Tag Archives: alternative medicine

Out damn spot.

Like a darkness, an oily soiled evilness, ruining all it touches. Your ick spoils all, your vileness permeates everything and every one. You are the IT of “A Wrinkle In Time”. You are that which none wants, but all fight silently. You are the dis-ease we all fight, the remnants of poor choices past. Humanity, thinking beings, created you. All negative emotions, especially fear, feed you.

Your vileness is unwelcomed in my world.

Get out.

You threaten my thoughts, you threaten my emotions. You create worries and concern. You tell lies and show me death. Yet you are the lie, you are death. Your grim cloak is invisible. Your banshee screams are inaudible. Most pretend they don’t hear or see you, but the human experience is laden with you. Every turn, every moment of life, can cast your shadows.

It is our greatest biological weakness, an inability to escape your touch permanently.

How does humanity stop that which is undetectable, unmeasurable, invisible and silent?

You are worse than any disease because you are the root of disease. Humanity helped you by creating a new bigger, faster, unstoppable version; and we continue to help you by devoting our emotions to fear, only feeding you further.

I choose to ignore you as much as possible. I choose to use your lies to find my truth.

Kill everyone if you want, they will escape your touch in the afterlife. If humanity ends, then so too will the darkness that has gripped an entire planet in fear, crippling logic and stalling real solutions.

“In our darkest days lie our greatest strength.” ~ Master Jim, Troll Hunters a Netflix Original


I scolded my step-daughter this evening, after several events laden with chaos and mayhem. Nathan’s dialysis was one, a conversation about the failings of vaccines another. There were several others less notable.

My scolding was because I saw that fear was causing her to shut down and ignore the message that we were attempting to convey. She clings to the hope promised by the system, and is blinded to the emptiness of those promises. She desperately wants to believe that some pill or some shot will magically solve all her woes. She does not hear me when I tell her they don’t do that for anyone. Any one pill or any one shot, only gives you a chance at the singular thing which it is aimed. There is a myriad of things, and that is why there is a myriad of pills and shots. They are humanities’ feeble attempts at fixing what was broken ages before, and there is no one fix for all of it, except vibrational alignment, and humanity will likely never find alignment as a collective. We must do it as individuals for any chance of survival.

In the scolding, I pointed out to her, that her own mother died because that same system offered empty promises to her mother, cancer treatment failed miserably because she died after a 2 year battle where she couldn’t walk and suffered constantly. I pointed out the same system is currently failing her own father, and even when he is trying to explain something is wrong they ignore him. I pointed out that same system has hurt me repeatedly, and that my direct efforts have helped myself and her father more than anything else.

That is all 3 of her parents, whom have all been let down by the system over and over again.

But for whatever reason, all she sees is the hope laden propaganda, and she needs hope so desperately that it is all that matters.

I however, hope that same darkness referenced above, is the reason I feel like I’ve already lost her. I choose to cling to my own internal hope that she’ll grow a greater awareness and quickly. I choose to cling to my own internal knowing that she is smart enough to decifer real truth from hopeful propaganda. I choose to know that regardless of any of it, whether any of us survive this man made mess or not, that on the other side we will all find relief in a permanent way.

“Where there is a will there is a way.”

I choose to fight for Nathan and send prayers for all of us, knowing that this life might be a loosing battle, but one way or another good will overcome.

Regardless of whether we attracted this disease through poor choices and bad alignment, or actually created it in a lab as an attempt at warfare, either way we are responsible, and either way we still have yet to produce solid reliable permanent resolution for it. The vaccine was a solid attempt, but it’s stats are not holding up to standards set long ago. Continuing to put all of our resources in that basket is risking lives of generations, not just the here and now. The vaccine industry has put profits before lives, and it caused catastrophic failure, not just with covid (revisit effectiveness stats for the last several years of the flu vaccine). And I reiterate we can solve computer viruses easier than human viruses, there is no solidly effective anti-viral for any virus, and no resources are devoted to healing post infection for any disease. Our best bet is still simply to honor the miraculous nature of the human body and feed it well enough to do as it was designed.

We humans are failing ourselves, over and over and over and over and over again.

Right now the most successful survivors are those that have learned their own personal alignment- in all the ways that means. They have the least of the illness, and the least of the long-term ramifications. That is why it is my goal, that is why I devote so much of my time and resources to working on myself.

I choose to honor myself. I choose to respect myself. I choose to educate myself. I choose to arm myself with my own arsenal of awareness. I choose to acknowledge my strengths and work on building up my weaknesses. I choose to be the best me I can be and forgive myself for my lapses. I am human on the journey of life and sometimes it sucks. It’s what you do with that moving forward that counts.

Not even the biggest powers that be have stopped this disease, so I must simply do my best knowing that if I fail it’s still okay. God is the only one capable of stopping this, and it seems that either he doesn’t want to, or is still working on it.

I choose to believe that I and my family will survive and heal fully. I choose to believe that we will find our alignment enough to continue on our journey of life. I choose to believe that God is rooting for me to win, and I’m waiting for my HA moment. In the meantime I will keep reaching for my own inner being because that alone is what has given me everything that has helped me over the years. My inner being has saved me more times than measurable, my inner being has guided me to everything I’ve ever needed to know. I trust my inner being more than anything else, and I always do my best to follow that guidance.

I pray for everyone that doesn’t even know what that feels like. Those are the people that need it the most right now.


May you see the darkness for what it is. May you bring light to all the shadows and find healing for yourself and those around you. May you know that no matter what it’s all okay, even if we all did die, we’d be free of this darkness. May you know that somewhere, somehow there is something more helpful than the failure vaccines. May you know that if we all reach for alignment it will help humanity in all the ways, but especially in finding a real solution for this and all diseases. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

3 things.

I started 2 new art projects.

One is another small ink drawing for fun, I’ll probably finish on Saturday… Maybe the one after, we’ll see. It is of a Hamsa.

The other is a drawing of a furry friend of a really good and kind person that really needed a major pick-me-up. She just happens to be a friend and coworker and the person treating my husband weekly. Her dog is named Herky, short for Hercules, he was a gentle giant of yellow lab. She deserves a good image so I’m doing my best to be meticulous. I also know for certain that she will appreciate my work and treasure it, where past gifts to family were not (going back years).

Progress pics:

Thirdly, I felt the need to make a short-ish statement. I do not hate individuals working in medicine as a generalization. Most of them are doing their best with the information and tools they were trained on. They are all trained on specific rules and procedures in a specific system. I have several clients that are really good people doing their best in an effed up system, and are willing to admit the failings of their profession (s).

What I do hate is the system. I do hate the ones that half ass their jobs and don’t do things they know should be done. I do hate the ones that assume that everything they were trained on was all they ever needed to know, and write off anything else as being helpful. I hate the ones that learn the basics, but if the basics fail they have no idea what else to do. Those are the ones that do a great disservice to everyone they work with. Those are the people that could have killed me. I know without a shadow of a doubt that if I had done what those “medical professionals” had said was good enough, then I would already be dead.

Up until 7 years ago I danced with death more than I didn’t. Everything they had said had failed many times over and I had regularly contemplated suicide, and tried a half dozen times unsuccessfully. Their antidepressants did nothing to help. Metformin didn’t help. I was in serious pain mentally and physically and 300 pounds.

I needed a solution or I was going to die very young.

I did research on alternatives based on loose suggestions and friend’s, even stranger’s journies. I figured out, and started fixing, my own thyroid disease and then those doctors told me I was being dangerous. That iodine (an essential nutrient) was too risky, that I should just take a generic dose of synthroid and behave. It failed and I almost killed myself again, driving 90mph towards an overpass pylon, with my 3 month old child in the carseat behind me. Angels saved me and Ian that day.

I vowed to fix it, so my child never had to go through that.

And I’m getting there, not only an I healing my thyroid, I’m healing the root cause too. It’s slow, but sure as I’m sitting here writing this post, I am certain I am. Even without the precious IV treatments that would speed it up. I now have evidence to show for it.

I’m much smaller, only slightly lighter though, still holding at a little over 200, but much more muscle and much less fat. My skin stays clear, my mild dietary fails hurt less. My skin is shrinking slowly. And most of all, my dances with death are now very few and very far in between. My temper is still there but much less destructive, and I’m learning to control myself especially including my strength. I can’t even begin to convey how much more stable my brain function is and how much less dark it is than it used to be. I’m a better person in many ways. It is my proof.

Now I’m doing my best to teach my husband and children, to help them through their lives. Nathan already knew a lot of what I was doing and why, but now that he has increased reasons to try, he’s making an even more concerted effort to keep up with my standards for myself.

All of this has made me grateful that me and Ian almost died. I made a solmn vow and I intend to keep it.

I’m grateful that doctors failed me because I’ve proven that you can heal yourself and fix yourself with enough research, effort, and loving support. I’m grateful that I had just enough inspired moments to keep me alive and keep me trying again and again. I’m grateful that the divine has guided me though a very difficult and complex set of bodily functions to unravel my health concerns and point me towards healing. I’m grateful that even though I’m unable to accomplish the IV treatments, that I’m smart enough to figure out the next best things. I’m grateful that I’ve strengthened my willpower to be able to stick to things enough to help heal my body. I’m grateful for all of it, because it shows everyone aware of me, that there is always an alternative and there is always a solution- if you stay open to it.

May you see the scary and upsetting moments in your life in the best light. May you know your worth and that your efforts really have mattered. May you find your healing. May you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Evaluating Health

So I’m in the midst of a ride that is being documented by doctors in one way, and being ignored by those doctors in another.

The ride looks like: Mostly I feel good and look better than I ever have. Occasionally I have a really shitty day that takes everything I’ve got to just get through, and a few days of in-between just-mediocre mixed in. The doctors acknowledge that my blood-work looks great except for sugar levels and thyroid function, and that pesky EBV infection they can’t solve (really choose not to, because I don’t have thousands to drop on an uncovered potential solution that many of them don’t seem to even know about).

Up until 3 months ago the those were mostly in check, and then I ran out of resources and thyroid meds. My thyroid took a nose dive and now that I’m aiming for being back on track, I just can’t seem to get everything to balance again. I still look great and most days feel a ton better than my history.

I am doing my level best and the accupincturist took a look at what I’m doing and suggested a few edits. It’s a “try it and see what happens” game that I am really used to, even though it still frustrates the daylights out of me.

What gets ignored by everyone, except my husband and the accupincturist, is the energetic level that I constantly deal with. I’m Sensitive enough that sometimes I genuinely wonder if those shitty days of derailment are other people. Yesterday was one such day because of particular “symptoms” I was experiencing. I generally felt emotionally drained, exhausted, and like I was dieing. I kept experiencing the thought that I was dieing and it was okay, that even death was perfectly fine. If it weren’t for 8 doses of free and easy wanderer, I would have been on the floor in a fetal position and unable to work.

Here’s the deal. I know my father is working on making his way out of this life. For him death is probably the easiest way to solve his woes. For me that is not the case. Though death is always okay from the other side’s perspective, I’m not really ready. It’s not my time to go yet. I only get confused because of those few symptoms that shouldn’t be. I’m doing everything right.

The kicker is the same disease (EBV) that caused my hiccups with thyroid and blood sugars, is likely what caused those same problems in my mom, dad and brother. We literally have followed the same trajectory of disease, but I and my brother 30 years younger than parents. All starting somewhere between 1988-1992. I am the only one to put serious effort into trying to heal it, and so on the outside I look drastically different. Even as far as labs and meds go, I’m still doing 10 times better than the other 3 are.

But this last round really has me scratching my head. I’m doing everything perfect and my body is finally beginning to look great. I am physically more capable than any of those 3 family members, even on a bad day. So, is it possible that those remaining symptoms I am having a hell of a time killing, are because I am tapped into their energetics? That is a possibility for me that western medicine won’t even acknowledge as a possibility.

As I write this sentence, I am 1.64 miles into my treadmill workout. I know that my father is sitting in Arizona, probably asleep. So, why do I keep yawning, when I’ve done 3 hours of massage and had my big cup of green tea. It’s obvious that my body isn’t tired, and if I can treadmill and type at the same time, my brain isn’t either. Yet those yawns come like a reflex.

It leaves me saying “I’m not my father, I’m not my family, I’m better than this stupidity.” It also makes me want to eliminate every shred of their genetics from my body. It makes me want to kill whatever is inside of me that keeps perpetuating their diseases.

And from my experience, the best way to accomplish that is to focus on the opposite. So now I define what the opposite is.

Health is:

  • Feeling good all the time.
  • No feeling great mostly.
  • Able to exist without any aids (herbal or prescription).
  • Able to kick butt on exercise and carry out everyday tasks with ease.
  • Having a body at a healthy weight without an excess or physical activity. (Like if I do 5 hours of massage, I shouldn’t also have to do another hour of exercise like I do now.)
  • Being able to eat relatively normally. For my body and metabolism to be normal, I should be able to consume a 1,000 calorie diet without allergies or excessive exercise. I’d be happy to follow the diet I was on for my first pregnancy, and I’d have significantly more leaway with that many calories, compared to my now.
  • Inflammation, what inflammation? That is a stress response in the body. Normal activity levels and normal work loads shouldn’t cause any inflammation.
  • An immune system that knocks any virus or bacteria down, and leaves my own cells alone.
  • Supplements should only be nutrition, I don’t need the giant puzzle of “this is good for that”, and so on. Again, few to no aids for healthy existence.
  • There are some foods that are generally bad for the entire populous regardless as to whether medicine acknowledges that. So, outside of those foods, and the few that have plagued my family for generations, I should be able to eat anything. Again, that 1st pregnancy diet would be wonderful.
  • Going from my current to healthy includes organ function resuming full normal capacity. It doesn’t matter thyroid, pancreas, liver, etc. They should all function at full normal capacity as evaluated by any blood-work or testing.
  • The things that are already documented as good to great should remain or even improve slightly.

Now, of course is the heavy lifting metaphorically. I must meditate on the feeling place of this, repeatedly. That is how one goes from point A to point B in the focused thought path. The hardest part is consistency and really feeling the difference mentally. I have done so much, that I know I can do this. Of course it would be significantly easier if I quit picking up on my father’s junk too. Energetic disconnect, please.

May you have a knowing of your genuine health. May you see your progress. May you know you can win. May you have confidence in your thought-creation abilities. May you know you are on the right track, even when others or symptoms might seem otherwise. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do especially when you face challenges.

Om Shanti