteps have given me lessons to learn and grow, and my words help others learn those lessons more gently. My father may have created an environnement of abuse and damage that caused many long-term problems for me, but I turned those problems into lessons for myself and everyone. I learned from them and grew and have shown everyone they can do it too.
I have chosen to learn things just because I find value in them, and I know I can learn anything that I want to. The bonus is God has my back and guides me to knowing which things are best for me. When I feel good, I know I’m doing what God wants me to do, even when it doesn’t make sense at the time.
We all are in this boat together. If you are having these same/similar realizations, then please know God wants us to succeed. The fate of humanity lies in us being able to maintain our connection and work together for solutions for all. No matter where you are, what you are doing, where you think you are headed, always reach for better and reach for solutions. Humanity needs us to do that more than ever.
I know that we can do it. We have already broken down so many of the old dysfunctional beliefs and paradigms. Just because they said this or that, doesn’t mean it is true for us. When they realize that their ways no longer apply, they will probably all exit, and that’s okay. There no reason to keep pummeling new generations with outdated, useless beliefs and paradigms. Humanity needs to learn and grow and reach for better and many of those old ways prevent that. We all must focus on the solutions that allow for goodness and growth for all of human kind. Only if something supports humanity as a whole should it continue. It is time that the light wins and we get our lives back. It is time for the solutions that enable living wholly and completely.
May you see your solutions easily. May you know what to reach for and how to put solutions into place. May you see how to come together with others to create lasting relief for everyone. May you see that even after something seemingly negative there is always a solution to be found. May you see that you can do anything and there is no need to hide from anything, there is no need play it safe. If you stay connected anything you do is safe. May you understand God supports you. May you know you are loved and that all learning lessons are good lessons, and that you can learn anything you want to.
Siva Hir Su
**=… … This is purely my own suggestion based on what I do for myself, and though I’d love to be compensated for it, I currently am not. … … I highly recommend several supplements as solutions for managing systemic depression, as often (but not always) depression is a symptom of mechanical failure within the brain and/or body. Those would be: A good methylated B-complex at high doses, magnesium- dose may vary, fish oil – also at large doses, Adrenal Caps by Solaray especially if stress is a factor or cause, CBD oil and/or cannabis products. These are all good for general causes of depression. Oftentimes hormones or thyroid play a role and you’d want to address those as well. … … My current favorite general booster is “Free and Easy Wanderer” tea pills available from MayWay, I have to take a lot when I really dip, but if I take enough it’s way better than any prescription antidepressant that I’ve ever tried, and the bonus is that I don’t have to take it every day- only when I drop, it also doesn’t have any side effects that I’ve noticed.